End of a 6 years relationship !!! Help

[keanxsoul]

This is my first post on this forum, and i would like to get some advice, answers or anything that can take me out from where i am right now. here is my story.

 

I have been going out with my (ex)girlfriend for 6 years now. She left me 3 weeks ago. Her reason for this breakup is that i did not really take care of her for some time and now she does not love me anymore. We had plans, we wanted to get married next year. She told me that i was working too much and that she did not see me very often, and that her love for me just vanished with time as she did not see me. And that now, even if i call/her come to see her or not she did not really care.

 

I am today 22 years... we met when i was 16 years and she was nearly 18. She was my first girl friend. And my only for these 6 years we have been together. At the age of 20, I started working for an IT Consulting firm in my country. My first 6 month assignements were pretty light and not was located not so far from my home. We live very closely... (about 20 mins from each other and both at our parents home ). Her parents really liked me. But the last 8 month assignments that i got was at an International IT Consulting Firm Delivery Centre in my country. it was 2 hours from where i live.. that is 4 hours of my life just travelling to and fro my job workspace.... the work there was really demanding.. and during those 8 month I had about 6 month that i returned home pretty late i mean about 12-15 hours work daily and even on saturdays and sundays... this was really insane (for me at least). I tried to persuade myself that i can do it for the sake of our couple and the money i will get from it will help us a lot latter to build up our life together.

 

but i was wrong she did not understand why i had to work so much and did not come to see her very often. even if i came to see her.. i was always very tired and stressed because on top of my job i was studying for a Post Graduate by Distance Learning. this was kind of tough i had assignment and exams preparation.

 

Now she tells me that she does not love me anymore and that she will be going abroad to study and will probably not return. Even through she asked me to keep contact with her, be her friend and go out with other girls and that she did want me to get away from her, when i ask her to give it another try.. because i left my Job to be near her (She told me it was too late, she did not have any feelings for me).

 

Yesterday I just phoned her and she told me that she had a new boyfriend nothing serious she said....

 

I know that i wrote a lot and my ideas are very confusing.... but please someone reply to this post... tell me what i should do...

[Meow18]

The sad part is, she no longer has feelings for you. You need to work on getting over her. There's nothing else that you can do right now.

 

Life takes us many places. Some people have to work a lot.. and some couples can make it through that. You and her both grew a lot in the past 6 years. Unfortunantly, you just grew apart.

 

Don't contact her if that will make you feel better. Some people find that having no contact at all helps to get over the feelings you have. Even though she wants to keep a friendship, that might not be best for you.

 

Gosh, that must hurt knowing she is seeing someone else already. But you know, just because it didn't work out with her doesn't mean there isn't someone amazing waiting for you.

 

It helps to talk about your feelings and write them out, and here is the perfect place to do it! We will help you through this.

[keanxsoul]

Thanks for these few words.... I am trying really hard to forget about her, think about me what i want next... but it seems that i have been cut down by half... my personality has been torn apart to know that i will not be that person anymore.

 

I can't do something without just thinking of her. I am so confused....

[Relationship Coach]

Kean,

Welcome to ENA and I'm sorry for the circumstances which brought you here. There are three sides to every story, yours, hers and the truth. To me it sounds like she had become detached some time ago from the relationship and used your work schedule as an excuse. It seems that you were making the majority if not all of the effort to spend time with her. Could she be so desperate for attention that she looked past your work efforts to build a nest egg for the two of you? I mean it doesn't make much sense for her to say that she's going abroad to school and then out of nowhere she has a BF. Could this BF have been in the picture for a while now without your knowledge?

 

I see no benefit to you for staying in touch with her, she has informed you of how she feels and has obviously moved on, so should you. After 6 years you deserve much better and I would say NC all the way. I'm sure others will chime in here as we all understand your pain. Your relationship does not define who you are, how you handle yourself in moving forward does.

Best of luck.

 

RC

[Randolf]

I broke up with my girlfriend just two days ago but we had only been dating for two months and I thought I was miserable, but the feelings you will have after 6 years will no doubt be intensified.

Hang in there mate, right now it seems so raw and painful and you will probably feel unable to do almost anything, but I've been there myself in the past and gradually it does get better, things do start to get brighter.

Right now you should maybe give yourself a lot of time to get over things and take your time to get back on track.

[keanxsoul]

Thanks to you all that are replying to my post... i was really feeling depressed and did not have much people to talk with since everyone I know of that I can talk to is either really busy or unavailable... that really cheers me up that its not the end of the world as I used to think of those days...

