Ok... 22 years old guy, and a virgin.... I really need help!

[Oktane]

Ok..... Im 22 and a virgin.... Now, When I was younger. I never used to be the most popular guy in school. I had depression, and my parents never really did anything about it.

 

So, I was always the shy kid in the corner of the class that no one ever talked too. I began working at a movie theatre and somehow learned to break out of my shyness to a certain extent there. I still know so many people from that place, and that was over 4 years ago that I worked there.

 

Ive been on dates here and there, and had "girlfriends" when I was 16 (not that great of girlfriends of course,but...) Ok, nothing ever really happened. Why, im not sure. Probably had something to do with the depression.

 

When I was 20, and thought I finally had found a decent girl, I told her I was a virgin. She freaked out, and yells out, "Oh GOD! why do I get stuck with all the virgins?" That has completely screwed my confidence ever since. Ive been on a few dates between now and then, but I think of that girl, and I cant go through... And my confidence only gets worse with every passing day.......

 

Now, theres this girl that Ive known ever since the theatre. Ive seen her here and there since then, but she moved, and I didn't see her for about 2 years or so. We were friends before, but now that she is back, we started hanging out again. It seems that now we somehow have a lot more in common, and really get along well. I know that she likes me... I know she is hinting it... And well... I like her back. We really have sooo much in common. I don't meet many other people that like so many of the same things as me, let alone girls! Many guys I know don't like the same things! I am so insanely freakn worried about all this.

 

I know I have to tell her that I am a virgin, cause there is no way around telling her. She will know I am if I try to fake it, so I know I have to tell her about it. I am so worried about another girl freaking out about me being a virgin again. I really don't know what I would do with myself if it happened again. Im not one of those guys that are trying to save it for when I get married... Im just really scared...

 

And I absolutely know that if you saw me, you would never guess. I am always told im really handsome, and I know I have a good body. Im not being pompous, but I know its true. I didn't always used to be this way, but I blossomed somehow, and also have a great sense of humor now too. I make people laugh all the time. So, just knowing how I am now, compared to the shy wimpy ass I used to be makes it hard too... i am so scared people. I need advice bad!!!! please!!!!

 

Oh, and you know what... it hurts everything even worse that I have never even kissed a girl... Oh my god, its so hard to even type this to people that don't know me... Please help, I am totally freaking out...

[Smokeycat]

I don't know why that girl freaked out...if I met a guy who was a virgin I would be happy. A lot of guys have been with too many girls and it's disgusting. What's so wrong with being a virgin? I think it's a turn-on. What girl wouldn't wanna be with a virgin? Don't stress over this though. It's a wonderful experience and shouldn't be rushed. Take my advice and do it with someone you really love for your first time. The experience is so much better than just any girl. Take things slow and enjoy. It's not as scary as it seems no matter what age you are.

[Colls]

OMG i so agree if smokeycat. Being a virgin isnt a bad thing at all. I would feel so happy if my guy was a virgin, and the fact that u dont lie and come out and tell her, makes u appeal even more sexy to her. Dont worry about it at all, just be like i really wanted to tell u that im a virgin to clear the worries i have. That a huge turn on for girls. A guy who sleeps around and has had multiple partners is gross and unappealing. I would rahter have a virgin ova a non ne time. I mean esp. that i am a virgin also. Dont be afraid to admit it, its a good thing. Shows self control, pride, cleanliness lol, and so much more. Go for it man, it wont be that bad if the 2 of u like eeachother, which u already kno u do.

[Oktane]

Thanks so much so far! You are making me feel better so far, but If you have some sort of advice for me, for breaking it to her, that would be great. Really, I am so scared of a repeat freak out, and this girl seems special to me...

[Rain533]

It's not a big deal and I agree that you don't have to tell her right away. I'm not saying that you should lie to her, but if she dosent ask don't tell her. I'm a girl and I can truthfuly tell you that the first time you are with someone new or if it's your first time all together, First times are not that great because your both nervice, not sure what the other person likes, ect...... The good sex comes when you are in love with each other and have been together many times, then you both know all the right places. When a girl says that a guy dosent know how to kiss it has nothing to do with the amount of girls that he has kissed. You see what one girl likes another may not, don't be afreid to ask her how she likes to be kisses, the same go's for sex, this is a very common question in bed. You always want to know what the other person likes so you can make them feel as good as posible. Not saying that you should talk the whole time but when you doing something just ask her if that feels good or if there is something that she would like better. If she tells you what she likes she is not saying that she dosent like what you are doing just that something else is better. The more open you are to a girl and listen to her wants and need the better lover you will become. To her and to other girls, alot of times we like the same things.

