Being attractive is not always rosey

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Bottom line is if you are going to treat an attractive person very well, you better treat everyone else like that, or you have absolutely no moral values.

 

Oooops...you forgot to say, "And vice-versa".

[euphoria]

Oooops...you forgot to say, "And vice-versa".

 

ok I went back and re-read his post haha

 

What I really think he means is, when someone comes to his drive thru, that is very attractive, he doesn't gawk at them, you know, do stuff that most men do in front of really attractive women.

 

I'm sure he is nice to them like everyone else, just doesn't give them the kind of attention that moka was describing

 

errr i feel im gona lose this argument

 

when he gets back on we'll see what he meant heh

[lonestar_80]

Yes! I know how you feel. Being attractive has hindered my relationships with some of my female friends. Some of them feel really jealous of me. It makes me feel so bad because I have done nothing to them to make them feel bad. I try to play down my looks by not dressing in a sexy way but that does not help me at all. I lost a really good friend b/c her BF tried to hit on me. I did not do anything. It is hard to be attractive b/c people think your are stuck up or they think that you want to steal their boyfriends. Plus men do not appreciate you for anything but your beauty. They don't care how many accomplishments you have achieved or they are too afraid to ask you out on a date b/c the think you are too good looking for them. I thank God for my good looks but sometimes I wish that my friends could love me for me. I have never tried to steal anyone's BF and I will never do this. The one thing that I have learned is that if a BF tries to date your friends he is not worth it in the firsts place.

 

I feel really bad about myself sometime b/c I am SOOO shy!! I can get guys that my friends can not get b/c they don't look like me. But I am jealous of them! I wish that I could have such a lovely personality. I can have my moments where I am witty and fun but most people think that I am too shy. I guess God blesses people with different gifts.

[itsallgrand]

I'm 32 and one of my biggest issues right now is my appearance.

 

Well, perhaps this assumption is wrong. I happen to think this has nothing to do with appearances at all.

 

Being 'pretty' has become your excuse for things you don't like in yourlife and for accepting the way the world works.

 

Ohh, things could be so much worse! This is silly, you know that right? 32 and complaining about soceity.

 

You are 32. You know at this point, I hope, that life is not fair. And boo-hooing over being pretty is only going to turn you off from genuine folk moreso! It is a bit of an ego-play, indeed.

 

There really are people out there who don't give a /// one way or the other about how well you fit into standard attractiveness ratings. I'm glad for that, and you can be too.

 

If we are only as good as our looks (and you seem to have a baseline belief that looks determine who a person is), well then god help the kid with third degree body burns. Right: that kid isn't as worthy as love, or other assumption bc of how they look??

 

Don't be lazy in showing your personality or smarts. Don't use excuses to say 'no one will ever see how - -'.

 

Basically, time to get over yourself darling. good luck.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

It'sallgrand you seem to have missed her point entirely.

 

She was saying that it's others who judge her because of her looks, not the other way around. And yes, we all would like to not be judged by our looks. No life isn't fair, that much is obvious, but if she were complaining about being treated bad because of being ugly, my guess is you'd suddenly muster up the sympathy for her.

[itsallgrand]

No, I did not miss the point.

No, if she were saying she were ugly I wouldn't 'muster up the sympathy'.

 

Maybe you haven't read enough of my posts or something. This is 'poor me' plain and simple.

[Spugly Fuglet]

My wafe says the same thing, she says that she mistrused men for a long time as she was a late blommer and now shes really atractive, but hates it when strange man make moves on her when shes out.

 

I worry some times

[SarahRose]

thank you for your replies!!

 

You're right, I don't think it's fair, I actually feel worse sometimes, b/c I know they're nice not for my personality, so I end up feeling guilty.

 

And no, I'm not stuck up, because I haven't always been this way and inside I'm always the same person, I personally don't think I'm "all that".

 

I just feel like I constantly have to fight with society, and this in turn makes me very insecure...

 

I so understand what you are saying. You know the difference because you know what it was like to be not so attractive and you do know the very real difference in how you are treated solely based on your appearance. You know you are the same person inside regardless of what you look like!

 

There is no real answer to it. You just have to appreciate yourself as you are and be slightly aware of people wanting to take advantage of you.

 

I love men but sometimes I am slightly bitter when yet another guy is overly nice to me and inside I am thinking "wonderful, here we go again. This guy would be slamming the door in my face if I were ugly."

[Proactive Paradigm]

Being attractive is not always rosy.

 

Being ugly is never, ever, ever even slightly tinted in that colour.

 

Some of us don't get a choice, so forgive me if I don't sound sympathetic to your plight.

 

Not intended to offend at all; it is just that some people would kill for the kind of attention you complain about.

