Suicide - the coward's way out? Well then, call me a coward!

[Dako]

You might have some good surprises in your new phase. I sure hope so.

[Q10]

I can make ends meet on the money I'd make and still be able to stay in school and graduate. I have no intention of leaving school.

You sound like me, I'm not doing really good in school either, but I'm not giving up, never. I like to finish what I start.

I'm just so tired of all these set-backs in life. Who doesn't have set-backs, one may ask? I'm sure all do, but many do not. How I envy the people who have such easy, carefree, happy lives. I look around at school and see all the smiling, happy-go-lucky, carefree people and think, "Why can't that be me?" I see all the content, dewy-eyed couples everywhere I go, whether it be in the mall, at work, school, church or wherever and once again think: "Why can't that be me?"

"Who doesn't have set-backs, one may ask? I'm sure all do, but many do not." - All do but many do not? umm, all do. There's no *but*. It's the way you react that makes them the way they are. You just gotta learn some coping skills. Maybe they know that for every "down" in life, there's an "up". It's like stock exchange, the stocks go down but they'll always come back up. Sometimes it seems like it's just going down and never up? Guess who wins at those times? It's the patient ones who don't quit and wait.

It's not that I DON'T have dreams, I certainly do. The problem is, my dreams are TOO big. I expect too much and always am left short. I'm so sick of it.

Dreams are supposed to be big..Remember the saying "Aim for the sun and if you miss it you'll end up in stars" or something like that? It's the same thing.

Oh and my definition of marriage stands. If people desire their own individuality THAT badly, let them stay single. The ego needs to take a step down and let the other person go first for a change.

 

Imagine what a difference this world would be if everyone thought that way and did that! (Now THAT is far too idealistic, I admit.)

Now that'd be awesome. I gotta agree with you on that.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

How I envy the people who have such easy, carefree, happy lives. I look around at school and see all the smiling, happy-go-lucky, carefree people and think, "Why can't that be me?" I see all the content, dewy-eyed couples everywhere I go, whether it be in the mall, at work, school, church or wherever and once again think: "Why can't that be me?"

QUOTE]

 

You are making a big mistake in assuming a lot of people have easier lives. They don't. I can guarantee you that a lot of people who seem to have it easier don't at all, they are just better actors, or have more motivation to hide. Pain is not special or restricted to some people.

 

If you saw me and my S.O in public you'd think we were ecstatic and life was easy for us. Yes, we have a good relationship, but both of us are living through some very unpleasant things at the moment and neither of us are especially "happy"...we just try to keep on keeping on.

[Hannibal]

I didn't read through the entirety of your post.

 

However the major points I extracted were that you got hurt by a girl and you're out of a job.

 

Well the simple solution to the no job part is to get out there, put in applications and find a job.

 

You're not going to find one if you don't look.

 

As for the girl

 

I recently got dumped by a girl who cheated on me, with another none the less. Then she went out with this guy who she left me for and her and i continued to sleep together for quite a while.

 

I went through all the crap that comes with everything that happened.

 

I did miss her for a while, but once I finally cut her out of my life she found her way into my head less and less until i realized one day I hadn't even thought of her in 3 days.

 

Now I have finally realized that she was no good and I'm actually quite glad to be rid of her. Looking back she was just a pain in my side anyways.

 

So what I'm trying to tell you is that what ever is wrong is only temporary. In time you'll find a job and a better girl and forget all about the no good one. Just try not to force anything to quickly, let yourself heal at a normal pace.

 

Suicide is a very permanent "solution" to these temporary problems.

 

My younger brothers friend took his own life almost a year ago now and I often find myself wondering what his last thought was as he hung himself.

 

I promise you that it was something along the lines of "What the hell am I doing? I can't come back from this." By then it was already to late.

 

If you want to talk about it some more then send me a private message.

 

I've been through the works my friend and let me tell you, it does get better.

[Hannibal]

I just read your most recent post. In it you said you would much rather be dead.....

 

Tell me, what is so great about being dead?

 

Dead people seem pretty boring to me.

[stolenshadow]

Today, I went out, found an apartment and got hired for a job (which I fear I will utterly hate), but it will be good enough for the meantime to pay some bills. I can make ends meet on the money I'd make and still be able to stay in school and graduate. I have no intention of leaving school.

 

I can't say I feel a whole lot better, to be honest. I still fear things will come crumbling down the instant I start rebuilding the stack of cards. It's a fearful thing, really. I still would rather be dead, to be frank (amazing how I got the job with that attitude). I'm only being honest here.

 

 

I am amazed too that even if you don't feel great you went out and got a job and an apartment.

I did think you could make it, but as I was reading your posts I thought it was going to take you a lot longer, so, it's seriously admirable the willpower you have.

 

 

I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Living on my own sounds fun, but once I start coming home to an empty apartment every night for the next couple years, I fear I'll sink so deep into depression that I will choose the only "sensible" route of suicide. I can't say I really want that, but all pain needs a painkiller, does it not? (The humane part of me says 'yes'.)

 

Find a roommate then, at school or at work, you can move elsewhere in the future too.

 

 

It's not that I DON'T have dreams, I certainly do. The problem is, my dreams are TOO big. I expect too much and always am left short. I'm so sick of it.

 

Well, if you are sure you can get those things you dream of then it's just a matter of patience and work, if they are very big you shouldn't ask of yourself to make them happen fast, it will do you more harm than good.

 

 

Oh and my definition of marriage stands. If people desire their own individuality THAT badly, let them stay single. The ego needs to take a step down and let the other person go first for a change.

