apologizing for something I didn't do

[shorty20]

This is all I"ve been doing this weekend it seems like. I've posted a few threads, but in short, my bf who is back from the army for 3 weeks came to a party at my place. Him and a friend of mine ended up exchanging a few words and got in a fight, although no one was hit or anything. My friend got pushed into the railing of our balcony at our apartment and left shortly afterwards so it wasn't anything major. Well, now it seems like everyone is blaming me. My friend is mad at me, because he told my roommate that I didn't defend him. I didn't defend anyone. I was too busy trying to calm my bf down to think about anything else. My roommate says she wants to ban my bf from the apartment, unless her bf is there, because she now feels "threatened" because my bf stook up for himself? And all I've been doing is apologizing. I don't see where I did anything wrong, but it feels like everyone is blaming me for something I had no part in. I only helped to stop it. I work with the friend that is mad at me, and he hasn't said one word to me all day. I sent him an email apologizing for how things got a little out of hand, and that I was sorry he didn't feel I defended him. He left a comment on my roommates Myspace calling me and my bf some not so nice things... and my roommate is pretty much taking his side! I feel like I'm back in highschool surrounded by all this drama. It's to the point where I'm pretty much looking for a new roommate when our lease is up in October. I just feel like I'm put in this situation that I had no control over, had no part in starting it, but for some reason in some people's eyes it's all my fault and I should do the apologizing? I need some insight here guys.

[xmrth]

I wonder a little if it's because that's your boyfriend so your friends all wonder if he really WAS at fault, and you gave him "special treatment" by not defending your friend against your boyfriend-- that kind of thing.

 

I don't see why you are obligated to stick up for your friend unless your boyfriend was REALLY in the wrong-- but even so, as that's your boyfriend involved, if it was his fault I'd just have done what you did and concentrated on separating them and talking to him about it afterwards and just play it neutral so it doesn't seem like you're playing sides, but it sounds like your friends all kind of jumped to you taking the "wrong side."

 

But really, I don't know. What words were exchanged? I understand some guys will say little stupid things that blow up, but it would still help to know exactly what was said just so we know here and all that and can help you as best we can, you know? Because it could be either that it's your boyfriend and they think oh "special treatment, of course she's not going to yell at her boyfriend" or it really could have been what was said and more of the reason behind it. A push near a balcony is pretty big though too.

[shorty20]

first off, I have had numerous conversations with my bf since that day. He knows how much trouble he's caused for me, and he's apologized to me and my roommate numerous times. I posted a thread yesturday about it, but basically I was on the balcony. My friend came over with this other guy that I don't like at all. We were out on the balcony and just joking around with each other like we were going to fight you know, the whole "are we doin this? lets go" just bein playfull. So my friend goes "naw, ur not worth it, I already have two assault charges" well... if you could see this guy you would know that that's a lie. He's anything but the "tough guy" he projects himself to be. My bf was a little drunk, and just kinda laughed and I guess the kid took it as my bf was making fun of him. SO, the two guys went back into the apartment and started talkin about my bf, saying they were going to throw him off the balcony and just running their mouths. My bf found this out and confronted them, and everything went downhill from there. My bf does have a past of having some anger problems, but since he's been in the military it's taken alot of his anger out of him... he dosen't blow up like he used to. On the other hand, his friends are alot different from mine. In his group of friends, fights are a common thing, and sticking up for yourself is looked apon as a good thing... it's keeping your image up to him I guess... but with my group of friends, this is the first and only fight that has ever happened at one of our parties and we've lived there for 10 months and had parties almost every weekend... so my friends kind of over-reacted and blew the whole thing out of proportion. My bf is having a hard time understanding what the big deal is because he didn't even hit anyone.... it's a real messed up situation that I just got dropped right down in the middle of it.

[Süsser Tod]

How was that a fight if your boyfriend didn't hit anyone?

[shorty20]

because my bf was ready to fight. The only reason no one got hit or anything was because the other guys got scared I guess. My bf called them out on it, asked if they were running their mouths, took his shirt off like he was ready to fight, pushed my friend into the railing and then my friend and the guy he brought took off. So it was more of a verbal fight than anything.

[Süsser Tod]

More like a heated up argument, and it has been blown out of proportions by your friends? Give them time to cool down.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Stop aplogizing then.

 

You definitely didn't do anything wrong.

 

That "friend" who posted derogatory comments on myspace is really not your friend.

 

Friends don't behave that way; 3-year olds do.

[shorty20]

but the bad part is that I have to work with him. I dont' know what to do because he won't talk to me, like I did something wrong... like I told my bf to try to start a fight... and now it's all coming back on me!

[LostInMyThoughts]

He needs to grow up.

 

Just ignore him.

 

If that doesn't work, put suger in his gastank.

[shorty20]

lol, good idea. I guess I'll just wait it out and see what happens. I just can't shake the feeling that I did somethign wrong... I know deep down I didn't but you can only get yourself so far when everyone around you is blaming you for something.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way.

 

I would stand up for yourself and call them out for it. It's not right for them to take their anger/frustration out on you.

 

Again, i'm sorry for that you've been put in this postion. Hopefully those around you will grow up.

[yeawutever]

Go to myspace to where it says comment and tell your friend "Go screw yourself up, LOSER". How was their argument your fault??? That was between your b/f and your friend, all you try to do was calm them down, I'm sure anyone would have done the same, you couldn't do anything afterwards.

Agree with the other posters, you own NOBODY any apology and if your friend and the other people insist on giving you the silent treatment then do the same thing.