I caught him in a lie I need advice!!

[skyler]

I have been seeing this guy for 2 months and he came on really strong when we met. He's very fun to be around, and he wants to be with me all the time but he is insecure which makes me uncomfortable because he always wants to make sure I am only having sex with him.

Here is the crazy part...He sends me a picture text message that says "hi baby, how are you" but he made a dumb and careless mistake of sending it to TWO OTHER GIRLS because their cell numbers showed up in my phone! I was very hurt and I decided to call them... One of them said she only met him once and she never saw him again, and the other said she had been seeing him for three months! and that they were intimate also. I was so mad. Even though we are not committed yet, he kept saying he only wanted me and noone else, so in my eyes he is a cheating liar.

I confronted him and he was very upset and kept insisting that he NEVER had sex with her, and that he was just talking to her. He insists that she is a liar, but I need the guys out there to tell me if I should believe him...I said "well if you never had sex with her, and she is the liar, then we should all have a group meeting and then the truth will be told" He says he never wants to call her again, that he loves me and wants to marry me. He said he called her and said "Why did you lie and tell skyler that we had sex?" I think that's a lie also. I don't know what to do, who to believe or anything because she didn't seem to be as upset as I was. He called me all night and didn't stop crying and apologizing.

His mom and dad cheated on eachother and he grew up that way. He says he's different and he wants to be with only me but I don't feel right in my gut.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

much love,

skyler

[tylercdurden2004]

Well at two months hes lying to you what else do you want. Hes clearly not trust worthy.

[PlayBrat]

Even if he IS sorry...he's still got issues with being honest.I bet he only cried because he got caught!! I think his true colors arelready came through...don't think you will be the one to change him. Better you found out now after only two months....look at this as a sign.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Skyler - this is a toughie.

 

Even if he DID cheat, he may genuinely be sorry. But he hasn't copped to it so its hard to say.

 

A long past ex cheated on me and one of his issues in his family was that his dad had cheated on his mum and he hated that. He hated what the after shocks of his dad's cheating were.

 

The first time he confessed. I would have never known. And he too cried like a baby about it.

 

I Knew he felt bad for doing it every time he did. But eventually I got tired of keeping him in a place where he was compelled to cheat and apologize for it so I made it easier for him by just leaving. Then he could have all the sex with as many girls as he wanted and didn't have to apologize to me for breaking our commitment to each other.

[butterflies]

i think he's the one lying. why?

 

1. girl#1 said they met once....it's true!

 

2. girl#2 said yes, they're intimate....there's no way she'd lie about

that becuz they're going out for 3 months(she told you how long)

....so it's true!

3. he said it's not true and he loves you and wanna marry you...??

.... obviously he's the one lying!

 

so don't believe him. i'm sure you don't want to marry someone who'll lie to you. he said 'he loves you and wanna marry you' to run away from his lies. dump him now!!!

[RayKay]

I think he is lying, and he is only sorry he got caught.

 

I know it seems odd since he always wants to make sure you are committed to HIM, but it is not uncommon for cheaters to be "insecure" that way. Why? Because they know they themselves are cheating, and getting away with it...so they will easily assume you are doing the same to them.

 

And he is trying to win you over by saying he wants to marry you? Give me a break, he has known you two months, is cheating and is only saying it to make you think "well, maybe he IS telling the truth if he wants to marry me!". No no no.

 

I don't see any reason these girls would lie to you about it. I bet if you called that other girl in a month unless she was smart enough to dump his butt, he would STILL be seeing her AND sleeping with her.

 

Dump him. He's not worth the pain he is going to bring your way...never mind the fact he has been risking your physical health by sleeping with other women and not even telling you. You deserve much better.

[Iceman26]

In my experience, most people that cheat try and pass the buck on it. For example, this guy was insecure, wanted to make sure you are the only one sleeping with him, is tossing you BS about wanting to marry you after 2 months, etc.

 

He's doing this to alleviate his own guilt for what he is doing: cheating. By being suspicious and accusing you it justifies what he is doing.

[coollady1957]

I say trust your gut feeling on this. I have been through a somewhat similar thing with a boyfriend lying. I had that deep down feeling as well, that there were lies and deceit going on.

 

I do not think he is trustworthy and you will always have a feeling now that he is not being truthful with you.

[chigal28]

In a situation like this, where you're dealing with someone who sounds at the least VERY manipulative, it can be almost impossible to get the truth. But the fact that your gut feeling says something isn't right speaks volumes. Whenever I've had a gut feeling that something isn't right, that gut feeling usually ends up being correct.

[Beyondthesea]

I would not date him anymore. He has obviously been caught in a lie and is panicked.

 

3 months with another girl, 2 with you, one date with the other...all three of you should bid him a not so fond farewell. He truly is not relationship material.

 

Although it hurts, he is a player and will always cheat. You don't deserve that, it's definitely time to move on.

[Blured]

The only way you can save the relationship is to insist you have a group meeting, there's no way you can stay with him if you dont trust him.

Stating the obvious, ah well.

[skyler]

It's so funny that you just posted that because I told him that I wouldn't trust him or date him ever again unless I meet face to face with him, the girl, and myself to verify his claim of innoncence of never having had sex with her. He was weird about it at first, but then he said go ahead call her and arrange it. It's just that deep down, I don't even know if it's worth it, to have to go through all that. What do the rest of you think? If he is so mad that she lied about having sex with him why isn't HE arranging the meeting?

[doyathink]

Maybe he thinks you won't really go through with it! Even if you do all three meet up he may continue to lie and say he was never with her even tho she is right there.

[skyler]

you're probably right. I guess I need to just move on and make better choices in the future. Thanks to all of you for your enlightment on my darkness

[xprincessbugx]

You should dump him. You can't trust him and now that you know you can't it's gonna ruin the relationship because your always going to be wondering if he's being honest with you or if he's talking to other people. Get out of this while you still can...