brickchamp Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I can't believe how many posts I've read from people who had breakups like mine...where your partner just goes MIA! What is the deal? Whether it's via text, email....or just never talking to you again by avoiding phone calls and dropping off the face of the earth. I think it's far too easy for people to avoid "messy" breakups these days, with cell phones, computers, etc. I am finding it almost impossible to get closure, because my ex dumped me in a few words in a text, and would never let me speak my mind or get an explanation or anything. Why do people do that? Is it because they just don't give a crap about hurting someone, or are they just cowards? Both? I don't think I could ever end it with someone that way..... Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I think they are cowards. they are afraid of facing the reaction, or don't want to face the reaction, so they decide to avoid it. Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 It's the modern way. Send a SMS and be done with it. Cowardly, sad. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I think they are cowards. they are afraid of facing the reaction, or don't want to face the reaction, so they decide to avoid it. Yes. And usually they've already broken up with you in their heart and mind long before actually telling you about it...sort of easing themselves out of it and end up dumping it all on you all at once while they have had some time to digest it already... The best thing you can do in a situation like this is really analyze the situation, the person's character who did this, trust your best judgment, and create and believe in your own truth. You get closure that way from within yourself. And even if someone gives you a reason, still trust yourself and your best judgment over someone else's...especially someone who just broke your heart... Also trust that what goes around comes around. This is so true in relationships. Trust everything will work out in a just manner whether you can see it happen or not... Link to comment
brickchamp Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 You're right frisco....as usual! I'm not doing myself any favors by hoping to get closure from him. I'll never get it. He's shown his true character, or lack thereof, and I just need to accept that I didn't have a future with someone like that. The part that is hard for me to understand is why, if like you say, they've already made the break in their heart, they would continue to say they love you and want to be with you forever...why say those things, all the while knowing in your heart it's over? I don't understand how people can play games with someone's emotions that way....but I AM learning to accept what's happened, and I'm just going to try to live my life. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 The part that is hard for me to understand is why, if like you say, they've already made the break in their heart, they would continue to say they love you and want to be with you forever...why say those things, all the while knowing in your heart it's over? Why? Because they are in denial. They are probably fighting their feleings and the truth while at the same time accepting them. I'm sure he wanted to love you, wanted to have the connection with you to make him feeling like being with you forever felt right, but those things weren't there for him, and he probably tried to create it artificially for a while. I don't think he's a bad guy because of this. He just didn't know how to deal with his feelings vs. his desires to have different feelings. And it also gave him a cushion as well when the break up came...a nice little ancillary benefit there... But all things aside... If that is you in your avatar...you don't need closure sister You'll have nooooooooo problem finding better guys...no problem at all... Link to comment
saltwatergirl Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I was just thinking the same exact thing. On another note, I've had the MIA thing done to me as well. I considered it an extremely cowardly, selfish, and immature thing to do. But, those traits seem to unveil themselves often in those types of men, not just for the random MIA scene. Think back on it, and I bet you've seen it before with him...maybe just not recognized it as such. Salt Link to comment
brickchamp Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 Why? Because they are in denial. They are probably fighting their feleings and the truth while at the same time accepting them. I'm sure he wanted to love you, wanted to have the connection with you to make him feeling like being with you forever felt right, but those things weren't there for him, and he probably tried to create it artificially for a while. I don't think he's a bad guy because of this. He just didn't know how to deal with his feelings vs. his desires to have different feelings. And it also gave him a cushion as well when the break up came...a nice little ancillary benefit there... But all things aside... If that is you in your avatar...you don't need closure sister You'll have nooooooooo problem finding better guys...no problem at all... I'm sure you're right, but God, that makes me feel soooo bad. He wanted to love me but he couldn't. All I can wonder is WHY? How could someone not love ME? haha Really though, it makes me wonder why he fell out of love with me...why I wasn't what he wanted. When at first he said I made him happier than anyone. It's hard to not wonder if I did something wrong. That's the worst feeling in the world....knowing there is NO WAY you can make someone love you. So that brought me down, BUT you brought me right back up with the comment on my avatar! Yep, indeed, that is MOI! So screw closure with that jerk, and bring on the good guy who WILL find me loveable! Thanks frisco! Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Think back on it, and I bet you've seen it before with him...maybe just not recognized it as such. Good call... And I would even go as far as saying he probably did other things along these lines you didn't see... Things like this just show his true character. Be glad you found this out now before you got married, had kids, mortgage, etc. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Yep, indeed, that is MOI! Are you freaking kidding me?!?!?!? I've been spending all this time thinking about and posting about your situation and you're beautiful, intelligent, and have a sweet heart like you do? I've been wasting my time! You'll be fine! You're going to make some guy the luckiest guy alive and he is going to love you like you deserve. I have nothing more to say! Freaking wasting my time with this one...sheesh... Link to comment
