my nf has been hanging out at strip clubs where the girls are fully nude

[tykiela]

so now my bf is hanging out at stips clubs and he actually admitted to me that he and a friend of his has been going there alot. i don't mind him hanging out at the regular strip clubs too much. but the strip clubs he has been hanging out at the girls are fully nude and i feel totaly different about that.

 

i asked him why he goes there and he said mostly just to hang out with his friends and it like a fantasy to him. he says he doesn't understand why i would get upset because he would never want anything serious with any of the girls.

 

i feel alot different about it especially because he has been ignoring me. and by the way i never cut him off from sex and sex has never been a problem with us. he says that he likes looking at younger skinny girls which once again offended me and on the same note his says he cares for me alot. then he tells me he can get this girls to do whatever he wants him to do with the right amount of money.

 

so i have been talking with a few friends on this and they all think i'm overeacting. i just wanted to know how some of you other ladies will feel if you were going through something similar?

[kellbell]

tykiela,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You need to cut this guy loose. He has disrespected you in every way and he does so because you LET him. Things are not going to get better. You deserve better than this....honestly.

[AwdreeHpburn]

tykiela,

 

My personal opinion, and this is just MY opinion, is that your bf is getting out of those clubs what he is supposed to. That IS their intended use. He's using them correctly and I see nothing "wrong" with it per se.

 

The issue I have is that YOU are not comfortable with his partonage.

 

It doesn't sound like he is going to those types of places to spite you but rather because its something he enjoys.

 

This is HIS entertainment choice. But if you are not comfortable with someone who enjoys that type of entertainment that is a choice you are free to make. Rather than demanding he change what he likes, you may need to change who you date.

 

This may be a fundamental difference that's a deal breaker such as religious beliefs or political ones. I personally can not date a republican. (totally kidding)

 

My point just is that unless there's obvious laws being broken, people are free to enjoy what they do and we should respect that. We should also try to find someone who respects our choices and has at least somewhat similar fundamental ideals.

 

Hope that helps a little but that's just my two cents, take it for what its worth.

 

-T

[Goodfun88]

Um, I don't think you are overreacting at all! I would be so offended if my boyfriend did that. Infact when we first started dating he would tell me about how he used to go to strip clubs and I told him if we ever got serious strip clubs are off limits. He told me that you can touch the girls, I NEVER knew that! Thats cheating to me. Also if he's ignoring you in favor of strip clubs thats a huge problem. Just my opinion though. If that was my boyfriend I would drop him like a hot potato if he didn't change his ways!

[tykiela]

it wouldn't bother me so much if they were half dessed but there are complete naked. getting a lapdance from a completedly naked women while you are in a relationship is wrong to me.

 

then telling me he would rather look at twenty years old was another.

[Goodfun88]

Maybe he is trying to get you to break up with him, but it to much of a coward to do it himself, so he's acting out. I can't imagine anyone being ok with that while in a relationship. Drop him now, he's a loser, he insults you by his actions and his words. You deserve better!!!! Good luck!

[BellaDonna]

I think his behavior is unacceptable, especially when you consider in combination with the other things he has done to disrespect you, as kellbell pointed out.

 

I do not think you are over-reacting.

 

I think you need to totally move on and find someone that deserves you.

 

 

BellaDonna

[AwdreeHpburn]

I disagree.

 

I think its selfish to not ALLOW a bf or girlfriend the option of doing something they like to do or controlling to demand they stop doing something they enjoy.

 

If it is that fundamental a difference than you shouldn't be together.

[RayKay]

I think the issue here is more his lack of respect towards you in general (ie his comments on wanting to look at younger, skinnier girls) rather then strip clubs persay.

 

You have to have your boundaries - I am fine if my partner wants to go to see strippers once in a blue moon for a bachelor party/birthday party, whatever. But I absolutely draw the line at a lap dance for example. And we know one another's boundaries and respect them. If he broke them, well, I would have a decision to make - either let my boundaries be ignored and be miserable, or stand up for myself and walk.

 

If we could not agree, and neither of was willing to compromise or discuss it and respect one another, we would not make it in a relationship.

 

then he tells me he can get this girls to do whatever he wants him to do with the right amount of money.

 

If my boyfriend said that to me....he would NOT be my boyfriend anymore, as of that instant! He is telling you he will cheat on you then and there, and yet you stay?

 

Honey, you are LETTING him walk all over you. Why are you settling? Walk away.

[Goodfun88]

So you should not give them the option to stop if they want to be with you? Giving money to naked woman is not like sports, video games, bird watching, or any other hobby one might enjoy!

[BellaDonna]

I think its selfish to not ALLOW a bf or girlfriend the option of doing something they like to do or controlling to demand they stop doing something they enjoy.

 

I agree with that concept in general- but if you look at some of the history of this relationship:

 

*He enjoys talking about his ex

 

*He enjoys ignoring her calls

 

*He enjoys being addicted to the computer

 

*He enjoys games online with other girls

 

*He does not make time for her- yet enjoys making plenty of time for strip clubs.

