How would you read this girl if you were me?

[Luke Skywalker]

There is this girl, to which I went on one date with her from the internet, that seems to be ruffling my feathers in some way.

 

Earlier I had been pursuing her for a second date, but she was coming up with 'busy' excuses for about two weeks. Incidentally, on the third and subsequent week I was busy so I maintained correspondence through the internet messenger. However, as of late, she has been acting up, and I really do not know how to read her.

 

On Sunday night, I had an MSN chat with her, but her avatar pictures started showing her guy friends, and one photograph in particular, with one of her guy friends and her smiling together with their faces next to each other. I ignored them during the chat, and she eventually changed her avatar to normal palm trees. She was confronted with that before, and said that she likes to change her avatar now and then and these are simply guy friends. It is virtually impossible to confront her on anything because, all her actions are supposed to mean nothing, and I'm always 'reading too much into things', if I brign something up.

 

Following that correspondence, she has not been online on MSN since that time, although she has been on the internet place where I meet her.

 

Now, I know my 'reading into things' too much can potentially kill anything on this, even if she is just going to be a dating buddy that I am able to go out with once or twice a month or something.

 

I cant help but feel weird, or funny, and I cant put my fingure on it.

 

What I'm intending to do, seeing as I may not be as busy now or in the following weeks, is probably follow up with her and ask her out somewhere. Obviously, if she goes out with me fine. If she does not return my call, or for an unreasonable length of time says she is busy, then there is finality.

 

The above paragraph was part of a discussion on another thread called 'how often or when to call a girl before or between dates', and it is the same subject person here too.

 

I appreciate any input, and will review this thread again later tonight before I intend to take an important motion.

 

I intend to call her tonight to set up a date for tomorrow next week, or Sunday to set up a date of next week to start guaging the waters again. On one hand, I know reading too much into things can spell a trajedy in terms of this, but on the other hand, I cant help but have an unsettled feeling that gripes me like a stomach ache.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

She sounds like she's trying to make you jealous with the pictures and just playing games. My suggestion is just to find someone else.

[Goodfun88]

If she was into you she'd find time to see you. She'd make time for you because she likes you. I think its possible that she's not into you. Move on and find someone who wants to see you and doesn't play games with you! Good luck!

[hosswhispra]

Wouldn't all of this be so much easier if people just stopped playing dating games? I guess that is what makes it so thrilling though. The harder something is to obtain, it seemingly becomes the most sought after....until it is caught or until someone tires in it's pursuit.

[Luke Skywalker]

If she was into you she'd find time to see you. She'd make time for you because she likes you. I think its possible that she's not into you. Move on and find someone who wants to see you and doesn't play games with you! Good luck!

 

 

We have already had one date, and she seemed open to a second date. Now I know on internet dating, most people usually only get one date, unless there is a really strong chemistry.

 

The fact of the matter is, for this week, and last, or two consecutive weeks, I said I was busy, and did not pursue her.

 

On the first date, it took a few weeks of her being 'busy', but eventually I ended up seeing her.

 

Putting things into perspective, I dont know whether to play this girl 'legal', that is continue pursuing her until she says she is busy for three consecutive weeks, or does not return my phone call if I'm setting up a date or go on IM to clarify herself - as other people advised were 'legal parameters' of a basic functional type of rapport on the thread titled 'how often to call someone before or duing dating' or really consider moving on here.

 

As you can see I'm planning to go legal and by the book with her, and dont mind having an occasional dating buddy, to go some places with.

[Luke Skywalker]

She sounds like she's trying to make you jealous with the pictures and just playing games. My suggestion is just to find someone else.

 

Trying to make me jealous, indeed! Did I disappoint her by ignoring them during our chat?

[Luke Skywalker]

Wouldn't all of this be so much easier if people just stopped playing dating games? I guess that is what makes it so thrilling though. The harder something is to obtain, it seemingly becomes the most sought after....until it is caught or until someone tires in it's pursuit.

 

She claims everyone in her life is a 'friend' and she doesn't want a relationship, is that still playing games? Am I supposed to feel 'cool', I'm one of her friends, and I have an occasional dating partner? Why dont I feel cool?

[hosswhispra]

You seem more mature than she does. If she's just looking for friends and you're looking for a relationship, then the two of you are at different points in your life. Don't settle for something when there are people out there that desire the same thing you do.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Yes i would imagine you did disappoint her, but you also showed you weren't into games. I'd say you made the right choice.

[renaissancewoman101]

Hosswhispra, I agree with you, why are there so many people out there who are into playing games? It makes it so much harder for us shy people to actually go out and find a decent guy to date. Those men who play those dating games make us mistrust guys even more.

