will we stay dating forever and not have a relationship? soooo confused :(

[esboogie143]

When dating how long is enough of "dating" and time to move on to a relationship? I have been dating this one guy going on 4 months and when I mention us as "one" he tells me to just take it slow and see what happens. Now im thinking is he going to say this 6 months down the line too? Am I wasting my time cuz he knows im a serious girl that wants a relationship. He has told me from the start that he didn't want a relationship and that he takes one say at a time and sees where it goes? What should I do? Talks happened already and it was said that we stay just seeing one another only sooooo I feel like im heading to hearbreak central!!! L

[RayKay]

You are only seeing one another according to your talks, right? So what are you looking for exactly?

 

In my books, they call that exclusive.

 

He probably just is not ready to think about getting engaged or married or anything!

 

However, if you are feeling like he is stalling, then you have a choice to walk away and find someone more on the same page you are.

[NJRon]

Sometime you have to make a decision. If a relationship isn't going the direction you want it to go, then perhaps it's not right for you. Don't pressur ehim into committing to you, as that will backfire. better to move on if you want a committed relationship, as he doesn't seem to want that.

[NJRon]

When is seeing one another exclusive? Never has been for me.

[Mrocza]

I agree with NJRon...

 

If you are acting like a couple and going out as a couple, he could just be a little intimidated by the whole "couple zone" to actually say it officially, or he could just be beating around the bush.

 

The point it, is it not saying it because he's scared or because he's "keeping his options open"?

 

If you want to commit you should be with someone who is ready to commit to you. Otherwise, you're showing him it's ok not to be serious about you. Don't push him into it, but make it known that you're not dating for kicks either.

[RayKay]

Um question...if you stated you are a girl whom wants a serious relationship, why would you start dating someone whom says

 

He has told me from the start that he didn't want a relationship and that he takes one say at a time and sees where it goes?

 

You should listen to men when they say that, they mean it - at least they mean they don't foresee committing to you.

 

He told you from the start he was not interested in more, so why are you hanging around? Move on.

 

Are you sleeping with him???

[RayKay]

When is seeing one another exclusive? Never has been for me.

 

I am getting that from her statement:

 

Talks happened already and it was said that we stay just seeing one another only

 

They are not seeing anyone else, at least that is what I get from that.

 

I never said DATING/seeing one another = exclusive, but I do think if you say you are not dating others it indicates well, you aren't dating others.

 

But I guess she meant they were only "seeing each other" and not only each other only...I read it wrong.

[NJRon]

and not only each other only

 

Umm... yeah

[kellbell]

esboogie143,

 

If you are not comfortable with where this relationship is going then it is okay to ask about where is it heading.

 

Is he seeing others? Because after 4 months you both are not seeing others, I feel you are exclusive, IMO. But ask him. There is nothing wrong with that. You are not looking for marriage or anything, are you? Maybe reassure him of that, you want to take the relationship to the next level but that does not entail marriage or living together.

 

If things do not go where you are comfortable with after that, well...if you feel you are not rushing, why are you waiting?

[itsallgrand]

Am I wasting my time cuz he knows im a serious girl that wants a relationship. He has told me from the start that he didn’t want a relationship and that he takes one say at a time and sees where it goes? What should I do?

 

Yup, you are wasting your time and setting yourself up.

You clearly want a serious commitment - he knows that.

He doesn't want that.

He's leaving his options open.

 

These situations have a way of dragging on forever. Most likely; he won't suddenly decide one day that 'oh wow, i actually do want to commit just for her'. Doesn't really work that way. You could be Perfect and Divine; he doesn't want to commit and it has nothing to do with you.

 

Your chance to decide if you are willing to wait around or look for someone who actually wants a serious relationship.

 

take care

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

i agree with its all grand, it sounds like you two are looking for different things. some people just don't feel comfortable with labels, but he doesn't really sound ready to be in a relationship.

 

at least he is not misrepresenting his intentions.

[Scout]

All I can say from personal experience is that no one who ever told me from the very beginning they didn't want a serious relationship ended up changing their mind down the road.

 

And if he's still saying it four months later...you really have the answer to the title of your thread. I'm sorry. Wish I had a more positive take.

 

On the other hand, there is nothing preventing you from having an exclusive relationship...with someone else. Trust me, there are definitely guys out there who would be delighted at the prospect. But you have to unencumber yourself from your current "relationship" first.

[itsallgrand]

Totally agree, Scout.

 

"Out there somewhere is a lonely wonderful man, waiting and looking for his queen...but she's with a guy who doesn't appreciate her 100%"

[cansomeonehelp]

well in his defense, u did state that he told u from the start he didnt want a relationship, so he probably doesnt want a relationship. If thats what u ultimately want, i would consider breaking things off with him, bc u arent going to get a relationship by nagging him about it, and still sticking around. You have to let him know your serious, and walk away. THen if you mean enough to him, and he knows your serious, he will committ to you

hope that helps

good luck

[esboogie143]

Thank you all soooo much! I have to say taht i can say we are "exclusive" he takes me everywhere with him. I met his friends, I have gone to occasions with him, his cop friends and sargent have met me. He introduces me as his "girl" but I just ignore that he says that and dont say anything to him in regard to that statement i leave it alone as if it were okay...(bad move) but i just dont want to open another can of worms. Hes a man and they all do that....but yea i guess i have to do what i gotta do but now as time is going its getting harder to end it

[kellbell]

"Hes a man and they all do that....but yea i guess i have to do what i gotta do but now as time is going its getting harder to end it."

 

That is not true, he is not doing this because he is a man, he is doing this because he is not willing to committ to you.

 

"But I just ignore that he says that and dont say anything to him in regard to that statement i leave it alone as if it were okay...(bad move) but i just dont want to open another can of worms."

 

You realize this was not the best move. If you are not sure where you are going, it is okay to stop and ask for directions, metaphorically speaking. I have noticed that you tend to go for emotionally unavailable men. They may pose as a challenge to you, which perhaps draws you to them. I would definitely talk to him about this but based on your posts about him, I am afraid you are not going to get the answers you want. Good luck with everything and let us know how you are doing.

 

 

(((hugs)))

[Scout]

I really agree with what Kellbell's saying. Please, don't chalk emotionally unavailable behavior up to his gender. There are countless men out there who throw themselves 100% into a relationship - my own boyfriend is one of them. It's also perfectly ok to ask questions about where a relationship is going (although it appears he's already given you the answers). A truly healthy relationship is not about fear of honesty. In fact, it's the opposite.

[Shesa]

Way too long. You should know within a few weeks a month TOPS if you want to have a relationship with someone (be exclusive). As far as engagement and marriage--- that varies drastically. But since I'm here writing this, I think if you are over 24 years old... You should only date someone for 3 years TOPS (that is if you do want to end up married).