5 year old out of control

[SwtMary]

I don't know what to do about my 5-year-old son. I just got a phone call from the camp that he is staying at for the summer and they told me that I needed to find another place for him.

 

They told me that they spend too much time trying to calm him down and control him.

 

What I dont understand is why isnt he like that all the time. Yes he is a hyper child and a bit ramunctious but he isnt aggressive or mean at home or with other children.

 

I am at my wits end and reaching the point of break down. ](*,) I have tried everything with him (i.e. spankings, grounding, taking away things, rewarding for good behavior, etc).

 

If you have read any of my previous posts you know that I am a single mom and that his father doesn't have much to do with him at all. I dont know if tha is part of the problem or not.

 

I have thought about counseling and I just don't know what a counselor could do for a 5 year old. I really don't want to have to put him on medication.

 

Does anyone else have a child like this that can lend a word of advice or encouragement??

[justpaisley]

If you've tried everything, the next logical step is to take him to a professional. Have you spoken to his pediatrician about this? Counselors may be able to see the problem that's causing his hyperactivity and suggest either appropriate disciplinary measures or a good medical course of action.

 

Remember, though, there's no difference in a broken arm and an abnormally functioning brain - both need medical intervention. Both you and your son will be better off.

 

Good luck!

[CarnelianButterfly]

It sounds like he's acting out, a professional could help you find solutions that don't require medication by helping him have more self control and helping you to deal with him better.

[SwtMary]

Well, something needs to be done or he is going to end up in juvey before hes 10. I am going to look into some things today and see what can be done...thanks for the help.

[Scout]

It sounds like he's acting out, a professional could help you find solutions that don't require medication by helping him have more self control and helping you to deal with him better.

 

Yes, I agree. And a five year old is GOING to be rambunctious, no way around it. (I'd be more worried if he wasn't.)

 

I think a professional could help you figure out some solutions to help him learn to focus and control himself a bit more - as much as a five year old can, anyway.

 

One thing that is very, very important is establishing - and sticking to - set routines as much as possible.

[Spugly Fuglet]

bad food look for how much suger he was getting and addertives.

Disaplin and Diet every time, used to work with ADHD kids.

[Scout]

bad food look for how much suger he was getting and addertives.

Disaplin and Diet every time, used to work with ADHD kids.

 

Ah, yes! Food/diet is so overlooked in a variety of health and emotional issues. And when you consider the amount of sugar and additives put in most food today, you really have to start to wonder if there is a connection with that and the rising rates of ADHD.

[SwtMary]

I totally agree about the sugar. I choose drinks mainly that don't have a lot of sugar in them and he gets absolutely no caffeinated drinks. I know that helps a lot. I couldn't imagine how hyper he would be if he did get sugar and caffeine...lol

 

I probably need to pay more attention to what he is eating. Reading this post I am wondering if the sugar is a part of the problem. Like I said, I regulate his sugar at home but at the camp where he eats breakfast every morning, they feed him pop tarts and the "sugary" cereal, etc. hmmmm...

[novaseeker]

It also very much depends on the child and the situation.

 

My son (7 now) is very active as well. He doesn't act out in terms of being aggressive towards other kids, but he is very active. When he was 5 he was more so. One of the things that we've done as parents, in addition to the dietary and routine setting, is try to find settings and environments where he can express himself actively. We find that the more we do this, the better he is at sitting still and being quiet when he absolutely has to (like school). He doesn't naturally enjoy that, but he can tolerate it as long as he has lots of active time when he can run around and jump around as much as he likes.

 

Some situations don't allow that kind of freedom to the child, and it may be that your son won't thrive in those kinds of environments. It doesn't mean that something is wrong with your child, or that he has ADHD. It could be that he simply is more active than other kids, and needs an outlet for that need to be active.

[Scout]

It doesn't mean that something is wrong with your child, or that he has ADHD. It could be that he simply is more active than other kids, and needs an outlet for that need to be active.

