I want my ex back

[chris_nos_2007]

Ok so me and my ex broke up a week and a half ago. She broke up with me because she said I wasnt giving her as much attention as I used to. We have been together for a year and 7 months. I miss her so much right now. We have hung out a couple times since we broke up. However I keep contacting her and now I find out that the real reason for the breakup is she has never really experienced being single and wants to be with her friends and that she is havign a good time. She still says she loves me and misses me to her mom and friends. Her mom and I are pretty close as well I have talked to her on the phone numerous times since the breakup because it makes me feel better. I have given her a lot during the relationship and she has left this stuff still up in her room. I have stopped by and called many times since the breakup and she says she needs time and when I do this it just makes her feel like were still together. She still wants to talk but she wants to be the one to call me or if we hang out we need to agree on a date. She is also talking to one specific guy and getting to know him better which really hurts me. It really bothers me how much we loved each other and she knows how hurt I am right now and she doesnt even seem to feel bad. I really want to get her back but im scared this wont happen. She is always hanging out with one specific friend she never hung out with when we went out and she hangs out with her and her boyfriend which I would think theyd find annoying. I have been praying a lot lately and putting this broken relationship in Gods hands. My last words to her were im going to marry you someday. What should I do?

[Jlee001]

IF she wants space.. give it to her. Stop talking to her altogether trust me. Become "invisible" in a theoretical aspect. Please, just stop thinking and overanalyzing everything she is doing and with whom she is hangin around with. Remember SHE wants the space, so give it. Thats all there is to it no matter how much it hurts. Go do some other things to keep you busy, call old friends just to eat * * * * with you know? Get away from her right now not only because she wants it, but because its driving you crazy. If you guys are meant to be.. you know.. then you will be .. but not right now and who knows when.

[chris_nos_2007]

Thank you for the advice....after reading a few other posts i want to say that I have called a ton and wanted to hang out but only for a week you dont think I pushed her to afr abck do you? Also if she calls, texts, messages me or w/e do i pick up or respond? Is still talking to her mom alright?

[Jlee001]

HEY ! i said relax.. breathe in and out.. take it easy your going crazy and thinking alot i know where you have been. Stop thinkin about it papo. Stop calling her.. actually wait for her to call you trust me. One of my good girl friends once told me that a girl who has a guy always there for her, will eventually take advantage of him because he is too "easy" to attain. Make her work for you ok?! Be difficult and just play it cool, it hurts i know but its the only way.

[aidenn1124]

Listen to Jlee man. Let it go, you are entering dangerous territory here. There is no bigger killer than smothering a woman who says she needs space. Get on with your life, like everything is everything. Don't worry about the stuff in her room and get out of dodge for awhile. Don't call her mother either no matter how close you may be. If after a while you do this and she still doesn't come back, let her go. The only thing worst than smothering someone is becoming a low-grade stalker. Got it Lee Harvey.

[chris_nos_2007]

So my ex just texted and asked what girls i was with last night cause on my msn name i had girls next to my name. I replied with why r u talking to me?

About two hours later i was calling someone and accidently dialed her number cause we went out for so long it was like automatic which i got really ticked at myself but i got her answering machine. She called back like 20 min. ago and i told her it was an accident she like o well can i talk anyways? I was like ok but im kind of in a hurry and shes like o nevermind then sounding disappointed. I told her to go ahead but hurry up tho and she just told me wat was going on today and I was like ok is that it? and shes like yaa sounding disappointed again and i said bye. Is this alrite?

[babypink61]

Hmm she sounded like she's not sure what she wants. It seems like she misses having you but yet wants to enjoy the fun of being single. I'd say she's just trying to string you along and keep you on the side in case she decides that she doesn't want to be single anymore. She wants to keep in touch with you but yet demanded that she'd be the one to initiate the call, what was that all about? I'd say you need to move on, and if she regrets her decision later then you can deal with it when it comes . . . Btw, I think you did the right thing by staying cold with her on the phone . . . don't let her know that you miss her and wants you back. Let her work on that!

[chris_nos_2007]

This is so hard to do its only been 2 days of NC and i miss her so much. I dont understand how we can go out that long and her love me so much but yet she doesnt even call now. Last night I was on messenger and she was to and it killed me to just be on there and her not say a word to me.

[chris_nos_2007]

Sorry i keep replying but I am stuck at a computer for 3 hours every morning with nothing to do except think. Anyways...I am still a little curious on how not talking to her, and being cold to her is not going to make her think well im glad i didnt stay with that jerk. Also is it bad to tell other girls that are my friends and hers as well that I miss her?

[iceman85]

Chris calm down and take it easy, I know you love this girl a whole lot. I love mine too but we need to do whats best for us now. Fourtantley most times that gives us the best shot at reconciliation also. Talking to her, sending signals to her friends is not going to help. It will get back to her somehow and she'll see you as needy, clingy and not your own person. As hard as it is to do try to remove every part of her from your life, block her on MSN, dont look at any myspace,facebook, personal pages.

 

Do not mutual friends anything, it will get back to her, if anything tell them that your doing fine and things are going well. She'll wonder how you can be doing so well after being so hurt. The NC will do wonders trust me. You'll be able to get on with YOUR life and if she really loves you like she says she will realize it at some point. Like many said here stick with NC do not check up on her do not even try to find out about her.

 

The saying if you love them let them go and if they come back their yours really applies here. You have to let her go before she can come back, if you hold on she'll do nothing but pull away even more.

[brando]

Just like all the others here are saying, give her all the space in the universe. I think everyone here has been through this, and the advice given so far is true. Listen.

 

This is a situation where less can actually be more.

 

Their are no guarantees.

 

She wants to be single...then you need to accept and respect that. Let her be and focus on your life, the things you want to do and the goals you want to accomplish.

