bmagoo

All of those things are definitely worth thinking about and have been on my mind. I guess it is confusing to me because he is so honest and straightforward about the not wanting to get emotionally involved but then he send mixed signals with what he says sometimes. For example, who travels 6 hours monthly for sex only? It just seems like a lot to me but that is just me. He also seems to want to really make sure I know we are keeping in touch. I did ask him if he was going to look for a commitment type relationship when he got to FL and he said he wouldn't do that to me - so who knows? He has basically told me not to overthink, go with the flow and see what happens. I guess that is all I can do. I just really need to make a decision about whether to give it a chance or bail out now because it is driving me crazy. Haven't told him that though. He also gets upset sometimes because he says I have so little faith in him but I'm not really sure I have much to have faith in right now. It is all very confusing.

Thanks. I really like your insight into things and it is always good to hear from a guy. I'd love your input on my most recent post.

Now he is staying until the end of June - makes me a little happier. I know he is ready to move back though. I told him my feelings and asked if he felt for me at all. He told me not in the same way I did about him. He says he has absolutely no desire at this time to get emotionally involved with any woman - not just me. As I said, he has had bad relationships in the past. That being said, I spent the night last night with him and it was just all talking about several things and cuddling, laughing, holding hands - no sex. And he has committed to seeing me at least once a month after he moves and he seems deadly serious. He may be traveling some and is even offering to fly to see me if he does or pay for me to fly to see him! You can see why I might be confused. I asked him how he sees it and he says friends with benefits and that he wants a long term sexual relationship with me. I'm not sure what to do - he says this straight out but then the other actions I describe make it seem like he wants more. He tells me to just have fun for now without over thinking, go with the flow and see what happens. I am so confused. There seems to be such a connection there. Is there any potential for this to grow if I keep in touch with him, see him and don't pressure him? He is 41 and I am 35 so it is not like we are young kids here. Thanks.

Hi. Thanks for your input. I tend to overreact a bit sometimes. Luckily I didn't say anything to him. He is definitely dedicated to his daughter which is so nice. I'm just a little overemotional right now and feelig vulnerable.

Well, he is leaving at the end of this month. He really insists we are going to see each other. In fact, I had planned to go down to FL to see him the weekend of June 30. He said that was fine. I was planning to take the train but then did some research on flights and found one at almost the same price as the train - obviously shorter travel time. The only thing is it would be harder to change travel dates. So, I asked him if he was for sure going to be available that weekend b/c I didn't want to get the tickets and then lose my money. He said to wait until 2 weeks before because he is taking his daughter to Europe for 2 weeks and they have not worked out when yet. She is very busy getting ready to go to college at the end of July. So he said don't do anything yet. I kept my cool because I realize he loves his daughter very much. So, I said I will just leave it up to you to come see me then. I didn't want to wait until just 2 weeks before - the fare would probably go up greatly by then. I have decided not to put any more effort into this. I get such mixed signals - that he really likes me, etc. and then this. Am I overreacting? For some reason that really hurt me but I don't want to be selfish because one of the things I like about him is his dedication to his daughter. Thanks.

Thanks for your input. I think there is definitely more there than just sex. I met him in January and we had instant chemistry. We slept with each other very soon afterwards which I never do and probably made a mistake doing then. About a month later I dumped him. We still did things together like movies, etc. but nothing more. Then we got back together in a sexual way. He said it was good we did that since we became friends instead of just sex buddies. I think I mentioned he has had some pretty bad relationships and I was wondering if that might make him a bit more hesitant. We are already planning to see each other again when he goes back to Florida. It is a six hour drive and I mentioned that was a long way to come to see someone that he is just sexually involved with. He didn't seem to like that comment much. He is also keeping his local phone number and having it forward to his cell phone to make it easier for us to keep in touch. This is all very confusing to me. I see where the friends with benefits thing is accurate but all of this other stuff seems to hint there may be more. Of course, I'm not sure or I wouldn't be asking.

