So called "Nice Guy" Syndrome

[monsieur]

wow!! that was a great post, I think you have said it really well and it makes so much sense.

 

reading on that heartless btches site was so depressing, it is back to the old caveat that you shouldn't ask women for advice on women.

 

I am not going to wholesale change the way I am, I will stay being nice, I may be a bit boring but it would be wrong for me to change. I may put a girl I like on a bit of a pedestal, but I still believe a deserving girl will deserve that and be able to enjoy that. There is still hope for us, and we shouldn't change because of the heartlessness in this world.

[heythere1234]

Tyler is back, good I like picking on him!

[Boricua7]

Ummm its not called link removed mate. Its an advice or opinion forum.

 

True true!

 

...Oh so often though a woman will settle for bad boys that she will later claim she knows is bad for her, then the biological clock starts ticking and the bad boys don't cut it anymore, but the nice guys have all left - thats the drama I'm talking about, guys who women know are no good for them but are good for fun.

 

I understand the whole passionate thing, I can admit that my post in response to yours was equally passionate.

 

You're right, SOME women do go for the bad guy because they are good fun just like SOME men go for the slutty girls because they are good fun. It's a phase that both men and women go through. The bad boys and the slutty girls won't cut it when the time comes to settle down but the nice girls and guys aren't all gone and that does not mean that bad boys and slutty girls can't turn into nice girls and guys once they too have had their fun and are ready to be serious, responsible adults.

[heythere1234]

I don't know, I've always preferred sweet guys who were actually nice to me. and I've observed a direct correlation between those who claim to be nice, and their actual behavior.

[mike-e-mike]

Man I trailed through 13 pages of it you bet I read the original post. Everyone is paying out the blokes who say they are mistreated nice guys because they think they are all self pitying losers, but there are nice ones out there and, like it or not, until some women mature a bit they do have an aversion to blokes who are not, how do you put it...as genuinely nice as some of the ones they overlook.

 

No one likes a man who doesn't get up for another bout and thats where the defeatist nice guys come into it but there is nothing wrong with being an admitted 'nice guy' when it comes to dealing with ladies.

 

edit: I think the reasons men go with slutty ladies and women go with bad boy men are very different and really shouldnt be compared like that...

[tylercdurden2004]

I don't know, I've always preferred sweet guys who were actually nice to me. and I've observed a direct correlation between those who claim to be nice, and their actual behavior.

 

A little confused. Whats the correlation you are talking about, negative or postive correlation?

[heythere1234]

Negative, the more they say it, the less it's true.

[tylercdurden2004]

Tyler is back, good I like picking on him!

 

I've never notice you picking on me. Maybe you need to fine tune your game!

[Boricua7]

Man I trailed through 13 pages of it you bet I read the original post. Everyone is paying out the blokes who say they are mistreated nice guys because they think they are all self pitying losers, but there are nice ones out there and, like it or not, until some women mature a bit they do have an aversion to blokes who are not, how do you put it...as genuinely nice as some of the ones they overlook.

 

No one likes a man who doesn't get up for another bout and thats where the defeatist nice guys come into it but there is nothing wrong with being an admitted 'nice guy' when it comes to dealing with ladies.

 

You may have read the posts but I don't think you're understanding what some of us were saying. We know there are genuinely nice guys out there. Those are the guys we want. We also know that there are fakes out there who try to come off like they are nice guys and that is why I, personally, tend to be a little bit skeptical of any guy who claims to be a nice guy. Don't blame me, blame the fakes.

 

Also, we were saying that some guys who claim to be nice guys are also just pushovers in denial. I'm sorry but I can't respect you if you allow yourself to be walked all over and I'm not going to give you any more of a chance than I did the "nice guy" who was really a creep.

 

Just because women tend to pass over self-proclaimed nice guys does not mean that we don't want a nice guy. The above situations show why we are hesitant to give a guy who says he's "nice" a chance. It doesn't mean that we don't give guys like these a chance, we have just learned from experience that a guy who is genuinely nice tends to SHOW you that he's nice, not blabber on and on about it.

[heythere1234]

I've never notice you picking on me. Maybe you need to fine tune your game!

 

Too bad that I usually agree with you!

[heythere1234]

Ditto that. And add I would have a strong aversion to a guy who claimed to be nice. If it's true, there's no need to advertise.

