Kimmikazi Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 I've been with my boyfriend for a year now, and we love eachother with all of our hearts. Well, about a week ago he showed me something that looked like a rash a little under his waistline and we didn't think much of it. The "rash" started turning into wart like bumps and he decided to go to the doctor today about it. Little did he know, that these bumps were more than likely and STD (genital warts). He was checked about 2 years ago, and since then he has had one other girlfriend that he slept with before me...which is where he had gotten this from... Naturally, I flipped out on him, telling him that if the tests come out postive..that I am gone and refuse to be with someone dirty and so on and so forth. All he could do is cry and apologize. He came over and just held me and reassured me that he understands...and that losing me will tear him apart, but that he will respect my decision. In the meantime, we tried to keep our minds busy and kept active today. On the way home from the day out, I fell asleep in his car and was woken by sobbing...when I woke up, he told me that I looked so precious sleeping that way...and that he couldn't believe that he was putting me through this. He then was telling me that the part that hurts him so much is that I don't deserve to be put in this postion and that just looking at me makes him feel so embarrassed and ashamed of himself. Later on, he was saying that he never felt the way he does and that he'd rather just die than to deal with what he has coming his way. He knows deep down it's not the end of the world, but in the mix of everything-he feels like things are done for him. I've never seen him so emotional...ever. I know I mean the world to him, and I also know that he is man enough to let me let go...which I respect so much. It's so hard to see him in this state and not know what to say or do. He keeps explaining that seeing me makes everything so much harder...knowing that I might not be around anymore in a few days...and that he feels I should end things with him now, so I can begin to heal. Now, my problems and pain vary....I don't know if leaving him is the right thing...I know he's never cheated and never would, also...he hasn't done ANYTHING wrong to me..EVER. He treats me the way every woman wants to be treated. This just happens to be a really, really confusing and rough situation...Our sex life would have to end, having kids would be out of the question...because of spreading it....(and to him - having a family is his sole purpose in life..as for me too). I don't know if leaving is the wrong thing or the right thing. This is something that he didn't even know he had up until now...(I was checked for these things for a menstral situation and I am fine...) Does anyone have any idea's...any suggestions...any feedback that can help me sort my thoughts better-I know everything is a little trown around, I'm just so lost. Link to comment
nicorette Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 i dont know a huge deal bout stds and whatnot or herpes. i know herpes is not curable, but cant people with herpes have an active sex life? Link to comment
Haven Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 I think you need to be there for him right now. It's not his fault that he has an STD. Think about how he must feel -- he has an STD which may ruin the rest of his life, and he also feels incredibly guilty for hurting you. Whatever you are feeling right now, he has to be feeling so much worse. So, I think you should stop focusing on your future and just concentrate on the present. Be there to support and comfort him, and don't blame him for anything. Just support each other through this, at least until you get the test results back. That may also give you time to sort out your thoughts and feelings and then decide what to do next. Link to comment
cacain119 Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 I second haven, that's the best advice in my opinion, for this situation but I wish you guys the best. I really could not have said it better. Link to comment
perfectliljewel Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 i think it was very selfish of you to tell him you wouldnt be with him. did you not consider that he didnt feel so hot about it himself? you shouldnt have made him feel like an outcast like that. if me boyfriend had a problem like that i would love him no matter what. thats what love it. i can only immagine how he feels. having a problem like that isnt easy to tell someone you love and you did the exact thing he was scared of. if i were you i would apologize for flipping out and make sure he knows i love him no matter what Link to comment
lady00 Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 If you find out that he does have an STD, I suggest you both go to the doctor together and discuss with him what the next step is for your bf and what that means for your sex life and whether it means it has to end. Genital warts can be treated but it is my understanding they can recur even with treatment. I'm not sure what that means about one's sex life or what role medication and treatment can play in perhaps making a sex life possible in which the person does not spread it. I think you should find out all you can about the condition once you get a definite answer as to what it and then decide from there what you want to do. Link to comment
