34 and feel like i'm too old.

[Orlander]

Was in a GREAT mood today until I read an email from this girl on myspace I wrote to yesterday. I liked her profile and wrote her a short, pithy message. I was pleased to get a response back. What she wrote was one of the ugliest things anyone has written to me. To paraphrase, the email said "you are my dad's age...maybe you guys can be friends" UGH!! I didnt really notice when I sent the email, but she is 23. I'm 34.

 

Talk about instantly feeling old! I'm finally moving on from my last relationship and I feel like I am in a place in life where I dont really belong (as far as dating goes). I think "well, who should I be dating?" I really dont want to date someone who is 23. I go out occasionally with women that range in age from 25 to 42.

 

It's hard to look 25 and constantly see the shock on people's faces when you tell them you are really 34. I got hit on by the sales clerk at my grocery store a couple of days ago. She was probably half my age. She would have cringed if I told her my age.

 

I don't know. Part of me believes that when I am truly ready to date again I will find the right one but part of me says that I am too old and my time has passed for love.

 

I can honestly say that this is the first time in my life where I am truly ready for a committed relationship. I'm ready for a family. It just feels impossible right now that I will ever find someone. I've felt this way before, only to go on to meet someone truly great, but now I am 5 years older.

 

Ugh, it feels like I am just opening my eyes to the idea of really dating and it is scaring the begeezes out of me. Anyway, thanks for listening. Any advice is great.

 

 

Orlander

[RayKay]

Orlander,

 

Great avatar! Maybe you should heed your own advice there

 

You are not old...I give that statement at big "pshaw" in fact!

 

That girl you responded too apparently did not even know basic math (she would of had an awfully young dad!) so you know you can do better than that! Besides, she apparently is rather rude!

 

What age range should you be looking in? I guess it is more important to find someone in the same "head space" as you, in terms of there goals, values, dreams and where they are in their life. I think you can find many women in their mid-late 20's and up in this time. For me, I know if I was single, dating someone of your age would be perfectly acceptable, it really is not that big a difference! There are also plenty of women whom would be very close to your age whom I am sure would be thrilled to find themselves with you!

 

Hang in there, you will meet someone whom is interested in a relationship with you, is your match and where the age is not such a factor for either of you - "IT GETS BETTER"!

[annie24]

"you are my dad's age...maybe you guys can be friends" UGH!! I didnt really notice when I sent the email, but she is 23. I'm 34

 

LOL!!!! Did her dad have her when he was 11?

 

I think her e-mail is funny in a rude kind of way! You have to remember that females get hit on a lot online, and I think some of them forget that those are real guys, not just profiles. She could have said something more tactful towards you, or just not responded at all.

 

don't take it too hard. some people just aren't comfortable with age gaps, and others are. I bet if you met her in person, she wouldn't have even known there was a gap in the ages.

 

don't worry about it. You look good, you're doing just fine

[Lily04]

Honestly, I'm 21 and am usually OK with dating guys up to 33 years old just as long as we're compatible. 34/35 is mid-30s and I'm not sure I'd find most attractive, but early 30s is fine for me b/c I'm in my early 20s... I could make an exception for someone who I really click with though, potentially. That 'click' is quite difficult to establish online though, so it's easier to dismiss guys who hit on you, sometimes in a rude way.

 

I can sorta see where the girl is coming from though & why she responded that way, she may have felt a bit offended (just to point out her point of view.) I say this because I get guys on online dating websites who are waay older than me and not very attractive (you're not bad) and sometimes I feel a bit stung... and they think they really have a great chance with me! I'm just like... do u honestly think I can't find attractive guys my age? And sometimes if I'm feeling a bit insecure or down that day I just don't really care and will write just that -- "honestly why are you messaging me? I'm not attracted to you." or something like that. Usually I try to be tactful though... but sometimes I just feel offended I guess.

 

NOW however, I have realized that on the 'net all types of people try to hit on you, it doesn't matter how you look or how they look, their ages or even where they're located (i've had guys in Europe/Australia msg. me... i'm like why even bother? you live in a totally different continent!) A smile or e-mail is free, so guys will take their chances. However if a girl has had multiple creepy men trying to hit on her or talk sexy... she may be a bit suspicious of your intentions, that's all.

 

I wouldn't take it personally. Don't get upset over it. People have all sort of 'rules' about dating (one of mine being that I won't date any grad students, haha) but when you meet the right person... those rules suddenly become very flexible.

 

Take care,

 

Lily

[shes2smart]

I turned 42 last month. When I tell people I'm that old, they don't believe me. They tend to place me in my early 30's.

 

I broke up with my last bf (who was 18 years my senior) when I was 37. At that point, I'd never been married, knew I wanted to be (but refused to settle for anything less than my personal definition of an ideal relationship), had no prospects on the horizon and 40 was looming fast on the horizon. I was no pretty young thing with perky breasts and a slim figure. Come to think of it, I've never had perky breasts or a slim figure...but that's another rant for another time.

