I have ruined my life

[scarew]

I was in a serious relationship. It was going ridiculously well. We had everything. Trust, friendship, passion, we had so much fun together.

 

Alcoholism is a problem in my family. Its not like I get drunk everyday, but I am out of control when I do drink. I got so wasted thursday night that I blacked out for six hours. During that six hours I supposedly made out with a bouncer then hooked up with my boyfriends female tenant downstairs.

 

That night I bawled and when I finally started coming to, at about 5 in the morning, he broke up with me. He said its over and the only thing that could fix it is to reverse time. I cried and begged to have him back. He took me back that night and said it was my last chance. He also said he isnt going to bring it up in a fight one day and throw it in my face. We kissed, cuddled, even had sex.

 

I woke up the next day to him pacing around the house. He said, "Ive been doing some thinking and you need to find somewhere else to stay tonight". He didnt care that I was still way to drunk to drive. He broke up with me and I left to my parents house out of town.

 

All day he text messaged me bitter and mean things. I called him a couple times and bawled and begged again. Me and my mother worked all day on this letter trying to apologize, ask for forgiveness, and commit to never doing it again. I commited to never drinking again. I know I can do it, I have before for 18 months but I just thought I was ready to start again. I am looking at it now as though I am allergic to alcohol.

 

He emailed me back just another short, blunt bitter statement about how I took money from his friend last night. Shortly after he told me the sooner I get my crap out of his house the better.

 

I cannot live without this man. Everyone keeps telling me that if it was really good before he will eventually remember it and take me back. They tell me that few relationships end because of a one night stupid mistake.

 

Right now I feel like my whole world, my whole life is over. Just a few hours before we were talking about having children, the next thing I know I've lost him. My mom is coaching me through this and telling me to just give him time and space. And the bottom line is that he still is texting me and emailing me. If he really thought it was over deep down he would not even bother. Please, someone, I just need a cyber hug right now because I dont really have any friends. If anyone has any thoughts or opinions please reply.

[TheLegend]

biiig *hugs* to you

 

I agree with your mom, just give it some time & space, he'll think again once he calms down. How long have you been going out with this guy?

[Shadows Light]

{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

Alchohol certainly contributes to a lot of bad choices we make don't it.

 

Looking at your age bracket... I can remember being a heavy drinker. Done some really stupid stuff. But I can't say I've ever blacked out. I remembered all the stupid stuff.. and I might have used "blacked out" as an excuse to save face.

 

If you think you have a problem with alchohol and you find you can't control it. Get help.. sooner rather than later.

 

Your mother is right. He needs time and space. He's still in contact. He's sending hurtful texts because he's feeling "faced"... he's embarrassed in front of his friend. And you hooked up with a "female" aqcuintance of his. He's feeling threatened. "THEY KNOW" and he might feel like he's being judged by these people... a blow to his EGO.

 

Let it go. Give him time. And see what happens. I know you are feeling crappy right about now. But whats done is done. NO you can't reverse time. You deal with today and look forward.

 

And darlin.. you have NOT ruined your life. You are so young and vibrant and have your whole life ahead of you. YOU have NOT ruined your life. If this thing doesn't kick into gear and he doesn't come around.... it may NOT have survived anyway. Let it go. Lesson learned.

 

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[CluelessGuy321]

Wow.

 

No more drinky for you.

[RandomAdvisor]

I also agree with your mother, he needs time and space. Giving up alcohol is also something I definitly think you should do, but simply saying you will is not enough. You're only 20 years old and you already have a drinking problem (BTW, what's the legal drinking age in Canada?). I think you should go to an alcohol support group like alcoholics anonymous. In addition to helping you fight your own demons, it will show him you are sincere about changing and might help you win him back.

 

 

Right now I feel like my whole world, my whole life is over.

 

You mention begging him to take you back a lot, but you only mention apologizing to him in a letter once near the end. How do you think he feels?? Do you have any idea how humilaiting and hurtful this whole experience must be for him?

 

Sorry if I come off like I'm attacking you too much, but I went through a similar experience with my GF four years ago (check my threads started for details). We're still together so there's hope for you. But at the time I was very upset because she didn't seem too apologetic, and more concerned with losing me than making up for the hurt she caused me. You probably are very sorry, but you just might want to make sure you mention how sorry you are in any interactions with him as opposed to just begging him to take you back.

[Chika]

I think you should just get on with you life, and show him you trully are going to stop with the drinking and stuff because when you start acting all pathetic in your emails,txts and phone calls saying you want him back your basically just bowing down to him and kissing and bitting his toe nails.

 

Just say 'ok i understand that you don't want to be with me anymore, but is there any point emailing and txting me?' then develop from there.

 

But just get on with your life show him you don't care go to the hairdressers and get your hair cut, get you nails done, a change is good and plus it would take your mind of things , after he sees that your getting over him and not hurting no more he'll come crawling back!!!

[DN]

I was looking at some of your previous posts. Are you giving up pot as well as alcohol? And do you think your bi-sexuality also contributed to the break-up? Maybe he's having a hard time dealing with so many issues, especially if he's smoking pot a great deal himself.

[HellFrost666]

I can't really give any advice that the others haven't already given you. But, I used to be a terrible binge drinker. I never blacked out, but I drank myself to the point of passing out almost every time. I have woke up in my car (not the driver's seat), on my porch, on my kitchen floor...

 

I was also single then.

 

Now I am in a serious realtionship. When I got into this relationship I knew right away that my drinking had to slow down. I still drink, but not like I used to. It's sad you had to learn this the hard way.

