Women, how important are looks on a guy?

[Meow18]

Yeah I know.

 

I guess I need to start trying to look at the positive side of things more.

 

 

Yes!!! That's exactly it! You would feel so much better about your life. And it would even build confidence if you tried looking at the positive side of things!

 

It's so hard to do at times. But really, everything happens for a reason. You are still single because you haven't met that perfect girl yet. But she exists! Just try to keep meeting girls, even if it's online. And try to think positive things about yourself, because that will seriously help someone else see those things too!

[monkey1]

You may think you're not the most handsome guy out there, but you know there are many women, including myself, who will think you are attractive when you start talking to them.

 

Like with my boyfriend, I wasn't totally turned on when I met him in person, but his personality and how he was confident and showed he wasn't nervous, but excited to meet me, was attractive.

 

Now I think it's totally hot! People might not think he's attractive, but I'm the one dating him and I'm the one who loves him to bits and that's all that matters.

 

And if the girl you're going to meet isn't totally into you when you meet in person, just give it a little time. People are shy (I WAS!) when they're attracted to someone they've talked to online. The thing is, don't go in with high expectations just yet. Just meet as friends and hang out.

[Ross_K]

I know, I think having the confidence and getting rid of the nervousness would really help me.

 

Also, you're right, I won't be going in with high expectations, things should happen, but for some weird reason they might not. I'll just see what happens.

[Batya33]

I think looks matter and those who say they do not at all likely are being dishonest with themselves. I think personality or lack thereof has a huge effect on looks. I have to be able to imagine myself kissing the person and I will give it a few (usually no more than 4) dates to see if attraction develops. Sometimes I know right away that I could never imagine kissing the person and that the attraction will never develop. I also have to feel proud to be seen with the person and that is not so much a matter of looks but grooming, posture, presense, etc.

[wlfpack81]

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[Batya33]

No not at all about trophy - needing to feel proud to be seen with the person is simply the reality that we are judged by who we associate with to an extent and I admit it is important to me that the people I associate with including my boyfriend reflect my values.

 

Trophy to me means I would want him to be better than me or to have people think I am hot stuff because of who I associate with. That is not what I meant in the least and I would never agree with someone who had that as his or her goal. For example, my boyfriend holds doors open for me, helps me on with my coat, holds heavy packages for me and has very good manners with waitstaff and all customer service types. He is social with my friends and family and is exceedingly bright and interesting/witty without being overbearing or arrogant.

 

He dresses nicely and carries himself well. He is a natural at all of this and I am thereforeeee proud to be with him. In contrast, I would be uncomfortable being seen with someone who cursed a lot, was rude to people, or had bad posture/grooming.

[wlfpack81]

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[skyblue1]

Ross K i think your a nice looking guy! your not unattractive at all. Stop labelling yourself as unattractive. Do you smile much?

[Ross_K]

Have you seen my bad pics? What if I look like those?

 

Yeah, I guess I need to smile more, I seem to look a bit sulky most of the time.

[skyblue1]

hopefully some smiling will get you some ladies

[Ross_K]

Lol, nah, women just don't want to know, it's okay.

 

My good pic is probably misleading, so, I'll put up my bad one, it's probably more accurate and not misslead people into thinking I can easily get a girl.

 

I'll probably leave this site, I mean, sometimes I do enjoy posting on here and I do really like the people, but sometimes it's just so emotionally painfull.

[Beyondthesea]

If it's so painful, stop posting "poor me" stuff and start helping other people with their problems. I've been abused but I don't post everyday saying "Are all men abusive." "No man wants me but to abuse me." "I hate men, is that terrible?"

 

Sometimes you have to face some battles on your own instead of having a walking monologue.

[renaissancewoman101]

But his walking monologue seems to attract the most attention and the most posts.

 

Ross K, I admire you. You seem to have threads that attract the most attention and the most posts. See, you are popular here and people like you. You even have a nice fan base.

[Ross_K]

If it's so painful, stop posting "poor me" stuff and start helping other people with their problems. I've been abused but I don't post everyday saying "Are all men abusive." "No man wants me but to abuse me." "I hate men, is that terrible?"

 

Sometimes you have to face some battles on your own instead of having a walking monologue.

