I'm so stupid, I broke down...

[Süsser Tod]

hmmm, I think I've nailed what is wrong with my gf.

 

 

Last two calls have been too cold on her side. I remember yesterday I had to tell her "I love you" several times before I got an "I love u too" from her. Also, on her last e-mails, an "I love you/miss you" is nowhere to be found.

 

She has also been sending me more e-mails, but they seem to be lacking any feelings from a gf, look to mee more like friendly e-mails, like "How have you been, how are your cats, whats up @ the office?".

 

I guess it is done. Don't know if I should try to talk to her or go NC.

[nottoogreen]

hmmm, I think I've nailed what is wrong with my gf.

 

Last two calls have been too cold on her side. I remember yesterday I had to tell her "I love you" several times before I got an "I love u too" from her. Also, on her last e-mails, an "I love you/miss you" is nowhere to be found.

 

She has also been sending me more e-mails, but they seem to be lacking any feelings from a gf, look to mee more like friendly e-mails, like "How have you been, how are your cats, whats up @ the office?".

 

I guess it is done. Don't know if I should try to talk to her or go NC.

Depends on your feelings.

 

You got to be positive until proven negative and not just negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, negative, negative...

 

Be more positive with her me thinks, it's your best bet...

[itsallgrand]

Hey Susser

 

I'm glad to see you've got a date set for that test. Are you prepared? You've got a project now - kicking some butt on that test. Your gf would be proud and happy to hear of that too.

 

About your gf situation: wow, I think you've exhausted every emotion in the human repetoire at this point. Indifference is the next to set in - and that wouldn't be good.

 

She most likely is sensing your instability of emotion and negativity. It's natural that she would pull back somewhat. Imagine it from her perspective.

 

Do you still love her? At the risk of arousing your ire, I find it difficult to distinguish which parts now are expressions of love and which are expressions of 'the internal drama of Todd'. It's tough to love when we are all full-up with negative emotion.

 

I dunno if you've read my thread, but my bf pulled away as well bc of my instability and negativity I was (mostly unconsciously and unintentionally) allowing to contaminate our relationship. I've seen big improvements since I've made the effort to: 1)improve myself and take care of my problems, put more energy back into my own passions and goals 2)respond to him with more consistency and positivity (i don't contact him every day but when i do it is with a focus on the positive) 3)give him the benefit of the doubt and put some faith in his love for me, hence allowing him to begin to trust my new found confidence again

 

The real test will be over the next weeks, months, and even years. But for now I feel better and am determined to see this through.

 

When does she come back? I suggest having at least a few positive projects on the go for that time. They will be great surprises to her, and ease the transition of no-time together to the possibility of much-time together (you'll have other things to spend your time on and so won't fall into a routine of depending on her)

 

take care. I'm wishing you the best.

[Süsser Tod]

I'm currently preparing for the test. I've postponed it enough, and my plan was to have three exams completed by the time she came back, it looks like at best I'll manage to have two completed.

 

You're right, I've exhausted every emotion possible. Right now I'm feeling resignation and just longing for her to come back. Kind of indiferent at the same time.

 

Yes, I do love her, but love is being shadowed by the frustration and anger of she being so far, my fears of losing her and my mind playing games with me.

 

She is quite aware of it, and she has said that its wearing her down. To be honest, I don't know what she saw in me, I'm hurting her so much and she does not deserve that.

 

I've decided to contact her less. Up to now we have been talking on the phone everyday, I won't do it anymore, it seems to make things worse. And I do want her to come back with me, so, I think it is better to keep less contact. Also, when I talk to her, as you said, I'll focus on the good, and try to forget about the bad.

 

 

Today I really blew it...

 

 

In the last couple of days I hadn't seen any "I love u" from her, that kinda freaked me out. Then today she sent me an e-mail and said that she was on the University library, so we could have an e-mail chat. I replied and never heard back from her.

So after waiting an hour, I called her. She told me that she went out of the library in a rush because they were going dancing.

 

My mind went nuts after hearing that. She is not the kind of girl that does that, even less on a monday. So there I was thinking about how much she has changed, feeling left out, and thinking that her motive to go was to be with someone else...

 

I told her that. Obviously, it made her really upset. She got angry and sad because I don't trust her. She said she hasn't changed on the inside, that she has changed, but that she is the same person and that this are special circumstances, so she may do things that she normally does not do.

 

 

We'll see. I started dating a "nice boring girl", if I get back a "party girl" (I pray not) I'm out of there.

 

She had always told me she didn't liked to go dancing, too crowded, too much people, etc. Now, she telling me that she wants to go, doesn't make a lot of sense. Also, they have been going at least once a week to a pub, thats totally not like her. Hope once she comes back she is not that different.

 

Well, in fact I can say, I love the person that left 3 weeks ago. I don't know if I'll be able to love the person that will come back in 3 weeks, as I'm having trouble dealing with the person that is over there now.

[itsallgrand]

She's a bit younger right? Can't quite recall her exact age. Anyhow, knowing how big of a deal that 'adventure' is to her, it's pretty normal that she would do some growing up while over there. New experiences, trying out things she may not have thought she would have liked before. All that. Expect some change: it's not necessarily a bad thing!

 

It was a little rude of her to bail on the internet convo: I get how that would be a bit unnerving. But, don't let it get to you! Really. She's got a lot going on.

 

Now more than ever you need to focus on you. And remember: none of her actions reflect back on whether you are worthy or not. You are completely worthy no matter what happens! (Now you need to prove this and convince this to yourself).

 

Don't give up. Use this experience to your advantage. Make it a year of Todd.