 

Men are scary.

[hosswhispra]

It is my belief that some people (NOT all) find dating games exciting and thrilling. They keep people on their toes and wondering if the other person is "really into them". It's part of the chase for BOTH women and men.

 

Then there comes a point where one gets jaded of the games and just wants everything to be direct. Those are the people that are ready to have the relationship, in my opinion.

[tylercdurden2004]

It is my belief that some people (NOT all) find dating games exciting and thrilling. They keep people on their toes and wondering if the other person is "really into them". It's part of the chase for BOTH women and men.

 

Then there comes a point where one gets jaded of the games and just wants everything to be direct. Those are the people that are ready to have the relationship, in my opinion.

 

Sadly the world never becomes black and white. Could you imagine if every guy who showed interest in youtold you. Man you would be dealing with it all day.

[PocoDiablo]

Um, may I interject?

 

You're reading into things WAY too much. This is all you need to know:

 

There is this girl, to which I went on one date with her from the internet, that seems to be ruffling my feathers in some way.

She's TRYING to. She's TRYING to get rid of you. You're not taking the hint.

 

Earlier I had been pursuing her for a second date, but she was coming up with 'busy' excuses for about two weeks.

Two WEEKS? Why did you pursue her for two weeks? One "I'm busy" excuse is all you need to know. It's not an invitation to chase her more, perster her more, or smother her. It's a "I'm not interested in you." If she were interested she would have GLADLY made plans to see you again.

 

Actions speak louder than words, and right now she thinks you are some psycho who is stalking her, and - sorry to say - she's half right.

 

Incidentally, on the third and subsequent week I was busy so I maintained correspondence through the internet messenger. However, as of late, she has been acting up, and I really do not know how to read her.

Actions speak louder than words.

 

On Sunday night, I had an MSN chat with her, but her avatar pictures started showing her guy friends, and one photograph in particular, with one of her guy friends and her smiling together with their faces next to each other.

Well let's see ... do you think she's trying to give you a CLUE that she is not interested in you? If you were interested in her, would you talk about other women or show her pictures of them? Of course not. It's offensive and obvious that you don't care about her. She is doing that to you in hopes that you will grasp the obvious.

 

I ignored them during the chat, and she eventually changed her avatar to normal palm trees. She was confronted with that before, and said that she likes to change her avatar now and then and these are simply guy friends.

You ... confronted her? That does not sound flirty, charming, funny, or entertaining. Lesson to be learned? Lighten up. Back off. Be less serious.

 

It is virtually impossible to confront her on anything because, all her actions are supposed to mean nothing, and I'm always 'reading too much into things', if I brign something up.

Yeah, because you were supposed to get the clue and now she is forced with trying to be polite and not "set you off" by calling you blind. You confront her, you smother her, and she's afraid that if she acts mean you'll come after her and hurt her or try to upset her.

 

Following that correspondence, she has not been online on MSN since that time, although she has been on the internet place where I meet her.

So what you are telling me is that you confronted her and now she avoids you. Can you learn from that? Confront = drive away women. Don't do that if you want women to be attracted TO you.

 

Now, I know my 'reading into things' too much can potentially kill anything on this, even if she is just going to be a dating buddy that I am able to go out with once or twice a month or something.

She's never going to go out with you again, I'll bet you money.

 

I cant help but feel weird, or funny, and I cant put my fingure on it.

See my signature. TRUST YOUR GUT. Something is not right, so you can stop trying now. If you've been trying three weeks - let alone 3 days - and a woman won't go out with you ... well ... what do I need to say? She's not going to go out with you! (At least, not because she likes you!)

 

What I'm intending to do, seeing as I may not be as busy now or in the following weeks, is probably follow up with her and ask her out somewhere. Obviously, if she goes out with me fine. If she does not return my call, or for an unreasonable length of time says she is busy, then there is finality.

Your finality was about 3 weeks ago. Ask her out if you want another excuse. And when you get it - again - you'll need to udnerstand that a woman with a high interest level in a man will not make excuses. She'd get dressed up, be on time, be fun, and CALL YOU to set up another date.

 

The above paragraph was part of a discussion on another thread called 'how often or when to call a girl before or between dates', and it is the same subject person here too.

 

I appreciate any input, and will review this thread again later tonight before I intend to take an important motion.

Motion to find another woman? Yeah, that's the ticket!