[mkgirl]

I really think what you said is great. You have no idea how wonderful it is for a girl to hear that a guy hasn't slept around. That is a major turn on. I am 21 and I just lost my virginity to a guy I was engaged to. Like you, I wanted to wait til marriage. And I figured we were already engaged, so that was about the same. Well, don't ever give in until after you are actually married. It will make it that much better. Dont feel embarrassed because you are a virgin, that is so great. Girls always freak out and worry and think about the "other girls" that their bf's or hubby's have been with. whoever you end up with will be lucky enough to not stress over it. And I know that as a fact it really bothered me to know of past girls. the woman you end up with is incredibly lucky and dont be afraid to boast that!!

[Oktane]

Rain, thanks, that helps put it in perspective a bit. I can understand how what you said would be completely true. And mkgirl, I actually said I wasn't waiting till marriage. Just in my current life situation, it has never happened... I want to thank everyone so far.... honestly, I was Breathing all hard, laying on the floor, freakn out... Sounds like im crazy, I know, but I was really freakn out.... Then she called my phone, and I was like, oh sheot... What am I going to do???? I then calmed down a bit, and decided to call her back. I went to her house, and helped proof read a resume that she was writing, then we played best 2 out of 3 games of pool. She won... and I didn't let her.... But... I know she still cares, cause well.... I got the best hug from her that ive gotten from her.... yeah, no kiss, but im going to see her tomarrow. Seems like a steady progression, but I am still scared... I think overall, she will accept it... but Im still not sure. I could still use some more suggestions. I am really glad I joined this board. Again, more suggestions would be very helpful. I am still so scared of a freakout, or at least just having to break it to her. See... The thing is, is I actually know 2 of the guys she has had sex with... yeah, that was the past. 2 years ago, before she moved out of state. So I know the guys, and that doesn't really bother me. I would almost think that her knowing I am a virgin would be worse than knowing of girls i have had sex with. But then again..... Please still help, she is special, and I know it....

[faeriechyld]

Why is it so odd to be 22 and still a virgin? I know people who are much older and are still virgins....so...I guess I just don't understand. I mean, is society making you feel like it's wrong? I'm still a virgin and proud of it. And I know many of my ex's still are, so....I just don't understand why this is such a bad thing. And that girl who freaked out on you, she was not worth your time. It's a sacred and beautiful thing and I think this girl you are talking to will understand it and feel special to be your first...if you two do get to that level. I don't know why you feel you need to tell her now. I think she'd be more weirded out by the fact you just come out and tell her without establishing any time of romantic relationship first. I'd let things continue to progress before I would even worry about the sex. That's not all a relationship is and it's not something you should be worried about so early in your relationship. That's my opinion at least. Good luck.

[biddo]

i agree with fairie child --------society is BS and ud should know it.

[Googlehead]

So whats happened with u now? R u and her an item yet?

[chrisb]

Hey man, It's really scary but I am in a very similar (in fact almost completely identical) situation as you. I'm 22 and I'm also a virgin. I was a very withdrawn kid and I went to an all boys school so it was very difficult for me to meet girls. The girls I did meet I suppose found it difficult to talk to me and I got really depressed particularly in my final year of school. I figured for a long time that I was ugly, or just really uninteresting and for a while after I finished school I even made a conscious decision to stop chasing girls because it was really getting me down, which is of course a decision I regret.

 

When school finished I developed a passion music and drama and I have come out of my shell a lot now (I am now training to be a professional singer). Not that I'm an extrovert but now at least I have confidence and I make friends really easily now. But relationships are another issue, I feel completely lost and scared and the last couple of times I have liked a girl I have completely freaked out and run away.

 

I met this girl at the end of last year and I also worked with her for a while. We got along really well, and I must say I really liked her at the time but now we're starting to get really close. I was really worried because I thought I was a complete freak before I read your message. I'm still worried, but at least I feel that I'm not alone and that its not really that weird. Thank-you so much for your brave post! And thanks to all the girls that have provided advice as well!

 

Good luck to everyone on this board - I hope you all find happiness.

