Wearing makeup - help for an ugly girl

[alreadydead]

So I have a job interview this morning (which I posted about yesterday under the careers section), and an 'friend' of mine through my livejournal gave me advice on what to wear and what makeup to get. So I got it and put it on. I think it looks worse. This is why I don't wear makeup... Because everyone thinks fat women are ugly and hideous, and they look like cows with makeup on. So yes, I think I look like a cow as well. I've never understood other how fat women (who wear makeup and have the salon-styled hair) don't seem to notice how people stare and snicker or snarl at them. Being a fat woman myself without makeup or any other frills, at least more people seem to not notice me, which is what I want. I just think the makeup doesn't make the situation any better for a fat woman. I know what nasty things people are thinking and I don't want to draw attention to myself in any way. So yes, I'm asking for honest opinions here to see if people, men and women alike, are more (at least professionally) accepting of a fat woman who's wearing makeup or are you more disgusted by their face & body when they are wearing makeup? Does the makeup accentuate their size and ugliness or does it make them look more grown-up & professional the same as a thin woman? I really want to know. At my age I've been told to "grow up" for years and "be like everybody else" but I haven't ever been a girly girl or been feminin in the least for those reasons of not making myself look uglier and facing the impending harassment that would follow.

[Goodfun88]

Wow, I'm not really sure what to say. Being fat myself, I've never had any of the thoughts you've had. I don't think everyone things fat women are ugly and hideous, thats just ridiculous. I'd say that if you wore makeup, maybe people would see you in a more positive light, rather than thinking worse of you, only because you are making the effort to take care of yourself and that you care about how you look. I don't often wear makeup, but thats only because I don't really need it, plus I never got into the habit of wearing it. But, occasionally, I throw some on, like for an interview. Let me ask you, what did you buy? And remember with makeup, less is more. You want to look natural. Good luck on your interview, and remember being confident is very important, more important than makeup probably.

[Lady Bugg]

YIKES.....

 

You don't seem to have a very high opinion of yourself. I certainly hope you don't project that in your job interview.

 

To the question: Makeup should ACCENT your natural beauty. It should not be caked on like a mask. Truthfully..makeup applied PROPERLY should look natural..and blend with your natural skin tones.

 

I would suggest going to a makeup counter at a department store and getting a "makeover". The salesperson will tell you the right colors for your skin tone, for day and night wear. It's worth the trip.

 

A tip: Sometimes using JUST concealer to cover blemishes, dark circles, scars, etc...goes a LONG way. Or just use foundation in areas that need it most. I rarely use makeup all over my face as I also don't like the feel of it.

Another tip: If you're wearing a bold lipstick color...use a more neautral eye color..and vice versa. This way you are "popping" out one feature..and avoiding that "clown" look some women have.

 

Good luck with the job!!! Confidence is key!

[alreadydead]

Well I see big women around town - makeup on and styled hair - and the way people snicker and snarl. I can't help but to think that if I noticably looked like a woman, that everyone who saw me would be thinking all kinds of horrible thoughts about how fat, ugly, disgusting I am, what a cow, how fugly, etc. I only had to get lip gloss and a powdered compact, because I already had the black eyeliner and mascara (being a goth freak and all sometimes I'll wear the black stuff which is pretty unisex). As for my life experience, everyone (male) has always thought I'm ugly and hideous, even guys that SWEAR looks don't matter or SWEAR they like "BBW/SSBBW" - what a lie!! I'm not so confident I'll get hired because there's no one over a size 2 working here in my town/region, but I'm (pretty) confident I could do the job, at least in that I already know a thing or two about it so I should be a couple steps ahead of a total newbie. But I'm not so confident that makeup is the right thing for someone with a round, fat face.

[arwen]

Fat women are not ugly. I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I think beauty is in what you send out in your whole attitude, and not by the physical features of your body or face. What makes YOU feel beautiful? I never wear make-up because it irritates the skin, it somehow always end ups IN my contacts, etc. People, esp. other women can really lower your selfesteem by advising you to wear make-up, at least that is my experience. My co-workers at my old job would always wear LOTS of make up and never really look good (well, in my opinion). But they would tell me, oh ilse you NEED mascara and you NEED to use some whatever foundation. I would be SO offended, I choose not to wear make up because I think don't look like myself with it.

