A question for the ladies (about good men)

[Alpha J]

I find it odd sometimes, and it is irking me all day today. I have been in 3 relationships prior to my current one which is dwindling. All of my previous girlfriends have broken up with me over the whole "I want to see what else is out there". But they always come back and say "you were the only guy who really cared about me" and they tell me that I am a good man and they want me back.

 

Why is it that when women break up with "good men" then they see what is out there (despite countless warnings) then come running back like nothing happened?

[CluelessGuy321]

I've pondered that, and I believe it is usually an anomoly in that women think that the jerks are more exciting only to find out they're just different but in a bad way.

 

And that women do this more now a days is because of the changes in Society and the media. Sex and relationships are viewed with a very different outlook than they were say 40-50 years ago.

 

There are good women out there who are loyal and know a good man when they meet one, but they're few and far between now a days.

[Caterina]

Why do so many nice guys assume these things because they've run into a few bad eggs or experiences? This isn't going to always happen to you unless you believe it always happens to you.

[Holiday]

It so irresponsible to "see what else is out there" and only earns you a second place ribbon with a hard-earned badge of courage for letting them go in the first place. Been on both sides and it stinks. Young girls do want to see what's out there and you too are also young. Are you marching any of these gals off to get married? It's probably a good thing you are not if yuo are not trully in love and committed to a stable, healthy relationship (however that is defined), but many people feel that if a relationship isn't moving forward, it's moving backword or dragging them down. So it's best to keep it exciting at a minimum.

[Alpha J]

Sorry if my original post seemed to be generalizing women, I dont mean all women just I guess the majority of the ones I have met at my age (23), but to my defense i am real mature for my age and that may prove to be an issue also in college

[Aschleigh]

I have the opposite problem. I have a boyfriend I love so much but feel like I may be hindering him finding what truly makes him happy ( plus I have some intimacy issues) and I want him to find what he needs even if it's not me. I don't want to push him away but sometimes I do becuase he doesn't seem happy and I want him to be happy however that turns out to be. I also want to hold him close. It's confusing.

[AnotherChick]

First, I have to say that your statements spoke to your personal situation and did not come accross to me as "generalizing women". So, no worries there.

 

So with that said, you seem to have found 3 female half wit's in a row. I am truly sorry for that. To echo some of the earlier statements, "I want to see what else is out there" is irresponsible. It is also disrespectful to you. So your feelings of disrespect are warranted. It is easy to feel like after finding 3 of these individuals in a row, that all women will behave that way. There are many of us out there who don't, yet have lived the same situation you described with men.

 

So here is some advice. Try to remind yourself that this behavior is not limited to the female gender, it is truly a people thing. Disrespectful and thoughtless people to be specific. They live everywhere in all forms.

 

Second piece of advice. Keep trying. Look for signals and patters in the women you pursue. Be up front that you're not interested in entertaining someone until something else comes along. A relationship can not work out for many reasons and "I want to see whatelse is out there", can simply be an excuse.

 

A quirky suggestion: do an exit interview with these 3 women. Just because. If you're up to the task, look them in the eye and find out what else they thought they would find out there and what might have drove them to look.

 

I hope all of this was insightful and helpful. I sincerely wish you the best of luck with your future relationships.

[reallydown]

it just makes sense to think the grass is greener on the other side. then when you leap over the fence and find out the grass is brown, burnt and likes to beat you, which side do you try to get back on? duh.

 

don't tell me u've never been tempted by bad girls but ended up knowing that good girls are better?

 

it's not "wrong" for girls to be curious. i resent the implication that it is.

[sir sirloin]

Gah, stop with the stupid nice guy vs jerk thing it doesn't help anyone. And it is also a myth.

 

Women want men who present themselves as having a high status among other men. These desirable males are good looking, adventurous, exciting, risk taking, confident, powerful, respected etc. Undesirable men are jealous of what the desirable men have, eg. all the women. But instead of learning from their betters the low status men attempt to justify their lack of desirability as a form of martyrdom called niceness. And they also condemn the higher status men as "jerks" forever barring themselves from joining the ranks of the desirable.

 

Guess what? The high status men don't care, and women are only turned off by this kind of pettiness. So to all of you "nice guys" STOP TALKING ABOUT IT! You aren't helping yourselves nor are you endearing yourselves to women.

 

One hallmark of a low status male is he complains all the time. He isn't powerful enough to change anything so his only release from his frustration is to whine to anyone who will listen. We can't change who we are overnight but we can change one thing: we can stop complaining and instead start figuring out how we can change our situation or change ourselves to take better advantage of it.

 

To the original poster: Younger women are just as horny as men and are evolutionarily conditioned to seek the fittest mate. If you aren't him then your mates might stay with you for a while but will inevitably move on.

 

Dating ends with either breakup or marriage. And unless you are one of those high status males (which I can very safely assume none of the males who look at this board are) women are the ones who decide when a relationship starts and when it ends. These are just the facts of life.

 

Your best recourse is to shrug your shoulders and go on to the next one.