 

Please stop calling her mother and let this unfold the way it is meant to be unfolded.

 

Just think of how annoying and fustrating it would be for you if the shoe were on the other foot.

 

How many times would you want to reject someone before they finally understood what it was you wanted???

 

This is what you are allowing her to do. You are giving her no choice by constantly trying to contact her and talk to her and her mother. She asked for space, now grant her this request.

[mikeca]

The saying if you love them let them go and if they come back their yours really applies here.

 

 

its all been said here, give her the space she wants, respect her wishes.

[brando]

It is more of a selfish act to resist what she is asking you, it is not a display of love or affection for her. This is why it is so important to accept this and continue on with your life.

[chris_nos_2007]

Thank you and u are all soo right. I was in NC for 3 days and once i accidentally broke down and called her and pretended that i had a missed call from her and i was like oh my bad and we sad bye. Then today however on myspace i posted a new pic with my friend and she commented on it saying how i look hot in the pic and it shows off my muscles and that she misses me and to call her sometime. She is a cheerleader and did a car wash today and i pulled up and basically said hey and she was flirting a lil then i left. Then she was online today and i asked how she was and she started talking about how excited she was about getting some new stuff and we talked for like 10 min. casually and then she got off. Did i mess up or was this alrite? I will start NC again and wont do that again though its so hard. I really do miss her but i promise im doing my best. I even have a couple of girls i may start dating after a few weeks or so that ive always though were really cool. Well all the encouragement and advice is def. appreciated!

[iceman85]

Do you really love this girl? It sounds like you have already started moving on which is good, but dont get into anything if your still in pain. If you love her keep doing NC, is she misses you that much shes gonna get in contact with you. Good Luck.

[chris_nos_2007]

O ya i love her to death but it feels like if i find another girls I can replace that feeling ya know...I just want someone there to care about me and stuff like my ex. Yes though I will continue NC and hopefully she will miss me enough to talk but I talked to her mom and apparently my ex is loving the single and dating life and is a very attractive girl and is getting a lot of attention so that worries me.

[iceman85]

Sounds to me like you dont love her, you love having someone around. Take some time and figure out if you love her or you love the relationship, i'm doing the same thing right now and I think the only way to know is to flirt and date with other girls.

 

DO NOT talk to her mom it will get back to her somehow, your girl is probably going to find other guys and mess around with them or whatever as hard as that is to not worry about you have to do your best not to. My girl I believe is, I know she kissed another guy and hangs out with him so you can take it from there, it kills me, but I hope she realizes that the grass isnt greener.

[chris_nos_2007]

Thats true I may just want another relationship but I also want it with her. I sat down and thought of all the things I look for in a girl and they all matched my ex. Very sad I know. I think she will realize the grass isnt greener even her mom wants us back together and says that she guarantees no toher guy will be able to hold a candle to the way i treated her. Oh well hopefully I can just ahve soem fun and make myself a better person out of all of this. It seems the mornings are always the hardest for me but once I get out the rest of the day gets better but then I start over every morning it sux. I have deleted her from my phone, blocked her online, and deleted all of her old emails. I still see her at church and during greeting she was looking at me till I looked and she waved. Then after service she rushed up to me and asked if I wanted to meet her 2 new foster kids (not hers, her moms) and I did and kept it all casual and then left. So many mixed signals.

[iceman85]

Chris I know its tough, I don't want to get out of bed in the morning thats always the toughest time. But just think that if you really love her you have to do this in order to get her back, as killer as it is, because if you continue to profess your love its not going to work, she'll just see you as the same person she dumped. I'm so sorry for what your going through but theres plenty of us in the same boat, I hope that I realize that is my ex that I love and not just having a relationship, i'm leaning toward it being her but I need to make sure before I would even consider thinking about being back with her after whats shes done to me. NC is best, they need to miss you.

[chris_nos_2007]

Ok so one of my friends that are girls was online last night while my ex was on. Apparently the friend just unloaded on the ex saying how selfish she was and how much she hurt me and all that. My ex then calls saying what she said and I just act like well you were really selfish through it lol. She said that she had just wanted to take a break not break up and everything is going bad and everyone is mad at her. I then proceeded to absically say what we had was good and u chose to throw that away ur gonna regret it. Do u think people being mad at her for doing what she did will push her away? I am starting NC again now I will be strict this time.

[iceman85]

No chris, people being mad at her may push her away initially, but with everyone whos close to her saying the same thing at some point it will click to her and she'll wonder why are they all saying this? Did I really make a mistake? This is exactly what you want. You shouldn't have said to her that she was selfish, she threw stuff away and she will regret it. You should have acted indifferent and just said oh well thats intresting they think that and just left it at that.

 

Shes really confused and doesn't understand things clearly right now, NC will hopefully allow her to see it more clearly. Stay stong and keep up the NC.

[chris_nos_2007]

Thank you Iceman. You have been really supportive through all of this and I really appreciate it. I will continue NC and if any updates come up I will post them. How is your situation going by the way?

[iceman85]

Well Chris today is day 4 of NC, yesterday at work i was getting attention from some girls and it felt good. But just reminded me that their not my ex kinda, it was nice though and i'm keeping up with NC and seeing what happens. I dont know what shes up to or anything because I refuse to look at her myspace, livejournal, facebook any of that. I assume shes still doing the partying, smoking, drinking and whatever with the rebound guy, we'll see what happens in time I guess. The only thing I can do now is to do things for myself and hope she comes around at some point. The only new thing was that in her AIM profile she had the first four lines to a song by death cab for cutie called title and registration. If you look at my other posts you can see that there, so it kinda made me think shes thinking about the relationship in some form. I dunno, all I know is that I miss her so much and hope this really isnt the end, but if it is i'm preparing myself for it.