My ex just wont go away

[gaiden]

I have posted on here a few times regarding the recent break up of me and my ex fiance. People kept telling me I dodged a bullet and it was for the best that she left but let me tell you, it hasn't gotten any easier. It's only gotten worse.

 

The short version of my two very long threads is that we dated, got engaged, broke up, got back together (which lasted a whole two weeks), then she finally ended it last week by flying out of state to live with another man. All of this happened within the span of 8 months.

 

This woman will NOT leave me alone. Ever since her sister came to pick through what she had left at my place, I have been getting bitter IM's, emails, voicemails, and now text messages every other day. They always follow the same pattern, she starts by telling me she hates me or regrets us, then tries to poke my ego by talking about how her man can pleasure her for hours or how solid of a body he has so she isn't disgusted with him like she was with me, then ends it with something completely unexpected, like hope all is well with you.

 

She's trying to punch my buttons to get me to blow up at her, so she can validate why she did what she did to me. So she can say "See, he was a jerk, I'm glad I left him". I'm not going to participate in this. I haven't returned any of her calls or messages. When I said goodbye when she called me from the airport, I meant GOODBYE.

 

I finally gave up, and Friday, I filed a harrasment complaint against her at my local police station. I asked the police officer to call her and tell her what I did so she would go away. Yea, alot of good that did... Sunday comes around and yep, there's another text message waiting for me on my phone from her. I said enough is enough.

 

Today and called her probation officer (she was on probation for a DUI) and told him what happened and he said from what I had told him, it sounds like she's violated her probation at least three different ways so far. She's going to end up going to jail.. and she's just so damn crazy or whatever she is that she doesn't even relialize it.

 

I have a friend looking at what it will take to get a restraining order on her. And wouldn't you know it, _I_ feel bad. After all this, and _I_ still feel bad for having to do this.

 

This girl is lost and confused and she's getting herself into some very deep trouble. I didn't want to call her her prob. officer; odds are very good now that she's going to end up in jail now. Why does she feel the need after leaving me to keep trying to make me feel bad? She's gone, why can't she just stay gone? This is taking up far too much of my time and energy.

[dopexile]

Change your number if it's that bad... it might be worth it. Going to the police isn't the right thing to do in this situation. Unless she starts calling you making death threats... the police aren't going to give two turds about the fact that she tried contacting you. I would say that was a big mistake because there's no way it can help the situation.

 

The probation officer is the same deal... while there's a slim chance you might be able to get her in trouble... you are just fueling the fire. She knows she is getting to your head because of how you're reacting, if you just blew it off she would eventually give up.

 

The best way to handle this is to either change your number or not acknowledge her existence.

[annie24]

she sounds like a nutjob. I think you did the right thing in calling the police and her probation officer. forward all of her e-mails/calls/texts whatever to them, as soon as you get them. don't block her or delete her e-mails. send them straight to the police, and they will take care of it.

 

good luck

 

and let me reiterate... you dogded a bullet!!!!!

[annie24]

Change your number if it's that bad... it might be worth it. Going to the police isn't the right thing to do in this situation. Unless she starts calling you making death threats... the police aren't going to give two turds about the fact that she tried contacting you. I would say that was a big mistake because there's no way it can help the situation.

 

The probation officer is the same deal... while there's a slim chance you might be able to get her in trouble... you are just fueling the fire. She knows she is getting to your head because of how you're reacting, if you just blew it off she would eventually give up.

 

The best way to handle this is to either change your number or not acknowledge her existence.

 

no, this is harassement and it is illegal!

[annie24]

isn't it a violation of her probation to be leaving the state without telling her parole officer?

[gaiden]

What I can't figure out is if SHE'S the one who left, she's the one who decided this wasn't her bag, why can't she just stay gone?

 

I mean, boil it down, what kind of person breaks up with someone, waits a week, then starts to berate the person she just left? I could see how I was the one sending all the message etc... trying to hurt her back for dumping me, but uh, it's not that way at all. She dumped me, and now, she's the one attacking??? something isn't right with this.

[gaiden]

Yea, leaving the state without prior contact of the probation dude is a big nono. They said the won't extricate her for it, but they will have a bench warrent issued for her and the next time she gets in trouble for anything, its an instant 30 days in county jail. As well as the fact she now has to go all the way back to the state where she go her DUI and explain, yet again, since this is violation #2, why she did what she did. She is very, very, screwed.

[annie24]

just keep ignoring her and forwarding her calls/texts/etc.

 

eventually, she'll give up and start harassing a new guy. or, she'll be thrown in jail.

[gaiden]

I don't think she will be bothering me for awhile after what just happened.

 

The police called me back this afternoon to tell me they were finally able to get my ex on the phone (they had been calling since Friday). I said thank you for talking to her and hung up.

 

Right after I got off the phone with them, I logged into our email account that she was using to send me all the nasty-grams and I watched as each email she sent me got moved to the trash, then my email address was removed from the addressbook, then the password got changed and I got booted out. I don't know what the cops said to her, but it must have scared her.

 

God, it sucks to have a relationship with a fiance get so bad the police have to get involved. I'm going to miss the good times, and there were plenty. It's too bad that it had to end on this very bitter note.

[iceman85]

Gaiden I know that your relationship was probably very good at one point but I think you should feel lucky you arent involved with someone like this anymore, you certaintly can find better and deserve better than someone as reckless and mean as she seems to be.

[CluelessGuy321]

ur girl's a nut. Plain and simple. You're doing the right things.

[Sad_now]

I would suggest you change your number. That way her crazy messages won't hurt or upset you. And if she tries physical contact or harm, you are well within your rights to contact the police.

