yep he's gone

[strndedbyluv]

i posted it all on my blog so i am just copying and pasting...sorry so long...but i wanted to share cause things are so bad for me now.

 

 

 

yep hes gone-ThE bLoG

 

ok i bulletined this, but i wanted to blog it too, its easier to read bigger and purple

 

I GOT A BIG MOUTH

so here it goes....

yea he told me i had a big mouth, just cause i talk to MY sister and tell her what i am usually going thru...hes just pissed cause he doesnt want everyone to know how pathetic he is. God why do i love such a loser?

 

well for those who have kept up with my blog...it finally happened...he really came in today, didnt really look at me and i didnt say anything to him...i didnt know what to say after my encounter with him on easter at his mothers house with him in his pj's...totally freaking creepy, but i didnt think anything about it ya know. I just felt strange that my 25 year old boyfriend liked spending the nite with his mom. I knew it was cause he wanted to spend time with her, but several times i have told him i dont like being home alone...so i thought he would come home to ME and OUR BED...i mean sometimes he would go weeks without even seeing her so why would he need to leave me and spend the nite? I get its easter but ugh.. come home to your GIRLFRIEND when it gets bedtime! So i was gonna let it go...not mess with him about it cause i felt uncomfortable. But then when we got into it this afternoon and i said something about how weird it was him not wanting to come home to me at nite, he accused me of accusing hi of sleeping with her in that gross way! Im like OMG! I got sick to my stomach. his actual words were what made it so bad "So you think I'm f*cking my moma!" it was screamed at me, then it just hit me...so many things fell together. It is strange. So now he's afraid im gonna tell everyone that, he says i am vendictive and big mouthed. Well i am not telling anything. I am tellng the truth the facts. The FACT IS me and Will are not together anymore because he feels the need to spend the nite with his mom, and gets all weird about it. Did i mention she lives right accross the field from us? its not like shes in another town. So now I am like. Ok it makes since, hes just a mamas boy. And her whole "I dont know what to do with him, I'm just putting him in God's hands" was a load of CRAP cause she has let him sit there and do nothing for about 5 years. She continues to enable him and give him food, shelter, cigaretees, everything I did cause i was soooo stupid...but i was getting something in return ya know. Well now it seems like she must be getting something as well. Ugh its sick. I dont want to think this way. Please someone tell me not to think this way! I am so hurt right now. I just want any reason to figure out why he is like he is. This explains it tho. Their codependency on each other. She has no life and neither does he....but at least she has a link removed when he came in and said he was gonna leave i start crying like the pathetic loser i am, and ask why. I know its got something to do with him staying with his mom, like maybe she told him he needed to come back home cause she so lonely like he always told me she was...oh so lonely. Well whatever...shes so lonely cause she has a 25 year old son that shares her bed some weekends and cuddles with and watches movies so whatever. let her sit in that crap. she created the loser that sucks off of everyone...and cant love anyone cause no one is gonna be as good as mommy. Anways, back to it- I asked him bordering begging not to go and asking why he was...cause i am behind on the bills and he kept saying he was going to get a job and help me out. And we have good times, he made that place home. Now i cant even be there alone. He was just so cold. He doesnt care about me...we just got into it...he yelled and showed his bootie...i threw my computer somehow in the middle of it...so now my laptop is crushed monitor and all...with the 16 pages of my 24 page dissertation that is due on Thursday on it...gone just as gone as him.

 

I was going to just let things go...today, and i figured we would work it out. i love him so much, but i knew he didnt love me, when he said i needed to find someone else cause he couldnt be what i wanted him to be. I looked him in the eyes and said, so it doesnt bother you to think of me with someone else...and he said "No." that was it. It hit me. He never even cared about me, he has just used me over and over...everyone has told me he was just using me and he was a loser...but i saw more. My friends, my family, strangers that know of us everyone knows how stupid I was. And I am admiting it here.... It sad. The whole community knows we were shacked up together, as if my reputation wasnt tarnished enuff. I wish i could just hate him. I can almost feel myself starting to when i think about the mess i am in, and how he never even tried to help me out with the bills.