[Süsser Tod]

I'm so pissed off at myself!!!

 

I'm going to cancel the test for next Tuesday, I just have not been able to study thanks to migraine!

 

Thursday I studied until late in the night, so Friday I was sleepy. I came home after work and went for dinner with my dad. Came back and decided to sleep a couple of hours and then study, I had the alarm set up, and it worked, I woke up.

 

I woke up with a really bad migraine! I've been in bed since then, right now I more or less feel fine, still a little bit of headache. But now I feel like poo, I've slept like 20 hours. I feel like if I had drank too much, maybe a painkiller hang over?

 

 

Migraine has been rally bad in the last month. Just last Tuesday I had the worse migraine I can recall in this year. I came from work straight to bed, I was almost throwing up because of the pain.

I has planned to make up for the lost study time this weekend, I hate it!!!

[nottoogreen]

Have you been examined by a neurologist?

[Süsser Tod]

Have you been examined by a neurologist?

 

No I havent. I went to a doctor, but not a neurologist. I don't know the name of the speciality, but its the kind of doctor that knows about everything, and if he finds an specific problem he will send you to a more specific specialist. They are the ones that take care of the Intensive care units.

 

He didn't thought a neurologist was necesary, he just gave me prescriptions for painkillers after checking that everything else was working fine.

 

I guess I'll have to go to one now, it is way too tiring and disruptive of my normal life.

 

I just hate feeling like this, its like sabotaging myself, eventhough I'm not doing it on purpose, but at the end I'm not being able to do what I should be doing.

 

I'm going to study now, hope the migraine doesn't get worse in a few hours at least.

[nottoogreen]

A neurologist is a medical doctor or osteopath who has trained in the diagnosis and treatment of nervous system disorders, including diseases of the brain, spinal cord, nerves, and muscles.

 

Neurologists perform neurological examinations of the nerves of the head and neck; muscle strength and movement; balance, ambulation, and reflexes; and sensation, memory, speech, language, and other cognitive abilities.

From: link removed

 

It's too long to be on painkillers. Could be something else. Strongly suggest you see a neurologist.

[itsallgrand]

Ugh. Sorry, migraines suck! I hope you feel better soon.

 

Do you have specific migraine medication? There are ones you can take before a migraine starts to get bad. There are ones that help the migraine, too, once it has hit. And these babies really work!

I used to get killer migraines and since I found the right pills; it's been way better. You can function with them, y'know?

 

Don't cancel the test just yet! If you've got some solid studying in beforehand, you might be able to do it.

Maybe you need to go regardless even if it means failing. At least you'll have incentive.

It seems too easy for you to back out of this. You need some sort of accountability.

 

This all could be pyschosomatic. My body sometimes will get sick bc I've got myself so worked up. It's amazing but true: we can sabotage ourselves with sickness. It's the ultimate...."it's not my fault. I can't be accountable now. I'm sick!".

 

Not accusing you nor do I know if this is your case. Just saying it happens.

 

I see no harm in seeing a neuro. If there was something going on there, it would explain a lot!

 

Hope you're feeling better, fer sure.

[nottoogreen]

I see no harm in seeing a neuro. If there was something going on there, it would explain a lot!

Right, as you have not looked at it from that angle, please go for the neuro.

 

Ever had any head trauma - fallen from a bike and such?

[Spugly Fuglet]

Hi Süsser Tod

I have been reading the thred with intarest and seeing how your doing, I would like to add some works which I hope you read to the end.

 

I get the feeling this is all about control, over yourself over your realtionship and over your GF. You seem to have a deep feeling of the lack of control, which has lead to fear and the depreshtion.

 

This is how I feel you 4 week brake should have gone if you where in a raltionship where both partys feel secoure in there comitment to each other.

 

You would have talked about the trip, in detail she would have given you contact numbers and comited to talk to you on a regula beases I would say every day if she could. You would have told her you where happy for her to go but that you would miss her and probubly say so on the phone when you called. She would go, and you would see her off then she would call once there and say all is well. You would tell her to have a grate time.

 

You would have to feel happy with her gone and also trust her to do what is right for your relationship. Thats the key point her "trust" her to take into acount your feelings and well as hers. That being said you then get on with your life, you talk abut be suportive and trusting.

 

So what if she dos brake up with you or cheats on you.

 

Well she brakes trust, she do and with an act until then you must trust her.

 

If you carry on like you do not trust her 100% or that you are unabel to let her go away for any time with out pouring in the giult trip its

YOU THATS BRACKING TRUST

 

In you said and unsaid worlds she will get the inprstion that you do not trust her and that you are trying to remotly control her. You mite as well just call her a cheat for going becouse that what you are doing.

 

She has done nothing to make you feel this way, you must deal with this or you will have problems with her and any other realtionship you get into.

 

Its not just abandemnet its about you being abile to deal with what life going to send you. One day your kids will leave home will you treat them the same.

 

You can not carry every one around in a box made by you so you dont get haurt, in the end you will drive them all away. So don't try let the feelings go and relise that you give trust to her and that its up to her what she dos with that trust. I think you will find she will like it more when you do.

 

last of all I will say this, do not make ths woman the center of your world, keep some back for yourself. Its that which will keep you sain, you need it as a fall back for for times like this. But make shour that small bit is true and good not full of hate and pain.

 

Say to yourself I am a good man and any woman who relises that and respects that will have a good man by her side all of her life.

 

Thats the only way you can control yourself and its all you need ever do, she ill do as she will but until she dos do a thing trust her.

 

I hope my words help