More thoughts

[renaissancewoman101]

I guess I am probably driving you guys nuts with all my new threads lately. Heck, I am driving myself crazy too. I feel like I am using the forum as a day to day update of my feelings and emotions about losing T. T has now started to send me emails along with the calls. I caved and read one of his emails this morning. I know, I know, I shouldnt have done that. He's still the same, ranting at me for being an a*s to him, for treating him bad. Still complaining, not recognizing that he hurt me so much in the past. Oh well, guess I should still ignore him.

 

It's warm out here. I am sad, happy, relieved, a whole myraid of emotions that I can't pinpoint. Now, along with feeling sad and anxious about letting T go, I feel disappointed in myself. I have been out here over 6 months and what have I dont constructively???? NOTHING!!!!! NOT A SINGLE THING!!! except maybe dump T's sorry a*s. I still feel like a failure. I want to go out and spend a ton of money but that will bite me in the a*s, I know that. Got into a little tiff with my dad yesterday (nothing serious) about money. I never knew that banks could give out acct information to whomever is depositing money into your acct (even if the person's name isnt on acct) . T's name is also on my account although he doesnt use the account. My dad needed my acct number to make deposit and apparently they told him the number as well as who was on the acct . So, my dad was grilling me about that yesterday.

 

I am a freaking failure. I have no freaking job, have no freaking friend anymore. I do stupid things that set myself up for failure and for disappointment, like I feel so bad about myself so I do things that insure that I make my life a disaster or a major disappointment. I am a walking disaster.

[CluelessGuy321]

Someone here needs icecream

[InHiding]

Keep your head up! You made progress when you ended a destructive relationship. Just concentrate and take baby steps. Don't look at the whole picture just yet, it might be overwhelming. And maybe you do need to take "T" off your bank account, I think that would be a smart idea. And pretty simple. Is there a reason why you haven't done that?

 

I know that when I get a job, my self esteem usually goes up. That's a place you can meet people and make some good friends. I think now is the time to start putting yourself out there, meeting others and having a good time for YOU.

 

You can do it.

[ElektraHere]

Ren

 

OK you have spent the past six months preoccupied with T's trials and tribulations. Get his name off your account or close yourself off it and get another one.

 

Now that you have shed some dead weight it is time to start standing up straight. Its time to buck up, get your resume in order, and start researching companies. That will help you IMMENSELY!!

 

Keep walking down the road Ren and don't look back. You can do it.

[renaissancewoman101]

I never said I was going to look back.

 

I am just having a hard time as usual.

 

Feeling down on myself, but posting here to be able to feel better.

 

I will go find a job when I feel more centered.

[nottoogreen]

RW, you have us.

 

You are not a failure, you were too loving and caring and let some a*s use you for 13 years. It is OVER NOW.

 

It is normal to print the full AC name on a receipt!. Get a new account in ___your___ name.

 

Please ignore calls, SMS, emails, total NC.

 

You did the big step, you will be better every day.

 

We will be always here for you.

[nottoogreen]

You can work on getting a job NOW.

 

Update your CV and get some out there.

 

Your job, Your earnings, your self esteem, your independence, your future!

[CluelessGuy321]

Yeah, you just need to meet more people and have something to do.

 

Overtime with new people and in a different situation and surrounding, you'll really get over that T guy and realize that there's a lot of other people out there who are awesome and hanging out will be cool.

[RayKay]

I will go find a job when I feel more centered.

 

Finding a job may help you feel more centered in the first place. Being dependent on others to help you through, and not being independent and financially secure tend to make us feel more confused and lost! It will also help you meet more people and get out there socially!

 

As for T.....keep on going forward without him in your life. You gave in already and saw that he is still the same jerk...and you know going back would still have him as a selfish jerk.

 

He's an emotional vampire and that is something NO ONE needs in their life.

[ElektraHere]

Ren

 

What exactly are you waiting for?? Till you get yourself centered, perhaps getting a job will help with that. You need structure and something to do. A job and the people at that job can do that.

 

I hope you now see how much this person took away from you. He seems to have done a number. Please don't read anymore of his emails it just isnt a good thing.

[renaissancewoman101]

Thanks for everybody's support. That is why I like this forum so much. And no, I dont plan on turning back and going back to T. After reading his email, I realize that he is a self-centered as*h*le and all he cares about is himself.

 

I am going to find a part time job right now because I go back to school in Sept. I am very much looking forward to that. There I will meet new people and make new friends.

[InHiding]

That's the spirit!

[Beyondthesea]

There I will meet new people and make new friends.

 

Bingo. That's where I've met some great friends, along with in group activities. Never turn down an opportunity to go out and meet people!

[Cute Band Rat]

Ren how about starting out with something Part time..even if it isn't what you WANT to do? It will bring in extra money AND get you out of the house. Volunteer a couple days a week too. I think that will help immensely.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

You can do it

[Beyondthesea]

How are you doing today B?

 

HUUUUUUUUGS!!!!

[renaissancewoman101]

BeyondtheSea, I am doing ok. Kind of holding in there. T is ignoring me for the time being. He will do that, esp if he is mad.

 

I dont know, but I miss T. It's coming up on the weekend and I usually hang out with T on Sat afternoons or Sundays.

[Beyondthesea]

What you need to do is come up with a new routine for the weekends and times you were normally with him. Start doing things you love to do or are curious about but never tried.

 

On Sat mornings I normally go for a walk or to the gym, then go home, watch a little tv or movie, then spend the evening with someone else, or reading, out at the movies, etc.