How to stop being angry?

[Celadon]

I admit it. I'm stubborn. When something (or someone's) bothering me, I stew over it. Over and over. I'd probably feel better if I took a walk, but I don't. I'd probably feel better if I listened to some music. But I don't.

 

My mind spins and spins and spins. I feel this need to GET IN CONTROL of my emotions, or the situation. Anyone else know what I'm talking about? Any advice?

 

I know this probably isn't healthy, or good for me, to hold onto my anger. Sometimes something will happen in the morning at work, and I'll still be thinking about it that evening. Not that I haven't done anything else, but still, it'll be with me. I hate that I waste time on being mad!

[renaissancewoman101]

Yes, I know how you feel. Whenever things go wrong or things bother me or people bother me, it eats away at me and bothers me for a long time. It is as though I ruminate on it and can't let it go. My biggest problem is that I always worry about what people think of me. It isnt good to do that since it raises my anxiety levels. I dont know how NOT to do it though. It is just a part of my nervous personality.

[Celadon]

Thanks, renaissance. Maybe I have a nervous personality as well.

[blink_guy]

yewah dude i got the same problem...my moms told me that i have a temper problem(stictly out of lvoe ofcourse) but i also feel teh same way an sometimes i jsut get sooooo rattled up about something small that i just feel teh need to go break a hole in the wall or somthing...i end uip playing my guitar and that gets my mind off of anything...maybe you have a hobby or a passion?perhaps a close friend you can turn to?

[Dako]

What gets me are folks who expect you to be angry about something, as if it serves a purpose. I get bent over some things, but not every day. I can't imagine being pissed on a regular basis.

I tend to laugh at irony and let-downs as much as possible.

Why not?

[Celadon]

Funny you should mention music, blink_guy. Just now I was downstairs in my basement and found myself singing at the TOP of my lungs. After a bit, I realized I wasn't thinking anymore about something that had been bothering me. So it's possible. Maybe I haven't had enough experience with successfully distracting myself. If I keep doing it, maybe it'll become easier, huh?

 

Yeah, Dako, I know what you mean about people expecting you to be mad sometimes. Ironically, I've been in a few of those situations. It's funny that those times I don't get too upset, but other times, when no one else will think I should be mad, I am.

 

Humor's always worth a try, I guess.

[itsallgrand]

I relate to this so well.

 

The best bit of advice I can give you, that is tried tested and true for me, is practising Letting Go.

 

I am so stubborn. I know exactly what you mean by saying "I feel I NEED TO BE IN CONTROL OF MY EMOTIONS". We don't want to be angry, upset. So we reject these feelings inside and they fester.

 

Distraction is helpful for cooling down and getting perspective. Acknowledging, accepting, and letting go of the anger is the only way to go IMO.

 

Takes practise, but it works. I am still learning.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I have a major anger problem, I feel you. Im not violent or anything but I can rage until Im exhausted.

 

Loud music is what my father swears by and I htink hes right.

[Celadon]

The best bit of advice I can give you, that is tried tested and true for me, is practising Letting Go. ...

Distraction is helpful for cooling down and getting perspective. Acknowledging, accepting, and letting go of the anger is the only way to go IMO.

 

Hm, that's really insightful, itsallgrand - thanks for sharing that. I've heard that trying to be "conscious" of one's emotions is a first step, but I think it's the "accepting" part that I just don't know what to do with. My mind starts going at a million miles an hour (so it seems) with thoughts - why is the other person doing this, how can I get out of the situation, who do they think that are anyway, etc. etc. If I could substitute all that with a simple thought, like , "I am angry," it might help.

 

Since letting go is working for you, itsallgrand, I'll give it a try.

 

heythere1234, thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in this. I took zoloft briefly a long time ago, but I couldn't really tell if it did anything. Drugs can be very helpful sometimes. I'm hoping to tackle this problem drug-free though.

 

AntiLove, reading your post, it just reminded me that sometimes I rage too, because it hurts so much. A lot of the times these days I rage because of things going on around me that I don't think are fair or right. Then there are times when I feel like, "IF only I could figure out WHY I'm so mad, I'd calm down." But I'm starting to think that really doesn't help.

 

I get mad because I'm in a situation where I feel like I can't do anything about what's going on, and that really sucks. Maybe you can relate. Maybe that's why letting go works for itsallgrand. AH, but I hate that feeling of being powerless though....

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I really can't control a lot of what causes me grief at the moment.

 

Perhaps try thinking of yourself as EMPOWERED when you choose to let go, and not just a soft option...maybe the truly empowered are those who can say *you know what, I dont have answers and I dont have control, but neither does anyone else really to a great extent, so I hereby let go*.

 

Not that Ive ever been able to do that!

[itsallgrand]

If I could substitute all that with a simple thought, like , "I am angry," it might help.

 

Bingo!

 

The rest is just practise and picking up on our anger at earlier and earlier stages.

 

Thanks for starting this topic. I'm always looking for new insights into it.

[itsallgrand]

AntiLove,

Your last post was very interesting. You mentioned thinking of being EMPOWERED by letting the anger be and seeing it. Like, 'this isn't in my control, so I really am in a position of power by realizing that'.

That's a good one.

 

I know for myself, one of the most difficult things about dealing with my anger is the feeling I have of vulnerability and powerlessness. Those feelings make me angry. I like to be in control.

 

Surrendering is harder for me than doing something-acting-choosing. It's that feeling of having to let something else in the universe affect me without it being my decision, y'know?

[Celadon]

Yeah, I guess "being in control" is just some illusion that a lot of people try to have or look like they have. When really, it's just a myth. Maybe the civilizations who weren't so "advanced" as we are today knew that and were better off. You know, they lived off the land and *understood* that Mother Nature was going to have her way with them and there was nothing they could do about it. But today, it's like we think we should be able to control everything, including other people's actions.

 

I do think that understanding a situation is empowering, although from my own experience I'd have to admit that only goes so far. Still, it's a good to know why it helps.