[nmduipd]

Without trying to generalise…

 

Women don't choose bad boys, they chose sexy boys – sometimes they turn out to be bad.

In exactly the same way, men choose sexy girls. They also sometimes turn to be bad.

 

Women are attracted to so-called bad boys in the same way men are attracted to the really gorgeous women.

When they want to get married, they will look for a good man.

Same as men, I suppose…

[Iceman26]

(which I can very safely assume none of the males who look at this board are)

 

Though I agree with what you are saying, easy there big guy. I was a high status male.......

 

Before I got engaged to be married anyways.

[heloladies21]

Your girls get bored with you, and I would even guess that when they say that you were the only one that ever truly cared about them, they might not be telling you the truth. Not an intentional lie, but something not to be taken seriously.

 

Lemme throw this at you...When you were with these girls, i'm sure you did all the nice things like dinners, flowers, affection, not getting into fights, not getting jealous, just not being a pain in the neck in general. Am I right? Let me know.

 

Because if you were like this, then that was the problem. I read on one post by some girl on here how she was totally into her bf, but how she wasn't convinced that he was really into her. He had all these great characteristics, but something bothered her. She said how he never got jealous about any guy she ever talked to and how even if she cheated on him, he probably wouldn't get all that mad about it. He never asked her questions about where she was or what she'd been up to. Not psycho style, like stalking or interrogating, but just normal casual conversation style. The fact that he's like this will probably break them up one day.

 

It's the other side of showing you care about someone, like a yin-yang. You have to have the dark side or else it won't seem true. When it's warrented, getting jealous is ok. If you feel disrespected. you have to let her know. If you don't, then she'll think you don't care by default.

 

This is part of the emotional rollercoaster that "jerks" provide which keeps girls coming back for more and shows them that you truly care about them and aren't putting on some act.

[nmduipd]

It's the other side of showing you care about someone, like a yin-yang. You have to have the dark side or else it won't seem true. When it's warrented, getting jealous is ok. If you feel disrespected. you have to let her know. If you don't, then she'll think you don't care by default.

 

This is part of the emotional rollercoaster that "jerks" provide which keeps girls coming back for more and shows them that you truly care about them and aren't putting on some act.

Spot on!

Being always a nice guy (in the sense mention above) leaves us with the impression that you are either hiding something or don't care at all.

 

I've never thought though that this is what bad boys can offer.

But the more I think about it, the more I agree.

[JustNormal]

Maybe if we all just sing a song together, we'll be able to figure this out..

 

"Educated With Money

He's well dressed Not funny

 

 

And Not Much to say in most conversations

But He'll foot the bill in all situations

'Cause He Pays For Everything

 

 

Girls Don't Like Boys.

Girls Like Cars And Money

Boys Will Laugh At Girls When They're Not Funny

 

 

Paper or Plastic.

Don't Matter She'll have it

 

Vacations and shopping spreez

These are a few of her favorite things

She'll Get What She wants if She is Willing To please .

His Type of Girl Always Comes With A fee,

Hey Now There's Nothing For Free

 

 

Girls Don't Like Boys,

Girls Like Cars And Money

Boys Will Laugh At Girls When They're Not Funny

 

And these Girls like these Boys, like these Boys like these Girls

The Girls With their Bodies Like Boys With Ferraris

 

Girls Don't Like Boys,

Girls Like Cars And Money

 

Lets Go

 

hey hey !

 

 

Girls Don't Like Boys,

Girls Like Cars And Money

Boys Will Laugh At Girls When They're Not Funny

 

And these Girls like these Boys, like these Boys like these Girls

The Girls With the Bodies Like Boys With Ferraris

Girls Don't Like Boys,

Girls like Cars And Money,

 

(music).......

 

All of these boys (yeah) and all of the girls

Losing Their Souls In a Material World...

 

(SLOWLY FADES)...All of these boys (yeah) and all of the girls Losing Their Souls In a Material World...

 

All of these boys (yeah) and all of the girls

Losing Their Souls In a Material World...

 

All of these boys (yeah) and all of the girls"

 

Or maybe not..

 

On a side not- one pet peeve. This PC crap makes me sick. In General, Generalizing keeps you alive. Same as the laws of general relativity. If they generally didn't work all those nukes in the ground would have converted your parents to ash before you were born.

 

Why are you afraid to generalize? Seeing patterns in behavior is where intelligence comes from. Without it, your a not very smart monkey.

[Momene]

Good points all round. I don't think the "nice boy/bad boy" conflict is a myth but older girls are more wise and don't fall for it.

 

I don't think "seeing what else is there" is a bad thing in itself because only those experienced in relationships will have a clue about it. It's hard on the recipient, though and easy to dismiss people with that view as jerks or jerkesses. I was actually forced to see for myself what else was there when my first wife left and, after a while, realised it wasn't a good marriage after all.

 

Relationships end for all sorts of reasons and it isn't always a reflection on you if a partner leaves, even if it seems that way.

 

Now this status thing. I guess like beauty, status is in the eye of the beholder. Some people would call me high status, others not.