Heartbroken and confused!!!

[HP350]

Warning long story, but I'm in so much pain. I don't know what to do or who to turn to until I came accross this website. I'm confused…Please help me???

 

My ex-girlfriend were together for about 1 year and 8 months up until last March. She is 19 years old, and I'm 24 years old. She's the kind of hot crazy and wild blonde girl, while I'm the average guy, but a little more mature and established. I mean I can get crazy as well, but for the most part I'm way more conservative. In the beginning of our relationship there was always the issue of ex-boyfriends and other guys. She's a really attractive girl that had a lot of guy friends. These guys would text her and call her constantly, which would bother me. She always was firm about nothing ever happened and it was only me. The frustrating part was, she was giving in and allowing for these other people to continue to contact her. We had our issues and fights about it, but manage to get through it. Anyhow, I thought we fell madly in love with each other. I'm the kind of guy who is really giving and will do anything for the person I truly care about and love. Lets just say she didn't have much going for her and didn't know where her life was heading until we met. I did everything for this girl from helping her grow as a person, her finances, paying for some of her beauty school, lending her my car, showering her with gifts, teaching her responsibility, etc. The reason why I did these things was because I thought she genuinely cared and loved me. After giving and giving, I was hurt because she wasn't giving in return or doing sweet things for me as I did for her. I was finally at a point where I wanted to leave because she wasn't giving and that I felt we were at different points in our lives. I was constantly nagging at her and wanted her to be better to me. She constantly said she would change but it never happened. All the signs were there telling me to get out because she was immature, she wants pursue her career as a stylist in the city when she's done with school, while my career is in the suburbs, and that she wasn't going to change. Although, I knew I needed to get out for my best interest, I never had the guts to do it. For some reason, I couldn't leave because I was so drawn to her. She is beautiful and didn't have much until I met her and straighten her out. I felt so proud of how she had develop as a person through me. I decided to leave her in March because I found out that she was talking to some guy on myspace and the ended up meeting at bar. Supposedly, nothing happen. I was heartbroken and so hurt because how could she do this to me after all the good I did for her. The last 2 months and half have been so tough. She's constantly on my mind nonstop where I can't concentrate. I'm always thinking about her. At one point, we stopped talking for about a week. Then we tried to work on things, but for the most part we are still in contact to this day on a regular basis. She says she wants to change and be better to me, but her actions always prove her wrong. She's always going out now to bars and at one point she was still in contact with the guy that broke us up. Her excuse was it was comforting because she wasn't with me. She's one of those girls who doesn't know how to deal with her emotions and always put things to the side whenever I try to talk to her about us. I always go out the way to try to make an effort but she always shoots me down. She says she loves me and that she wants to me marry and even have my kids one day, but yet she won't talk about how she feels or wants presently because she says she's sick of hearing about it. I'm so confuse because I love this girl to death even though she's put me through so much pain and hurt already. Every time I try to make things better or talk about us, she gets so irritated. I've tried my hardest to lay it all out there so I can get closure to us, but she won't tell me anything except for that she loves me. I asked her if she wants to see other people or if she needs a break from me or if she just wants to be friends, but her answer is can we talk about something else. I want some kind of closure so I can try to move on, but I can't get it. Sometimes she wants to hangout (not sexual) with me but it seems like she's always wants to go out more, which bothers me because I know that guys are hitting on her and my trust issues. She says that she's just having fun and there is no other guys besides me. Honestly, I truly feel she genuinely loved me at one point or still does and she feels bad for everything she's done wrong. I don't know if she talks to me now out of pitty or if she really loves me and wants to work on things. I just don't' get because I told her to be real with me, and I won't be mad if she wants other things. I told her just to be open and honest, but it doesn't seem to work. I guess am I asking for to much? I'm going crazy!!! It's so hard to let her go because I know she's still holding on. I really do want to be with her, but it may be for doom if I stick around. I feel like I can't live with out her and I'm so miserable. I'm trying to stay busy, but she's still constantly on my mind. I don't know what to do or if I should try to work it out….Help!!!!!

[melrich]

To be honest you guys sound like you are on completely different pages, totally different stages of your life, totally unsuited.

 

Some of your post actually sounds controlling. I am sure you are not but I think that is coming through because you are willing her to catch up to you in terms of maturity and life goals etc.

 

Fact is you can't "force" a person through that.

 

This is not what you want to hear but I think you guys have probably met at the wrong time in your lives.

[backinthesaddle]

I got married to a girl about her age a long time ago. As we both matured, we changed a lot. It was doomed. It sounds like your more mature then me at that age, but the fact remains. Your ex-gf will (hopefully) mature a lot in the 4 or 5 years. You have got to give her space, and focus on yourself. My confidence has grown a lot from my mid-20's to mid-30's. Confidence seems critical for success with women.

 

My advice... avoid the situation for a while - even common friends if necessary. Believe me, I have been through it a couple times.

[sonjam]

Yes I agree. Give this girl space, she's stringing you along because at the point where she is, it might be USEFULL for her to have you around.

 

For your own sanity, you have to let go, stop all contact and try to focus on other things.

[teacup]

*sweeps up your heart*

*hands it back to you*

*gives you some tape*

or you want some glue with that?

[phantomwolff85]

Speaking from the point of the less well adjusted person, like she is, I have to say that she may feel that she wants to change, but feeling and doing are two different things. While it's great that you are patient she has to really do something in order to even warrant considering getting back together. I recently broke up with my ex and although I said I'd change I always fell back into my old patterns. I love him and I can't get him out of my head either, so my advice would be to just keep yourself busy with a job or whatever and do somethings for yourself like go on a vacation or whatever.

[friscodj]

Hey! Welcome to ENA HP350!

 

You say her life wasn't going anywhere until she met you. It's been my experience that people need to figure themselves out first before getting into a relationship vs. finding salvation and direction in someone else.

 

And you said it yourself, "I'm more mature and established". That sounds like it right there. She's 19 dude. I have changed sooooooo much since I was 19. Most people do. And she is too...

 

You are trying to file, cut, saw and otherwise force a square peg into a round hole here. Unfortunately, you love the beautiful square peg and really want it to fit.

 

And you knew this! You said:

 

Although, I knew I needed to get out for my best interest, I never had the guts to do it.

 

So the issue is how to do this. My advice is cut it quick and clean, make a large amount of distance between you two, and see what comes of it later on in terms of friendship.

 

For what it's worth, from what you describe, her behavior is very typical of a 19-year old attractive woman...

[Siriana]

Well, in future try dating girls who are more mature.

It looks like you love that feeling that girl needs you to take care of her - a little bit as a rescuer.

That is just a tought. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm not, you know for the best.

So, after you get over this girl, in the future be careful not to ener a relationship which has the very same elements as this one had.