Getting the engagement ring back

[bstrong2day]

My ex- broke up with me three weeks ago and I'm about to send a brief letter to get my engagement ring back as part of my healing process.

 

The letter states: I have always respected you and stuck by your side through thick and thin. When I proposed and asked you to marry me, we made a promise to eachother. You broke that promise. Please send me the engagement ring back.

-Me

[kellbell]

Good letter, straight to the point. Did you send the letter certified?

[avman]

I would change the "You broke that promise" part. This may be true, but your goal is to get the ring back. If you just lay blame she will probably get pissed and then refuse to send it back.

 

Say something like "...we made a promise to each other. The ring was a symbol of that promise. Now that times are different and that promise cannot be kept, please send me the engagement ring back."

 

If you live close to her you might even try to get it back in person to avoid problems with losing it in the mail, damage, and so on.

[Daddy Bear]

i'm not comfortable about the accusing tone. couldn't you just ask for the ring back without taking a swipe at her? it might increase her chances of cooperation too.

 

oh, "each other"... them's two words, if it matters to ya.

[kellbell]

I like avman's way of putting it. True she did break the promise but you want to play nice in order to get her to cooperate. Did you send the letter as of yet?

[bstrong2day]

The fact is that I am still in love with her and would like to work things out. Although, at this point, if you've read my story, you know the deal. I've never wanted to hurt her. This was her choice. She broke up with me

[avman]

Yes, I know. But if things work out you can always give the ring back and try again.

 

She broke up with you. The engagement is off. So the ring goes back.

[RayKay]

I agree with taking out the accusation aspect of it, and saying something like "since the circumstances have changed, I ask that you please return the ring".

[kellbell]

I have been following your post as well so I know your situation. I am so sorry. But avman is right, she broke a promise and it is time to get the ring back.

[pedro]

I agree with the others. Maybe just asking her for the ring back would be the best thing. I know how you feel dude and it is hard. To me an engagement is a committment to be together forever and is just like being married. My ex broke up with me after 5 years. We were engaged too and she gave back the ring with no questions asked. Even early on in the breakup process, she knew that the breakup was final and did not want to work things out.

 

It was tough taking it back at the time but 4 months later I realize it was for the best. I'm healing and feeling better about the situation every day. So will you in time. I know that in time you'll be giving a ring to a girl who truly deserves your love and will truly appreciate it.

 

Be strong and we're here for you.

[bebecole]

if i was you i would just call her and ask for the ring back...

thats what i thnk..

and i agree with the others tho just ask for it back and thats it.

[bstrong2day]

thanks for the help, everyone. This site has been my savior for the past few weeks. It has helped me hang on and be strong. I'd like to add something to the end of the note, although it just doesn't fit. I wish I could add something to the effect that I wish she was willing to work things out.

 

This is how it sounds right now.

 

"I have always respected you and stuck by your side through thick and thin. When I proposed and asked you to marry me, we made a promise to each other. The ring was a symbol of that promise. Now that times are different and that promise cannot be kept, please send me the engagement ring back."

 

-Me

[Siriana]

I've been reading your post about situation you're in.

In my opinion you don't need to ask your engagement ring back.

Of course if I was her, I would give the ring back to you the very same day I broke engagement. But she hasn't.

So you asking that ring back is basically sreeming to her how hurt you are. Asking ring back sounds patetic in my opinion. Just leave it to her. And get rid of yours. And I must admit that I have no idea what would you do with that ring. Getting ring back ain't gona give you back your hart. The time will.

[Meow18]

I think your re-write is great. It definitely isn't too harsh, and it gives a good reason for you wanting the ring back.

 

Honestly though, I have a feeling that through a letter, she could just ignore it if she wanted. Perhaps you should just call her? THat way you can get feedback right away and not have to wait around for a response. And she won't be able to just ignore it or claim she never got it..

 

But of course, that all depends on how comfortable you are with calling her at this point. And I don't know your ex either.. she could just go about this maturely.

[avman]

Asking ring back sounds patetic in my opinion. Just leave it to her.

 

An engagement ring can cost thousands and thousands of dollars. Asking for it back is not the least bit pathetic.

 

I think the letter sounds fine. But I do also think perhaps a quick call asking to have the ring back would be even better (if it is possible for you). I wouldn't add anything in the letter about trying to work things out. Thats the part that will make it seem like there are ulterior motives and may make her ignore it. Just keep it simple and businesslike.

