I'm losing it shes got me going nuts

[Bizw]

Hey Everyone, I'm sorry to say I fell apart on no contact. Heres a quick run down. We were together 3 1/2 years and on and off for 2 1/2. She wanted to live the single life and be with me at the same time and rather than cut it off I held on and she would come back then leave me again over and over. She just turned 22 and I'm 24. I understand that shes young and wants to do what she wants but nonetheless I love her so much, that I've went thru hell trying to get her back.

 

I've stayed in contact thru the past 2 1/2 years except for a few attempts at no contact. I've had her tell me that shes with someone else many times, that shes slept with differant guys many times and most recently she told me she had a medical problem and I was there for her the whole time, just to find out she was having a miscarriage from being with a guy that she hardly new.

 

This is what happens after we break up. I do all the stuff I shouldnt, call, cry and so on, beg for her to give us another chance. After about a week of this I do no contact. Within several days she usually starts calling, sometimes it was even 20 times a day or more. I wouldnt answer then I'd cave because it seemed like if she was willing to call that much she must care. we'd get backtogether but she'd continue to act single and not give our realationship any effort. We'd break up again usually in a matter of weeks. She told me she was confused and not sure what she wanted and thats the reason why shes so indecisive which I agree. So this has been going on for 2 1/2 years ( I know thats insane and I'm embarressed I've let this go on for so long).

 

Start of this week she went to florida on a trip with a friend of hers. I thought this was a great chance for me to get her off my mind even more. I hadnt talked to her in about a week and then she called when she landed in florida ((messege said so). I didnt pick up, next day she calls a couple more times still I dont answer. Finally next day shes calls and I pick up. She starts telling me she really wants to get together when she gets back basically for sex. I told her its to hard for me to just do that without any emotion so anyway she tells me shes going to call wednesday.

 

Next day she calls again. I was feeling good and strong so I pick up and am real nice, no intention of talking about us just asked her about her trip. Conversation was nice and shes like "I miss you baby, I'm all tan and I cant wait to see you and so on) Next sentence she tells me her volleyball team lost the other night and that she got this guy she really likes on team. Then tells me she wants to be with him and that hes so fun to be with. This is right after she tells me she misses me.

 

Next morning I'm pretty down and I make the mistake of calling again( not enough punishment for me I guess) She picks up and tells me shes so hungover. I ask how her night was, She responds "What happens in Florida stays in Florida" So I get curious and basically she tells me she went home with a guy and had sex with him.

 

In one days time shes tells me, She misses me, That she really likes a new guy and wants to be with him, and that she slept with a guy on vacation and that she wants to see him again before she leaves.

 

I'm crushed again. I'm so disappointed in myself that I keep letting myself get hurt. I know the only solution is to walk away, no contact no matter what. I know this sounds so foolish but part of me still holds out hope that in the future after I have time to heal and she matures that we'll work out. I want to leave on a good note because I want to leave things open in the future. At the same time I know that I shouldnt even care and should avoid her at all costs. I know this all sounds insane and that I'm a fool, but I am who I am and I still love her thru it all. Its hard for me to think its final because I've put everything I had and more into this, and she throughs me enough to keep me hoping.

 

Thanks for reading all this and any advice would be great. I feel so disappointed and hopeless because for over 2 years I've know that no contact is the only answer but I havent been able to do it. Please any advice would be great

[robowarrior]

'Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.'

 

I really have the feeling that you are slamming your hand backwards in the nails with this chick. She obviously doesn't love you ,she just wants your boner. So listen up.

 

Love has got to go BOTH ways, this is what you have to learn, you are at a dead end with her. Its time you turn around your car and hit the highway again, and find yourself a girl who is comitted to you , and truelly loves you as her nr.1.

 

This woman just considers you as her sexbuddy. It will always leave a hole in your heart. Do not keep on tormenting yourself replace this girl with a new-gf.

[saltwatergirl]

You could spend YEARS taking scraps thrown your way all in the hope that this time she really means it and this time it is going to work out, but in the end this relationship is never going to be what you want it to be. You've now spent 2 1/2 years waiting. Are you going to spend another 2 1/2 years? Do you want to be typing this same message next month? Next year?

 

The fact that the breakups and indiscretions continue proves that she doesnt feel the way you do. She might try now and again, but she doesnt, so the cycle repeats. The only way to stop this is to swallow the bitter truth; it isnt going to change or get better. Face that. Face it and pull yourself up out of the hole you are in and walk away.

 

It is going to be very hard, but look you can either hurt now and recover, or hurt repeatedly every couple of months for who knows how much longer....with no real recovery.

 

You cannot make somebody love you. You need to face this as a relationship that is dead and walk away for good. No hoping, no wishing, no checking the phone no returning phone calls. None of that. just disappear and start facing your reality, by yourself, really face it and start climbing out of it. This is over, there is nothing there.

 

You have wasted enough of your life waiting for a train that isnt going to come. And you have been hurt long enough. It is time to walk in the other direction. You can do this.

 

Cowboy Up.

 

Salt

[friscodj]

OK, what's done is done. Hopefully you convinced yourself by this slip-up that NC is the right path for you. You hit a rumblestrip on your journey to healing but you've corrected and are still heading in the right direction I think.

 

What's done is done, no need to dwell on it.

[friscodj]

Cowboy Up

 

And every single person you come accross can give you advice until they are blue in the face but this really is the bottom line...

 

Cowboy up, ball up, sack up, whatever you call it, there's no avoiding rolling up your sleeves and doing it...

[ToxiC SweateR]

Fris is right. Don't dwell on the past.

 

Though it's probably hard to get your head around this girl, you should just try and focus on the future. Focus on what's ahead, how happy and successful you'll be. Granted that since you two were together for so long, it's going to take some time and effort to overcome the thoughts of her. And even though you've put all you've got into the relationship, you'll soon realize that you never needed her.

[iceman85]

Dude I know you love her obviously you do or you couldnt have gone through all this. Everyone here is right, this girl is not someone who can be in a relationship. She knows she has you right where she wants you and you'll give in. You gotta cut that out so she realizes it, she cant love you back because I think she is incapable of it. The best thing to do would be to find someone who can love you, I know how emotionally invested you are with her but shes doing nothing but hurting you, forget about her, get her out of your mind and if its truly meant to be then it will be down the line but you cant keep doing this to yourself your better than this.

[Cute Band Rat]

I notice Friscod likes referring to his balls a lot....lol..maybe it's just me

[Luck of the Irish]

I notice Friscod likes referring to his balls a lot....lol..maybe it's just me

He's looking down at them in his picture!

[friscodj]

I notice Friscod likes referring to his balls a lot....lol..maybe it's just me

 

Where do you think all my advice comes from?????

[need2bme]

OMG. Too funny.

 

Seriously, that is exactly the advice everyone gave me. I would say, "but we have been together for 10, 11, 12 years" (take your pick) and people would say, "do you want it like this for 13 or 14?" The answer is no. I really love my GF, but we may now be toxic together. We are being nice, because of the breakup.

 

Only my time away will let me know if it is really to be.

 

In other words, STOP BEATING YOUSELF UP. I think that if she is sleeping with someone else, it IS time to move on. If for no one else, then for you.