NC with good friend/ex

[keye]

I'll try to cut a long story short.

 

I'm 19 years old and I've been very good friends with this guy for seven years now. We've never officially gotten together, but we've hooked up many times over the years (never meant anything) and when we were younger, we had feelings for one another at different times (always bad timing). Last year, we were finally both single and somehow developed a casual sex relationship. Bad idea, as I lost my virginity to him and (predictably) started to fall for him. We completely lost the friendship element to our relationship and stopped talking about things altogether - basically just having sex without communicating.

 

After six months, he dropped a bombshell on me that he liked another girl and we didn't speak for a long time (out of awkwardness). Basically, he broke my heart. He never got to find out how I felt because I was too scared to tell him. Then he went overseas for a couple of months, which gave me a chance to chill and take a breather. We emailed each other while he was away and started trying to ease back into our friendship, without ever actually addressing our previous casual sex relationship. After he got back, he started going out with the girl and he and I started to hang out as just friends again.

 

At first, I thought I was okay with this, but after a few months, I realised that I was just in denial. I have been in love with him for a long time and will probably always be in love with him. Then, I started to feel angry. Throughout this entire mess, he has never once come out to ask me how I am. It's partly my fault too, because I always act like I'm okay with everything, even when I'm not, but I'm angry at him for not even having the balls and the sensitivity to think that I might be feeling otherwise, even if I'm not showing it. I realised that I shouldn't have to compromise myself when I want more; then I decided to initiate no contact.

 

NC has been working quite well - it's been a couple of months now of ignoring his calls and making up lame excuses so that I don't have to see him. He's definitely suspicious that something is up - as I went from seeing him a few times a week to having not seen him for about two months - but he continues to be persistent with his calls and seems to accept my lies. I feel like we can't honestly move on with our friendship or whatever until we address our past, and the issues surrounding it. The problem is, I don't want to drag out the past and tell him why I'm upset because I don't want to be disrespectful to his current relationship - and besides, what would it achieve? It was so long ago; why would I bring it up now?

 

Deep down, I know that for me, NC is a way of wiping the slate clean so that we can start fresh in the future, when/if he ever breaks up with his girlfriend. But can you really wipe a slate clean with the history we've had? He's told a friend of mine in the past that he doesn't believe that one can successfully develop a relationship from a friendship, and I think that he sees me as nothing more than a friend despite the sexual chemistry we've always had.

 

What should I do now? Ignoring his calls is becoming ridiculous - he is starting to ask mutual friends questions - and I don't want to make him hate me forever (which seems to be the road I'm going down at this rate). I do want to be friends with him again one day and see what happens, and I do want to discuss things with him properly and tell him of my feelings - but it just seems wrong at the moment, as he is in a serious relationship. Can anyone suggest any alternatives other than NC?

 

Thanks in advance. xox

[robowarrior]

What you have to do is to tell him that you can't go on like this anymore. Confess , That you had lingering feelings for him and that now its breaking your heart to see them two together and that you want to break off contact with him altogether. That's good for your sanity , and his. He can move on with his life, you with yours. Its better then driving yourself insane like this.