serenity25 Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 I think you need to be there for him right now. It's not his fault that he has an STD. Think about how he must feel -- he has an STD which may ruin the rest of his life, and he also feels incredibly guilty for hurting you. Whatever you are feeling right now, he has to be feeling so much worse. So, I think you should stop focusing on your future and just concentrate on the present. Be there to support and comfort him, and don't blame him for anything. Just support each other through this, at least until you get the test results back. That may also give you time to sort out your thoughts and feelings and then decide what to do next. I completely agree with Haven! He realllllly needs you now, perhaps more than ever and if you really love him you will be by his side. Just worry about the present right now and don't get ahead of yourselves. There are new medications and new treatments every day, so get the facts first and educate yourselves before you jump to conclusions. I can only imagine how frightening this must be, but it sounds like he is a great guy who didn't get this from cheating on you, but from a previous committed relationship. The same exact thing could have happened to you... how would you want him to respond? Link to comment
perfectliljewel Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 ok so maybe i was a little harsh but i third or fourth or whatever Haven. sorry if i was to harsh... bad night. good luck! Link to comment
nicorette Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 i agree with what everyone here said. its not his fault! for instance, i have mono, and im kinda scared i gave it to my boyfriend(before i knew i had it) but i talked to him about it and he says if he does find out he has it then its not my fault, i dindt know and that made me feel so much better. i know mono is nothign compared to herpes, adn taht herpes doesnt go away, and my situation is to a much lighter extent to yours. but it is similar in the sense that uncontrollably, i could have gave him this infection. you shoudl be supporting him. imagine the person you had sex before him ended up having herpes, you didnt know, until now lets say you found out you had it? how would you want your boyfrined to act? i feel bad for your boyfriend and i know it sucks for you and its sucha heart-breaking decision, whatever you choose. but definetly dont take it out on your boyfriend. Link to comment
Kimmikazi Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 Thanks to everyone. I thought for sure I'd be getting responses saying that I should leave....I was totally wrong. You guys have helped me make such a huge decision that I probably would've made wrong, and lost him for good. I think I was being very selfish...and on top of it, I made him feel so much lower than he already does... Once again, you all are so awesome...where would I be without you all! Link to comment
friscodj Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Well, this is a tough one. You've got this great guy who treats you wonderfully and loves you to death but he's got this problem now... I think you should be there for him right now, as a best friend more than a girlfriend while you figure out the medical ramifications of this problem. Is that selfish? No, that's called looking out for yourself and being honest with yourself... Some people can handle certain problems and other people can't. I don't think it's selfish or shallow to decide to leave this relationship based on this problem depending on the treatment options available. If you just can't get over this problem, there's nothing you can do about that; your attraction and desires for types of intimacy are what they are...and while it isn't his fault...the situation is what it is... Ultimately you need to do some soul searching, get some medical opinions, and figure out what you really want and not fall into the trap of staying in the relationship for fear of appearing selfish or shallow if you leave... Link to comment
perfectliljewel Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 its my pleasure dont loose the man you love over something like this its not worth it even if it means changing your future besides if you want kids... there are millions of kids without homes... why bring more in the world?? Link to comment
doyathink Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 There have been previous posts on genital warts you could search for that can answer some of your questions. If he has GW and you have had sex, with or without a condom you could very likely have them also. There is a treatment for them and you can still have children. C-section is an option if they cant get rid of them.However, there are proceedures to get rid of the warts themselves but not a cure for the virus. The is one of the most common std's out there right now so not to worry, this can be helped. SEE YOUR DOCTOR tho, you need to have a pap like every 3 months if your high risk so that if you do have them it will be caught early. Some forms of HPV carry cancer!!!!! Link to comment
teacup Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 two thumbs up! more dead on than shooting a fish in a barrel. Link to comment
DN Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 If you have had sex with him then you should also be tested. And since his ex g/f gave this to him it is possible that he has given it to you. Then you will be in exactly the same position that he is in right now. Does that mean that you would be 'dirty' and should never have another boyfriend? Link to comment
nottoogreen Posted June 10, 2006 Share Posted June 10, 2006 Hi Kimmikazi, Once you have a diagnosis, please post it here for follow up. Link to comment
Kimmikazi Posted June 10, 2006 Author Share Posted June 10, 2006 Will do...Thanks so much everyone! Link to comment
Ians Mommy Posted June 11, 2006 Share Posted June 11, 2006 i dont know a huge deal bout stds and whatnot or herpes. i know herpes is not curable, but cant people with herpes have an active sex life? Yes, but even if it's under control, it's possible to spread it. Link to comment
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