 

Remember, all women who daily use a set of make up, they are used to looking the way they look with the make-up. They look completely different without it sometimes. Not uglier or more beautiful, but different. If you feel make up doesn't make you feel comfortable, than don't use it.

 

Instead, maybe it helps you to wear the clothes you like best on yourself, take a long bath tonight, shave your legs even if you wear pants, wear matching underwear (that usually makes me feel confident somehow), find a nice necklace to wear if you like to wear them, use a nice and light perfume.

 

Do you have a good friend nearby? Why not have a fitting clothes session tonight?

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[Lady Bugg]

I think a LOT of women are afraid of makeup because they simply don't know how to apply it properly..and again..are scared of looking like a clown.

 

I used to be scared of using anything with "color" on my eyes...so I would just wear mascara and eyeliner...but I bought a few books on makeup..and

the truth is certain colors bring my eyes out BEAUTIFULLY. I never knew a plum colored eyeshadow would bring out the hazel in my eyes...but it pops them out. LOL

 

Play with it...you might find it fun.

[Goodfun88]

If you don't feel comfortable wearing makeup, don't do it. Are you sure you are really seeing people snicker at fat women? I have never in my life seen such a thing. No one has ever snickered at me. Are you sure you aren't just afraid that someone will that you imagine that you see it all the time. Or do you live in a place where people are extremely rude and obnoxious? The most important thing is to have confindence in yourself and know that you look good and that you are able to handle the job. If you're not comfortable with yourself, people notice, and a possible employer might not hire you because of that, not necessarily because of how you look, but because of the way that you carry yourself and handle yourself.

[shes2smart]

Oy, have you been brainwashed by the fat-hating culture we find ourselves stuck in these days.

 

Poorly applied make-up, ill-fitting clothing in unflattering colors and fabrics, & poor posture make anyone look bad -- no matter if they wear a size 0 or a size 30. Properly applied make-up, carrying yourself proudly, and clothing that fits properly and is made from fabrics and colors that flatter one's unique shape make anyone look good -- no matter what size they are. A bad or negative attitude can make a physcially attractive person horribly ugly upon speaking a sentence or two. A basic lack of self-love (or at least self-acceptance) tells other people that it's OK to ignore you, pick on you, disrespect you or berate you because you're already doing those things to yourself.

 

The idea that fat women shouldn't wear make-up or stripes or form-fitting clothing or low-cut tops or short skirts or certain colors or eat in public or any other number of things is just a way to keep us down and feeling bad about ourselves. Be a rebel. Don't allow them to do that to you. For every "fat women shouldn't...." statement, there's at least one big woman out there doing just what she "shouldn't," looking good doing it, and (more importantly) feeling great about herself and life because she's doing something that brings HER pleasure. She's out there living her big, fat life and enjoying it, while the naysayers apparently have nothing better to do with their time but monitor other people.

 

If you like/love yourself, other people's opinions rarely (if ever) bother you, because you're choosing (rightly) to put more importance and more focus on what YOU like and what brings pleasure and enjoyment to YOUR world.

 

You can get make-up lessons from a professional, or help selecting clothing from a fashionista friend....but unless you change your attitude, it's all just window dressing. And the goal is to feel better about yourself and your life, right?

 

Here's a sampling of books that you might want to look into. link removed

 

I understand you have heard messages your entire life that you can't possibly be fat & healthy, fat & fit, fat & fashionable, fat & good looking, fat & smart, happy, loved, in a good relationship, have a decent job, and so forth.

 

It's all a bunch of lies. The truth is you can be fat & be and have all those other things, too. But there is so much less money to be made off you if you know that.... companies that sell things can make so much more money from you if they keep you believing that you're not fine the way you are.

 

So, I'd strongly suggest a make-over....but start it from the inside.

[shes2smart]

Here's a site I just started looking at & reading a few days ago. I've been enjoying it quite a bit, and you might find something of use there, too.

