Can you JUST BE FRIENDS with you ex?

[HangingInThere]

I have had relationships in the past that I maintain a friendship with them! My exfiance, we are the best of friends now, have been since the 90s. Also, a few more of my ex'es and i have very good firendships now!

 

For some reason, i cannot and do not want to be friends with this last one!

 

He doen't understand - i flatout told him No i don't see the purpose!

 

i was speaking to his sister and basicallytold her that I cannot imagine myself being his friend. I am not mad or have any anger towards him - but i really do not respect him as a person. In hindsight, he was a very conniving person...and no i amo bitter so my feeling towards him now doesn't have to do with it being a failed relatinship, but more so his character!

 

Can you just be friends with your ex or would you liek to be friends with your ex? And if so, are you doing that under the impression that you guys can rekindle what you once had?

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I am not friends with any of my ex's, nor do I have any desire to be. Years ago, I tried being friends with my first BF but it was too awkward and I had this impression he wanted to get back together. It was not fair to either one of us. Then I tried being in LC with another ex of mine while I was with my last boyfriend (now ex) and I was not comfortable with hiding things from him because I knew he would not be cool with it. Not worth it.

 

Ex's are the past, I like to keep them in my past. Now that I am in a wonderful relationship, I absolutely no desire to be in contact with any of them.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I think it totally depends on the kind of person you are and the kind of person your ex is. Obviously there are going to be those who keep their exes as past relationships and those who can maintain friendships...

 

I have some exes I talk to regularly and some I don't. I think it all depends.

 

Like the OP said, there are some guys I've dated that I would never consider having as a part of my life now. But that's me.

[shes2smart]

I'm on a speaking/friendly basis with only one of my exes. That'd be my college bf. We dated for 2 years, lived together for 5, split on relatively amicable terms. Broke up in 1991. Even with him, we had no contact with each other for the better part of a year before picking up as friends.

 

As for a desire to get back together with each other....never. At this point, we're both happily married to other people. All 4 of us enjoy each other's company, so we (me & my husband) will ocasionally socialize with my ex & his wife. We'd do so more frequently if we lived in the same city. When I met my husband, my ex was single...and he and my husband would go hang out together...without me.

 

As for the rest of my exes....I don't harbor any ill will, I hope they are well and happy...but I have no desire to have any sort of relationship with them anymore. Like kellbell said, past is past and should stay there.

[shamus]

it really does depend on the person and situation involved.

 

some exs i still talk to and am friends with, as things with them ended amicably and there wasnt any negativity, we had just felt we werent right for each other.

 

my last ex, we do not talk, nothing. it was a toxic relationship, and a very painful breakup for me, and i now have a new girlfriend who has really been amazing, and it wouldnt be fair to her.

 

so to answer your question yes and no. I couldnt be just friends with my ex, based on the way things ended.

[Dako]

I'm friends with my ex based on years of trust and respect.

If you don't have those feelings, I don't blame you for punting him from your life.

[flower99]

I'm friends with my ex based on years of trust and respect.

If you don't have those feelings, I don't blame you for punting him from your life.

 

Yep I totally agree with Dako.

If there is trust & respect you can be just friends....but if you don't have that, you don't have a reason to stay friends.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I'm on a friendly basis with some exes, if I happen to run into them while I'm out and about. I don't call any of them to see how they're doing, nor do they call me, probably because I do not encourage it. The past is the past.

 

The ones who really did me wrong are not my friends so I don't pretend that they are. The one's who didn't do me wrong but just weren't right for me, or maybe the ones who I broke up with because I wasn't that attracted to them, those are the ones I don't have bad feelings towards.

[Spawn]

I probably can't, she broke my trust and really never respected/caredfor my feelings in the relationship.

 

So yes, trust and respect plays a big role.

[BetterKarma]

I think most people are not friends with their exes so don't feel bad that you don't want to be friends with your latest ex. You don't have to be friends with anyone you don't want to be friends with. No one can force you so please don't feel bad.

 

I am friends with only one ex and that's only because we gave each other space, time and respect to heal before we started our friendship again.

[joyce1412]

i think my last therapist said it best on this one. he felt that the couples who try to remain "friends" immediately or shortly after a breakup are usually just in denial, or feel weird about, having an intimate relationship go right into being nothing. it's more that they can't deal with the juxtaposition, rather than they just really desire to be friends with one another.

[blemished]

I agree with Joyce; this is why my last ex wanted to be "friends" right after breaking up with me. The Nerve! That is just more selfish behavior-- he didn't think about what that would do to me.

 

Which is why (or part of why), we're not friends. I don't keep ex's as friends, since none of my relationships (grand total = 2) have ended amicably. Once I love someone, and if they betray me, that's it, they're gone from my life. Forever. I have no time or energy to waste on such people.

[joyce1412]

i feel ya blemished. that is selfish behavior, but very characteristic of all dumpers because they are almost always acting selfishly in the breakup.

 

the worst part is, my ex was contacting me this week and ultimately admitted to wanting to be "friends." but honestly, i think he might have been looking for more of a "friends with benefits" situation...and it breaks my heart every time i think about him thinking he could use me.

 

Once I love someone, and if they betray me, that's it, they're gone from my life. Forever. I have no time or energy to waste on such people.

 

i wish i could take that stance. however, i have made amends with a guy who broke my heart who is now my friend. i really missed having him as a part of my life. it was the way i was able to justify, "well, since it worked out okay with ____ after he broke my heart, then my ex and i could still get back together."

 

i took a chance trying to be friends with that guy because i felt like we had such a good time together that it was worth it trying to re-integrate him in my life. but to tell you the truth, i still question whether my friend truly deserves to be a part of it. the crap i recently went through with my aforementioned ex is actually making me reconsider my relationship with my friend. now i just feel that i should have never worked so hard to bring someone who hurt me back into my life. i almost want to get rid of him again just so i never have an excuse to make "over-forgiving" a habit.

[lilac_indi]

i cant be friends with my ex even if i wanted to - too much transpired between us and he hurt me very badly with the rumours and the lies and the mind games that he played after our split. when someone hurts you soo badly, then it becomes difficult to maintain any sort of relationship with them never mind friendship