 

Absolutely. What kind of activities would you suggest, Novaseeker? I guess what comes to my mind is lots of hiking, exploring...which would be fun for Mom, too! (I have two dogs. Don't mean to make comparisons, but one is extremely active, and he HAS to take frequent walks and hikes. Otherwise he is agitated and/or depressed.)

[Beyondthesea]

If you have read any of my previous posts you know that I am a single mom and that his father doesn't have much to do with him at all. I dont know if tha is part of the problem or not.

 

I would assume this is the problem.

 

A counselor can do a LOT for a 5 year old actually, and you may be very surprised what he would tell someone else about how he is feeling. Interestingly enough, children really 'sit on their emotions' especially if they are angry inside. This leads to all sorts of negative behavior, because they don't know how to vent their frustration, hurt and anger.

 

He simply doesn't know how to deal with the feelings he is having, and is acting out because of that IMO.

 

Do you find that you hold in your feelings about things? Do you ever discuss your feelings about things with him, or do you 'squish them down' and not talk about them? I found it interesting that he only acts out when you are not around, and perhaps that's why?

 

Truly, consult a counselor. There are many child psychologists/counselors who can assess if your son is having an emotional reaction or a chemical imbalance. Either way he is completely treatable, and it's good advice to have him looked at sooner than later.

 

Overall, pure speculation on my part. I have taken psychology and was very interested in children. Let us know what you decide to do.

[novaseeker]

Absolutely. What kind of activities would you suggest, Novaseeker? I guess what comes to my mind is lots of hiking, exploring...which would be fun for Mom, too! (I have two dogs. Don't mean to make comparisons, but one is extremely active, and he HAS to take frequent walks and hikes. Otherwise he is agitated and/or depressed.)

 

Honestly for a 5 year old I think things like playgrounds, swimming pools, beaches ... just based on my own son's predilictions. Hiking can be fun too, but he seems to get more enthused by places where he can use short bursts of energy for a certain period of time, literally running around. But every child is different. The key is finding an outlet that works for the child.

[fishrrshortae]

SwtMary -

It is interesting to me that your son acts out on aggression not at your home, but around other kids whom he deems vulnerable. It definitely sounds like he has some anger issues that he is not properly addressing with you. Perhaps that has something to do with his father, but maybe not.

 

Do you think he is given freedom for his age? Is he allowed some involvement in decision making? I definitely think counseling could help. Also, it helps to keep the lines of communication open. Young boys often like to communciate while they do things, like putting together a puzzle or a toy model... things like that. Try spending time with him while they two of you are engaged in some mentally stimulating activity, and talk to him.

[Considerate Empath]

How about getting him involved in some kind of sport? I'd say soccer is a good choice - that way he'll be around other kids, and have to learn about teamwork, have something to occupy himself with if he likes it (to practice to get better), and possibly get some new friends in the team which could get him a bit more relaxed around other kids his age. Other sports will probably work the same way, but soccer was the first thing that came to mind.

 

 

//C.E.

[SwtMary]

Interestingly enough at this camp his day is filled with activities. They swim twice a day, have a huge field that they play all sorts of games in, and a gym-type building for other activities.

 

I dont think I made myself clear earlier...he does act up with me. He is not as bad as he is at camp or preschool but he is still hard for me to control. However, when he is with my dad or my brother, he is completely different. Calm, obedient, and very well behaved...

[yeawutever]

I agree with what the posters have say, take your son to a professional. If he's throwing tantrums is likely that he doens't know what other convenient way to state his wants and needs.

[Daddy Bear]

i agree with those who are against putting him on medication. just don't allow him to walk all over you. kids have a way of exploring their boundaries and some are better at it than others.

 

my daughter was constantly getting on the bad side of her teachers in elementary school. the word "hyperactive" came up more than once. she is now one of the calmest, sweetest people i know and she never took a mood-altering pill in her life.