[avman]

Alright, the flame war has been removed from this thread. Those of you involved (and you know who you are) will cease-and-desist immediately or I will ban you from this forum. Your behaviors have been ridiculous and we won't put up with them here.

[tylercdurden2004]

Alright, the flame war has been removed from this thread. Those of you involved (and you know who you are) will cease-and-desist immediately or I will ban you from this forum. Your behaviors have been ridiculous and we won't put up with them here.

 

Sorry Av buts its a little unclear to me. Who exactly are you referring to?

[avman]

Sorry Av buts its a little unclear to me. Who exactly are you referring to?

 

Those who have now received a forum warning in their email. If you didn't get one, then you are fine and please carry on.

[Derek]

I think mike-e-mike is right on.

 

There are the "bad boi" guys,

then there are the "nice guys" and

there are the "good guys" (or gentlemen) with the right balance,

 

Often nice guys turn into "good guys" later on if they don't go all bitter and negative about being rejected during those "Drama" phases.

 

The "bad boys" are addictions for immature girls, the "good guys" will be the ones they marry when those women finally wake up and know what they really want. Sadly, it can often be too late for them and they'll be stuck settling for an over the hill, pathetic "bad boy" pretender.

 

 

[Boricua7]

I think mike-e-mike is right on.

 

There are the "bad boi" guys,

then there are the "nice guys" and

there are the "good guys" (or gentlemen) with the right balance,

 

Often nice guys turn into "good guys" later on if they don't go all bitter and negative about being rejected during those "Drama" phases.

 

The "bad boys" are addictions for immature girls, the "good guys" will be the ones they marry when those women finally wake up and know what they really want. Sadly, it can often be too late for them and they'll be stuck settling for an over the hill, pathetic "bad boy" pretender.

 

 

 

bad boys : girls slutty girls : guys

 

That's right, the SATs have come to haunt you!

 

Seriously though, let's not be gender biased here.

[Daddy Bear]

my last comment on this thread, just to clear something up and to give credit where it is due: the story that i posted was written not by a woman, but by a man named John Russell.

[monsieur]

Why are guys that have a bit of a 'pushover' tendency so hated by so many women? Us easygoing passive non-confrontational guys are pretty good hearted you know, it's a shame you hate us so much.

 

And it is not about claiming to be a nice guy. I can be super nice but a bit of a pushover and it seems to be drawing hatred from many women.

[Boricua7]

Why are guys that have a bit of a 'pushover' tendency so hated by so many women? Us easygoing passive non-confrontational guys are pretty good hearted you know, it's a shame you hate us so much.

 

And it is not about claiming to be a nice guy. I can be super nice but a bit of a pushover and it seems to be drawing hatred from many women.

 

You just don't want to accept that women don't hate nice guys, do you? We can say it until we're blue in the face but you still won't accept it. We like nice guys. It just so happens that guys who really are nice don't advertise it, they SHOW it. It's been said over and over and over again. Quit pitying yourself.

[monsieur]

don't get me wrong, I accept that women like a nice guy

 

I think it is just an unusual militant heartless type of woman that fills up the website with their hatred like the heartless btches website.

 

My last point was more on the lines of why do some women hate guys that have pushover tendencies? Why hate that? I would think a thoughtful caring guy that wanted to get along and thought the world of a girl would be a perfect partner. Pushover should be far preferable to bully.

[Boricua7]

...My last point was more on the lines of why do some women hate guys that have pushover tendencies? Why hate that? I would think a thoughtful caring guy that wanted to get along and thought the world of a girl would be a perfect partner. Pushover should be far preferable to bully.

 

Pushover is preferrable to bully but just like bully, it is not respected nor is it wanted.

[Derge]

monsieur I can understand your mindset I know Im young but have a big experience of this. Ive always been what you would call a nice guy. But thats what im like ive been called a gentlemen for holding doors open for people but these are simple manner that I do for anyone. (Im not going to slam a door in there face).

I have one female "close" friend and I love her as a friend. I used to like her like that but we got talking and I just like her like I would a guy mate but she is sweeter lol. I would honestly take a bullet for her and have taken a fair few punches.

I also like to be the joker and I wouldnt say im shy anymore ill talk to anyone if I like them which I probably will because Ill find something I like in anyone. You just have to fight for it. promise it to yourself.

