Will the grass always be greener on the other side?

[babypink61]

This is just a general opinion post . . . I'm just curious about what everyone else thinks . . .

 

I've read a lot of posts on here where the poster's significant other would use the excuse of "I'm still young, and I want to experience what else is out there" to break off a relationship. Keep in mind that these are ppl in their early 20's. It would make more sense if you're not getting more out of the relationship that you're in and you want to know what else is out there, but I've also heard stories of friends that would apply the same logic to good, fulfilling relationship just because they want to see if they can find someone else that's even better. To me, if I'm content in a relationship, I'd be more likely to keep it going rather than wonder "hmmm, I wonder if I can find someone better . . . " I guess to some people, " the grass always look greener on the other side". . . . I'm just curious if any of you have broken up with your bf/gf this way and what was the outcome? (ie. did you regret what you did later? did you end up finding someone else better? etc)

[RayKay]

Well, every relationship will have it's own little "quirks", and no one is perfect.

 

I think often when people leave because the grass is greener, it's because they just don't feel it with whom they are with. I don't think people whom are truly happy and in love (and truly in what to THEM is a good & fulfilling relationship) really even care to look at the grass over the neighbours fence. It tends to be when they are feeling less sure, not happy, whatever. Now whether this is due to the person they are with, or their own place in life, that will vary from person to person.

 

Sometimes what we see as a perfect couple/union from the outside, is not so to the people involved (or at least to one of them).

 

My answer is...sometimes you do find someone more right for you, but there will still be imperfections in that relationship too. This could cause you to run again. This is why it is so important to find your own internal happiness, and self, as it will make you a much better "judge" so to speak of the difference between healthy, satisfying relationships and ones you really should leave behind. At other times, maybe you realize you made a mistake and that you should not of left...but that does not mean that you will never meet someone else again either whom encompasses all of what you are looking for.

[brando]

I wonder about this greener grass myself... and i am learning i am responsible for the greener grass, not another woman or another relationship..

 

When people can finally stop looking for a significant other as a source for greener pastures, then they will evidently have to create it from within themselves.

 

People , places and things don't change an individual. One of my favorite sayings is and always will be:

 

Wherever you go there you are...

[HardShowingAffection]

This is an interesting question. I think that what people really should focus on, is not whether "the grass is greener on the other side", but how they can make the grass greener within their own relationship.

 

There are countless posts here, and I know even within my own relationship where the general direction of a relationship is one that you would prefer it not to be. Then you cannot help but think... what if... or question why you are where you are.

 

The problem that I see is that most people do not look within themselves and make the effort to make their own grass greener. Is it easier to just think that you have failed and search for greener pastures? That it is not worth the effort to find in your partner what brought you together in the first place?

 

I don't know.... I have found myself in this rut before. I guess it is right up there with the whole thought of "you don't know what you have until it is gone".

 

I have come to realize how much power I have within the relationship, to steer it where it goes. I had to stop looking at my partner for happiness, blaming, all of that negative stuff, and really take the reigns and go! It appears that this is a common theme in many relationships, and many fail because of it. People have to realize how much power they have! How much they actually control to finding that greener pasture within their own relationship. Gaining this knowledge was crucial for me, as any relationship that I find myself in the future will be much different than any one I have had in the past.

[HardShowingAffection]

Amazing that when I started to reply to this post, there were no replies yet.... and when I finished, it appears that we have 3 replies that all are saying very similar things...

 

It really is amazing when you finally realize how much power you have. I wonder why it took me so long to see all of these things? I mean, over the past two months, wow... talk about life changing events in my life. They really should teach some of this stuff in school!

 

Why didn't I see all of this before? Why did it take me so long to really dig in? Why does it seem like so many are just as blind as I was?

[demons-princess]

i think people who give up a SURE(well more likley) relationship for something thats MOST LIKLEY NOT gonna happen arent really thinkin to much i mean really the fact is if tey luv,protect,and help you not harm you then theres no such thing as a better relationship

[Day_Walker]

If a person says that they just want to see what else is out there then lets really look at what that means. It means that for whatever reason the relationship isnt working and they want out of it. Maybe they have expectations that are out of wack or maybe they just dont want to be in the relationship anymore. I think that it not always a "grass is greener" argument, it could be that the relationship has run its course.

[Dako]

I often wonder if someone in their 20s is restless not just sexually but has an innate curiosity about the world that's unsatisfied. Younger people are often stifled by school, parental interference, finances and uncertainty about their abilities and self-worth. Later years bring a sense of belonging with career, true friendships not based on conforming to a peer group, and a bit more background in adult life.

 

Or maybe when your girl's not home, her room mate gives you the eye...

[babypink61]

Well the one example I have is something that happened to my friend back when she was a junior in college. She was seeing this guy for about a year and everyone thought he was the perfect guy for her. He was loving, caring, and treated her with respect. Well I guess towards the end she started to get restless and broke things off with him cuz she wanted to go out and see what else is out there. Well 2-3 years later with many failed relationships, she finally realized that she had made a huge mistake by letting this guy go and that she'll never be able to find someone that will treat her the way he did. She really regretted what she had done and tried to get back in touch with him again. Well it's 2 years too late cuz he has since moved on with his life. Sometimes she'll just start crying (when she's drunk or depressed) cuz she misses him. And that leaves me wondering, if you knew he was the one, why would you ever let him go? I guess you'll never realize what you have until it's gone . . .

[brando]

I know of someone who had a wife and two kids, one day he tells his wife i want a divorce, i met my soul mate. So they divorce, he hooks up with his soul mate, and a year later she breaks up with him.

 

I realize chances are needed to be taken in life, but i think of that story always when i hear of these situations..

[Alpha J]

I have been broken up with once over this concept and almost ran into this problem again recently. I feel that it has alot to do with the friends that one has around them and the emotional maturity that the person in the relationship has. I do count myself as a "great guy", but for some reason, my ex of 2 years felt that she needed to "see what was out there". Some people get restless when the relationship losses its "puppy dog" phase. Eventually, relationships can become routine and some people are not comfortable with it. Often times its because they see a friend in a new relationship and they wish they can be in that "new" stage again. Or they see a couple on the street and think "hey, they are so happy and have no problems, why cant we be like that?". So they result to break off their relationship and search for that eternal "puppy dog phase".

[Momene]

One of my sayings is that the grass that looks greener may be full of dandelions and clover.

 

The other side to the coin is that people will cling to unsuitable relationships because they fear that there is nothing better on the outside.

 

I do agree with a lot of comments that you cannot totally rely on a relationship for happiness and you have to find a good proportion of it from within.

 

I'm sorry that I disagree with Dako on one issue. In my experience, instability in the industry I work in has led to cutbacks, lay-offs and lack of opportunities. Later life can bring its own sets of problems and challenges. Many people of my age (most???) have sufferred the death of a parent or parent-in-law, sometimes after a long illness. Our own health and energy isn't what it was in our 20s and there's the feeling that whatever we want to do in life, there isn't much time left to do it ...

[Skippy]

Hmmm, hearing this i personally find it funny.

The grass will always be greener on the other side. It suppose to be. Human Nature.

THe difference is self control and choices. You make a decision to be with a person or not to be with a person. If the relationship is good just focus on the choices that you made.

Even if the grass is green on the other side i personally would rather have what i have then to risk losing everything for a 'what if'.

I have seen too many screw ups to not have learnt from this.

Everyone gets hurt if there is no self control or self discipline.

[CHINOOKA]

Grass on other side of fence is always greener if you are looking. In other words, if you want to be able to commit. then gain the self control skills required to do so which include fleeing from all signs of temptation.