[kellbell]

I do not think asking for it back is pathetic at all. It does cost a great deal money and perhaps he can sell it and treat himself to a vacation, new clothes, motorcycle, whatever.

 

Bestrong, you have been through a lot, there is nothing wrong with taking some time out and treating yourself right. Let us know how you are doing.

[Meow18]

Syrix, I don't disagree with everything you have said. But the fact he wants it back isn't really pathetic.

 

An engagement ring is a symbol of a relationship. It's two people wanting to take the next step. It wasn't really a gift to her. It was a promise.

 

And since they aren't together anymore, the person who bought it should have it. So, if she hasn't offered to give it back, it's time to ask.

[RayKay]

I don't think there is ANYTHING wrong with asking for the ring back.

 

I think one SHOULD give the ring back (though I think there are certain circumstances where that is more of a judgement call, like if she paid for the ring herself somehow, he owed her loans, he was cheating on her like heck...then she should pawn it herself ) if the engagement is off.

 

They can cost a lot of money, and why should she profit from breaking off the engagement?

 

I have heard of women whom rack up quite a few rings over the years...that certainly does not seem right at all!

[Skippy]

why write a letter. Go and visit her and ask for it back.

[Skippy]

The engagement ring is about the promise of marriage. If the marriage does not happen the ring always goes back. It is not about the cost. It is about the principle, and her being a woman knows this rule.

[bstrong2day]

These are a few things that are spinning around in my head right now.

 

1. The longer I go without contacting her gives me a chance to heal. (It's been three weeks now, and I don't feel any better yet)

 

2. I hope trying to get the ring back will give me a sense of closure.

 

3. If I ask for the ring back too soon, it might look like all I cared about was the ring, and not her. That might confirm her decision for breaking up with me.

 

4. The longer I go without contacting her, the more likely she'll realize what she is missing.

 

5. The longer she goes without contacting me, the more she'll be likely to move on, find somebody else, or perhaps sell the ring (although I don't believe she's that cruel).

[Meow18]

Well, if a letter is the only way you think you could get ahold of her, then do that.

 

The only thing I worry about is if she wouldn't answer phone or the door for you, what makes you think she will respond to a letter? Letters don't allow for feedback right away. She could just never respond to it at all.. and then where would you be?

 

3 weeks is not too soon to ask for the ring back. I think you should really try to call her before doing a letter. But then again, that's something you need to decide for yourself.

 

Do you have any mutual friends? If she won't respond to your calls, perhaps you can try to get a friend to talk to her.

[Skippy]

Ok. You are confused and you are not letting go and i'm sorry about that. If you think you want to manipulate the situation to your benefit you are going to hurt yourself. Hoping doesnt help this situation. Doing something does.

YOu said that, it has been 3 weeks and u dont feel better, getting the ring back will give you closure.

So go do that. Your aim is for yourself right now. GET THE RING.

 

As for showing that you cared for the ring more then her, that is your mind playing with you, IGNORE IT! you gave that ring for a reason and she knew that reason.

 

The longer I go without contacting her, the more likely she'll realize what she is missing.

Taking the ring back is showig that u are taking control of your life. The further you pull away the better. If she wants back, she will come back whether she has the ring or not.

The longer she goes without contacting me, the more she'll be likely to move on, find somebody else,

You shouldnt care about that, this time is for yourself. Focus for yourself and on yourself.

perhaps sell the ring (although I don't believe she's that cruel)

Dont hope, take control by taking back your ring.

 

GET IT BACK, control the situation and dont be the victim.

[friscodj]

I like Skippy's advice.

 

Think of this as getting a shot at the doctor's office. It will sting for a little while, seeing her, but save all the business about letters, "promises", and "different times", rewriting letters to sound just right and such and just go over to where she is and say, "Can I talk to you for a second? I'd like the engagement ring back." That way, the situation is real to her as you are right there. With a letter, it gives people an opportunity to procrastinate. Be cordial, say please and thank you, and get the job done...

 

The longer you wait on this, the harder it will be and the longer it will take for you to start healing...

[lunatic]

I think straight to the point asking her for the ring back. I do have a question for you did you give her that ring as a present(like valentines day, etc)?