 

link removed

[Bethany]

Just because you are a larger lady, doesn't mean you have to shrink inside or disapper into the background to compensate. Look at how many sexy Diva's there are and how they strut their stuff. I as an average size, envy their confidence.

 

I think it's more to do with dressing nicely, and taking care of what you got. Try a tinted mosturiser if you feel over dressed in the face dept, or go without, just use a eye liner and a bit of mascara to feel like you've made an effort for going out in the evening or job interviews etc.

 

A 'fat' woman who dresses well, who looks and feels good inside and can make even the skinniest woman look ugly and dowdy and shrink into the background at any party. Don't worry so much.

 

Just because you are a larger lady, doesn't mean you have to shrink inside to compensate. Don't forget it.

[lilgothicdevil5533]

i personally HATE make up...the only makeup i wear is black eyeliner and sometimes black lipstick...otherwise i hate coer up and stuff...makes my skin feel dirty and fake

[alreadydead]

The idea that fat women shouldn't wear make-up or stripes or form-fitting clothing or low-cut tops or short skirts or certain colors or eat in public or any other number of things is just a way to keep us down and feeling bad about ourselves. .

 

LOL so you know the drill. Yeah that pretty much covers everything that I've heard/observed time and time again and have had reinforced in me a million times over.

 

She's out there living her big, fat life and enjoying it, while the naysayers apparently have nothing better to do with their time but monitor other people.

 

LOL you're definitely under the microscope where I live, that's for sure.

 

 

Or do you live in a place where people are extremely rude and obnoxious?

 

Yes people are extremely rude and obnoxious in this area/region! When I went to college, I didn't have a car then and had to take the bus, and several cars would pass me and yell things about my size, even throw their trash at me. I thought that would end with getting a car, but since it's an old car and I don't have the luxury of tinted windows, I still pass people who shout something rude about being a fat*** at me. People here STARE like there's no tomorrow. They let their KIDS point and shout, "Mommy, mommy, look how FAT!" People here have the crazy idea that this is the O.C. (and not really WV) and we should all be Hollywood image perfect and they stare and ostracize anyone who doesn't fit that ideal - not to mention not hiring those who don't fit the ideal. People are VERY concerned about image - their image, your image, everyone else's image, their business' image, their kids' image, your uncle's image, etc. You get the point...

[lilgothicdevil5533]

i can kinda understand how u feel....for the most part im an outsider in my town..the only "goth" who wears weird makeup and chains...i get stared at allllll the time...in junior high the football players and cheerleaders would walk past me and call me a freak..psycho, etc. but i didnt let it bother me...i mean thats what they thought and i am sort of a freak so i didnt mind being called that

[SaraJane]

I've never understood other how fat women (who wear makeup and have the salon-styled hair) don't seem to notice how people stare and snicker or snarl at them.

 

You may not think they notice but they probably do... or really love themselves and who they are too much to give a damn what others say.

 

Im over 300lbs myself, I feel that I am very unattractive even if I wasnt overweight (my nose is too big, my eyes have bags under them from allergies, my feet are too big, etc, etc...) At one point I "knew" that wearing make up or doing my hair, or wearing nice clothes wouldnt change the fact that people treated me like trash... but there were a few things I was wrong about.

 

Certainly you can make a change in your weight, that's your choice, you dont become overweight because God hates you... you're overweight because you have an unhealthy diet and dont exercise enough. You live a lifestyle (like me) which has caused us to be overweight. If it kills you this much you NEED to do something about it.

 

Dressing nicer, wearing make up, and taking time to do your hair each morning may not make you prettier in your eyes, it may not make you thinner but it WILL PROVE TO OTHER PEOPLE THAT YOU DO IN FACT CARE ABOUT YOURSELF enough to make the effort and may increase your confidence in yourself.

