Update/What do you think?

[bmagoo]

I just got back from spending the night at my guy's apt. To update, he will be leaving May 26 to go back to his home in Florida. We had a talk about keeping in touch and are we really in a "relationship". He says that he will come back and visit me because he thinks I am a funny person and he likes me and he enjoys having sex with me. Now, this sounds like some kind of a relationship to me but he is so afraid of commitment that he will not call it that. What do you think??

[Batya33]

Since you are willing to be sexually intimate with him, why aren't you comfortable asking him the direct question of specifically where you stand? Sure, that might be his code for "relationship" but my guess is likely not. Just in my experience, when a man wants a relationship, he wants the woman to know that he is not going to date (or sleep with others) and that he respects her - and wants to make sure she will not be dating others. There is not one way to say that but usually (not always!) the man wants to make sure that you know exactly what he means and to do that they usually fall back on well understood words like "boyfriend/girlfriend" "exclusive" etc. If he is vague the first time, he probably will correct himself.

 

Again, what is your reason for having sex with someone where you cannot ask him what role you play in his life? If you tell me because it's fun or you like it no strings attached, that's cool, but it sounds like in this case you are hoping for more.

[RayKay]

I agree with Batya, when a guy wants a relationship, he will be pretty clear that he wants you for himself, and does not want to risk losing you to someone else. What may have sounded like "relationship" to you, may for him have been just a way to keep himself open to other options.

 

If you are sleeping with him, you should be able to ask him if you are exclusive. Really, unless you are prepared for the risks that come along with a casual sex partner, that should be established before you go to bed. For you, having sex may imply exclusivity. For him, it may just mean regular sex.

 

And for the record, I think people are only afraid of commitment to the person they know they don't want to commit too. I have seen many so called "commitment phobes" change their tune pretty fast when the right one knocked them off their feet. It's usually an excuse, in my experiences, to not have to be responsible for their actions or have to trade in their "freedom".

[bmagoo]

Oops! I posted this in the wrong area - I had originally posted the situation in the Long Distance Relationship section and thought that is where this one was going. Is there any way I can move it? It will make more sense if the history of it is known. Sorry about that.

[RayKay]

Moved for you bmagoo.

[amtjrtcet]

Truth? He just wants to be friends with benefits....its up to you if you want to continue or not.