 

So after the slap in the face of me realizing he never loved or cared about me, and he is not the person i knew when we were 10 somehow he has changed along the way. Just like Phillip said. Hes not even close to a sane normal person.

 

i was just gonna let him go. Then he said he was going to get his stuff, his stuff that computer I, me, Candi made him get the company to send him, the computer that was shipped to MY HOUSE,

the f-ing computer that , I, me, Candi i had to call the company over and over about, and had to make him have the balls to tell them he needed, and some dirty clothes. I got to thinking about it. The only job he has held in 9 months was the 1 week i asked him to come set up the computer lab at the school. They gave him $200. Guess what he did with the money...instead of helping me with the late rent, or the disconnected cable or the new $400 tires i had to buy, which has made everything get behind...he buys Memory for the computer he didnt even want. The "fooking dell" as he called it....oh and what does he do with the extra harddrive they send him...you guessed it. Mommy's got it. She earned it tho...she put up with his crap for alot longer than i did...but wait...she wanted to put up with him, or she woulda made him straighten-no GROW up and be a MAN along time ago. So anyways if anyone wants to buy a Dell E310 its worth $500 on their website plus the $150 memory, I'll sell it for $300...thats my rent. Anways I am keeping it, he says hes gonna call the law on me...already did so he says...and he's gonna file a complaint against me...Oh yea, hes gonna call the law on me to get the computer *make me laugh* like he has any right to anything. I shoulda kept the monitor the school gave him too. I prob coulda got $50 bucks out of it. as if i dont know the law and what i am entitled to. Lets see I start Mercer Law next year....and he's threatening me. Since he has made these threats and is actually going to put ,my name down on a piece of paper at the sheriffs department and try to degrade me- I am gonna drag his bootie into court, yep you guessed it MAGISTRATE court, and have him pay the "small claims" of the half the rent, and utitlities that he sponged off of me for 9 months....all the while saying he was gonna get a job and help out... The whole town knows he was shacked up there...so guess whose gonna have to get a job and pay me since he wants to take it that far.

 

anways.....i was putting this out there so i dont have to explain it to everyone ,why i am back in the dating scene, or why i am moving on, or where he is, or what he's doing. So if ya see me in public dont ask about my boyfriend until I tell ya about my new one. cause i am finally trying to get over him, and i dont want to talk about it. and basically i am putting this here as a vendictive woman that has been scorned because he said i had a big mouth and it is a FACT that he used me. Wouldnt we all say so?

 

 

So...hes gone. For good this time. I am not getting ran over by him again. Unless he says the magic words...and he doesnt even know them cause his mama has probably never taught him how to be a man.

[DN]

Did you always talk to him in the way that you talk about him on here?

 

And give back the computer - it's not yours.

[strndedbyluv]

no, i never did anything but kiss his butt, give him everything he wanted and tiptoed around him. I paid to have the computer sent to us, i called and got them to replace it. he told me at one time that he didnt want it...it sat in our living room and we both used it. he lived with me for 9months and leached off of me, i gave him everything i had, he came and got everything else that was his...

I swear i treated him like a king. he said that was the problem...that i gave him my all and he didnt want to be the center or focus of someones life. i need the money, he should have paid half the rent for me. I can see where i should give him the memory back because he did pay for it with the money the school gave him for helping out...but this computer should be sold and the money halfed, and his half go towards paying at least part of all he owes me...

i feel like crap..i just want to die. how could he do this? and why am i having to defend myself???

[Boughtandpaidfor]

Sounds like you hate each other. Maybe that's why he went to see his mother. When I want to escape I go home and throw on my old pjs.

[missbrittanyy]

it's pretty much a proven fact that when most men leave home, and they go off to find a soul mate. they look for somebody who relates to their own mother.. somebody to take care of them. and what not..

 

i dont really think this is soemthing you can blame your boyfriend for, because by the sounds of it his mother raised him to be a whiney little * * * * head, and he cant or doesnt know how to take care of him self, so it's easier to go cuddle with mommy. like he's having some kind of night mare or there are mosters in his closet.