 

Try seeking out a professional with the make up thing... you dont have to wear bright red lipstick and blue eyeshadow and be drastic to be pleased with it, my make up is very subtle, very warm, and really does give me hope when I look at myself at times. (I had gone to a Mary Kay party and had my face done... and though I did not buy any of their expensive stuff... I did have an idea of what worked for me and I went to my nearest walmart, spent about $25 and I was pleased with what I could do)

 

I also had to get out of the habit of wearing "oversized clothes" that I felt were hiding my body when in fact they just made me look bigger. I was afraid to wear clothes that fit, were colorful, or bright... anything that would make me stand out... when reality I already stood out, so avoiding it didnt help... atleast when I accepted the idea of change I was met with several compliments about how I looked "healthier".. not not prettier, but I looked healthier, and that itself was enough to make it worth it for me. -Edit- I actually did get compliments on losing weight when I started wearing clothes that fit, when in fact I hadnt lost a pound. Which was generally followed with "nope I havent lost any weight" and then the reply of "well you look much better".

 

I lived in Mobile Alabama for 2 years and could not get a job because of my weight... no one believed me that it was the reason... but it was. I couldnt get a job as a waitress, or in any customer service type of position... even if a business had a huge "NOW HIRING" sign on the door they would reject me immediately.

 

It got me so down I thought that I would never fit in with the world again, and I gave up on MYSELF when really I shouldnt have given up at all. My weight problem hasnt gone away, but my confidence has increased and my ability to love myself has made a great difference in how I feel when I walk outside every day.

 

Whether you like to believe it or not, a little bit of self confidence will allow you to stop noticing the staring, laughing, talking, etc. Everyone has flaws, and even the 'beautiful people' have insecurities... you are NOT ALONE and you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and hate yourself before you can overcome the effect that the rest of the world has on you.

 

People are cruel... but we are also STRONG ENOUGH TO OVERCOME ANYTHING.

 

 

Over a year ago I was actually told by a woman that she was prejiduce towards overweight people because she felt that we were obviously lazy and not capable of 'hard work'... we had worked together for 3 weeks before she confessed her feelings to me, and how she was sorry for judging me, as she could see that I lived a very 'normal life' and did in fact work very hard for everything I had and that I was definitely not lazy. She told me she had so much respect for me as a person for allowing her to see how wrong she was for making assumptions about me... and it felt good to feel as if I had won a battle. If I had continued to feel sorry for myself, withdrawn, and unmotivated... she would have continued to feel the way that she did... but I will NOT allow people to think that I am lazy and dont care.

 

Point is... you dont have to either.

[SaraJane]

Also...

 

Because everyone thinks fat women are ugly and hideous, and they look like cows with makeup on.

 

You're wrong... I happen to know for a FACT that not everyone feels that way. There are too many people who do not hold weight against you that you need to stop generalizing. There are even men *gasp* who would prefer an overweight woman to one who looks like Britney Spears (Thank God!)

 

 

So yes, I think I look like a cow as well.

 

I think you're beautiful, there are others who do as well... and unless you can look at yourself and find something you're happy about you will always think the worst of yourself. You 'think' you look like a cow because you keep telling yourself that.

 

You need to love yourself and appreciate yourself before you can expect anyone else to. Really.

[shes2smart]

you're overweight because you have an unhealthy diet and dont exercise enough. You live a lifestyle (like me) which has caused us to be overweight. If it kills you this much you NEED to do something about it.

 

Well, this isn't 100% true. You're ignoring a major component of what determines your body size/shape and that is genetics.

 

There are some people, who, even if they engage in moderate physical activity on a daily basis AND take care to eat a balanced diet and avoid junk food & processed food are still going to be larger than average simply because that's the genetic hand they were dealt. Now, they probably won't be as big as they would be if they were sedentary and ate nothing but junk....but they're still going to be larger-than-average even if they're taking very good care of themselves.

 

There are also some people, who, thanks to their genetic make up, will remain skinny even if they eat only junk and never lift a finger, let alone a get on a cardio machine.

 

A fat person who exercises regularly and eats a healthy diet is going to be healthier by the important measures (blood pressure, cholesterol, etc) than a thin person who is sedentary and eats nothing but junk food. But this is a message that is not getting out to a public that increasingly wants to believe that the only way to be helathy is to be thin...and the thinner the healthier.

 

One of the books I read recently suggested that the culture here in the US is viewing weight through a very anorexic ideation. Mainly for women, but men are starting to feel the pressure, too. Basically, as a culture, we're starting to think and behave like someone with an eating disorder.