 

RC I don't really know about the guy that she is going out with. What she told was that she was dating a guy but nothing serious... I don't think that the guy may be the cause of that breakup... anyway...

 

I will try my best to follow your precious advice and get some friends to go out and have some activities together... that the thing that i am really missing right now... interacting with people, i don't mean that interacting with you on this forum is not interaction but see and talking to people who are sitting just in front on you will have more effect I think.

[Lita43]

It's much harder for young people to understand about long work hours and makes a woman/man feel very lonely.

 

You really need to have time together to have something to build on and if you are mostly "absentee", then it's kind of useless!

 

Seriously, you must fall asleep soon after getting home and don't have any time to talk or even watch a movie together, not to mention have any intimate relations.

 

If your job is that stressful, then you are more than likely bring it home to her, but I don't know enough about you to say what your habits are and just speculation on my part.

 

I guess I would have to say that it sounds like you don't have anything left to give!

 

Man, do you have high blood pressure yet???

 

As far as I feel, you should be working to live and not living to work, ya dig???

 

Sounds like you have a decent job, but I'd look for something else even closer to where you live or take less money to have a life "To Live!"

 

"Money Can't Buy You Love"..............The Beatles

 

Work isn't "The Be All End All Of The Universe" and need to get your priorities straight.

 

I'm sorry your lady fell out of love with you, but was destined to happen, so cut your losses and learn from it.

 

It's time to move on with a clean slate and mourn your loss, because pain is a learning tool and hope this clue's you in!!!

 

From the beginning, did you guy's ever have discussion's about money, expectations, wants/desires in life???

 

"Things", will never be a replacement for physical presense and alot of rich people are the most miserable in the world!

 

I don't know how great your communication skills were with each other, but live and learn.

 

Young people always have to take the "Hard Road" to "Get It!"

 

Anyway, if she came from a rich family or was used to being spoiled to have everything she wanted, when she wanted it, then it's best she left.

 

All speculation on my part, but a valid senerio for you or others who read this.

 

Maybe she really did care or Love you more than the stuff!!!

 

Just be very communicative, open/honest and you will know what is expected in life or if you really want to take the stress/pain to give it, right?

 

It's an equal relationship if you can make compromises, so I wouldn't kill myself for anyone. Get It????

 

Give yourself a break, cuz life is so short to spend it working just to die! Why?

 

Hugs, Lita~

 

God Grant Me The Serenity To Accept The People I Cannot Change, The Courage To Change The One I Can and The Wisdom To Know It's Me!

 

Quote: "Every Day You Don't Learn Something New Is A Day Wasted! Lita~

[Lita43]

Oooops! Forgot To Wish You A Happy Birthday!!!!

 

Sweetie I know you feel down, but there are so many other things in life to keep you occupied.

 

Or maybe not as you work "Too Much!!!" Sorry!

 

You are soooooooooooooo young and it really isn't the end of the world, cuz my first love was for 4 years and even though you may feel devistated, there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!!!!

 

Bide your time and re-prioritize. Things will be all straight the way that will work for you in life and you "Will Be Happy!!!!"

 

Don't be all down and stuff, cuz "It's Your Birthday!" Woohooooooooo!!!

 

Do something fun and call a friend, cuz that's what friends are for!

 

Now make some plans and go out. Have fun, be safe and know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

Maybe tonight is your lucky night!!!!

 

I met my second husband on my 28th birthday and was the "BEST" birthday present I ever got and was in the middle of a divorce with the son of the "Devil!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

 

Now I have been with my second husband for almost 15 years and is still my lovey Angel!!!! Don't waste your life with someone that is off the radar and I did use up a whole 9 years of my life with the first.

 

Have Fun, fun, fun, fun!!!!!! Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Lita~

[votregitan]

I have to agree with the rest of the posters, try an move on sweetie. It is hard, especially when we put in so much time with them.

 

She's telling you to move on because she obviously did. As for keeping in touch, maybe not such a good idea. Good luck to you.

[2900]

I know exactly how u feel. my ex and i were together for 6 years also and we just broke up 1 week ago. we both agreed that we don't love each other anymore, but i now realize i still do love him, but he doesn't love me. yeah, so i'm pretty damn miserable right now. yeah, just want u to know ur not alone and ur not the only one going throught this sh*t. don't worry it will get better with time. at least, that's what i keep telling myself.

