How does one improve one's social skills?

[easyguy]

I grew up lacking social skills, which in turn makes it very difficult for me to try and get a date, or even make a friend. Sometimes it seems like people are born with great social skills, especially with someone of the opposite sex. Then there are people like me who think they get it, but when the time comes to talk to someone face-to-face, it's an uphill battle.

 

Does anyone know how to improve one's social skills? Is it something you can learn from a book, or does it require first hand experience and emulation?

 

Gosh I seem so boring.

[LostInMyThoughts]

No one is born a certain way.

 

You get social skills by socializing. I've gotten a lot better at socializing--I'm not some wild-out going guy, but I've put in time getting to know people and learning what things about myself come accross well, and which things make people less inclined to talk with me.

 

Much of socializing has to do with (i think) two things: How well you relate to someone, and how well you are able to converse with them.

 

If you are interested, try first joining a local group that engages in something that you enjoy; so you'll have something in common with other people--preferably something that you can get up and talk to people once in a while.

 

Next watch how people who you feel are better at socializing act; as far as how they talk, how their body language works, and what they say. See if you can internalize what they do, and see if you can imitate it.

 

Watch out for how other people react to you. If you are talking and they seem disinterested, learn to wrap up what you're saying, ask them a question, and shoot them a smile. If you see them responding well to you, keep that in mind build off it.

 

Social skills don't come over night, it takes time, and there will be plenty of times where you don't hit it off. Thats okay.

[teacup]

i dont know. i was born with it. or mabe it's maybelline.

[GottaLetItBurn]

From talking to people. Plain and simple.

 

Woman have better social skills naturally so it's better to listen to them and let them talk. That is what takes practice.

 

Learn how to become charming, use manners. Be sincere.

 

You will leave people wanting more of you.

[Budman]

Ironically, I had to do the same thing.

 

I had to throw myself into social situations.

 

Funny thing is that when I did this I think I lost IQ points.

 

Maybe that was the alcohol...

 

or the pot...

 

or the combination...

 

What was I talking about again?

[CluelessGuy321]

Takes experience.

 

And it's not even about WHAT you say, but how you say it. Seriously.

 

And...um...you just need to get out there and try. If you don't click with one crowd/type of person there are other crowds/types of people you WILL click with. Different strokes for different folks so to speak.

 

I've known this one guy since high school who has THE WORST social skills and sense. I think he alienates himself from main stream people, but he doesn't seem to care. He just keeps yacking with random people and he's found a girl friend and friend groups he hangs out with. They're all oddballs though....but friends are friends I guess

[Budman]

Actually Cg gave me a good point.

 

I've literally said garbage, (words not the trash).

 

 

Like lahdksghdlkajgsdlkagsd, because I messed up saying a word. It didn't cause issues, infact it makes both people feel comfortable. I'll make it into a joke or something.

[sir sirloin]

I hear drinking heavily improves social skills

[Dako]

I find forgetting about myself makes a big difference. Many of us are selfconsciously trying to appear relaxed, confident or interesting.

I found ignoring myself and paying attention to others loosens me up.

If you're genuinely interested in someone, you end up asking them questions and really listening.

[Budman]

I hear drinking heavily improves social skills

 

lol, so true/.

[AwdreeHpburn]

good call and great advice from Dako - that totally helps one appear anything but nervous. I imagine that although alcohol can certainly make one feel less inhibited, if you're not sure what to say, alcohol doesn't give you topics...

 

I suggest improv classes where you're taught to think on your feet. Toastmasters groups or similar things....force yourself outside of your comfort zone. That's a HUGE help. It may be scary and get your heart racing, but even that's good for you...

 

one of the BEST ways to learn to be social is by practicing being social.

[shadowcat]

i lack social skills

 

 

4 words

 

lol

 

no for real i do though

[jumper71]

You get better by doing it. Get out, socalize, talk more, take risks even if you don't want to. Everyone is boring, the whole idea that someone else's life is exciting and packed full of goodness and good times is a bunch of bull. How about this, go skydiving, kayaking, white water rafting, play a game of baseball, soccer, shoot guns, paint a portrait, right a novel, travel the world, a week later sit around the house watching TV doing nothing and you'll feel like the most boring person ever. Try your best to not focus on yourself, but when you are talking to someone, focus on them. If you can't think of what to say in relation to what they are talking about, then just ask more questions, stay away from anything heavy early on.

[KIDD]

This is so weird to me! I have a job now where I have to socialize with people & when I talk with people, especially co-workers I have such a hard time. They usually end up conversating for about 80% of the conversation. I usually reply with a yeah, or an oh ok type response. Mainly it's because they talk about things I really don't know much about. I'm mainly a homebody type person & I think that seriously damaged me for the real world. Everybody can just talk about they're interesting lives, all I seem to do is go home from work & sleep, then get ready for work the next day. I really don't have much to talk about really. So when people do talk, I mainly just listen. It also makes me feel that I'm boring because I'm not giving back with what their talking about. It makes me wonder what they're thinking about me?