 

It sounds like she is immature and unstable. This has happened to me too. I was dumped and the man wouldn't leave me in peace later. I was like, WOAH, YOU dumped ME...now leave me dumped! They 'dump' with the intention of keeping you off-balance or to teach you a lesson. The intention is not to leave, but to destabilise and to control and take power. However, when you call their bluff and ACTUALLY leave, they can't deal with it...and if they are immature, start hassling and stalking. Just accept this and move on peacefully. Do NOT react. It's what she wants. Good luck!

[annie24]

The only reason I advocate NOT changing your number is so you can keep track of her crazy messages and report them to the police. Or, you can get a second number and give it out to yout friends and family, and this other number, just use it to monitor her calls.

[gaiden]

They 'dump' with the intention of keeping you off-balance or to teach you a lesson. The intention is not to leave, but to destabilise and to control and take power. However, when you call their bluff and ACTUALLY leave, they can't deal with it...and if they are immature, start hassling and stalking. Just accept this and move on peacefully. Do NOT react. It's what she wants. Good luck!

 

This is probably the best answer I've heard as to what's going on. She is used to having control in every realationship she has been in. When she tried to use sex as a method of control in our realtionship, I told her it wasn't going to work, my bank doesn't take sex as payment and neither do I. She wanted me to beg and fight to save the relationship. She left me and yet I was the one that didn't seem to care anymore, oooh did that get her goat.

 

I felt bad for her because our friends and family watched her fight and climb herself out of the well she had fallen into (that was her life). Her life was a wreck and she was impressing everyone around her with the progress she had made.... only to walk herself right off a cliff. You can only watch a person do this to themselves so many times before you have to turn away. And for me, turning away was/is the heardest part.

[gaiden]

grrr, I went out to get the mail today and i saw a nice bright shiny sticker that i never noticed before. it was a forwarding reminder for my mail carrier to not drop off my exs mail... i looked at it and it was placed there three days after she left. she left on friday and it was printed and put there on wednesday.

 

i'm like hell no, you have to be kidding. when she moved in with me it took two months for her to get off her butt and forward her mail from her last address to my place. it appears like it was the first thing she did when she landed. man, why am i letting this even bother me...? /sigh

[bstrong2day]

Did you get the engagement ring back?

[gaiden]

yes. after she left the first time, i took it back and never gave it back to her. our 'engagement' was on hold

[gaiden]

These are the three communications my ex sent me after a week of NC with her. I think I need encouragement since I'm sad that an 8 year friendship is gone... I have gotten to the point where I don't want to waste my time on being depressed or hating the woman but I still haven't kicked the nagging want to contact her.

 

On Thursday, after her sister came over to pick through her clothes she left in my closet, this voice mail was left immediately on my cell after her sister left. (aparently her sister called her and told her all her stuff was all gone)

---

"Hey *******, you're supposed to give my sister my coats!

You weren't supposed to get rid of those.

She called me up and she wanted those coats.

That's the only reason...

That's ALL I wanted you to do, was give those to her.

...cause SHE wanted those

Thank you"

-click-

---

 

Now a day later, I come to work, and midway through the day, I get an email.

---

from: evil ex from hell

subject: incase you didnt get the IM

 

"i just wanted to let you know how much i hate you, you are the only thing in my life i regret and i do not regret anything. know what it is like to climb in bed with a georgeous man with a hard body that could please you for hours without making you sick at the thought of having him inside you. praying for it to be over. well now i have that and i have good friends too. you wonder why women cannot stay with you, well the answer is look at the way you are and the way you treat them. Hell, i actually loved you for you mind and your heart, not your looks, cuz we would have never happened if i counted on that. Well enjoy your life as alone as could be and do not worrie, i'll get my own punishment for the way things happened, but i don't hurt and i am happy. "

---

 

 

Two days later, on Sunday, I get text message from her on my cell. Wow, okay, now she's used every method there is to get ahold of me and of course, it's the same sad stuff as before

---

"leave u 4 here was the best thing i ever did. i have a job and good friends and a man i can b intimate w/ and not be disgusted. hope all is well."

---

 

Haven't heard from her since the last message. Even after all this, I still bounce around with the idea of contacting her. I have to be insane.

[jenny_mcs]

I thought those messages were from mid-June. You posted them in another, earlier thread.

 

From what I understand, you have filed harassment charges against her and called her parole officer.

 

Are you saying she's contacted you since then?

 

If not, then good, she's leaving you alone.

 

As for you contacting her, please don't. Aside from her obvious instability, you have taken legal steps to have her stop contacting you. That's not something to play around with or take lightly.

[gaiden]

Yea, these were from mid june. The reason I posted the ACTUAL messages this time instead of summarizing them is because I can't understand why even AFTER she sent these, I still have an issue with why on earth I would still want to call her. I can't figure it out. I don't know where it's coming from.

 

I'm not sure why I can't just walk away from this one. I filed the report because she sent the email to the guy with my info. Even after all that, I'm a dumb*** because I still want to talk to her. I can't figure it out. I'm smarter then this.

[saltwatergirl]

I sense you're in need of a flashback, a trigger, a reminder of why you don't want to contact her ever again. Let me see if I can help you.

 

HER WORDS TO YOU WERE:

"know what it is like to climb in bed with a georgeous man with a hard body that could please you for hours without making you sick at the thought of having him inside you. praying for it to be over"

 

 

 

She is a disgusting, cruel, heartless beiotch. Remember?

 

Salt

[gaiden]

ha, eloquently put

[saltwatergirl]

ha, eloquently put

 

Yes, thats me...Eloquent.

 

Salt