Is happily ever after possible?

[YankeeGirl02]

I'm far from being the most cynical person in the world. If anything I'm a complete romantic who believes in soul mates and spending the rest of your life with someone, etc etc.

 

But, aside from one, every marriage in my family has failed. We just suck at relationships. I've seen countless marriages fall apart from things as simple as boredom to things as serious as cheating. Everyone in my family--parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins--has been divorced at least once, most of them twice.

 

And then I keep hearing things like "Humans weren't meant to spend the rest of their lives with one person." I even heard the analogy that "You wouldn't spend the rest of your life eating one type of sandwhich, would you?" (actually I may have read that on here, haha).

 

So anyway, when you're constantly surrounded by all this negativity about marriage, hearing about how divorce rates are climbing, it leads me to question if it is possible for two people to stay together forever, or if all marriages are eventually doomed for one reason or another. Even if you love someone more than anything, it's still possible to have problems, or even get bored with them, isn't it?

 

This bothers me. What do you all think?

[yeawutever]

I think the key factor why most marriages would fail is due to lack of proper communication and being uncooperative. Another explanation would be the character flaw in one of the SO. But yea, every couple has had arguments before, what way, you get to know your partner's differences. Without ever having discussion or setting boundaries, then you or your partner are likely to get bored so fast, cuz then neither one of you would be able to express how you feel against a certain topic and that's not a good indicator of a relation.

 

But don't worry about too much on the negative impact on a relation. The more you keep thinking about it the worst. Some relation survive and remain strong for ages while others fall part, that's life.

[LostInMyThoughts]

In america, the statistic is something like one out of three marriages end in divorce.

 

That means two of three marriages make it.

 

Marriages can last.

 

THere are an abundant of reasons why marriages fail, but I can bet that its because both partners have too much baggage from their past that eventually gets in the way of being a loving compasionate partner.

 

I firmly believe that we attract the type of people that are necessary to teach us in life.

 

There is no gaurenteed marriage. It takes love, determination, and effort to sustain a marriage for the long term.

 

The best advice I could give to a couple thinking about marriage, is to seek a premarital counselor.

[LostInMyThoughts]

I think the key factor why most marriages would fail is due to lack of proper communication and being uncooperative. Another explanation would be the character flaw in one of the SO.

 

It takes TWO to tango. No marriage ends because of one partner. It's never the fault of just one person. It takes both partners to make a marriage work, and it takes both partners to make a marriage fail.

[Relationship Coach]

If you ever run in to an elderly couple (70's+), ask them how long they have been together and what kept them together. Your focus group should not be limited to your family members, the isn't a hereditary trait in play here. To answer your question, yes happily ever after is possible.

 

RC

[Relationship Coach]

It takes TWO to tango. No marriage ends because of one partner. It's never the fault of just one person. It takes both partners to make a marriage work, and it takes both partners to make a marriage fail.

 

I respectfully disagree with the latter part of your comment. One person can destroy a marriage on their own.

 

RC

[LostInMyThoughts]

I respectfully disagree with the latter part of your comment. One person can destroy a marriage on their own.

 

RC

 

Any one person who destroys a marriage probably shouldn't have been married in the first place. In those cases thats where the other partner comes into play.

 

Agree to disagree.

[yeawutever]

Yes, it does take two to either destroy a relation or strength it. However, one can ruin it too if that person is stubborn while the other person is trying hard to fix it.

[Dako]

I used to believe it was possible, but now I doubt it's worth an attempt.

[ElektraHere]

I do believe that there is a happily ever after. I don't care what religion, faith, outerworld being, fate, destiny whatever you believe in there is a right place and a right time. I myself think that it is possible. I agree with RC that you cannot base your outcome on what your families have been through. You are not them and you are not in their circumstance.

 

Do I believe people of divorce are a bit jaded? I mean no disrespect but yes I do. To base the rest of your future on a divorce and that nothing will ever be good again is a bit sad. You can and will find happiness if you allow your heart, mind, and soul to accept it.

 

Just my two cents.

[fishrrshortae]

My .02..

my parents have been together 30 years through infidelity, horrendous fights etc... While I don't believe in "happily ever after" I believe that you can find someone who loves you, even despite your flaws, and that feeling can be returned. It's simply about being unselfish and thinking of the other person all the time.. I know many couples who are divorced, but I know many who are very happily suited to each other and have been married for decades.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I'm in agreement with Dako, and I'm not even married yet.

[Daddy Bear]

"happily ever after" may be overrated. all it really means (since every relationship has its ups and downs) is that either you or your partner will live to see the other die.

 

meh.

[Dako]

all it really means (since every relationship has its ups and downs) is that either you or your partner will live to see the other die.

 

That sounds terribly cynical.

It's also been my same observation, since last year was a bumper crop for funerals in my world.

[FoxLocke]

Hmmmmm...

 

I'm a bit of a romantic so I think, ideally, it is possible...

 

But realistically, No.

 

I think no marraige is perfect because forever, with the same person, is too far fetched. I believe that all of those 70+ year marraige dealt with an infidelity at some point...Sorry to be a cynic but I believe that every elderly husband has cheated at some point or another. He would have never lasted otherwise.

 

Then you have people who just, inevitably, get tired of each other.

 

I think, more than likely, those people who stay together in old age really do love each other...Because there is no way in hell that lasts without love. The wife has probably overlooked all of his bad habits and infidelities, knowing full well that he can't get anymore young girls...So she just settles with a good friend the rest of her life.

[Beyondthesea]

I am actually very surprised how everyone is so down on love! I really believe that anyone can have their happily ever after, but unfortunately it takes work, compromise and commitment on both sides.

[Daddy Bear]

you won't catch me badmouthing love. i just think that "happily ever after" is nowadays an unrealistic expectation, even though it's something i would want for myself.

[hardcharger]

but I believe that every elderly husband has cheated at some point or another. He would have never lasted otherwise

that's ridiculous! lots of people are faithful, probably half.

 

i have 20yrs of faithful marriage and since January we have had what I consider a marital bliss. This gal put me through hell and torment so many times over the yrs, but she finally worked through her issues, and we are living quite happily together in a beautiful partnership. And partnership is the word. We each contribute, we each put up with others defects, and we both do our best to fulfill each others needs.(thanks sweetie!!!)

[Beyondthesea]

that's ridiculous! lots of people are faithful, probably half.

 

Holy cow! I guess I have a jaded view of the world. Here I was hoping to marry my fiance and we'd never cheat on one another

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I wish you all the luck in the world. Make us all revise our opinions!

[akazie]

I personally think that you have to look at the mindset of people today concerning marriage. Most people have the thinking of "if my marriage doesn't work, I can always get a divorce". Of course these marriages are not going to work because instead of trying to fix problems, people just run away

ie

divorce.

 

People nowadays are very selfish as well, so us humans find it hard to admit fault on our part, which makes it harder to work problems out. People have been spending their whole lives with the same partner for centuries now so I think humans are meant to couple up with one person for the rest of their lives. I think that is one reason for the increase of

STI's

nowadays because people sleep around, they wouldn't eat the same sandwhich for the rest of their lives

 

I have been married for 5 years now and we have had a lot of problems, my first post here was because there was problems in my marriage but I'm still married because I think marriage should be till death do us part but if my husband committed adultery, I would divorce him straight away. I personally think adultery is the only reason for divorce.

[Beyondthesea]

I personally think adultery is the only reason for divorce

 

Agreed. I take marriage very seriously. I'm only getting married once, and if there's a divorce, that's it for me.

 

Marriage is a serious commitment. If people want a relationship they can jump from at the drop of a hat, they shouldn't be considering marriage.