 

The big picture tells me he is not making her a priority at all, he does not cate about adding to her enjoyment. If tykiela is to enjoy a healthy, happy relationship- it likely won't be with him. The total package is no good. I think it's all about context.

 

BellaDonna

[Dako]

If you consider strip clubs a dealbreaker, then stick up for yourself.

Same for his other behavior.

 

All this talk makes me curious about tty bars. It's been decades since I've been in one.

[NJRon]

I have only been to one... my ex bought me my first lap dance.

 

In a perfect world here, he would always respect your feelings and you wouldn't be bothered by it. Unfortunately, neither of those two things are happening right now.

 

If it's something taht is important to you then don't let him walk all over you. Finding the right person is about finding someone whose values match yours. If they don't match, and neither of you will *willingly* compromise, then find someone who does.

[DN]

tykiela,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You need to cut this guy loose. He has disrespected you in every way and he does so because you LET him. Things are not going to get better. You deserve better than this....honestly.

 

I checked these posts out as well - this guy is no good for you (or anyone else). Time to look for someone closer to the deeper end of the gene pool.

[Scotcha]

For me.. Going to a strip club is a dealbreaker. I know what goes on, I know what it's like, and I don't want to date someone that takes part in that. I make this very clear. If they still want to date me, great. If not.. Goodbye.

 

Also.. Many strippers aren't really strippers. Not all of them but enough to make me nervous. The fact that your boyfriend says there is a girl there that is willing to do anything for the right price proves my point. He's saying that because it's true. She is not a stripper.

 

If you were comfortable with his behavior it wouldn't be a problem. But you are no. You're also not being selfish in any way what so ever and you have every right to your feelings. How is it not cheating to get a lap dance? Paying for it somehow makes it acceptable?

[WildChild]

Honey, you need to end this. This reminds me exactly of what this guy did to me one time, and you know what? In the end, he was relieved I ended it because he didn't know how. Instead he did all these rotten things to me so I would break it off.

 

Drop this guy like a hotcake

[Dako]

Anything can be a dealbreaker if one person objects and the other won't cave. Strippers are just one example, but it could be booze. computer games or anything.

Women are put off by my cigars. So be it.

[fishrrshortae]

Dako, is that ur dog? I love the suspicious look he/she gives the camera...

 

As for OP, agreed that if a guy ever told me he could plunk down money and get a stripper to do whatever I want, I would dump him on the spot. Even if he was to go to these clubs, telling you about how he likes skinny women and can pay for their many services is downright tactless and disrespectful. He sounds like a complete jerk... And he is obviously making you feel horrible about yourself. Please ask yourself, What am I getting out of this relationship, and is it worth this?

[danylion]

The comment about going to look at younger skinny women is really dis-respectful and strikes a warning chord in me. It is almost like he is trying make you feel insecure. That is just cruel!

 

For what its worth strippers are fine for bachelors/hens/birthdays but thats it. The only regular real naked women in his life should be you, his partner.

 

Im not a prude I am just being honest and realistic.

[southerngirl]

I think you should drop him because if this is something YOU feel strongly about it is your issue. If this is something that you do not want to put up with or the possibility of him cheating on you with deseases coming back isnt something you want to worry about.. Break it off.

 

Believe it or not there are men out there that do not like the stripclub atmosphere.

[xprincessbugx]

I agree with everyone on this post! drop him! he's no good for you and the way he's been treating you is so disrespectful. He doesn't care about your feelings or what you think at all! He's being seflish and it's time to tell him goodbye! good luck and take care.

[coollady1957]

Having read your post and all of the replies, there is not much more that I can say that has not already been said, Other than I agree that you should move on and find some one that treats you right and respects you.

[TheScream]

People's opinions are people's opinions. Sometimes they are right, generally only when they agree with my opinion, but sometimes they are not quite on the mark, not to mention any names, Theresa. Oops!

That said, my opinion may be wrong for you but here it is anyway.

Let's address something first. Yeah, anyone should be able to go out and do what they enjoy doing. But let's face it folks, the guy is not going out bowling with his buddies or sitting on the back porch whittling a toothpick! If you think that paying some tramp to gesticulate in front of you rubbing various parts of her body on you whether she's clothed or not is the same as "the freedom to do something that you like" then you should sit there and listen for the pop. (as your head finally pops out of your a**)

I've been in those places. I was a bouncer in a local rock bar and did a few part-time gigs at the peeler bar down the street. Not my cup of tea. 95% of the guys don't even come in contact with the girls. At all. It's illegal. I've broken fingers for it. The bars can and do get shut down for it. That don't mean it doesn't happen. If a guy goes in looking for it, damn sure it's there. With some you can get whatever you want but it has to be discreet and is usually not done on the premises. Some of the bouncers, quite a few actually, are off-duty policemen.

Regardless hon. You may not like it, but my advice is drop the punk and run. Don't look back. He's a self-indulgent disrespectful creep who is quite obviously unworthy of your time or your trust, not to mention your feelings.

But of course... this is just my opinion.

Cheers for now,

TheScream.