At what age...

[n83]

... should you start wanting commitment/a serious relationship?

 

I see a lot of people say "you're too young to want to get serious" .. but what age do you have to be for wanting commitment to be "acceptable"???

[mystik]

I think that can be any age - obviously not elementary aged, but highschool and up. But if you're talking marriage, then after highschool? Interesting question... I am curious to see what others say.

[SeaBisquit]

i think career first then marriage. i married when i was only nineteen what a mistake.

[iceberg21]

Tough call. Personally, at 25, I've just recently started thinking about 'settling down'. I mean, at about 17 or 18 I guess I wanted a relationship, but how serious I couldn't say as I didn't start a relationship until I was 22. But a year and a half of that and I wanted out. Now I realise that I'm looking for more than just a fling, and I suppose that started within the last year or so. But I don't doubt it varies from person to person.

[shes2smart]

i think career first then marriage.

 

I tend to agree with this. Probably because it's the path I chose for myself and I think it's worked out pretty well....even if I do say so m'self.

 

Generally speaking most people's teens and early- to mid-20's tend to be rather volatile in terms of personal growth. Most people will undergo a number of changes in terms of figuring out who they are during this time. Who one is at 19 may be very different from who they end up being by their late 20's. While we will grow and change over the course of our lives (if we're living properly), those changes tend to be the most dramatic and frequent the younger we are. Once most people pass that initial phase of learning who they are, the rate of change tends to slow down some.

 

I think that's the main reason you'll see people saying others are "too young" to be in a serious relationship. Some of the growth that occurs during that time period comes from experiencing different relationships with different people. Most people learn what works for them in a relationship by dating different people. Sometimes we learn more about ourselves and what works for us from the relationships that don't work out than from the ones that do.

 

There are people who get into a relationship early in life and stay with that person for a long time. They somehow manage to grow together with their sig. other instead of growing apart, so it's possible. However, there are far more people who get together prior to their late 20's who just end up growing apart over time as they start getting a better sense of who they are as an individual, what they want out of life in general, and what they want out of a relationship in particular.

 

In the end, any relationship at any age is something of a gamble. The younger the participants are, the higher the odds against the longevity of the relationship are because of the relative inexperience (relationship experience and general life experience) of both individuals. But being older and more experienced is no solid guarantee that it'll work out, either.

 

That's one of the things that keeps life interesting. You never know if you'll be the exception or the rule.

[Momene]

I'm in my 50s and my personal goals and priorities are in a state of flux, so things don't stay completely static once you reach 30. The world itself is changing around you, even if you don't so many of your original career goals get blocked off.

 

To the original question, I'd say about 25 but it depends on the indiviudal. I also wonder if there's an upper age limit too. I'm sure a lot of the preceived need to be in a relationship is related to the breeding instinct, even for those who don't actually want kids. If I became single again, I don't think I'd be interested.

[byates5637]

As soon as you are ready for it! people mature at different rates so there is no one answer. I got in my first commited relationship when i was 16 and it lasted until i was 19. Now i'm 22 and am looking for something even more serious, a girl to live with and possibly have kids with in a couple years. Alot of guys my age don't want anything to do with this.

 

so it all depends on what you are ready for.

[SxcLady]

I have wanted to find a nice guy who was looking for a long term relationship since i was 16. I am now 19. I always wanted to be settled by the time I am 24. Not because I think 24 is old or anything ... it is just a target I set for myself. I am still looking. I thought I had found him just after I decided that I wanted to start settling down, and get ready to be committed but then I realized he was being a forceful jerk. Just depends on when you feel you are ready. Not when you are told "but we are ready", or "you need to hurry up and settle down". I know people who are 27-33yrs ... who still are not ready to settle down. Dont fuss about it. When you are ready you will know.

[PRSOV]

In my teenage years I never really wanted a relationship, I was just in school - having fun! I'm not into the casual scene... I think everyone deep down wants a relationship by the time they are 19-20 unless they enjoy playing the scene... It just depends on how seriously the relationship is taken that changes everything

[fishrrshortae]

I'd say about 25 but it depends on the individual.

 

I think that's about right

[AwdreeHpburn]

I think when you want one, you're prolly ready for one.

[fishrrshortae]

I think when you want one, you're prolly ready for one.

 

I dunno.. I know lots of people who want one but then start to play games once they get involved

Relationships are hard at any age

[KweenofDenyl]

I'm pretty sure 36 is the magic number. I'll let you know when I get there.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

From the age of 13 I wanted stability, someone to love me for me, and I could stay with current one for a VERY long time.

 

I also have a Being Single Phobia.

[Momene]

From the age of 13 I wanted stability, someone to love me for me, and I could stay with current one for a VERY long time.

 

I also have a Being Single Phobia.

 

So did I but it never happened but if it did I would have been totally dependent on her. I was forced to grow up a bit and rely on my own resources, which was a good thing, even though I didn't see it at the time.

 

It's only recently that I've got over my phobia about being single.

[fishrrshortae]

I also have a Being Single Phobia.

 

That's funny... I have a Commitment Phobia

[Momene]

That's funny... I have a Commitment Phobia

 

Must drive a lot of blokes bonkers but then you're still young.

[yeawutever]

Anytime when the right moment comes and when I really feel the deep emotions!!!!!!!