 

And that is definitely NOT healthy.

[alreadydead]

Thanks for pointing that out, shes2smart.

 

I've TREID and TRIED to lose weight, and it Just Does Not Happen! There's got to be a medical reason - the body can have chemicals that are out of whack and a certain medication can fix it. Only problem is that seeing a doctor has never been a part of my life. No money, no insurance = no access to medical care, let alone getting the SPECIALITY of seeing a specific doctor for specific problems.

[SaraJane]

Well, this isn't 100% true. You're ignoring a major component of what determines your body size/shape and that is genetics.

 

While you're correct that it isnt 100% true, you need to understand that while genetics may determine body size / shape... it does not determine that you must be obese.

 

I've stopped blaming genetics and the fact that my family is large, and mostly overweight, and that my metabolism has always been poor and accepted the fact that I do in fact consume too many calories and I do not exercise enough.

 

My diet is poor, I dont eat more than 1 meal a day, and when I do eat, I dont eat healthy enough. I should be eating several small (healthy) meals all day, and exercising... but I dont. thereforeee it is MY FAULT that I am 300+ lbs. There is no one to blame for a poor lifestyle but yourself.

 

Surely it is possible that you have a thyroid disfunction, but it is fairly rare... and its still not an excuse. You do have the power to lose weight, whether you want to believe it or not. You just have to make a commitment and stick to it... and I personally know how hard that is and have yet to succeed. But I have taken the first and most important step in overcoming my weight... admitting to myself that it is no one's fault but my own.

[SaraJane]

No money, no insurance = no access to medical care, let alone getting the SPECIALITY of seeing a specific doctor for specific problems.

 

I've seen many doctors, gotten lots of advice and it has always boiled down to one thing...

 

Results do not happen over night, you need to evaluate your diet, your exercise plan, realize and admit that it needs to be changed and change it.

 

Most doctors that I have gone to will not prescribe medications, its not necessary because no pill can do the work for you. They have brought up the idea of weight loss surgery, but after reading the expectations of how I would have to change my life for that to be a sucess, I've realized that unless I can live that lifestyle now, I can not depend on the surgery to do it for me.

 

The #1 reason why we stay obese is because we make excuses in our mind as to why we are that way. There are so many different steps and routes that you can take to change it... its just very hard to do because our minds tell us that we've failed before and we'll fail again, and we remain in a cycle of self neglect that prevents us from adjusting in the way that we NEED to.

 

My advice... Start with little steps to change your lifestyle, not to lose weight.

 

Find one thing you do that is NOT helping your problem and change it.

 

Tell yourself that you're not going to eat at McDonalds ever, or you're not going to drink soda pop anymore (diet or non diet), or that you will drink a certain amount of water every day, or walk for 20 minutes a day... make one change with something that you know is not helping and once you have made that change, find another... in time you will find that your self confidence will increase drastically because you'll be winning these simple small battles one at a time. And once you overcome these changes in your life you WILL notice a difference.

 

You will not drop 20lbs within a month, and that does not mean that you've failed... this is a battle that you will have to fight for the rest of your life.

 

Dont give up on being healthier and looking better... make up your mind that you can do it, and you will be able to.

 

You are beautiful... no make up can define who you are... but your confidence is hurting you more than your appearance (or make up choices)

[Goodfun88]

I'm just curious, what kind of things have you tried to lose weight? For me, losing weight is totally mental. Knowing that I deserve to be healthy and then taking the action to do it. Is it easy? No. Is it hard? Yes. Do I sometimes feel like giving up and having something really greasy and gross? Of course. You just have to find something that works for you and stick with it long enough to see some results. Once you start seeing results you'll be so much more motivated to continue.

[Dako]

S2S as usual, is on the mark about women and weight.

My mom is fat, my sister's fat, and I'm skinny, but I sure get tired of hearing bright, charming women pick themselves apart over their weight.

I know it comes from social pressures, but I often want to tell women to stop hating themself for having some pounds. Sure, being really fat isn't a good thing for overall health, but I'd rather spend time with a cool fat woman than the other extreme.