 

I intend to call her tonight to set up a date for tomorrow next week, or Sunday to set up a date of next week to start guaging the waters again. On one hand, I know reading too much into things can spell a trajedy in terms of this, but on the other hand, I cant help but have an unsettled feeling that gripes me like a stomach ache.

Yeah, it's called "You're blowing it, back off."

 

You need to be a LOT less desperate and a LOT more of a challenge. Take a peek at this article I wrote regarding that:

 

link removed

 

Then you must read this about asking women out:

 

link removed

 

You need to *specifically* read the part about the three answers she'll give you when you ask her out.

 

Go read those, then tell me what you think your next move will be, okay buddy?

[Luke Skywalker]

Hosswhispra, I agree with you, why are there so many people out there who are into playing games? It makes it so much harder for us shy people to actually go out and find a decent guy to date. Those men who play those dating games make us mistrust guys even more.

 

Men are scary.

 

If you read the thread, you will realise that we are talking about a girl, who could be playing some sort of game, not a guy. I'm dating girls, I'm a guy.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Dako... you are now officially my hero

[renaissancewoman101]

Luke Skywalker, sorry about that. I meant it also in the context of girls dating guys too. It applies to both context. My bad!

[Luke Skywalker]

The concensus seems that this girl is trying to get rid of me and I should dismiss any further attempt to pursue her as going anywhere.

 

I've set my messneger to a fake 'offline' to see if I can get further evidence of avoidance. If continues to stay offline, despite the fact my messenger is 'offline', then it may mean nothing. Furthermore, she has not blocked my profile from the lavalife site as most people have who really want to get rid of me. Dont get that wrong, some people have blocked my profile because they did not like my first name, when they heard it, they blocked me. Another person blocked me because I asked her about her yoga class. Bird features. No, this person is more of an enigma than that.

 

There was nothing 'confrontational' about the last message set, and I do not exactly know where she lives, so there is no reason for her to be worried I'm going to stalk her. She can just simply dissappear out of my life without making any major games if she wants to. I mean, she simply doesn't have to go online, return my phone calls, and it's all over.

 

In fact, when I was confrontational, she was online a bit more, but that was two weeks ago, not last week. I was the opposite of confrontational on the last message set - I ignored pictures, where if it was an earlier correspondence, I would have commented on that and have asked her what does she mean to send those pictures. I carried on a fairly normal conversatoin on MSN, and that was it.

 

But there may be a point, if it is to be interpreted as being rude or disrespect to send a picture like that during a chat, or even knowing I'm online, then certainly that would be an automatic conclusion. If she was trying to make me jealous or trying to provoke some sort of comment, then that's ok, I guess, since no disrespect was intended. I dont know.

 

For all intent's and purposes, I was officially 'unavailable to her' or 'busy' since Wednesday last week, and did not ask her out last week or this week, and she was never asked out for three consecutive weeks in a row. I dont see how that would be desperate. After all, if she really wanted to get rid of me, she would not have chatted - where I broke it off because my dad had to use the computer - she would have said she had to go immediately. She changed the avatar back to a normal avatar midway in the conversation. By being busy myself, I guess I let her off the hook of substantiating her statements that she intends to go out with me. But, why would she go through the trouble of trying to provoke me by sending those pictures, if I'm not asking her out, or if I'm presenting to her that I'm busy and occupied?

 

And other people on this site advised me to try and keep more contact or rapport with her on another thread I made on the dating and shy section. If this were to be counter-productive, it's funny that I did not see your comments on there.

 

To really get to the bottom, I'll ask her out to hear a symphony at the Roy Thompson Hall, where she really cant get anyone to go with her. If she really wants to get rid of me, then she would not be interested in going by continuing to make up excuses, and I would have gotten to the bottom. This would be the last card.

[PocoDiablo]

Paste up an IM conversation and we can give you some real feedback...

[Luke Skywalker]

IM conversation April 19th as follows:

 

I> hello

 

her > hey

 

I> how are you?

 

her> good u?

 

I> alright. I've just have been busy with different clients who are looking for homes. Very busy at this time.

 

her> that's good for you.

 

I> you could say that. So, how was your Easter?

 

 

I> smile icon sent.

 

 

I> I've read up on the celestine prophies on the internet.

 

 

her > ok

 

I> just a brief summary from wikipedia of course. Sounds a bit new agey.

 

I> Anway, you are in a weird mood right now. I noticed you are replying in a funny way.

 

 

her> you really read into things too much, I'm talking to my dad right now.

 

I> I meant to be humorous.

 

I> Anyway, well looks like I'm busy this time, but I would like to take you out somewhere in the future when I have some time.

 

her> sure

 

I> great. well I'll let you talk with your dad then.