[badburnz]

All righty bro.Who cares?You seem to be wrapping yourself up in a strange little funk that doesnt really matter.Im not trying to be harsh or nothing.Let me tell you,theres far worse things to be worried about.

I am 22 years old and I wish I was still a virgin.Its been 3 years since I last had sex.I know how it feels to be freaked out by the whole sex issue.

When I was younger I had a pretty hard time of it to.

I thought I was ugly,I was overweight and most of the stuff I had to say was completely alien to people my own age.I used to look around and see the people around me in relationships,havin regular sex and get so jealous.I was totally depressed and eventually developed something of a drinking problem,which was when I met Phil.She was about twice my age and, like me drank too much.We started hanging out.Things got physical and it was about that time I sobered up and thought "WHAT THE F**K am I doing" and quit the "relationship".We had nothing in common beyond alcohol,so I figured it wouldnt hurt her too much,but recently I caught up with some people that I used to know and pretty much learnt that I was the best thing to happen to her in a long while,and the fact that I had simply stopped talking to her and moved away had kind of broken her somewhat.

This gives me the guilts.

The only reason I had even pursued the relationship was because I was under the false impression that if I didnt lose it by the time I was 20 I was a complete loser and never going to find someone.Being the confused and weak drunkard that I was I went and messed with someone else in a way that I will never be able to feel right about again.

Since this particularly bleak period in my life I have woken up a little.

Sure I havent had a "relationship" since,and sometimes yeah,I do get lonely,but I sort of dont mind too much.I am celibate by choice.No doubt anyone reading this is going to just think that I am just unable to get past what I did,but to be honest,nobody I know really interests me enough to make me want to have sex with them.

I have heaps of friends,and I am generally known as a decent good person.I dont feel like a loser any more because the sex issue is over and done with.I dont feel insecure about it at all.

If I find someone who I feel comfortable with I will have sex with them,if not I really dont care.

Being a male you sort of wind up under pressure to be virile and studly.To spread your seed to the four corners of the earth.

I dont buy this because I (now) consider sex to be a special thing,as opposed to some stupid rites of passage load of bollocks.

All I can say is that you have to figure out whats best for you.Do whats comfortable,because if you give it away to the wrong person you could wind up in a world of hurt.I hope shes the right girl,and if not,no bother.

If it dont feel right dont go there.

[Aragorn]

I am 23,

 

 

and GAVE the WOMEN I LOVED my virginity, something I SWORE I'd NEVER do before marriage...

 

I STILL OVE THIS WOMEN with ALL MY HEART, wanna know what?

 

She is with someone else now...

 

 

You know how DEPRESSED I feel?

 

 

Near DEATH and I NEED help!

 

 

Don't be a GOOF, LOSING YOUR VIGINITY IS OVER RATED and does NOT make you a MAN DAMNIT!!!

 

Keeping it DOES!!!

 

Matt

[jaded4life]

Hello Matt

I am sorry for the pain you are feeling, I know it hurts an awful lot.

I can not answer your ? as to why this woman would share such an intimate expression and then be with another man. I wish I could.

However, I, nor anyone can answer that for you, except her.

Loving a person, and I mean really loving someone and expressing this feeling through sex is a very beautiful, natural, part of adult relationships.

I understand your religion, and this makes you feel guilty, perhaps you see her rejection as a punishment.

Sex should never make you feel bad or dirty, it is the way we express our love. Unfortunately, many associate premarital sex as a sin, a crime, a weakness. We are very vulnerable creatures especially when we feel this emotional attraction to our mates, so do not feel rejected or bitter, for you did nothing wrong. You expressed to her the way you felt through sex, and this feels like that person should be ours forever, sadly, we do not own anyone, and promises can be broken.

Losing your virginity is defined differently among cultures and religions, this is instilled throughout your life by people who influence you. Some think it to be the becoming of a man or a woman, some use it as an expression or consimation of marriage. And there are those that view sex as a common, no big deal. We had sex! Or yeah, I hit that!

But the real definition of sex lies within you. You have your reasons and emotions, we are all sexaul people, we just have different views of it.

Perhaps this woman knows nothing of your virginity, perhaps she did and felt special that you chose to share your first experience with her, and she may feel very strongly for you, but that does not promise you her lifelong love. It is not fair, and it does hurt an awful lot. But one day you will find a very special lady that will desire you in more than just a sexual way, that will be love, and engaging in sex with her will be more than just a physical expression it will be mind, body and soul. Not just having sex, it will be expressing love.