 

i do believe that your boyfriend needs some kind of counseling to stop being such a momma's boy

[strndedbyluv]

Sounds like you hate each other. Maybe that's why he went to see his mother. When I want to escape I go home and throw on my old pjs.

 

that makes me feel a little better. I had just never heard of anyone (25 grown man) to do this sort of thing. but the thing is. I love him to death. he says i love him too much. he has told me he loved me, he has showed me on several occasions that he cares...so i am so confused now...i cant believe that he ever did love me. i guess he did fake it just to use me...i was so stupid to believe him. i am pathetic.

[italianstalian]

u have issues.........shame on you

[missbrittanyy]

u have issues.........shame on you

 

 

the guy isnt exactly a work of art either

 

who at 25 goes home and crawls into bed with mommy

[strndedbyluv]

yea, but at least hes able to sleep and hes comfortable. i cant stand the feel of my own skin now, or the sound of my own freaking thoughts. i am shaking inside and cutting is not even working for me. i need to go numb...i cant.

you all have made really good points. im glad yall have helped me make some kind of sense about it. i am sorry i am still crazy. i cant deal with it.

[Momene]

I think you should be glad to get rid of such a loser and you WILL get over it and find someone better because there's people like me who have done so in the past.

[strndedbyluv]

well, its day 2 with NC. i hope i can hang on. its so hard. I went over there a few days ago, and he just told me to leave. to go and stay gone. so i mean, it cant get any more clearer than that. we did talk some. i still didnt get to tell him how hurt i am and exactly why. he still just said that he has too many problems of his own and he cant help himself...much less help me.

i just wanted to kill myself right there in front of him...its terrible to feel this way. i know i have to stay away from him. find somehting else to do other than think of him, or dying.

I really felt like a stalker or harasser when i emailed him a video that we would have laughed at together, just one of those weird things we usually share that no one else kinda gets.. and it bounced back to me, cause he his ip doesnt "like" mine. so he blocked me or reported me as spam. so now i know i cant let myself keep being so pathetic. i need to see him for the loser or guy with probs that he is. and not the friend that loved me.

its just so hard cause ive never had to do this. but im gonna try my best.

so yea Day 2 NC.

[Momene]

It'll get better. I feel tempted to get you to post his e-mail address here so we can all tell him "You ARE the weakest link, goodbye!" but I guess it's being childish.

[strndedbyluv]

day 3 NC...its so hard...it feels like 3 months. something is really wrong with me. i have to drive by his house like twice a day...and i can see the lights on in his house. i dont feel it getting better. i stayed out all day today to try and keep busy...but still everythign is him,and i cry at everything. i lose my breath and hypervenilate. and death is constantly an option while im here alone, in my house...without him. i feel so stupid and weak...

its got to get better, i cant see it getting any worse...death itself seems so harsh, but would be so relieving. I just keep hanging in there.

[Momene]

day 3 NC...its so hard...it feels like 3 months. something is really wrong with me. i have to drive by his house like twice a day...and i can see the lights on in his house. i dont feel it getting better. i stayed out all day today to try and keep busy...but still everythign is him,and i cry at everything. i lose my breath and hypervenilate. and death is constantly an option while im here alone, in my house...without him. i feel so stupid and weak...

its got to get better, i cant see it getting any worse...death itself seems so harsh, but would be so relieving. I just keep hanging in there.

 

If you feel down and start yearning for him, please read your posts again. They will tell you quite clearly that you're better off without him and there's someone more deserving out there for you. Yes, it will take time but people before you have got over break-ups and go on to find happiness again.

 

Take care.

[strndedbyluv]

ok, so its been 73 days NC. its so hard. im like riding by his house and wanting to see him so bad!!!!

[Momene]

ok, so its been 73 days NC. its so hard. im like riding by his house and wanting to see him so bad!!!!

 

Well done and keep up the NC. If you meet someone you'd like to hang out with go for it and you should do better than this loser. But I'd say even being alone is better.