The worst thing I feel is regret regection is easy! regret will seep into every area of your life and it may last longer than you thing. I dont think shyness is pathetic I think it bores from something deeper like having someone constantly put you down or not being supported.

Dont be harsh on the people you put down because they may be a stalker do it because you dont want to hurt there feelings. vbmenu_register("postmenu_1013822", true);

[Derek]

I don't think they "hate" a pushover guy. He's just not as obviously attractive.

 

A woman's radar goes up when a guy is confident and shows some brass cajones, in any situation. (This is why sports are good spots to safely show assertiveness)

 

Just like a guy's ears perk up when he sees an apple shaped bottom in jeans go by or a particularly well fitted sweater. That woman is on his radar very quickly. Sure other women can too but they may have to do a little more or be a little different.

 

The "nice guy" will have to do more to get her attention and get on her possiblility scan.

 

Do you blame men for how they tend to like womanly curves? Why blame women for what they like? It just is.

[Dating Coach]

another thing, the author writes and generalizes about the 'spine' thing, but in reality I think very few guys have the 'spine' thing as a deal-breaker with women...

 

How wrong you are.

 

...but these heartless girls use it as a justification for why they don't like nice guys.

 

Heartless girls? Why do you call these girls heartless? What is heartless about not being attracted to someone who has a low level of self respect? Why is it heartless to not be attracted to someone who puts you up on a pedastle like you are some goddess and he is your servant? It's not heartless, it's normal and it makes sense. Is that woman supposed to be the guys spine because he doesn't have one? Is she supposed to be the one shouldering the responsibility in the relationship?

 

I find it very strange that you would call these women "heartless" as if pity is supposed to lead to love.

 

If a girl is spineless she might not be the best match for my passive personality, but if she likes me alot and I like her alot the spine part is not an issue at all.

 

Spinelessness is not likely to be a good match for most people. It's not likely that people are going to passively fall into a great relationship. Relationships are a lot of work and both parties must be willing to work to make it something great. Is it spinelessness here or is it plain laziness?

 

I actually love a woman with a spine, I am very passive myself and am a great match for someone that is more dominant and I am completely happy to let her make decisions like where we eat and even let her order for me at times. That is my personality, and it meshes well with a more dominant woman.

 

It does? You mean like the relationship you have right now? Or wait, I thought you said that she is not attracted to you? Did I miss something?

 

Here is where you are wrong. A strong woman who is motivated and self confident is not going to fall in love and respect a spineless man who cannot make a stand for himself and what he believes in. She is not going to want a man who holds her up on a pedastle with him far below it. She uses a man like that-whether it be intentionally or unintentionally. You drive your friend places? You buy her things, pay for dinner, listen to her problems, compliment her, hang out with her, etc, right? You back down and avoid arguments or disagreements with her right? And you ask for nothing in return for all that you do and you get nothing in return right? You expect her to respect that? Sorry, it doesn't work this way and she is not heartless for it.

 

I hope you can realize the point here, and if you do perhaps you can start working for yourself towards your goal and finally achieve it. So far it seems you are unwilling to understand or accept any of this, and I don't believe you will find a long term happy relationship until you do. I truly hope you do because I believe you can treat a girl great, but you must be able to treat yourself great first. You must be able to ENSURE that you are treated great by making her understand that you will not tolerate being mistreated.

[Boricua7]

You hit the nail right on the head!

 

Women are not heartless simply because they do not respect men who do not respect themselves. If you associate taking pity on you with love then you are in all kinds of relationship trouble.

 

You need to be able to stand on your own two feet, make decisions for yourself, and be able to do what makes YOU happy. You've got to be able to say "Sorry, but I come first this time". That's right, sometimes you've got to be selfish.

 

When the two of you want different things, this is when compromise comes in. Relationships are not about one person doing everything for the other person and the other person enjoying it. Relationships are mutual. It's about both of you being put up on a pedastal and both of you sacraficing something you want for the other occasionally (NOT ALWAYS).

 

The sooner you realize that you don't have to kiss a girl's a** all of the time to make her happy, the better off you'll be in the long run.

 

I can't remember who said this, but they were right when they said that if a guy can't stand up for himself and be strong for himself how is he going to be able to stand up for and be strong for his woman?