brickchamp Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 salt and frisco...I absolutely saw those traits in him....He is very childish, selfish and high maintenance...but when he wasn't acting like an a**, he could be soooo charming. I KNEW he was playing with me, but I fooled myself into thinking I could change him...I know, I know.... that plan NEVER works. So this bit me in the butt and I probably deserved it. Thanks guys...really Link to comment
brickchamp Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 Are you freaking kidding me?!?!?!? I've been spending all this time thinking about and posting about your situation and you're beautiful, intelligent, and have a sweet heart like you do? I've been wasting my time! You'll be fine! You're going to make some guy the luckiest guy alive and he is going to love you like you deserve. I have nothing more to say! Freaking wasting my time with this one...sheesh... Okay, for weeks I've been having to wear a FAKE smile....but you just put a REAL smile on my face! That felt nice! Sorry you wasted so much time on my "case," but you did good! You know just what to say! You rock my world frisco! lol Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Okay, for weeks I've been having to wear a FAKE smile....but you just put a REAL smile on my face! That felt nice! Sorry you wasted so much time on my "case," but you did good! You know just what to say! You rock my world frisco! lol So you can see my eyes rolling and my head shaking then...like this guy, only 10 times worse... -> Hey, I call it like I see it...I'm glad the truth put a smile on your face! Seriously though you're going to be fine. Jesus if you could only see and believe that... Now go read through some of the posts on here of people not so fortunate as yourself and spread the sunshine around a little... Link to comment
brickchamp Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 So you can see my eyes rolling and my head shaking then...like this guy, only 10 times worse... -> Hey, I call it like I see it...I'm glad the truth put a smile on your face! Seriously though you're going to be fine. Jesus if you could only see and believe that... Now go read through some of the posts on here of people not so fortunate as yourself and spread the sunshine around a little... I've been reading them, and posting, I promise!! And I will continue to do so. I'm trying to be like YOU! I'm feeling better, and I'm going to follow your lead and TRY to cheer some people up. You have me feeling very inspired! I'm not kidding, this is the best I've felt in weeks, so let the spreading of sunshine commence! Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 I've been reading them, and posting, I promise!! And I will continue to do so. I'm trying to be like YOU! I'm feeling better, and I'm going to follow your lead and TRY to cheer some people up. You have me feeling very inspired! I'm not kidding, this is the best I've felt in weeks, so let the spreading of sunshine commence! Nice... And when you're feeling down again on the break-up rollercoaster here, just re-read this thread... Also, I'll tell you, you'll be rewarded with a smile and a little high when someone you help on here thanks you for your kind words too... Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 What's MIA? Missing In Action Military term. Link to comment
brickchamp Posted June 23, 2006 Author Share Posted June 23, 2006 Nice... And when you're feeling down again on the break-up rollercoaster here, just re-read this thread... Also, I'll tell you, you'll be rewarded with a smile and a little high when someone you help on here thanks you for your kind words too... I know, I could be down in the dumps again in an hour, who knows...it's an adventure. But at least I'll always have this thread to get me through it! Oh, and for the first time, someone thanked me earlier....you're right, it felt good! I just wish I could say more to help. But I'll do my darndest! Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 It's something like "I do it because I can. I avoid having to actually expend any effort, so I will". If a person cared about you, they would end it face to face in a suitable way. Of course, they DON'T care about you, which is why they are dumping you in the first place. Link to comment
Goldfish6888 Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 Hi, Brickchamp. The same for my relationship. I just never heard from him again 3 weeks ago. It's tough, because you feel you put so much into the relationship, the least you deserve is a proper face to face goodbye. Most guys are cowards like that.....they avoid confrontation as much as they can. Generally break ups are they start pulling back....you realise this.....then they start to not call, when they should....and this is how they break up with you. I don't think there is an easy way to break up with someone.....I really don't. Love is tough......but we can't give up on it! Link to comment
need2bme Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 IrishGirl: No offense taken, but some girls are like that too. I got dumped for real, over the phone. Sure, we talked about it a little, in person, but the real hit and realization, came over the phone. Link to comment
im undercover Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 ditto. dumped via the phone. one thing i learned a long time ago...closure is a luxury. they don't 'owe' you a thing. cold but the truth. and when it comes down to it, he left because he wanted to. if it was something that you did, he should have told you or discussed it with you. he's a selfish jerk. hang in there kid. Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 23, 2006 Share Posted June 23, 2006 one thing i learned a long time ago...closure is a luxury. Closure is a luxury but one we can give ourselves! It perplexes me why people (myself definitely included) are getting their heart broken by some person (man or woman) and suddenly put so much stock into their reasons for the break up! It's like we are being dumped so suddenly every word they say is profoundly correct and accurate. It makes no sense. Usually, they are as confused or more confused than the dumpee. Maybe they concocted some reason to break up with you. Sure, they stopped caring so why put effort in to analyze the situation? And 99% of the time, they'll tell you something to let you "down easy" anyway, or some degree of it, if they tell you anything at all. Hell, take the silence as a gift. You know why? It allows you to ponder, reflect, and analyze the situation in an unbiased way. You can trust yourself and your best judgment to give yourself closure vs. getting an illusion of it from someone who doesn't want to be with you and probably hasn't for some time. Link to comment
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