My friend wants me to go with him when he tells his family he's gay

[moe42]

My best friend David is gay and im the only one who knows. Last night he asked if I would be there when he told him mom and dad. His mom loves me and I think thats why he wants me there. His mom is REALLY christian and I think he's afraid that she wont accept him for what he is. I think its why he hasnt told anyone (were christians and a lot of our friends are from our church and some of them take the bible word for word). Now I dont think I have a problem with being there but I dont know that I should be. Is this something he should do on his own or is my support important? Is my being there going to hurt or help? And when I am there what do I do? Please HELP

[dpressedone89]

Well I think it would help, he obviously trusts you alot and he wants you there for emotional support so i would go.

-sTITCHes

[InHiding]

He needs strength and it looks like you give that to him. He needs you, so be there for him.

[Iceman26]

I think it is between him and his family. I can understand why he wants you there, but I don't think it is a healthy situation for you to be directly involved in.

 

My brother is gay, and came out to my family, and speaking from experience I think the family needs time to digest the information and that more than likely won't happen right away and you may do more harm than good by being there.

 

Just tell him that you will be there to listen to him after he speaks with his family.

[FoxLocke]

Actually, I think you should be there, for moral support.

 

I know what he is going through. I come from a very evangelical Christian background, and it is so very hard to come out in that kind of environment.

 

I think it is so great that you are being so supportive of him. Even if you don't decide to go with him be there for him if things go bad...

 

Ultimately, the choice is your's. So just follow your heart.

[avman]

I think he'd really appreciate it if you were there. You don't have to do the talking for him. You're just there to be supportive so he doesn't feel so alone and terrified.

 

Many times people feel that they will get a horrible reaction so they are afraid. Fortunately in most cases it isn't nearly as bad as they fear. But there's nothing like having your best friend sitting next to you when you're terrified of something.

 

Put yourself in his place. If you had to tell your parents you were pregnant for instance - would it help you if your best friend were sitting there while you did it?

[RayKay]

I agree with Fox and avman.

 

It sounds like he is rather scared, and you give him some strength and courage he needs right now. If he trusts you enough to be there, be there. Just don't say anything, let him talk, and be there when he needs it.

 

Things may go better than he expect, but even so, it sounds like he really needs your support to go through with it.

[Cadence308]

Sounds like it would be good for him if you were there. It doesn't sound like he wants you to say anything, but just be there. He needs your support right now.

[chigal28]

I think your being there could really help him out. Yes, in some sense this is between him and his family, in that they will need to sort out how they relate to one another after this revelation is made. But that said, I think part of the reason it might be helpful for you to be there is to show his parents that someone who shares their faith and beliefs has already accepted this part of who your friend is.

 

My best guy friend in high school came out to me and two of our other best friends long before he officially came out to his family, and when he did, his mom (his dad left a long time ago) was supportive. But we all went to a very conservative Southern Baptist Church, and unfortunately a LOT of other people in the church were judgemental to the point of wanting to ask him to leave the church. I won't express my opinions about that here, because it's not the point....I just think that any support you can extend to your friend will be very important and welcome to him at this time.

 

I wish your friend the best of luck, and you as you help him find the courage to say what he needs and wants to say to his parents.

[robowarrior]

Just be there for him , love support and accept him for what he is. He'll need it after his coming out to his parents.

[Relationship Coach]

If the roles were reversed, would you want him at your side in front of your parents? Sometimes being a friend is doing those things that are best for them, not best for you.

 

RC

[Managor]

I agree with Fox, Avman and Ray Kay, I'm sure he'd be a lot better off with your support there.

[UT]

there is really not much to add. I agree with most of the other posters. He's you're friend, friends are there for each other. he's asked you to be there for him, now it's up to you.

