keye

I'll try to cut a long story short. I'm 19 years old and I've been very good friends with this guy for seven years now. We've never officially gotten together, but we've hooked up many times over the years (never meant anything) and when we were younger, we had feelings for one another at different times (always bad timing). Last year, we were finally both single and somehow developed a casual sex relationship. Bad idea, as I lost my virginity to him and (predictably) started to fall for him. We completely lost the friendship element to our relationship and stopped talking about things altogether - basically just having sex without communicating. After six months, he dropped a bombshell on me that he liked another girl and we didn't speak for a long time (out of awkwardness). Basically, he broke my heart. He never got to find out how I felt because I was too scared to tell him. Then he went overseas for a couple of months, which gave me a chance to chill and take a breather. We emailed each other while he was away and started trying to ease back into our friendship, without ever actually addressing our previous casual sex relationship. After he got back, he started going out with the girl and he and I started to hang out as just friends again. At first, I thought I was okay with this, but after a few months, I realised that I was just in denial. I have been in love with him for a long time and will probably always be in love with him. Then, I started to feel angry. Throughout this entire mess, he has never once come out to ask me how I am. It's partly my fault too, because I always act like I'm okay with everything, even when I'm not, but I'm angry at him for not even having the balls and the sensitivity to think that I might be feeling otherwise, even if I'm not showing it. I realised that I shouldn't have to compromise myself when I want more; then I decided to initiate no contact. NC has been working quite well - it's been a couple of months now of ignoring his calls and making up lame excuses so that I don't have to see him. He's definitely suspicious that something is up - as I went from seeing him a few times a week to having not seen him for about two months - but he continues to be persistent with his calls and seems to accept my lies. I feel like we can't honestly move on with our friendship or whatever until we address our past, and the issues surrounding it. The problem is, I don't want to drag out the past and tell him why I'm upset because I don't want to be disrespectful to his current relationship - and besides, what would it achieve? It was so long ago; why would I bring it up now? Deep down, I know that for me, NC is a way of wiping the slate clean so that we can start fresh in the future, when/if he ever breaks up with his girlfriend. But can you really wipe a slate clean with the history we've had? He's told a friend of mine in the past that he doesn't believe that one can successfully develop a relationship from a friendship, and I think that he sees me as nothing more than a friend despite the sexual chemistry we've always had. What should I do now? Ignoring his calls is becoming ridiculous - he is starting to ask mutual friends questions - and I don't want to make him hate me forever (which seems to be the road I'm going down at this rate). I do want to be friends with him again one day and see what happens, and I do want to discuss things with him properly and tell him of my feelings - but it just seems wrong at the moment, as he is in a serious relationship. Can anyone suggest any alternatives other than NC? Thanks in advance. xox

I do want a relationship, but only if it's going to be worth it. In my experience, guys with less experience tend to disappoint in that they're too immature to handle certain things or to completely commit. I don't want to waste my time or to invest my emotions only to end up hurt and/or with nothing. Does that make sense? So I guess I haven't admitted to myself that I really LIKE him at this point, out of fear of that. But I know for a fact that I am definitely physically attracted.

So there's this guy I'm attracted to - we have mutual friends and see one another quite often, out at clubs, at friends' houses, always in a social setting. The first night I met him (way back in November), we had a bit of a kiss but following that, there were a few complications - I fell for one of his friends and consequently ended up 'choosing' this friend over him, leading him to pretty much hate me for a good few months for leading him on, only to reject him. Anyway, it's only over the last month or so that we've started to be friendly again, once we were both given the time and space to get over what happened. We're both single, and after spending the whole day with him (and a couple of other friends) on Sunday, I've discovered that I am still REALLY attracted to him. I may even like him. And I know for a fact that he's still attracted to me. The thing is, he's quite immature and inexperienced with girls. He's never had a relationship and he hasn't even gone beyond first base, which is rare for a 19yo guy who goes out and meets girls quite a lot! I'm not sure whether it would be worth taking a chance by viewing him as potential relationship material. At the very least, I would want something physical and see where it goes from there. I SMSed him after Sunday and said thanks for being so hospitable (we were at his house that day), and that I hope everything is cool with us (after the whole mess that happened with his friend at the end of last year) and that we can try to be friends. He messaged back and said, "That's alright, babe. Give me a call when you're free and we'll do something". He's also heard from a mutual friend since that yes, I am really attracted to him and apparently was pretty happy about it. Interested, right? Now I'm kinda scared about what will happen. I know we could have something great, but what does one do when a guy is totally inexperienced, both with relationships and sex?! I want to take things slowly and build up his trust and respect again, but is it worth it? I'm sooo confused! Any opinions, observations or advice about the situation would be really appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Hi guys, My situation isn't a traditional "break-up" - I didn't know where else to post this. Nonetheless, I would love any kind of advice that you would have for me. Please bear with me as the post may be quite long. This is what I posted on another message board on October 8th. This is what I posted on October 10th: And this is what I posted on October 29th: And these are my feelings today, on October 31st: Was breaking NC a bad idea? I've been text messaging him on and off for the last five days (purely platonic messages), since breaking NC and seeing him, and he's been on my mind constantly (again!). I know we're not supposed to be together at the moment and that this is for the best, but I can't help longing for him. I'm not sure whether I miss HIM or whether I miss the IDEA of him - am I just lonely? I feel so confused. All this time, has it just been me confusing physical attraction with emotional attachment? Is it the fact that he's been my one and only lover? Will this feeling go away when I meet someone new? I don't know whether what I'm feeling is REAL or not. How does one know? And how do I avoid sinking back into the place from where I thought I'd escaped just a few days ago? HE GOES AWAY IN TWO WEEKS! And as far as I know, he still has a thing with that other girl.