Man!!!

[pablovblack]

I was just thinking, how hard must it be to try and grieve a breakup without this website, what did people do before!! it must have been so much worse, feeling like you was the only one in the world with that pain.

 

Knowing there are others makes it so much easier, like we are not totally alone in our grieving.

 

This forum has helped me so much, when I get better I will make it my vow to stop by from time to time and try help others, such a great community.

[Lady Bugg]

Yes, true! There was once life before SuperDave...how did we ever survive it all??

My guess is ..we just did. Albeit, we probably made a LOT more mistakes and pined much longer than necessary, we are still around to talk about it. Humans are a lot stronger than they give themselves credit for. The human mind can overcome anything with the right frame of mind and influences.

Usually it really IS mind over matter....unfortunately, many think with their "hearts' and not their heads.

[Arielle]

I know exactly what you mean about how much we need this site. It's tough to actually talk to people about how it feels to break up. I know I'm guilty of quickly changing the subject if someone goes on too much about an ex. But you're right, we sure feel the need to communicate to someone as we work through these issues.

[shes2smart]

Just to play Devil's advocate....

 

For some people in some situations, a site like this can encourage them to prolong their misery by continuing to go over (& over & over & over) the break-up.

 

Most people who come here and post something when they're hurting get all kinds of support & reinforcement....and that can be a heck of a nice "reward" for feeling bad. While "I'm doing better" posts do get responses and a pat on the back, it's usually not so much as someone in crisis gets. For some people, I think getting the attention/support can become more of a draw than getting on with the business of getting over an ex.

 

I did a good portion of my dating/breaking-up/crappy relationship life prior to ever getting online. You get through it. I talked to my friends, I wrote in my journal (pages&pages&pages&pages....), I took special interest classes to keep busy (which is how I learned how to do an oil change...), and spent a lot of time with various hobbies, I went to therapy, I planned & took vacations/road trips.

 

Getting out and doing/experiencing new things was (and probably still is) the best way to move through and move on. It's when we engage in things like endlessly writing in a journal about the break-up (or posting online about it) that we can fall into the trap of wallowing in our misery.

 

Pain is necessary for growth.

Suffering is optional...and wallowing brings on suffering.

[RayKay]

Well, I guess you just talked to your friends for the zillionth time, or cried in your pillow!

 

This site is great, but I agree with S2S too that there are times too that some people hold onto their ex through this site - by revisiting the details often for example you keep it "alive". I know for me, after some time when I first came on this site, I found myself having to take breaks to really work on moving on. And that meant actively living my life!

 

I think an advantage though is not just the support - but the fact you realize your situation is not that uncommon, not that unique, and that people whom have been through the same thing HAVE moved on and been able to do it.

[renaissancewoman101]

I do like this site a lot. It has been an invaluable tool for me for getting over my breakup with my ex. Although, like shes2smart says, this site can also encourage people to wallow in their breakup and not move on, which is not a good thing. Eventually, we all have to move on from our breakups and enter the next chapter of our life, and that is best done in real life without dependence on this site. Being on here too much can prevent us from going out and living life and meeting people because we feel safe in this cocoon.

 

I love this site and I am eternally grateful for all the help and advice that people have given me from here. I try to pay some of that back by giving advice to people on here, although I am not as skilled or as knowledgeable as a lot of the people on here. There are so really understanding people on here.

 

It feels good to be able to help other newbies as people have helped me in the past.

[sooky]

im new to this posting lark, but have been reading the forums for a while and i think it's great that people out there care so much and offer support and advice without making anyone feel bad for perhaps not getting over things as quickly as they 'should' etc etc.

you're all ace! teehee!

xxxx

[shamus]

i agree about the wallowing thing. i still hurt badly, and i had to take a break from this site for a while. but last night at a low point, i had to come back on here...so in doses it does help. other peoples experiences can really help a person, as it helped me, and i try to return the favor when i can.

[Siriana]

sooky's avatar is just perfect. And I loved the movie too. It is very appropriate for this discussion: it basically sreams you need to make some self questioning. The girl who stands by the picture is the same one who's on the picture. You can run, you can hide but you can run away from yourself.

 

It is easier if you're not that kind of a person who complains over and over again as a substitute to some serious personal improvement work. But those overly venting persons found the way to vent, vent, vent, without improvements even before enotalone.

[notsurewhat2think]

Amen to this site!!!

[pablovblack]

sooky's avatar is just perfect. And I loved the movie too.

What movie is this???

[bstrong2day]

I'm starting to worry that I am holding on, and revisiting the break-up too often. My break-up thread is now 51 posts long. Granted, I've gotten a lot of support from many on this site. I just don't feel ready to move on yet, but I know it's time. It hurts so much, and I have not/may not get any answers. I believe that my -ex has been able to brush herself off and continue her life without me without a hitch. Yet, when I take a look at myself..I'm exactly where I was three weeks ago. Still searching for answers.

[shes2smart]

I'm starting to worry that I am holding on, and revisiting the break-up too often. My break-up thread is now 51 posts long. Granted, I've gotten a lot of support from many on this site. I just don't feel ready to move on yet, but I know it's time. It hurts so much, and I have not/may not get any answers. I believe that my -ex has been able to brush herself off and continue her life without me without a hitch. Yet, when I take a look at myself..I'm exactly where I was three weeks ago. Still searching for answers.

 

Three weeks isn't that long in the larger scheme of things.

 

If you're still hanging on to the past a year from now, I'd suggest it's time to move on.

 

3 weeks....heck, the body isn't even cold yet. In this case, if you don't feel ready to move on yet then it's NOT time to move on yet.

[Siriana]

Close relations (well at least in my language - I 've translated it directly to english). With Julia Roberts, Natalie Portman and I think Jude Lowe (but not sure). a good movie.