 

regarding sugar, i'm pretty sure that i've read in a number of places that studies have found no link between its dietary intake and unacceptable behavior. still, a child's diet which contains too much of it could lead to poor lifetime eating habits and possibly eventually to diabetes, and it should be allowed only in moderation for that reason.

[piegirl]

I read an article in the local paper that stated that children with ADD can actually benefit from playing video games. Sounds crazy I know. The article stated that the playing of video games actually forced them to concentrate on a task.

 

The article was about a family with 2 young boys that they could get settle. They were in constant trouble at school due to their inability to stay on task. So the parents bought a video game system and the children had to play a video game for half an hour to forty five minutes a day. The article claims that the boys then had a longer attention span and were more capable of staying on task due to the video games.

 

Whether or not this truly helps I don't know but it something to consider or ask a counselor about.

[SwtMary]

That would be so ironic...I have refused to buy him a game system because I dont want that to be all he does...lol It would be funny if it would actually help him...hmmm

[Daddy Bear]

hmmm, there may be something to that. it might also get kids used to sitting quietly for long periods of time.

[melrich]

I don't know what to do about my 5-year-old son. I just got a phone call from the camp that he is staying at for the summer and they told me that I needed to find another place for him.

 

How long is he staying at this camp? Do you see him during this time?

 

My first reaction on reading your post is that 5 years old is very young to be spending a long time away from his mother. Is it usual in the US for kids that age to do this?

 

As he is in a single parent family he will be attached to you even more than a child that age with two care giving parents. I do not know what the situation is with the father but young children of separated parents do often have abandonment issues, even if they have never met the other parent he is old enough to undertsand that his father is not around.

 

He may never articulate this but one of his fears will be "if my father left me, maybe my mother will too."

 

To be honest it doesn't sound like ADD or anything like that (you say he is quite well behaved at home) I think it is more likely to go to issues he is dealing with in terms of his relationship with his parents.

 

Of course this is only my opinion and it is difficult to be definitive with such limited information or knowledge of the situation.

[SwtMary]

How long is he staying at this camp? Do you see him during this time?

 

It is only a day camp. He was staying there while I was at work. It is similar to a daycare but not as structural.

 

His behavior seems to be progressively getting worse over the year, especially this past school year. At first I thought it was just him being a typical 5-year-old boy but now I really think it is something more.

 

I am hesitent on calling a therapist tho. I dont really know what they will be able to do for him. He is young and I am not sure he even understands what is going on. I do know that he wont talk to me or anyone when he has one of these "bad days".

[Beyondthesea]

I am hesitent on calling a therapist tho. I dont really know what they will be able to do for him. He is young and I am not sure he even understands what is going on.

 

I can literally guarantee that they can help him. You would be very surprised what a trained therapist can do for a child, or anyone.

 

Child psychologists/therapists/counselors are trained to deal with children who are about 3 years old and up. They make them express feelings with drawings, etc. Children are still very 'subconscious' creatures and do things without realizing that it shows their feelings.

 

EX: "Draw a picture of a time you were really hurt or angry."

"Draw a picture of your family."

"Let's play a game where you're the daddy and I am you, and let's just talk for a while."

 

Although to us we would say "Oh doc, I so know where you're going with this," children aren't like that. They play along and don't hold back.

 

Give it a whirl. what would it hurt to have a preliminary assessment done on him?

[SwtMary]

Yea I need to just do it. I dont see it getting any better until something other than the "norm" is done.

[Scout]

And SwtMary, don't worry...taking your son to a child therapist doesn't mean he's "nuts" or anything like that. He could be a very unique little kid who just needs some special guidance for a little bit. I know that as a child, I was very unfocused and somewhat hyperactive. If only I had seen a child therapist early in life, I might have gotten the assistance I needed to help me adjust better and find the right creative outlets for my energy. It might have made a positive difference in my school life/experience.