 

Alreadydead,

I've read your posts and get the impression you're in a terrible emotional condition that must seem insurmountable, but I can assure you, whenever I've interviewed prospects for a job, I've been most concerned with meeting dealines and showing up, not clothing size. I had one young thin sexpot working for me that spent a good 5 hours a day flirting with the boys, and did almost no work until she found herself unemployed.

[shes2smart]

Thanks for pointing that out, shes2smart.

 

I've TREID and TRIED to lose weight, and it Just Does Not Happen! There's got to be a medical reason - the body can have chemicals that are out of whack and a certain medication can fix it. Only problem is that seeing a doctor has never been a part of my life. No money, no insurance = no access to medical care, let alone getting the SPECIALITY of seeing a specific doctor for specific problems.

 

Weight loss diets DO NOT work long term for over 90% of people who engage in them. Repeated weight loss diets will, over time, end up making you fatter than if you had never dieted at all. Losing and re-gaining weight multiple times is also indicated as a factor in developing several diseases. It's not just the weight itself....it's the strain on your body from yo-yo dieting and alternately restricting and over-indulging that cause the damage.

 

Here are some more books for you to look over. These have more to do with the dangers of dieting. link removed. A lot of what people think is "true" about weight loss/dieting isn't. Did you know that the vast majority of research on obesity is funded by the weight loss industry? It is. (source: "The Obesity Myth" by Paul Campos) That's like letting a theif guard the bank.

 

And it's not "blaming" genetics. You don't "blame" genetics for your eye color, your hair color, your height, your skin tone or the shape of your nose. You also cannot change any of those things without the help of surgery or things like colored contacts. The basic size and shape of your body is the same.

 

It's not an excuse, SaraJane...you can make all the "right" choices regarding exercise and what you're eating and still be big IF that's what your genetic make-up dictates. However, if you do exercise and eat properly, you will reap the health benefits of those actions -- even if you remain larger than average because of your genetic make-up.

 

There is no reason for people to torture themselves with excessive exercise, starve themselves thin, treat themselves badly, or find myriad other ways to punish themselves if they happen to have that genetic make-up. It would be far healthier for people to accept the fact that there's a wide range of body shapes and sizes for humans and being healthy has much more to do with getting up and moving on a regular basis than what size you are.

 

I go to a Registered Dietician who specializes in a non-dieting approach to working with people with eating disorders. I have been struggling with, learning about, learning from, and dealing with this crap for a good part of the last 25 years. Especially recently, I've read more books on diets/exercise/weight and related topics than I care to admit, as I've had a bit of a tumble off the recovery wagon.

 

What we're being shown as "fact" about weight & diet in the media, in advertising, in magazines and so forth is motivated only by the desire to get us to part with our money. They could give a flying squirrel about our health.

 

alreadydead, if people are seriously up in each other's business where you live, have you considered moving? I moved from a medium-sized city that was mostly white and blue collar about 2 years ago to a much larger city that's more diverse racially, economically, and just about every other way. What a difference. I live in a very racially mixed neighborhood and I love it...so many different viewpoints and a higher level of tolerance for differences than I found coming from a place where everyone's pretty much the same.

[Goodfun88]

Some people may be genetically predisposed to be heavier, but not all obese people are. Some people just don't eat right and don't get exercise. I'd say I'm one of those people. Now that I'm eating better, and being more active I'm losing weight. I don't plan on becoming super skinny. I'm not losing weight to fit into some ideal, I'm doing it so that I can be healthier, have children, enjoy activities that were hard for me before. Its scary when you go on a 2 mile hike and you think your going to die. Thats pretty out of shape. I know that I can never eat the way I used to, and I ate pretty terribly, but some people don't understand that what they are eating is bad, and that can also lead to being overweight. Other people kid themselves and say they've tried everything, but in reality, they haven't (I used to make such claims). If you want to lose weight, you can. But you have to love yourself enough to know that your not living healthy and make that change. I'm not saying anyone needs to lose weight, but if they are not comfortable being the way they are, they need to get commited to a better eating plan and getting some activity.