[keanxsoul]

Thanks Lita.... ( For the Happy Birthday)

 

Lita, thanks for the precious advice... as i mentioned in my first post, i have left my job 2 weeks ago. I am now working for a start up company 15/30 minutes from where i live, I have been hearing that I would be promoted before I left my my resignation letter, but I left anyway.... Even though in my previous job, career wise it would have been really good, i left for me/this person/and my life.

 

Seems that the fact that she did not really have a real job (even though she was giving some primary school student tutorials, during the after noon and teaching some old people during the night at her HOME and she was pretty much free during the day) and for these 4 and a half years before I started to work we were together almost everyday,this must have played a great deal in this break up.

 

I know that I have to turn the page. But I have tried not to get in touch with her for 1 week... I eventually sent here some email about some business that I was dealing with her parents/her... information like logins and web sites that i created for them. No feelings in the mail nothing just the login and all. In all i sent her 2 emails... and the first reply was....

 

thanks

why don't you sms me anymore

i don't want you to stay away from me

but if it too hard for you, no problem

 

that was her reply

 

and I replied

 

I did not get away from you ( I am still alive, I still have the same phone number, I still live 15 mins from your place ). If you want to talk to me that's your choice. I will not phone you anymore.

 

and at the end of the week.... she phoned me and told me that she wanted to hear my voice. This confused me even more... and I did not what to do... what to think of and on the same day she IMed me and asked me.

 

and ask me what would i think if she is dating with someone ?!?

 

and i answered ( Why i answered this I don't know )

 

I told her i was happy for her...

 

and immediately after this came up from her

 

r you sure...

 

I don't understand anything.... does she really want to finish me off.

[Relationship Coach]

This is why going NC (No Contact) is best. It puts an end to the guessing games as to decoding each conversation or text. Do not contact her and ignore her attempts to contact you.

 

RC

[keanxsoul]

Ok, This is the best choice... I will cease all contact with her. Thanks to all of you have helped me.

[Meow18]

I agree with RC on that one. Unfortunantly continuing contact with her will just hurt you more in the end. She will drop comments like that ("I want to hear your voice") and it's going to confuse you and most likely get your hopes up.. only to be crushed over and over. You will also probably hear more about this other guy, and that's going to hurt you to hear it too.

 

You know, you will get through this. You were with her for a very long time (most likely your first love, and possibly your first girlfriend?), so it's not going to be easy at all. But with support and time, you will get over her!

 

We have all been through, or are going through break ups. So we can understand your pain. But those of us who have made it through the pain can tell you that it won't last forever.

 

Try to find hobbies to occupy your mind. Go out with friends. Have fun. The important thing is to try to do things that will keep your mind off of her. You will find that you will start to think about her less and less.

[Frost271]

Im sorry to hear about your situation. me and my girl broke off after a 4 year relationship and its been the hardest thing in the world for me. I found out that two days later she was already with a new guy and calling him bf.

 

Its very very hard, especially after such a long period of time. It seems like she broke it off with you emotionally a long time ago and was waiting on someone new to grab on too so that she wont be as broken up about it as you are now. This is whats happened to me and its the most horrible thing. Im on day 30 and its been very very hard. Apparently, with time, its supposed to go away.

 

I know these words arnt too encouraging, but the people in this forum know what you've experienced and understand what your going through and realize your not alone.

[GottaLetItBurn]

It will go away but if it doesn't go away for a while then you should expect possibly a year a recovering.

 

You know what though, I don't think she is going to be happy jumping into a relationship two days later. It's little things like that that tell me a girl who gets in and out of relationships is insecure. I think your going to notice down the road that she was no nearly as close to perfect as you thought she was.

 

You might look back and ask yourself what were you even sad about, getting her out of your life was a good thing. Well anyways, I'm always sorry to hear someones story because now I know about how relationships and friendships can have painful endings. The thing is it only get's better, and if you do NC then they are left with the mystery for a long time of why you didn't try and get them to stay.

 

I'm really turned off by the whole idea of getting serious with anyone no matter what she looks like or has a good personallity. For me, I'm really shut off, but it's best to stay out of relationships if you don't want to open up your heart and get hurt again.

 

Believe me, I didn't believe I couldn get over the abandondment feelings, but I feel soooo much better. None of these people are kidding around, you will too. You will get her out of your thoughts through dreams and tears to where her memory won't phase you anymore, and I promiss you that.