 

Imagine what a difference this world would be if everyone thought that way and did that! (Now THAT is far too idealistic, I admit.)

 

It's a lovely thought (I read what you said about it), but, the problem I see is you can find a person who will love taking advantage of that.

Some people like to use "love" to get power over others, and if you are willing to give yourself up to another person (on any extent) they can just take whatever they need and run.

 

 

In any case, I hope things get better.

[Kevin T]

A lot of willpower is just another way of saying I'm stubborn, which I am. Quite so.

 

I'll have to pass on a roommate however. I like having my own space. The only person I would allow to live with me would be a significant other (and our kids, provided I had any).

 

Not all people use "love" to manipulate people. I don't. And I'm hardly perfect. If you're telling me I am the only one left who doesn't, then I'd best end it all right now, for then I'd truly have no hope.

 

 

Hannibal, I envy the dead at times because they are not in pain. I am. As for finding someone else in no time, I beg to differ. I have looked for years and found no one. Even if I were to find someone I actually liked, she would not like me. It's fine that you got away from the thorn in your side; good for you. I can admit that maybe my ex wasn't the best person for me, but she was the only person I truly ever loved and felt happy with. No one else has come along to take her place.

 

I'm rather envious, to be honest. She's married now, to a greay guy.I have no one. Life is certainly not fair at times.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

KevinT, all I can say is that you're only 24. If you were 80 with these problems I can see, but 24 is still that young crowd, you know the 18-25 range that I wish I was in sometimes.

 

All of those things you listed, are they so impossible to get? If so, how, because you define yourself as a loser. Sorry, that's not good enough. I walk around with a super loser suit with an L on my chest and cape, but I don't give up because all of those things you mentioned are attainable.

 

It starts with a job, which you now have.

 

Then you get money, which you now have.

 

Then you get an apartment, which you now have.

 

So that's 3 out of 5 and in some circles, that ain't bad.

[Kevin T]

Yeah, but the only one that really matters to me remains forever beyond my grasp.

 

I don't know if I'll be able to make it 33. I fear if another 4 or 5 years go by like this, I will go insane or end up killing myself for sure. I've even thought about planning it for my thirtieth birthday. I don't want to be 40 or 50 years old in this position. I would so rather be dead.

[stolenshadow]

You know?, I was going to post that you have a very good attitude, but thought it was going to sound like a contradiction, now I do think I have to say it, sure, it would be better if you were positive and did things, but whatever gets things done can't be bad, also, you have very clear thoughts on what you want, you are not specially optimistic, but I think deep down you know you will acomplish many good things one day if you keep doing what's right and keep being honest with yourself.

 

 

I'll have to pass on a roommate however. I like having my own space. The only person I would allow to live with me would be a significant other (and our kids, provided I had any).

 

Okay, well then as long as you spend a lot of time outside/outdoors it should be fine.

 

Not all people use "love" to manipulate people. I don't. And I'm hardly perfect. If you're telling me I am the only one left who doesn't, then I'd best end it all right now, for then I'd truly have no hope.

 

 

Let's recapitulate, I said:

 

- "It's a lovely thought (I read what you said about it), but, the problem I see" -- Which means it's ONLY my opinion, I can be right or very wrong.

 

- "...is you can find a person who will love taking advantage of that -- The key words here is "a person", one, not many, not all.

 

- "Some people like to use "love" to get power over others" -- I said "some" because of course I don't think all people are the same, and I know not all girls/guys are takers.

 

As you can see I didn't say you are the only one in this world who has that definition of marriage, I just said that with such definition you just have to be careful with people who can try to take advantage of it.

 

No need to end anything Kevin, there is hope for you, same as for most people.

Don't think much about the future and how bad your life can be then, you're not there yet.

[Dako]

Are you too proud to be acknowledge the role depression plays in your life?

To an outsider, it's clearly an obstacle, but you seem to accept death more easily. Pride or what?

[Kevin T]

How is it pride? I see death as an escape from pain. For a firm believer in the spirit realm, I don't doubt that death is not the end. It's merely a transition.

 

stolenshadow, if only I had your optimism. I don't deal well with disappointments. I'm also a very intuitive person; for better or worse. My intuition tells me things will not work out for me. Probably shouldn't listen, but I usually do anyway.

[stolenshadow]

You can be more positive, just don't give up. You have the important part already, because if a person is all optimism and dreams they won't really get what they want, action is needed, and since YOU are making things happen I can't see why that won't bring you happiness and maybe give you the optimism you don't have now.

 

Being optimistic won't get things done, but working on getting what you want CAN give you optimism.

I completely lack intuition, but it's clear to me you are perfectly capable of having and giving yourself a good life.

[Kevin T]

That is true.

[Beyondthesea]

You are only 24 pal, my 25 year old friend just died suddenly 3 weeks ago and reminded us all how short life can be.

 

Suicide is always a permanent answer to temporary problems. I haven't read anything in your posts about huge traumatic incidences in your life. Do you go to counseling? I really recommend it. It seems like this is self inflicted misery.

[Kevin T]

I lost my fiancee a few years back. That was traumatic for me.

[Kevin T]

I don't really feel like doing it at the moment. Sure, I'm unhappy with my life, but things are getting better. Besides, I've still got a few years ahead of me. If I end up being 34 or so in the same predicament, then I may well do it. But 24 is too young to be thinking about throwing in the towel. I see that now.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Damn straight! I'm glad to hear that, 24 IS too young to die.

[Dako]

Kevin,

Keep putting it off! It's worked for me...so far.

 

You might not know it, but you're a good person going through a meaningful passage.

[Kevin T]

Thank you.