im undercover

nothing to worry about. as long as he knows he did it 2ce, don't make a big deal about it. it will make him too nervous. i've done it a couple of times, even said the name of someone who i had lunch with! sometimes we're so tired, we're not even thinking!

ditto. dumped via the phone. one thing i learned a long time ago...closure is a luxury. they don't 'owe' you a thing. cold but the truth. and when it comes down to it, he left because he wanted to. if it was something that you did, he should have told you or discussed it with you. he's a selfish jerk. hang in there kid.

thank you all. well, it got worse...i looked on link removed and there he was...spewing the same lies he told me. i cried, i got mad, i cursed but then....i felt better. what a sign, huh? screw him. and the funny thing is, he is nothing that his ad said. he wants to be that person, and i thought he was the first month or two, but he nothing like the great guy he described. i made the foolish mistake of going through the 'it's so good' 'it so bad' too many times. thanks all.

God! i'm too old for this stuff!!! my boyfriend and i dated for about 1 1/2 years. he would back off every couple of months, claiming space issues and the problem of not wanting the responsibility of a girlfriend. (like weekends together, making plans together). we had a wonderful memorial day weekend, and i felt we were moving forward. then he breaks up with me over the phone! it was the ole...'i just don't want to be in a relationship anymore'....i was very angry because 1) he didn't do it in person 2) he didn't speak the truth...it's me, not the relationship. i'm a firm believer that you should never be in a relationship that you don't want. Problem: we have nicknames for each other, and we broke the rule of no contact from the start. but everytime i try to say 'i need space to get over you' he signs with his nickname...which makes me cry! or last week, he said he thought he made a mistake breaking up with me. i told him 'you did? why? because your lonely and sad, and i can't help you with that.' why on earth would he pull this crap when he is the one that wanted it to end? i finally told him yesterday, no more contact...that i'll call him in a couple of weeks. (we share many of the same friends, so i'm going to have to see him!). sorry, lots of info and ranting a raving. help me stick to the no contact!!!! thanks.!

3 years of Carl Jungian therapy!

I love you guys! my last relationship broke up becuase i was cheated on...i refused to be one of those women who didn't want her boyfriend to have women friends. i never met her, but as soon as i would go out of town for the night, she would all of a sudden appear at my bf lake house. i still trusted him, he would take her calls in front of me, so that was ok....he ended up marrying her! can you say...i got a little baggage? oh yea! I think this current woman friend caught my tone on the phone last weekend and is respecting our (her's and my) relationship...yea!

Geesh,, i feel so much better! The woman in question just called me, and wanted to see what i was doing tonight...i told her i was thinking about meeting my boyfriend and other for drinks and then a show...and I said, I'll let you know later whether i'm going to go...and she said "great! I'll go only if you go!"....that's what i was looking for...! a simple little sentence about me and her being friends, and not just wanting to hang out with my boyfriend....ahhhh....all done!

OH, i didn't partially cause it, I DID IT ALL! ha ha. never never again.

God, don't you know that I KNOW that I started this? Stupid Stupid Stupid. I'm such a smart woman, but I really thought 'heck, she won't call him!'...I suppose we are all different. I would never call my girlfriends 'boyfriend'...she would be the one that i called. and if i did want to ask him something, i would still go through her. It's funny how you sometimes think folks will act like you. hey, i'm 46, not dead or too old to learn!!! ha ha.

ps...i'm new and i love this site!!

thank you all so very much. I set my boundries this morning, after a wonderful evening together last night. It's important that we know where each other stand. It's only been 10 months, and this is our discovery time. A quick note, he doesn't attempt to make and keeps friends the way i do. I've been single for quite awhile, and my friends are my extended family. too share too much too soon is an invitation to dissaster if the relationship fails. I'm very aware of the statistics, I've been married 2ce, and I value the relationships i've worked so hard to maintain. I suppose i'm a bit possessive...but, hey, i'm the one that nurtured this garden. It would be totally different if she was a friend of his, or we met her together. thank you so very much!

I didn't quite answer you question. Yes, i trust my boyfriend, her? i don't know her well at all! I've been social with her for a couple of years, but just light cocktail party situations. it would be entirely different if she was part of his group (friends) and they all met up, but i hate to hear about my business from an acquantance....and it makes me look hateful, because i didn't invite her out that night, but he did!

that's just it, she is an acquaintance...we've never done anything together except cocktails and perhaps a dinner. It's more about my friends vs his friends. it is quite annoying to have her call me and say "so you're doing so and so tonight" and my reply is 'how did you know that' 'oh, i just talked with joe, your boyfriend. geesh...i feel like, where is my privacy, he crossed the line when he invited her to outing with my other friends. it's more of a boundry issue.

ok...this is the story. My boyfriend and I (we are in late 30/40 age range) have been dating about 10 months. I have a lot of friends, and a handful of very close friends. As my boyfriend, I invite him out with us. We were out one night, and I ran into a party friend, and she's really into sports (as is my boyfriend...I am not). that following sunday, she calls to see what i'm doing, which is staying home, and i suggested she meet my boyfriend and some of his friends out at a pub, close to her house, and watch the game. ok..? My first mistake. Now she calls him. He invited her to meet me and my friends out last friday night, she called me and i didn't answer. He thought that was appropriate. I find it offensive and intrusive. I finally had to lay down the law, that 1) we are not married, nor are we living together, thereforeeee, we don't 'share' my friends. 2) I don't want you calling or even answering her calls. she needs to call me, not you. 3) that I would be very offended and consider ending the relationship if this continues. Am I crazy? I think she is very very inappropriate, and so is he.