Looky here, should I send this ?

[Caterina]

I just found out that my ex has a girlfriend. It hurts like hell. Let me tell you what happened: first, he asked me out. I was going through some problems and I broke it off after three days b/c he was moving too fast for me. Then we got back together, and I did it again. This time, it was because of some really mean things that he said to me. Well, he convinced me to get back with him. You're likely thinking that this is insane, I know. But in my mind, its not so much...although its difficult to explain that to you. The third time, he broke it off and it was over myspace. I only found out about it b/c I saw him talk about it with this girl on his blog's friend's page. Well, when I called him about it, he was really rude/mean, but even moreso that I remember is that he said he was unsure. I said, no, that he was right. So, two days later he contacts me to give me back my things. I tell him I have to go and NC it from there on. Well, he knew that my methods for breaking up with men are usually immediate NC to make it easier. There is a girl that I know he was interested in before that he has now started dating.

Right now, I have this inexpressible desire to send him an e-mail. The e-mail would ask that he return my things, but even moreso, have this really great metaphor in the content of it that would perfectly illustrate what he did to my heart. I really want to use this damn metaphor. Now, where does this urge come from? Who knows, what point am I dying to make? I don't really know, but I really want to send the e-mail. First, why do I want to do this? Do I want revenge? Do I want to communicate that he hurt me? Do I want to hurt him? Second, SHOULD I send this e-mail or will I not feel this way later? Its impossible for me to think objectively and when dealing with him my emotions are as fickle as they are intense.

[kellbell]

Hi Catrina,

 

What kinds of things does he still have of yours? If they are like CDs, DVDs, old T-shirts, forget about them. I can see if he still has expensive items of yours such as jewerly, laptop, and the like. Do not use everyday items he has of yours as a way to contact him.

 

I suspect you have this urge to contact him because he is seeing someone else. I also suspect you had no desire for your things nor to email him when he was single. He has taken his power back by moving on and now you may be feeling a bit panicky. What he does now with his life is not your business, no matter who broke up with whom and what circumstance that lead to the break-up. Aren't you interested in a young man whom you work with anyway?

[Caterina]

No, I did want to contact him before to! Its just extra hard not to now.

[kellbell]

Yup...I know how you feel. It is a whole different feeling when your ex has moved on but that is part of the deal after a break-up. Both parties move on. It is hard and painful. As far as the stuff goes...I would just forget about them. It is very common to "fish" for reasons to contact an ex. Getting things back is usually the number one reason.

 

You would be digging for pain if you contact him in any way. You are doing great. Hang in therre chica, it will get better, I promise.

 

(((hugs)))

[Bingo72]

I think silence is the best way to hurt someone. Why give him the pleasure of knowing anything about you now?

[RayKay]

I suggest you don't send the email Caterina. In my own experiences, making contact like that (ie using grand metaphors) only leaves you feeling worse in the end, especially if they return with another metaphor that shuts yours down

 

I agree that unless they are expensive or irreplaceable items, leave it. If they are...then send him an email saying nothing EXCEPT asking him to put them out his front door so you can pick them up.

 

Breaking up hurts, and it can be very painful when the ex moves on, but it must happen at some point, you too will move on in your own time.

 

The best revenge is living well, don't forget that!

[arwen]

Like fides, I think NC is stronger than speaking in metaphors about your hurt. I have an ex that really treated me badly (it was very shortterm and he was really RUDE). He made me break up with him, by behaving as un-interested as possible. He was just too coward to say there was nothing from his side. I have often bumped into him, but I would pretend I didn't even know him. As a result he is still asking people about me haha.

 

Don't send that email. I am sure that if you do, you will wish you had kept your feelings about the situation to yourself.

[Caterina]

Thanks, I definetly think that you all are right about what I should do. I think it was momentary madness that briefly affects a person when they know what their ex is doing.

[kellbell]

That's okay Catrina. It is happened to all of us at one point or another. That is why is so important to get on with your own life and cover your ears and yell "la la la la" when someone tries to tell you information about your ex. In this case, ignorance is bliss. Hang in there.