[moe42]

well to update you on what went on:

 

I went with him to tell his parents, I decided that he would probably need the support and even if he didnt he asked me so I should be there. Its a good thing I went. We got both his parents in the same room and sat them down together to tell them. his word were "mom dad ive gone over this a thousand times in my mind and i dont know how else to tell you this..." his mom "oh god, is she pregnant??" (i couldnt believe my ears) so he says "no mom she isnt pregant but what im trying to say here is..." his mom "its ok if she is, we'll handle it, we can take anything that comes to us" him "she's not pregnant but im glad to hear that cause what im about to say probably isnt going to make you to happy and like i said i dont know how else to say it so here it is, im gay" you could literally see their faces drain of color like slowly letting liquid out of the bottom of a bottle to the whitest white ive ever seen. then fill up with red. THEY FREAKED! His dad was cussing and things were being said and we were both just sitting there and thats when it happened. His dad started to beat the heck out of him, so i jumped inbetween them. he didnt realize what was going on and hit me like 3 times before he saw it was me not my friend. well to say the least they didnt accept it. he now lives with me. thank you so much for your advice, without it who knows what could have happened

[mba1]

all i can really say is WOW! you're friend must really be feeling alot of devastation right now ...

 

i genuinely hope things get alot better for him and his family. hopefully, it will once the tensions die down - it's a good thing he had and still has your support w/out he would be alone.

[NKP]

You are a true friend he is lucky to have someone like you. I really hope your friend does feel alot better, he must feel really hurt right now. Take care

Love kita

[FoxLocke]

You are really a true friend, and I am glad that you went! I just wish the two of you had filed charges against his father.

 

Not every coming out experience will be ideal...

 

But he is so BLESSED to have a friend like you.

[Cadence308]

You are a great friend and he is so lucky to have you! Are you okay? I was prepared to hear that his parents didn't take it so well, but I was not prepared for the dad to beat him up. That is very sad. I can't believe that they were more ready and more accepting if you were pregnant than their son being gay. It just seems so trivial.

[avman]

Wow, that is some story. I'm really sorry to hear that this happened, but I think that makes it all the more valuable that you were there with your friend to help him out.

 

I think his parents actions are inexcusable. Talk to your parents about actions that may be able to be taken to protect your friend and see to it that his parents are not able to do this sort of thing again.

[FoxLocke]

I agree with Avman.

 

And while you are at it I think you ought to tell your parents that his father was hitting you too, and file charges against him.

 

Just reading that made me want to vomit. He is the kind of "parent" that didn't deserve children.

[moe42]

his mom called my apartment today (where he's been staying) and she has decided to try and accept it. as far as his dad goes i dont think he is going to be ok with it any time soon. im not going to call the cops on his dad for hitting me and i dont live with my parents to tell them even if i wanted to(i moved out last year, my dad had the lovely habit of hitting me too). i asked him if he wanted to call the cops for hitting him and he said no and with all he's been through im not going to push the subject or call for him. if he wants to go to the cops he knows ill go with him so its up to him. right now he is staying in mine and my room mates spare room, it looks like he might move in. him, his mom and i met for coffee do discuss options and he wants to move out. i talked to my room mate (one of my really close friends) and he is ok with him moving in. his mom is offering to pay the rent for him so he would only have to pay for his food since the building covers utilities. in all i think his moving out will be a good thing just because of all the crap with his dad. while the whole coming out wasnt that good its getting better and i think hes happy he did it. he felt like he was lying to himself by not telling them so it was good for him.

[UT]

I was really scared for a while but now it seems like everything's going to sort itself out and at least one patent will try to accept it and will, hopefully, eventually support him. I'm really happy he's got a friend like you. you really are a great friend and he's so lucky to have you.

 

coming out is often a great relief. you can finally be honest to the one's you love the most.

[Cadence308]

It sounds like coming out was something that your friend needed to do and as long as he doesn't regret it, then it's all good. You are such a good friend for being by him when he needs you the most. It sounds like things are falling into place the way that they were meant to and he's going to be staying at your place.

[FoxLocke]

That is really cool Moe. And with his mom paying rent he won't have to drop out of school or anything.

I am so glad that it is working out.

 

Just tell him to stay as far away from his father as humanly possible. That man is too unstable.

[Spugly Fuglet]

moe42, you did good

 

many would have walked away from that or acted up after being hit

You did the right thing I feel, a true freand

"Truth, Strenght and Honnor" .