Up and down like a rollercoaster

[Meeky]

I am all over the place at the moment. I feel like I have lost all control and am a complete mess. I saw my ex on the weekend. I KNOW NC is the way to heal, but up until now, I keep breaking it. Or he does. Have lasted five days at the most. I can't handle this. I feel like I am falling apart. I feel like I am drowning.

 

I guess what triggered this is that it is my last week in the same city as him. I am moving in three days time. It seems SO final. I will never see him again. I am panicking. He will never grow up so there is no hope for us. I know this. I know we can't be together and that he is not the one for me. But leaving scares the s*it out of me. I am so used to having his support, hearing from him, having his arms wrapped around me at night, and now we have nothing. It is like an addiction. I MISS HIM SO MUCH it hurts. It has been three weeks and I have made ZERO progress.

 

I am about to take a new job in a week and need to be able to focus on that. But instead, ALL I can think about is HIM. It is eating me up alive. I wish I could just sleep for a few months until the pain and the stupid thoughts have gone. I wish I could switch off my brain.

 

I know so many people get through this, and that time will heal all eventually, but I just feel so stuck and down at the moment. I so hate my life right now.

 

Sorry, this post has no real point. I just needed to vent.

[bobo85]

What your feeling is normal. After a breakup it's normal to go through emotional turmoil. During the first few weeks or even months you will feel anger, pain, sorrow, confusion, denial, etc. Its just the process the body goes through to deal with the pain. The only way to heal is to actually feel the pain. Many people try to cover it up which only makes the healing process slower. Remember that pain is weakness leaving the body.

 

You also can't control running into your ex. It sometimes happens. Just make sure you are prepared next time you run into him. Be friendly without showing any emotional attachment. Say hello, have a few words and then go your separate ways.

[Daddy Bear]

if there's one thing i know, Meeky, it's that love is not LIKE an addiction, it IS one, and a mf of one at that. so could it be that being in two different cities will be a blessing in disguise for you almost like when a junkie's connection gets busted and he's forced to kick the habit?

 

i know that nothing anyone says will make the hurt go away immediately (yo, been there!) but try to remind yourself every so often that when one door closes, another one opens. that may sound like so much crippitycrap but looking backwards at my own life so far it does seem to be true.

 

i'm sure it's hard to imagine, but something even better could be right around the corner, just out of sight...

[Rainz]

Meeky

 

I can totally understand how you feel. Wish I had more encouraging words for you.

 

I'm seem to ne consumed by the rollercoaster ride of emotions, more so now then before. Yesterday was 5 weeks since my break up. I've broken NC a few times as well, so has he.

This weekend I've been consumed with feelings of anger, resentment, depair, tears all towards my ex.

 

All I can say is take one day at a time.

[Hope75]

Hi Meeky,

 

These things take time, it's not going to happen overnight.

 

The important thing is that even if you don't feel it yet, you are taking steps towards moving on with your life. The new job, the move, those are all positive changes that you are making to try and improve your situation.

Sometimes we have to paste on a smile and act the part until we really feel it.

 

You know this guy wasn't good for you and that this is going to be to your benefit, even if it doesn't feel like it now. One day you will meet someone who treats you like you deserve, and you will think to yourself, "I was THAT upset over someone who treated me so poorly?"

 

You will get through this, and we all are here for you.

 

((HUGS))

[ut_longhorn]

give it time. and liie bobo said...let yourself feel the pain. but after feeling it, try not to dwell on all the good things in the relationship. keep focusing on the negative aspects. its hard at first, but then you begin to see the small negatives that were always there. i'm at 3.5 months after the breakup and some days are still very difficult for me, but it really does get better with time.