????committment?????

[ftc]

why does it seem stranger for guys to committ in a relationship?

 

I guess my boyfriend and i have hit a brickwall in our relationship. 5 months ago it all started out perfect, we went on dates, he was the perfect gentleman, we went away on the weekend on random road trips, after a month he said those three little words that actually scared me for the first time ever. Everything seemed so perfect but after a few months i began seeing him less due to his work committments.

 

Due to this communication breakdown in our relationship i was left wondering what was going on. I hadn't heard from in 2 weeks. I felt stupid calling him trying to get him to talk to me about what was feeling. I finally got it out of him, he said that he hates that he works all the time and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that scares him because he had never felt like that before about anyone. I was so confused because i didn't know if i should be angry that he ignored me or happy that he felt that way.

 

My family had a opportunity to move overseas, i discussed this with my partner and he convinced me in a sense to stay here so we could be together.

 

Everything was perfect, my parents and sibling moved overseas and i was happy staying here with him....... Until it started happening again. I would see him maybe 5 times a week and those five times involved talking and having sex no sweet dinner dates or movies. One day i got a bit frustrated with this style of relationship ( which was based on sex) that we were having and i took it up with him. I said that i have enough respect for myself not fall into this type of relationship and that i missed the relationship how it was at the beginning.

 

So after breaching this issue with him i haven't heard from him in two weeks. I have only received an email from him saying that he needs to work a few things out in his head and that he will see me/call me to sort it out...... I'm still waiting. Should i just ride it off as a unsuccessful relationship or should i give him the benefit of the doubt and try and sort if out?

 

I just feel so stupid that i let him persude me to stay here, he promised me the world but all i got was a blank sheet of paper.

 

thanks for listening

 

sorry if it was a bit long and drawn out.

[Süsser Tod]

5 months and you've been broken up for two weeks? I think you should add one more to the list of failed relationships.

 

 

Well, I can tell you this, at least you gave it a try. Later, a few years down the road, you won't be asking yourself and loosing sleep trying to think what would have happened if you had staid there with him.

 

Now, move on with your life, still possible to meet your family?

[nottoogreen]

Hi ftc,

 

Welcome to eNotalone.

 

We like to understand more about your bf and you by you reading this document Relationship wreckers:

 

Please let us know which patterns he (and you) fit.

[Beyondthesea]

Should i just ride it off as a unsuccessful relationship or should i give him the benefit of the doubt and try and sort if out?

 

Honestly, I would drop him and move overseas with your family. He certainly isn't worth sticking around for.

[ftc]

I guess that he fits into pattern 1 (neglecting your partner) and a bit of pattern 2 (depriving your partner) and i fit into pattern 10 (putting yourself last), like i can easily still go over and be with my family and he wasn't the only reason why i stayed. I guess i just put my own true feelings last in that situation. I love my family to bits and they know that, i just expected what he promised me.

 

i think i am ready to move on it was just hard that other time because he said all the right things, it's as if he manipulates me.

 

thanks for the help though

[nottoogreen]

Hi ftc,

 

OK, you know what's wrong, Do not put yourself last again, balance is it. Do not let anyone string you along.

 

Talk to him to fix it together and if he is not willing to compromise, draw your final conclusions by your best judgement.

 

We will always be here for you.

[ftc]

yeah i have learnt alot about myself from this situation and realised that i one thing i dislike is being ignored.

 

thanks nottoogreen i really appreciate it

[annie24]

hi - I agree, move overseas with your family.

 

not hearing from your bf for 2 weeks at a time is a bad bad bad sign. I don't care how busy he is. President Bush, PM Tony Blair, these men have insanely busy lives, but something tells me they talk to their wives everyday, if not in person, then over the phone. And if they have time to call their wives, then your boyfriend, who I'm sure is not as important or busy as them, can find time for you also.

 

just sex? no dates/cuddling? that doesn't sound like fun to me.

 

good luck - I hope you find a better man for you!

[Süsser Tod]

At what point would you call it a break? I think that after two weeks of NC there are little chances, if any, that he still thinks of you as his gf.

[ftc]

like i know the likely hood of us getting sorting everything out is very slim and i don't reckon i could get back with him if he did have a "valid" excuse as to why he did this. part of me is looking for that glimmer of hope though It was a stupid way of doing it though, it was a bit gutless on his behalf. i guess what it comes down to is that i'm waiting/hoping to know the reason why.

[nottoogreen]

It's his character. I am like that too at times.

 

My gf woke up at 04:48 this morning, I was still on the computer...

 

Nobody is perfect, but communications is it. Only you can decide.

[annie24]

like i know the likely hood of us getting sorting everything out is very slim and i don't reckon i could get back with him if he did have a "valid" excuse as to why he did this. part of me is looking for that glimmer of hope though It was a stupid way of doing it though, it was a bit gutless on his behalf. i guess what it comes down to is that i'm waiting/hoping to know the reason why.

 

you should read the book, "He's just not that into you." I swear, this is an excellent book!

[ftc]

yeah i read that when it first came out. It's a really good read...... isn't there another book out as well by the same two people called "well i'm not that into you either" or something......... maybe i need to read that one.... pretty much over him now..... no point getting hurt over it any longer and it's his loss not mine!! hehe thanks for the help everyone i really appreciate it. thanks to the person that introduced me to this site!!! you're a champ!