 

Anyway, I had pretty much resigned myself to being single the rest of my life. Set up my fiances and a will to that effect. Started making plans to buy a house or condo on my own. Figured I'd date if the opportunity arose and I felt like it, but didn't hold out any hope for meeting someone I'd actually want to marry, or even much hope getting into my personal ideal relationship.

 

Then, I met this guy online. Long story short, he proposed a week after our first date and we got married less than a year later. I was just a few weeks past my 38th birthday when we got hitched. Best decision either of us has ever made. 4 year wedding anniversary is next week. (Gifts can be sent to.....oh, sorry...shameless self-promotion there.....)

 

None of us know what life holds in store for us. Just when you think you've got it all figured out, something unexpected happens. Depending on your attitude, some of those curve balls can be very pleasant indeed.

 

Don't let some rude little 23 year-old wreck your outlook of the future. She's young, and if you're feeling generous, you can forgive her her youth, inexperience, lack of tact, and poor manners. Someday, if she's lucky, she'll be in her mid-30's and hopefully those younger than her will be kinder to her than she was to you.

[Dako]

Orlander,

I agree with the posters above, and believe me, looking young isn't a bad problem. With any luck we all get older. You only need to meet one right lady, and you'll forget the comments of others.

BTW the line in your avatar was my signature for a few months.

It does get better, even at 53.

[Spugly Fuglet]

As the 10,000 post lady KayRay says, bad math on her part.

Im 40 and my wifes 32 what dos that make me her granddad.

 

 

[annie24]

Don't let some rude little 23 year-old wreck your outlook of the future. She's young, and if you're feeling generous, you can forgive her her youth, inexperience, lack of tact, and poor manners. Someday, if she's lucky, she'll be in her mid-30's and hopefully those younger than her will be kinder to her than she was to you.

 

YIKES! I hope when I am 34, some 20 year old guys aren't yelling at me down the street, telling me to go back to my nursing home!

[novaseeker]

It's just that in the online world people feel free to say rude things from a position of anonymity and invulnerability. That's all it is. And, frankly, there are some people (men and women) who just have super big taboos about any significant age gap in a relationship (I would surmise that this young woman may be one of them) ... but in any case that's not a reflection on you, but on this other person. I wouldn't worry about it. 34 is not old these days, and there are plenty of women who are interested in men in your age range.

[chemica]

You have to remember that females get hit on a lot online, and I think some of them forget that those are real guys, not just profiles.

 

Females get hit on a lot period. The fact that they become jaded by this causes them to view them all as the same and ignore the nice guys.

 

Orlander, I seriously wouldn't worry...you seem like a really nice guy. Plus, many guys are not in your kind of shape in their thirties and have a reason to worry. Just don't give up.

[shes2smart]

YIKES! I hope when I am 34, some 20 year old guys aren't yelling at me down the street, telling me to go back to my nursing home!

 

It's an unfortunate fact of life that you will occaisionally encounter rude people. Perhaps they are having a bad day and it's a temporary lapse of normally good manners (this is what I prefer to think, as I am guilty of this, too). Some people are young/inexperienced and don't know any better (looking back, also guilty of this). Some just never bothered to learn, even if they have been presented multiple opportunities to do so (hopefully, I have been able to learn from the aforementioned things I am guilty of and do not fall into this category).

 

Overall, though, I think the more kindness you extend to other people (even when they sorely don't deserve it), the more kindess is returned to you.

[Spugly Fuglet]

It's just that in the online world people feel free to say rude things from a position of anonymity and invulnerability.

 

Hay that means us here on ENA buy we are nit like that and I have been to meny sites where respect is held high.

[novaseeker]

And that is a result of the standards of this board and the moderation that takes place here.

 

In the more "laissez faire" corners of the internet, such restraint is often lacking.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Aw dude, I'm sorry about that.

 

Whatever you wnat, I believe you can get. You look and sound like a perfectly lovely human being, I have faith.

 

On a sidenote, an 18 year old friend of mine is recently becoming involved with a FORTY year old (another story...I may have to post about it...argh) who she thinks is attractive so even if you were after a younger woman, you could get one. Not that I think you should.

 

OK, I'll shut up now. You see my point.

[Orlander]

These are some of the best responses I have seen in a thread here. I want to thank you all: Raykay, annie24, lily04, shes2smart, dako, and spugly.

 

Raykay, congrats on 10,000!!

 

I'm just testing the waters at this point for dating. But I know that Myspace is one of the worst places to try to interact with new people. I've managed to meet a few really nice women though.

 

Some of my female friends on myspace constantly complain about the number and quality of men who respond to their profiles. This girl in particular, the one I emailed yesterday, was just looking for friends and shortly after sending me the email she made her profile private. I'm sure she probably got dozens and dozens of emails. I can't blame her for feeling put off and I dont take her reply personally. It just drew focus on the fact that I am single again and 34 this go around.

 

I'm probably going to stop emailing girls on Myspace. It seems to be the worst way to try to meet someone. I'm more of a face to face kind of person anyway. It's tough to get a true impression of someone without it.

