My ex said something that made sense...

[PutYourBackIntoIt]

So my ex and I went out for drinks last night. Mind you we have been on and off for two years in an open, non committed relationship so we will probably end up together again. We are both crazy about each other, but we just can get our heads on straight. Anyways, that's not the point. We were talking and I decided to tell him how I felt about the way he acts. Most guys I date put me on a pedestal, but my ex NEVER did. Only in the beginning did he show respect, and he said that was to get me to go out with him. We both laughed. Now as the conversation progressed, I asked why he treats girls the way he does and he goes "It's not just girls, that's how I am. Why should I lie to a girl? Being nice is not me, you know that. I'm not going to keep lying and putting on a facade just so a girl will like me." And then I said "Well then she's going to dump you!" And he goes "That's fine, because I'm not going to change for a girl, this is who I am and you know that." Now this really made sense to me. The two years that I've known him, he's never been nice to anyone, really. It's not like he's intentionally mean, he's just one of those arrogant, cocky guys. When he has been nice, it's been only to get something he wants. But what he said really made sense. Does this make sense to anyone else? I also said "Well, what are you going to do when you meet the one? Are you going to treat her like you treat everyone else?" And he replied "How do you know I haven't already met her?" And then he mentioned something about all of his exes wanting nothing to do with him and I go "Oh you mean that girl from your past?" (His first girlfriend that broke his heart) And he goes "No, you are reading too into things now." I'm not sure what of that. I'm just wondering now if all the nice things guys do is really just a facade.....anyone else have input?

[GottaLetItBurn]

That's how a man needs to play the game, he has heart. Yea it makes sense, woman try to be controllers. Idiots fall for it and then the girl gets bored and then it's bye bye time. He will never change for you, so your going to have to take him as he is. Although woman secretly like to think they are changing their man just a little, a real man acts how he feels like. Looks like your starting to get the point though, that you do like him because he is not a push over.

 

Oh, and most guys are nice guys but then they get their hearts destroyed. That is what sets them in a mode of going out there and hurting the next girls feelings. It goes both ways, guys wouldn't be players if they got the first girl they really cared about. Like Chris Rock said about woman too, "You ever catch your woman just looking at ya, it's cause you ain't her first choice". Well sometimes woman find themselves struggling with men to get them to conform because he knows if he does than she won't be around anymore. It hurts when you think your a good man, then the girl screws you over, and then the guy is left with hate in his heart. That's what causes men to go out there and stop really caring about the next girl.

[robowarrior]

No its not a fascade , there are really nice guys out there, who are clingy and easily discarded by females, but that doesn't mean their feelings aren't genuine, they are merely not appreciated. Such guys will be easily discarded as boring, while in all honestly they may have loved you more then you could ever imagined.

 

Nowadays everything seems just to be a game of some sort. That song of 'where is the love' really applies nowadays, there's a lot of gaming and masquerade's going on. I personally dislike it, because its a game so you can get what you want for your selfish gain, instead of really loving and caring for that individual like it should be. Real > fake, but in reality it unfortunately doesn't seem to work that way.

[PutYourBackIntoIt]

I don't know why this never dawned upon me. The whole two years were hell because I kept trying to change him, playing games so he would treat me the way I wanted to be treated. But that whole time I was miserable and it was exhausting. That whole time I could have just accepted that was who he is, but I drove myself nuts trying to change him and get him to conform to a perfect man. Funny how something so obvious doesn't dawn upon you until it comes from the horse's mouth.

[GottaLetItBurn]

No its not a fascade , there are really nice guys out there, who are clingy and easily discarded by females, but that doesn't mean their feelings aren't genuine, they are merely not appreciated. Such guys will be easily discarded as boring, while in all honestly they may have loved you more then you could ever imagined.

 

Nowadays everything seems just to be a game of some sort. That song of 'where is the love' really applies nowadays, there's a lot of gaming and masquerade's going on. I personally dislike it, because its a game so you can get what you want for your selfish gain, instead of really loving and caring for that individual like it should be. Real > fake, but in reality it unfortunately doesn't seem to work that way.

 

I hate it too, but doesn't it suck you in too. I mean, everyone plays into it. You can tell your friends "No this girl is different she plays no games, she doesn't even know what games playing is"...then you find out that she's no different, like game playing was in her since the day she was born. I really cared about only 1 girl, then she was gone for some other guy, and I still don't look at woman the same. I seriously don't see any point in caring about any girl, her feelings or anything, theres just sexual attraction and that is it for me. I hope one day I start caring because I just don't anymore.

[mikeca]

ya when this girl brought my heart it made me want to just go out and be a womanizer not really care for another girl again. But then my head took over and I decided thats not who I am as a person. This was my first relationship so I was unaware of being 'needy' too 'available' and making her happy by not arguing when in the end there needs to be a little of that, I still wonder if I'll get the chance to show her that.

[Massari]

No its not a fascade , there are really nice guys out there, who are clingy and easily discarded by females, but that doesn't mean their feelings aren't genuine, they are merely not appreciated. Such guys will be easily discarded as boring, while in all honestly they may have loved you more then you could ever imagined.

 

Nowadays everything seems just to be a game of some sort. That song of 'where is the love' really applies nowadays, there's a lot of gaming and masquerade's going on. I personally dislike it, because its a game so you can get what you want for your selfish gain, instead of really loving and caring for that individual like it should be. Real > fake, but in reality it unfortunately doesn't seem to work that way.

 

 

he is just really into the game I think as many said. but then as many others mentions there are guys who are said to be clingy (i.e what my ex says I was) and she dumped me but now she is regretting and want me back cause guess what the grass on the other side is not greener! but the point is that guys who have a game always get what they want but maybe they won't end up with someone great. now us "CLINGY" which I find to be such a stupid word to describe a true care for your woman may never get a woman that we want but eventually will end up with someone that more or less reciprocate these feelings

[Massari]

ya when this girl brought my heart it made me want to just go out and be a womanizer not really care for another girl again. But then my head took over and I decided thats not who I am as a person. This was my first relationship so I was unaware of being 'needy' too 'available' and making her happy by not arguing when in the end there needs to be a little of that, I still wonder if I'll get the chance to show her that.

 

again this reminds me of my first relationship (btw that was in march 2006, so very recent) and how I was too nice to her.. never argued as my man mike said. alwyas what she wanted and all. and what she gave me at the end " I need some time to think about everything" all this crap! left me heartbroken crying for her.. and all. but then I moved on and now things are great, got a girlfriend who loves me for being CLINGLY!!!! (hahaha) you see you gonna find someone who appriciates you. I agree that there is no need to change.