This is pretty much what I thought. I suppose I am just wondering if there is any chance it could develop into more than that if I keep in touch, etc. Sometimes it seems there is something more there. I do know he has had several very bad relationships - divorced because he caught his ex wife cheating on him and was with a girl for ten years whom he loved and she slept around on him all the time also. I once dated a guy for five years who was extremely similar - very emotionally unavailable and told me he wasn't in love with me, etc. During the last year, he did end up falling in love with me but by then it was too late for me.

Oops! I posted this in the wrong area - I had originally posted the situation in the Long Distance Relationship section and thought that is where this one was going. Is there any way I can move it? It will make more sense if the history of it is known. Sorry about that.

Hi. Spent the night over at his apt. last night and we talked. He says he is coming to visit me and would like for me to come visit him. He definitely wants to stay in contact. I ask him why and he says because he really likes me as a person, thinks I am funny and enjoys having sex with me. He is even keeping his local number and having it forwarded to his cell phone so it is easier for us to stay in contact. HOWEVER, he refuses to use the word relationship. I asked him directly "so isn't that a relationship - how do you see this?" and he says "I enjoy your company and enjoy having sex with you what is wrong with that?" Then, he left the room for a minute (work phone call he had to take) and he came back in and kissed me on the forehead. He even said if it makes me feel more comfortable and more like he is not just using me for sex then we can just be friends for the rest of the time he is here. So, still a little confused but isn't this a good sign???

I just got back from spending the night at my guy's apt. To update, he will be leaving May 26 to go back to his home in Florida. We had a talk about keeping in touch and are we really in a "relationship". He says that he will come back and visit me because he thinks I am a funny person and he likes me and he enjoys having sex with me. Now, this sounds like some kind of a relationship to me but he is so afraid of commitment that he will not call it that. What do you think??

I think it is hard just because it seemed as if the relationship was headed to something a little more serious and all of a sudden, after a weekend visit to Florida, he is moving back. Actually, he is moving back because his daughter is about to go to college and he has a lot to do with her (he is divorced). It is not to the point where I think I want to marry him or something. It is just that I feel there is something there and I would really regret if I failed to pursue it and to continue having him in my life.

Thanks for your advice. I have about decided that is what I am going to have to do. I guess I want to hear that the relationship can keep progressing but only time will tell. I would love to hear about your situation.

I can understand the situation you are in. I have been married for 17 years and about 5 years ago my husband came out as gay. It is very hard to accept but we were always best friends and we still are - in fact, we are still roommates but we date others obviously. Anyway, your situation may be a little different. Maybe your wife felt more comfortable talking with other women because she didn't feel it was cheating. Then, because she was lonely, maybe she got closer to them than she expected. In my opinion, you are only going to have your questions answered by having a very honest, in depth conversation with her preferably face to face. Only then, when you both have been honest and open and seen each other again, can your questions be answered.

Hi. I am new here and I'm hoping to get some advice from some of you. I have been seeing a guy for five months. He was in town working and will be leaving to move back to his home state at the end of May. We have been seeing each other at least once a week and are lovers. I have started to fall for him. I know he likes me but not sure if he feels more than that or if he even thinks he could. I know he has had some bad experiences with relationships in the past and is probably a little cynical about them. I am sad about his leaving but know he has to. I have told him I miss him and that I had started falling for him. He has told me we will keep in touch and that he will come see me and vice versa. I would just like a little more time to see how/if this relationship develops. I have told him that I really would like to have him in my life after he leaves and for us to see each other when we can so basically, he knows how I feel so I definitely won't keep bringing it up. I guess I am a little insecure because I don't know how he really feels and I don't feel totally comfortable asking. I feel like I should just wait and see how things go after he leaves. I don't want to put too much pressure on him when I may be the only one feeling this way. In other words, I don't want to scare him away so that he doesn't stay in contact. We have never talked about being monogamous or anything or totally committed to each other because I feel it is too soon in the relationship to do that with someone who is as cautious as he is. What is your opinion on all of this? Am I hoping for something that isn't going to happen or is there a possibility this relationship can keep developing and progressing long distance? Thanks and sorry this was so long!