[scarew]

ty guys,

 

Well, I have been with him for about 7 months. It seems longer just because we fell in love so quickly that we have spent almost every single day together. I know it sounds like its not a long time and it couldnt have been that serious. But I have been in a 4 year relationship before, I know what love feels like, and what it doesnt feel like.

 

Anyways, btw, the legal drinking age in Canada is 19. But if you have boobs its 15, get my drift? And yes I am still PLANNING on smoking pot. That isnt something that I can deal with right now. One thing at a time. And my bisexuality probably did have something to do with the break up, but its something I am DEFINITLY willing to give up.

 

Some_guy, your right. I havent said sorry enough. Its all kind of a blurr because I was still drunk yesterday, but I did think about that. I have to see him tomorrow, first because we work at the same place, and because I will have to sleep on the couch tomorrow night. I will try to say sorry then. Although I am afraid of ruining any chance I have by saying the wrong thing.

 

I miss him so badly right now. No one has ever loved me that much and I have never loved anyone that much. We had something so amazing I cannot even describe it. I just want to call him and beg, but I know that will lessen my chances also.

[HellFrost666]

Well if you work together keep it descreet at your job. Don't make a scene when you talk to him. On top oif losing a relationship you don't want to lose your job too.

[Heartshock]

Hi Scarew,

 

I know you are plenty of pain, but it seems to me that the seriousness of of the situation is not quite being faced here. Here me out, I'm not ragging on you, sweetie, because its clear that the incident has hurt you badly.

 

Yet having read your e-mail I wonder if you are really able to offer a sincere apology at this stage.

 

Are you really ready to face your part in this. I hate to go all Dr Phil on you, but you seem to have a lot reasons, why culpability can't be laid at your door. "Your parents drink." "You don't drink all week" "He let you drive when drunk." "You can't remember what happened."

 

I'm not seeing many I's when I read this mail. The one thing that you can't to face is, a huge betrayal has taken place. The trust in your relationship has broken down in one night and it seems your partner is as devastated, as you are. When you are able to convey that you understand this, then the honest talking will start with your boyfriend. Can you face your part in this. Can you begin to make amends. And I don't mean hurried promises on the phone. I mean bottoming out and knowing this will never happen again.

Right now you cannot promise that.

 

So what are plans to build up trust with your boyfriend here? I fear I missed that line in your original e-mail. What's the realistic plan? It's a little soon to be promising to give up drink forever. What assistance do you intend to seek. Its clear that alcohol has had devastating consequences on your relationship. Personally I have nothing against drink, but when we are getting to "the blacking out stage," "the losing the man you love stage," then the price is too high.

 

It seems to me that you need time out to deal with your issue with alcohol, before you can sincerely make an offer to your boyfriend.

 

What needs rescuing right now IS YOU., With the relationship and the chat about having kids coming in second right now. Because I can tell you right now, there is clear danger that your children will repeat your own childhood. That is how the future lies right now. These things are hard to hear. However the quick fix of getting back with your boyfriend, will not negate the work that you need to do. This issue will arise again, unless it fully dealt with.

 

Take care of yourself sweetie, and I'm hoping you pull through

 

Heartshock

[NW Homey]

You do need to tell him you understand him not wanting you anymore and that you don't blame him. ASK him if there is anything you can do that will help him forgive you and restore his trust in you. Telling him what you will or are doing is only doing what you want, you need to ask him what he wants. Then you have to follow through with everything ver batum as he wants it. That is the only way you can hope to restore your relationship. Trust is the issue here. You must also hone up to your part in this and take responsibility for it. You are the only one that has control over you're actions. I don't say these things to be mean, it is just factual. You need to hone up for your good whether he takes you back or not. Best of luck to you.

[Millards Mom]

 

 

You have has an intense experience. All you can do now sweetie is take really good care of yourself and let him react in his own way. You need to wake up, breathe, take a shower, put on a nice out fit and go. Exercise, eat right and focus on your, work, your education or whatever you have....

 

Be there for him when he is ready to talk

 

Go to AA tonight and create a support system so you dont burn your mother out

[RandomAdvisor]

Check out her profile and threads started. She posted an update. He took her back.

[drf]

Adress your drinking addiction first, its hard but thats the first step. Then find out why it is you need alcohol in the first place and pot. Your young and need to adress these issues. If your blacking out it could be a sign of a developing physical problem. All the best.

[yeawutever]

Yea, I read her update, he did took her back. Hope this teaches her and people in general to have control when drinking.

[Shadows Light]

why do people think its fun to drink to the point of passing out/blacking out? even if theyre single, I'd like to know what the appeal is to being so sh*tfaced that you can't control your own actions, im curious.

 

Don't know.. but my X at age 40... still does it. You'd think by now he'd learn. arrrrggghhhh.

[Spugly Fuglet]

OK here my line on this,

I still think your should concider AA you can show him this will never happon again by Stopping drinking for good.

[meli]

I think you sound codependent on him.... try your hardest to focus on yourself and get help for you

[lovecrazy]

If you believe you do have a drinking problem, then maybe start going to AA meetings. WHich I know has helped alot of people. You have to want to fix this problem. The only way that will happen is if you admit there is a problem, and go to the Alcholic Meetings.

 

Maybe if he sees you sobering up, and changing it will help him to return to you. Or even be nice to you.

 

But If the nasty emails continue I would ask him to stop. If it were me I would let one or two fly, but not more than that. Would be getting annoying to me.

 

You get over come the drinking problem, by admitting you have aproblem then getting a support system, and I am afraid right now it cant be him. You have to try and distance yourself from him, then maybe just maybe there is hope for your relationship.

 

Please keep us updated on what is going on!