[mandystar]

I TOTALLY AGREE. because well i HAVENT blossomed yet and its not as good as you think

[B_Rock]

Never thought I'd be offereing my opinion on a debate that is about something I said - crazyness.

 

So, I read back over what I said to figure out what I meant, and I suppose there are actually two issues here. How I came accross to the customer, and what I wanted them to think. Generally I was trying to appear no more interested in the hot chick than I was in the 300 pound guy with the mullet and BO (although in that case I usually worked faster so they would leave.) Anyway, my point is, I would never try to make any sort of impression. I wouldn't think of useless topics of conversation just so that this person would engage me in conversation. If they would strike up conversation fine, but generally people just wanted their money - not to make new frinds.

 

On the flip side I did find myself at times wanting them to realize that I was no more interested in them than I was with anyone else. But I think that was because if a very attractive woman would come to my window I would turn into a bumbling fool. And I hated myself fot that. I hope that clears things up for all yous guys and gals.

 

Anyway, there is some great conversation going I find your various points of views interesting.

[mokajava]

Actually, I'm not that surprised about the comment "itsallgrand" made about me - that I come off as egocentric and "oh poor me".

 

My point in posting my story is that a LOT of people don't realize how bad your good looks can make you feel. Everybody assumes that if you're beautiful, it automatically means you are happier, have a higher self-esteem, life is easier and all that stuff. In other words, you are NOT SUPPOSED to complain, bc if you do, then you are arrogant and narcissistic.

 

At first I thought I'd be bombarded with insults, such as get over yourself, you're vain, conceited, etc. But I'm glad to see that other ppl feel the same way and understand me! thank you.

 

Also, my ex-friend was quick to judge me and put me down whenever we'd go out, saying stuff like: "oh, you look like a b****", when i knew it wasn't true, but if I were to do the same thing to her, she's snap back at me. It's as if I had no feelings and my looks protected me from her evil.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Yes I've had lots of women treat me with that same double standard....

[mokajava]

I don't know how horrible your experiences have been....care to share some so I don't feel "alone"?

 

Once this girl accused me of stealing her bf, and all she kept telling me was: "oh but dear, you are so ugly, you are soooooooo ugly" and she called me names that are too offending for this board. She even threatened to kill me and him! I was so afraid that I actually got all shaken.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I've posted about them a few times on other threads...I'll see if I can find any........

[Past2Future]

I see the main difference as someone who is attractive and someone who is not attractive to be this:

If your attractive, people give you a chance at least. Yes, it is because your attractive, but if they get to know you at least you can show them your personality. Being unattractive, people dont even give you the time of day so you can show them your unique, loving, etc... I always desired to be very attractive for a day, just to see what its like to go through everyday life.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

People tend to be spiteful, jealous, hostile, and yes even friends who you've been a true friend to are still jealous of you and try to sabatoge you. You think you want that?

[mrdarcy]

Women are different then men. They are going to get attention. Constant, often unwanted or unsolicited attention from guys. Its just a fact of life. Deal with it. Enjoy it while you can...because it won't always be the case. Don't worry or spend too much time thinking if people are nice to you because of your looks or your personality. Just be nice back. As long as they don't cross the line or are rude, its all good.

 

I dunno. Thats my thoughts. Life is too short to worry about such stuff. Just live and have fun.

[itsallgrand]

Well said, mcdarcy.

 

Y'know, I was thinking about this thread today. God knows why. I suppose I may just not 'get it' - the problem w/ attractiveness and whathaveyou.

 

See, I consider myself attractive. Not a bombshell, but nice if somewhat average.

Isn't it standard fare for us women - of even mediocre looks - to put up with some bs? Doesn't help when you have breastasties.

 

Take today for instance. It is hot out here. I was out wandering with a (male) pal - getting treats, looking at shops, people watching, that sort of thing.

 

Anyways, I was dressed in work clothes: baggy mens jeans, a zip up ratty sweat hoodie. I looked what I considered horrid. No more details needed. lol.

 

And you know...men in cars still honked obnoxiously. Some peds (pedestrians, not pedophiles) stared and gave that gaping grin. Some people were rude to me.

 

Isn't this life for us all? 'They' say that around age 40 or so a woman basically becomes invisible to half the population! So this won't last forever. Which has its good and bads.

 

Seriously....this is just something to be shrugged off. Too convienent to blame every rudeness, or rejection, or bad thing that happens on ohh, it is bc i am pretty. There are a lot of pretty people out there. No matter who you are; someone prettier too.

 

I will refrain from trying to give any more advice, bc I know I am already a 'bad clam' here. Wanted to share that pointless observation and empty that mindspace I used today though.

 

Enjoy.