 

I don't mean to trivialize your problems, honestly I don't, but for you what happened is in the past (I know, I know it probably still effects you now). But for me, my problem started when I was born and will continue until I die, there isn't really anyway for me to move on unless I can accept never having a woman, and put all those thoughts of needing one, sex, and whatever else out of my mind permenently.

[Ross_K]

But his walking monologue seems to attract the most attention and the most posts.

 

Ross K, I admire you. You seem to have threads that attract the most attention and the most posts. See, you are popular here and people like you. You even have a nice fan base.

 

But I'm not sexually desirable to females and I never will be.

[MacGyverRI]

I don't mean to trivialize your problems, honestly I don't, but for you what happened is in the past (I know, I know it probably still effects you now). But for me, my problem started when I was born and will continue until I die, there isn't really anyway for me to move on unless I can accept never having a woman, and put all those thoughts of needing one, sex, and whatever else out of my mind permenently.

 

 

Earlier you were having some beers and your posts have degenerated since then.

 

I'm curious, are you drunk or an alcoholic?

[Ross_K]

No, just a coupla bad experiences since then which have proved my point.

[MacGyverRI]

No, just a coupla bad experiences since then which have proved my point.

 

LOL, what do you think, only good experiences happen?

 

I got shut down 2 x's sat. night.

 

Maybe I should start a "OMG, I got shut down, I'm going to stop going out until I find out what's wrong with me" thread...

 

 

NOT happening, life goes on!

[Ross_K]

LOL, what do you think, only good experiences happen?

 

No, it's just that I've never had a good experience with women.

[Budman]

No, it's just that I've never had a good experience with women.

 

 

Lol my first ohh, 100 or so interactions were bad.

 

IT's called learning from my mistakes

 

And ross you won't.

 

You find excuses, and you look for them.

 

I'm done, before I really tear into you because that's not helpful

 

Good luck.

[annie24]

I don't mean to trivialize your problems, honestly I don't, but for you what happened is in the past (I know, I know it probably still effects you now). But for me, my problem started when I was born and will continue until I die, there isn't really anyway for me to move on unless I can accept never having a woman, and put all those thoughts of needing one, sex, and whatever else out of my mind permenently.

 

I think you should re-think your comments. It is one thing to have problems getting a date, and a totally different thing to be in an abusive relationship and be fearful of your life. Even after the relationship is over, most battered women don't give up the fear until their abuser dies, and even then it remains. Perhaps you have a difficult time understanding the concerns of others and that is why you can't get a date?

[Batya33]

I know many people who have become socially adept over time and thereforeeee more attractive to the opposite sex. My boyfriend is an example - he was a fairly awkward teen/20 something and over time he developed more self-confidence and better social skills. It is a significant change.

[alteer]

I don't mean to trivialize your problems, honestly I don't, but for you what happened is in the past (I know, I know it probably still effects you now). But for me, my problem started when I was born and will continue until I die, there isn't really anyway for me to move on unless I can accept never having a woman, and put all those thoughts of needing one, sex, and whatever else out of my mind permenently.

 

 

Honestly Ross the only problem I see (from reading your posts) is that you lack self confidence and drive. These are things that can be fixed with a bit of work. So if I were you I would be pro active and take on the advice that so many people have offered to you.

 

Just stop feeling so sorry for yourself.....the only one that hurts is you. Life is to be lived.......so get out there and live it !!

[wlfpack81]

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[annie24]

Ah that wouldn't have anything to do w/this situation. Let's say that Ross truly was hideous...well it wouldn't matter what his mindset was b/c women wouldn't be coming up to him to engage him in conversation anyways to know how he feels about things like that.

 

No wlfpack, I am really making a point here.

 

ross has his photo up and we have all agreed that he is a reasonable looking man. he is not hideous by any means. And honestly, I see hideous people all the time holding hands with other people (hideous and not-hideous).

 

However, I think that his comment to beyondthesea, saying that his ability to not get a date is a far worse problem than an abusive relationship shows that he may lack some empathy and social skills.

 

I know so many women that have been raped, or in abusive relationships. Even after they have broken up and moved thousands of miles away, they still live in tremendous fear of their lives, afraid that the ex will show up and kill her. And, it does happen.

 

To say that his problem is worse than hers really shows a lack of social skills and I think that is the root of why he isn't getting dates. His looks are more than sufficient. It is his mindset that is in his way.