 

BTW the line in your avatar was my signature for a few months

That is where I probably got that saying from. So, I give you kudos, Dako, for the quote. Thanks

 

I know she's out there guys. Sometimes it just feels like an impossibility I will find her. As I said, I felt that way the last time I was single, out of a long term relationship. But, I walked up to and started talking to this sunny, cute girl who was reading at a bookstore, almost 5 years ago, and it changed my life.

 

I'm just starting to come out from behind the fog I have been in for the past year. I just have to get used to putting myself out there to try to find someone or at least taking chances when they come up. Have to come up with ideas on how to meet eligible bachlorettes.

 

Thanks again, everyone. The thought of dating just kinda seems daunting.

 

 

Orlander

[annie24]

Hi - the thing I don't like about myspace when it comes to dating, is that people are there for all sorts of reasons, not necessarily dating. I've met 2 guys through myspace, and both were HORRIBLE disasters!

 

The advantage to going through another site, like link removed, is that you know people are a bit more serious about meeting others as:

 

1) It's a dating website, and

2) They have invested $14.95 a month to be a member, so they are likely serious about meeting someone.

 

just my 2 cents, or should I say, $14.95?

[Orlander]

I'm sorry you had such horific experiences. I've thought about link removed or eharmony, etc. Maybe I havent done that because I wasnt ready yet to date. I've been mulling it over though lately...maybe I'll give it a try.

 

...and there is always speed dating.

[annie24]

I've done link removed and link removed also. I've found that I get a lot more matches with link removed, but they're not always matched well for me. eHarmony, I've found our personalities are a bit more aligned, but less matches. my longest experience dating a guy online was from eHarmony and that lasted 4 months. the rest didn't really go beyond a few dates.

 

anyways, I'm on "hiatus" now

[Meow18]

I was thinking exactly the same thing as a few other people. If her dad was your age, then he would have been just a child when he had her!

 

You are not too old. You are never too old to find someone who loves you.

 

And you know, age doesn't matter to every girl. And some girls even like men older than them. There are so many girls out there, you will find one whos meant for you when the time is right.

 

Just don't let some girl like that hurt your feelings! Chances are she's not all that nice if she can say something so rude! It's just not worth it. Although I know it's easier said than done.

[rose2summer]

I think myspace is not the best site to meet people. I was on there for about 6 months, not to meet people to date, but what I found was that people that I knew on there from "real life", the non-net world, did not act like their true selves. As others have posted, I think link removed, link removed, and some other sites are much better.

 

If you didn't live all the way in Florida, I would date you, so I am sure there are many women who would be interested in you. I am 25 and I always date guys 30-35, because of the level of maturity and stability they have in their lives. That girl you talked to was probably just having a bad day and taking her aggressions out on you. Take her comment with a grain of salt, because 99.9% of women would not say that.

[RayKay]

I have to admit I have never had a myspace profile, and never will! I have however seen problems friends of mine had with the site, and I am totally turned off by some of the attitudes, comments and so forth I have seen there.

 

Just not my cup of tea personally!

 

However, I am all for online dating if you are going in with the right attitude, patience and are willing to give it a shot. I have had a couple long term relationships from the online world - including my absolutely wonderful boyfriend of almost 2 years.

 

I have not tried speed dating, but have heard it is a fun thing to do, as long as again you have right attitude.

 

It's important to remember that it's not like shopping at link removed where you find what you want, plop in in your cart, check out and it's yours! The person has to agree in return, you are dealing with personalities, differing circumstances, and well, real life people. You have to be patient, selective (but not TOO much so...a lot of people are much more fantastic in person then you would of thunk (and vice versa too unfortunately!) and don't rely on it alone. Still be open to meeting others in "real life" too.

[agent1607307371]

Orlander, if it makes you feel better, I'm 23 and the only guy who has managed to consistently make my gut drop three foot through the floor for the past six years is 33.

 

Remember, you're only as old as the women you feel.

 

 

From my experience, myspace can have some really interesting people on it, and some really ugly people. Don't let her lack of manners make you feel bad.

[Lily04]

I agree with Raykay. I have not tried Myspace, and am not interested in getting a page on there. I've just heard some bad stories, and I am not really keen on the whole layout -- looks sorta immature in my opinion, more for teenagers. I have tried online dating and it seems better, although I haven't met any guys on there I'd like to be in a relationship with. But there have been lots of success stories. And I have gone out with one 33/34 yr old from there (forget his age now, actually lol.) After a while it just ceases to matter... no worries. Just perhaps rethink your strategy... myspace may not be the best place to go. And I have a feeling it will happen when you least expect it!

 

Take care,

 

Lily

[annie24]

myspace has been fantastic for keeping in touch with old high school friends! that I have to say. but as far as dating... not so much.

[Lily04]

myspace has been fantastic for keeping in touch with old high school friends! that I have to say. but as far as dating... not so much.

 

yeah for some people myspace is helpful for that. For me, I use Facebook for keeping in touch with old friends from high school & it has been very successful and I like the layout and networking a lot better... a more mature environment IMO.