I texted " the other woman"

[SLMitchell918]

Well, I decided to text the other woman to just tell her what I felt. I told my husband I was going to. It was something I felt like would make me better.

 

I'm not going to tell her husband because of the fact her husband may hurt mine but I told her this,

 

 

" I think your husband Greg has the right to know about the thing with my husband,Kerri.You almost caused my husband to lose his daughter and you knew that I was pregnant at the time. Why did you do it?

 

I honestly doubt I will get a response because she will probably freak out knowing that I know her name and her husbands but I just really wanted to say something to her.

 

I guess I should at least be allowed that. She txted me after I found out saying she was sorry. and I just said it was okay because i was in shock and now I'm just really staying what I want in a NICE way because I could have been really mean. Even after she said sorry she continued things with my husband so I really don't think she was sorry, they were both just sorry they got caught!

 

My therapist said that If I wanted to say something to her that I should, she also said that If i felt like letting her husband know then I should because I wont let it go until I do. But everyone has different thoughts on that I guess.

 

Do you think sending her a message was a bad thing? My husband doesn't mind at all. I asked him if he felt like it was stupid and he said No, he was the dumb one.

[annie24]

I think you did the right thing.

 

But, I hope your husband is not cheating anymore. I hope he is not getting off easily! Have you two been going to counseling together?

 

(((HUGS))))

 

take care

[RayKay]

Well, what is done is done, right

 

I would suggest though you DON'T follow up. Leave it at that. It's enough to let her know you are obviously NOT impressed.

 

Now, focus on moving forward with your husband and your new daughter.

 

I hope he really has turned a new leaf.

 

Hugs!

 

RayKay

[SLMitchell918]

Well she obviously saw him at work just now because he just texted me and said she was freaking out.

[BellaDonna]

You probably won't hear back from her.

 

I hope he is not getting off easily! Have you two been going to counseling together?

 

 

I agree. If your husband has not already been to counseling with you, I think it would be a good idea to suggest it.

 

It's far too easy for him just to let you direct your comments/blame to the OW and not have to work on things himself. Just remember- she was not married to you and really could care less- but he was married to you and still proceeded with the cheating. Yes she is low- but in my opinion the man that lied to you is the one to be angry with.

 

You can't hold it against him forever, but I do believe if your husband truly wants to reconcile and move on from his mistake- he must go to counseling with you.

 

 

BellaDonna

[Beyondthesea]

I wouldn't blame the other women, I'd be blaming my husband! It takes two to tango unfortunately!

 

But if you feel any better now, that's all that matters. Just don't let your husband off easy.

[amtjrtcet]

Definitely don't let him off easy, otherwise he'll just do it again. Trust me.

[SLMitchell918]

TRUST ME he isn't getting off too easy. I've expressed all my anger to my husband for 5 months. He knows. I haven't been angry at the OW at all until now, After seeing my daughter. I believe it takes two.

[xxx]

You are the one who needs to deal with your feelings about the infidelity and to try to get closure. Do what feels right - and if that includes letting the other woman know, then so be it.

[annie24]

yeah, definitely - I think that texting her (and it was a rather nice text!) may help you get over some of your feelings of anger.

 

he NEEDS to go to counseling with you.

[lovecrazy]

Im sorry But am I the only one laughing at the fact that the OW was freaking out...I think she should becuase she hurt more than one person in the whole ordeal. Normally I would just blame the man. But the women knew you were pregnant, and and he was married to you. And she was also married.

 

I think she should freak out. Hopefully she still is. I know this sounds harsh but goes around comes around!

 

I am sorry your husband did this. But its sounds like you are getting closure...even if it is only a little. Please keep us updated.

 

And I agree with RayKay...I wouldnt go past the one text. Try working on the relationship with your husband from now on.

[SLMitchell918]

I will try not to go pass that one text. What burns me is instead of sending me a message back, she found my husband and asked him if I would do it. He said he didn't know, he didn't think so but he just doesnt know. She was all scared of me.

 

Truthfully I'm not going to do it but i just wanted to let her know that I'm not as stupid as everyone thinks I am. I found out her husbands name and hers.

 

She wanted to call me but my husband told her not to and he asked me not to text her anymore because he doesn't want to talk to her.

 

Then he started about how he is going to find another job and after he finds another job he didn't care if I let her husband know or not.

 

I would love to hear her side of the story about everything but I really dont think I want to.

 

Well, we had a family member that has a degree in therapy but I have stopped because she moved to pittsburg so I am going to have to look for something else because Its hard to deal with all this. Its like I'll have a couple of good days and then I'm depressed again.

 

I know hes sorry thats what is the killer of all this. I just cant stop a painful thought popping into my head and when i do, it makes me depressed. I think one thing that is the killer to this all is that I wonder if she was prettier or just what she had that he couldn't get at home.

[heavensent]

I think the husband deserves to know and if she can't be mature enough to come forward and admit to her mistake then someone else should do it. Even in a simple letter. I know a lot of people are telling you not to but he DESERVES to know. No one deserves to be cheated on and he needs to be informed that his wife is unfaithful...the action he choose to take is up to him but he should know.

[Hope75]

SL,

 

I know you are feeling angry towards this women but honesty, she has no loyalty towards you. What she did was lousy yes, but your husband, who swore to be faithful to you and honor you, is the one who cheated you, not her. He was the one who was supposed to treat you with love, respect and fidelity.

 

You say you forgave him, you've got to move past this. If you are still angry about it and wanting to contact her, you are not past it and likely still have some issues to work out with your husband, who betrayed you, not her. If you guys aren't going to therapy you need to. It's going to take time and him earning your trust before you can truly forgive him.

 

With them working together it's got to be really hard.

[annie24]

I don't think you should tell the husband. Why not? Because if he husband finds out, and he leaves his wife, she will be single again and may make another play for your husband. Better that she be scared of what you may do, then for you to make her single again.

[NW Homey]

I disagree with annie24. Indeed every case is different but, just as you found out about your husband and had to make the choice to try and work it out or not, her husband should have the same options available to him. My wife cheated on me for the second time. I called HIS wife and told her.If I knew someone knew about it and didn't tell me I would be upset. This "womans" husband a right to make his choice as to try and work it out or not. If he did divorce her and she made a play for your husband and he fell for it, you are definitely better off without him. Do whatever you need to do for yourself. I am glad your husband is looking for another job as he really should get away from her and have no contact with her ever again.

[Betty Rubble]

She didn't cheat on you, he did. I realize you are angry at her, and you seem so sweet and kind. But you must really know no affair would have happened if it wasn't for him.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

I disagree with betty rubble. She would have found someone else to have an affair with. Then again i'm not nearly as nice as the poor woman thats going through this, so I have no issue calling the other woman a skank. ( not positive if it's a curse word, if it is, i'm deeply sorry moderaters.)

[Relationship Coach]

SLM,

I'm glad you are still around, I often wondered how all of this turned out. I think you have done the right thing and I hope that your husband has learned his lesson. This OW's husband needs to know what kind of woman he is married to. There are 3 victims here, you, your daughter and the OWH. Right now he is a victim and doesn't know it. His marriage is in deep trouble and doesn't know it. More than likely she will do this again, he needs to know. This answer may not be popular with some but your not here for that.

 

RC

[NW Homey]

Your husband and the ow both cheateed on you and her husband. All parties should know who they are dealing with for partners. It isn't any skin off your nose if he doesn't know, but if your like me you wish someone would have known sooner. In my case I believe some people knew and didn't say anything. They are not friends and did me no favors. Continue to do whatever you need to to be comfortable with your relationship. Good luck.