 

her> ok, ttyl.

 

I> I've got to learn to do this graphics stuff myself. ttyl.

 

 

SECOND IM CHAT TO FOLLOW SHORTLY. LET'S HOPE THIS GIRL DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS SITE OR I'M FRIED.

[Luke Skywalker]

SECOND IM CHAT OF SERIES:

 

April 22

 

I> Hello

 

her> hey

 

I> how was your week?

 

her> good. I'm steeping out. ttyl.

 

I> ttyl.

[Goodfun88]

I hate to say this, but I don't see her being very interested in you. Stop contacting her, if she likes you, she can call you or IM you talk to you. Seems like she is just trying to be nice, but is trying to hint to you that she's not interested. If she is interested, she' IM you or call you.

[Tropigal30]

Maybe the photos weren't being shown for you, I'm often in chat with more than one person and will change my pic to show them things, maybe she was on with the guy that the photos were with, and they were reminiscing.

 

Messenger chat is so ambiguous and you can read a billion things into anything someone says because you don't have the benefit of tone of voice, facial expressions and body language to go with it.

 

She is right you are overanalysing things, she may be using the dating service simply to get to know more people, she obviously enjoyed your company but there may not be anything more to it than that.

 

Take everything at face value and chat to lots of people, keep yourself circulating and you won't take everything so personally =)

[Luke Skywalker]

THE GRAND FINALE - THE LAST IM CHAT:

 

April 23

 

Here is where she really starts acting up. When I see she is online, her avatar is changed to one of her guy friends.

 

I> reading any new books?

 

her> not really?

 

her> what's up with you?

 

I> busy in Real-Estate, lots of showings.

 

her> that's good

 

I> yup, not when both clients like the same house and want to make offers, he he he, but it worked out.

 

her> ok.

 

I> showing range different parts of the G.T.A.

 

 

I> so what have you been up to?

 

her> just hanging out.

 

 

I> ok

 

 

her> what else is new?

 

I> nothing much, just occupying most of my time in Real-Estate, and family and of course prayer. Got a CD from the library from Prozaak, heard from that group?

 

her> yeah.

 

I> The 'Hot Show' CD, the one with Europa, Strange Disease, Omborsheria, all those cool songs.

 

her> ok

 

 

I> yup, nice talking with you too.

 

her> huh?

 

 

I> Oh, I thought your status was set at 'away'. Anyway, forget about that, so I was saying, I've also borrowed some 'Twilight Zone' DVD's from the library, the old ones, a while ago.

 

 

I> smile icon is sent.

 

her> how are the DVD's?

 

I> Black and White, 1959 - 1963, with Ron Sterling. Excellent storylines. I guess I like looking at 'weird' stuff.

 

 

her> cool.

 

I> Yeah, the TPL has a whole collection of them. I think I'm tired after watching a few.

 

 

I> Are you still praying regularly?

 

her> yes why?

 

I> just asking.

 

 

I> It's hard sometimes for me to keep focus and for a set time every day, but I still do that myself.

 

her> what's so hard about it?

 

I> 'sometimes' there are distractions that occur, and all of a sudden time passes by, but I usually endeavour to do that first thing.

 

I> Are you finished with the 'celestine prophecies book?'

 

her> yes. I'm reading the next one called the 'tenth insight'.

 

I> what's that about? Same theme?

 

her> it's a continuation of the first book - the first book talks about nine insights and then introduces the tenth.

 

I> Ok.

 

I> My dad has to use the computer now. It's cool chatting with you. TTYL.

 

her> ok, have a good night.

 

I> Thank-you. You too and God bless!

[Luke Skywalker]

All IM dialogues are going to be posted for a limited time to see if there is any feedback from them, and will all be deleted within a limited time (6:00 pm) to ensure the subject girl, doesn't 'accidentally' on this site and read this whole thing.

 

A what the heck. She's dismissed anyway. Posts remain.

[Luke Skywalker]

She is right you are overanalysing things, she may be using the dating service simply to get to know more people, she obviously enjoyed your company but there may not be anything more to it than that.

 

Take everything at face value and chat to lots of people, keep yourself circulating and you won't take everything so personally =)

 

 

How am I overanalysing things? I'm just asking, how should I read this girl?

The reason I'm asking that here, is I dont want to overanalyse this at all and jump to any conclusions.

 

Some people suggested she is trying to get rid of me. If she enjoyed my company, than obviously she would be open to a second date, as she herself indicated as opposed to trying to rid me. And I projected that I was unavailable or busy, so it's not like I was even pursuing her for a date.