backinthesaddle

She is practically married. Any more intimate involvement would certainly make this a full blown affair. Being hurt by an affair, I know the damage it causes. It is impossible to hide. She needs to know that her BF will find out (not to mention possibly friends and business associates). In the event she did break up with her bf, it would still be a LDR. I wouldn't give her a commitment for any long term relationship. She would need to date other people after being in such a long term relationship. Jumping from a 5+ year relationship straight into another relationship is doomed.

I have worked with this woman for a few years. We slowly became friends doing lunch, exchanging emails, etc. Since the working arrangements didn't allow dating at the time (conflict of interest), I simply enjoyed her company. After she left for a new job, we sort of lost touch. A couple months back, she sent me an email saying that she would like to get to dinner next time I'm in town. Incidentally, we will work in different offices (1 hour flight away). That sounded great to have some company on the road. The dinner went great. So, I asked her out during next visit and we went out again. When we are talking, she never discusses her private life much. I tend to be more open. Well, I finally really pressed her on dating - what she was looking for, etc. Then, the live-in long-term bf came up. I was shocked. My original intention that night was to extend the date after dinner (if you know what I mean). Anyway, I left early and tried to let it go. After that second date, I knew there was a strong connection there. I tried not to interfer with her relationship stituation. The next time I was town she wanted to dinner, but we settled on just a lunch. One thing led to another and we were messing around. I stopped myself from going to far, but the encounter still went too far. I will be in visiting her office in the next week (no lunch this time!!!). When I sit down to talk to her, I'm not sure what to say? I do care for her... Ideas?

Well, I guess I got both sides of it. One camp (from this and more from other posts) say that if it doesn't work now, it will never really work. The others say that getting back together is always a possibility and can work. I feel guilt becuase I should of not gotten in this far unless the feelings are mutual. I did tell her all along that I was somewhat emotionally unavailable, and she said it was okay and she wanted to spend time with me anyway. I have to admit that I do have feelings for her now. I do love her. There is just doubts about (me) ever moving past this point in this relationship. Maybe my head is screwed on wrong to think the one person can love the other more. Love is love... You either in or not, right or maybe? It's scary because I was on the opposite end of another relationship. I felt more strongly about her; I was in overhead and tried to move back. She(ex) was insecure and wouldn't let me go. She finally found someone else while we were still going out. It crushed me, and I vowed to never hurt somebody like I got hurt. I wished my Ex had the strength to back off and let go like I am trying to now. I took a long break from dating after my heart was broken, but it still controls me. Maybe I putting too much pressure on myself and us...?

Here is the data: - GF and I together for almost a year (8 months exclusive) - She has very, very strong feelings for me - I have strong feelings for her, but not as strong - We are in mid to late 30's - Both have been through divorce in the last few years and tough rebound breakups - If I was ready for marriage, she has all the qualities to make it work - I feel I it would be healthy for me to settle down, but the wild side won't let me. Based on all that, I felt she wanted more than me (now) and I backed off. It's not just that I'm not ready. I can't see anytime in the future when I will be ready. Also, she seems crazy about me (more everyday). I don't want to drag out relationship and make the breakup harder later (hurt her worse). I told her I wanted to take time off to figure things out and see things clearer. She said that I need to make up my mind now, and she is not going to wait to be hurt worse. We are currently on a "break", and she said she will tell friends and family its over on the weekend. Help is always appreciated...

I got married to a girl about her age a long time ago. As we both matured, we changed a lot. It was doomed. It sounds like your more mature then me at that age, but the fact remains. Your ex-gf will (hopefully) mature a lot in the 4 or 5 years. You have got to give her space, and focus on yourself. My confidence has grown a lot from my mid-20's to mid-30's. Confidence seems critical for success with women. My advice... avoid the situation for a while - even common friends if necessary. Believe me, I have been through it a couple times.

Dated this girl (ex) at work and she wanted a lot more and I didn't. She was heart-broke and very bitter at end. 9 months later, she still works at company but avoids me like the plague. It is very awkward for both of us. I have not dated at work since... Now, her good friend (also works in same office with us) is single. She is incredible, and I am very attracted to her. She seems interested in me too. I have been heart-broke before and know how painful it is. I don't want to hurt ex more. So I can't bring myself to ask her friend out. I have been flirting with her carefully (striking up friendly conversations when I see her outside of office, IM, etc.). I want her to initiate any type of dating. Am I just being selfish? Should I get over it? I can't seem to shake this thing. Thanks in advance for advice.

Since this is a work relationship, it is a big distraction. If this goes on a few months, it will obviously have negative consequences. She has not contacted me in a few days. I think she is trying to keep me guessing. It is becoming very difficult. I can't just let this thing stew through the holidays. She claims to be going to get a abortion (not suggested by me) this weekend. Should I confront her afterwards to find out what's going on? The LDR is already suffering. I am trying to avoid the dating scene as much as possible for now, but I don't want to give her up. I guess I will wait until she begins to lose patience before telling her? Thanks again.

I dated this girl at work who now claims to be pregnant. Here are the background facts: - We dated off and on for 4 months - She is in first year of divorce with the 3 kids - I am two years divorced with two kids - I always was very upfront that I was not looking for a relationship - She began giving me gifts (small but sentimental) 2 weeks into dating - The gifts got more and more personal, and frequent over time - Her interest in me became obsessive and unstable - Because of work, I tried to gently push her away to not create any trouble - We stopped dating about 6 weeks ago. - She seems very rejected and hurt Here the pregancy facts: - She was on deprovera (sp?) while we dated - She got a surgery(cosmetic) within last couple weeks where a pretest showed pregnancy - The hostipal did a retest and the results turned up negative - After the surgery, she claims to get a third test which was positive - She told me a week and half ago. - I checked into the alleged third test; it was not done; confronted her and she admitted lying - She still contends to be pregrant - She sent me very nasty messages on Thanksgiving - She refuses to give me proof Now the questions: - I really feel she is lying, but have to be sensistive in case she isn't. How should I deal with her? At this point, I do not acknowledge any negative messages she sends. I do not initiate conversations after catching her in the lie. - How can I get her to show me proof or admit she is lying? - Because of the weight of the situation, I have discontinued dating locally. I have been dating a girl long-distance. She seems to be getting more and more interested. I think it will scare her off if I tell her. Do I tell her now or wait and see what happens first?