Please Help, the famous "I want to see my option" line

[Gsq]

Here is my story, me and my ex were together for 2 years, but she dumped me last month right before she turns 21. Her reason for dumping me was "I want to see my options, I want to see whats out there, and I dont want to be tie down". But what I dont understand is that a month right before she dump me, we were still planning for our future together and happily in love like a perfect couple. We never argue, and we were in a really commited relationship. Anyways, 10 days after she dumped me, she met some guy at a party and start dating him, slept with him on the first date, and slept over at his house on the 3rd date. And now she is thinking about getting serious with him. A mutual friend told me all this. Oh one thing, right before she met the new guy, I talked with her, thats before I try to apply NC. I told her that since we broke up, I went on a date and that it doesn't feel the same and I miss her alot. She seems to be jealous of the fact, cause she was eager to find out about the detail, which I didn't disclose too much information on. But since then I been trying to apply NC for over a week now, and out of the blue she email me today saying "O I hope you are happy and have moved on, b/c I have and I am dating someone else"

 

Is she trying to burn the bridges by telling me to move on? Can any1 please make sense of all this for me? Can a girl really fell out of love that quickly in less than one month of time? I really loved her, should I be hopeful for a 2nd chance? I didn't put my life on hold btw, I apply all the advice from this forum, I got 24 hour fitness membership, took up some ballroom dancing class, and learning guitar soon.

[markm]

Sorry to hear all this man. Sounds very familiar though. My ex and I dated for 3 years. We lived together for about a year. But she moved out because she wasn't feeling loved by me.

Well, right after she moved out she strung me along by calling, coming over, sleeping with me, wanting to move back, showing lots of feelings. But all of a sudden 3 weeks after she moved out she met a guy and moved on with him.

I don't think girls fall out of love that quickly. But sometimes they send subtle messages that we are supposed to pick up on. Well, if we don't, they hang on to us until something else comes along. And when they do, they feel like they were upfront with you by giving you those subtle messages rather than just coming right out and expressing their problems to you. Nice eh!

[melrich]

"O I hope you are happy and have moved on, b/c I have and I am dating someone else"

 

Oh that is very ordinary. I am sorry she did something like taht to you. I can't tell you why her feelings changed, only that it does happen with people a lot.

 

I know it must be really hard for you but I think at least she has given you a very clear message about where she is at and I don't think you should waste too much more time and energy on her.

[DN]

The only message from an ex that should prevent you moving on is "I want to get back together with you" and even then you may decide to move on anyway.

[BONO]

Well said !

 

Scruff

[annie24]

Wow - I am so sorry.

 

Personally, I've dated enough jerks that I don't want to see what else is out there. If I find a good man, I'll hold on to him!!!

 

*sigh* I don't know what to tell you. Like melrich said, her feelings changed, why? I don't know. And now after telling you that she wants to "see what her options are", she's settled down with the first guy she came accross!?!?! She sounds pretty confused. She probably still has a lot of growing and maturing to do.

 

Just keep doing what you're doing - the fitness, guitar lessons, that is all great. Keep at it. I hope you meet someone who is an even better match for you!

 

good luck!

[Gsq]

Thx for the replys, so is there any hope at all for us after her "growing and maturing"? Because it is very ironic, she was that one that taught me what it means to be commited and how its like to be in a fulfilling relationship. I never had a serious gf before her, when I first met her, she always try to get me to watch Dr.Phil with her and she always read these books about building a good relationship. It were like that for two year, then it just suddenly change over night, I think two of her friend encouraged her alot to just go out and see her option. What can she possibly be confuse about? Can peer pressure really have that much effect on a girl?

[kadvati79]

Thx for the replys, so is there any hope at all for us after her "growing and maturing"? Because it is very ironic, she was that one that taught me what it means to be commited and how its like to be in a fulfilling relationship. I never had a serious gf before her, when I first met her, she always try to get me to watch Dr.Phil with her and she always read these books about building a good relationship. It were like that for two year, then it just suddenly change over night, I think two of her friend encouraged her alot to just go out and see her option. What can she possibly be confuse about? Can peer pressure really have that much effect on a girl?

 

The hope should be the least of your concern, really. Your concern now should be for you.

 

I dont think her dating within weeks makes her a "bad person", i think she is trying her options and being rebellious. It won't last. But that doesn't mean she will run back to you, and even if she does - you gonna need to make her work for it.

[Consumed]

Sorry to hear about your situation, perhaps there's a little reassurance in the fact it's not too uncommon. The same happened to me, with a girl long-term, the latter months became a bit of a soap opera (we'd split-up, she'd have a bit of fun, come back, split-up again etc etc). The final straw was similar to your experiences, one night a few days after another of our splits (what in hindsight became the 'final' split) I heard from a friend she'd met some random guy at a party and immedietely gone upstairs and slept with him...

 

...I was distraught, inconsolable. You feel as though your world has ended and question why and how someone you looked after so well (at least in your oppinion) could do something like that to you. Like annie said, perhaps she has alot of maturing and growing up to do. I hated her so much for that, I spent weeks not eating properly, not doing anything remotely sociable (in fact I was a real pain in the a*se for my flatmates) but sheltered away in my bedroom chain smoking and drinking like a fish. One day I'd had enough, i'd lost my dignity and self-respect and decided things had to change. I know this is a cliche and everyone suggests it, but honestly going to the gym and 'bettering' yourself is the best thing you can do. I went on the rebound....guess what is does nothing (I slept with a girl and hated every second of it), you may feel you HAVE to sleep with someone to prove to others you're 'over' her, all it does is prove you're not (something I think your ex doesn't understand, it seems as though she now feels theres some sort of 'competition' with you, it is very immature of her to email you saying she's 'moved on', again it just proves she hasn't, if she had she'd not email you in the first place).

 

I know this is a pretty long reply and in some respects is disjointed and offers little advice, but from my past experience of your situation the old cliche of time being the greatest healer is what you have to rely on. 3 years down the line I am on friendly terms with this girl, however deep in the back of my mind I still resent what she did to me. Perhaps I will never completely forgive her, but as the months and years go by you meet new people who make you question why in the world you spent all those weeks lying inconsolable in your bedroom when there was so much people could offer you outside those walls!

 

Anyway, best of luck, we're all rooting for you (feel free to PM me if you want)......

[Gsq]

Thanks guys, I will try my best to hang in there. My ex can't seem to stop bragging how great this new guy is to one of our mutual friend. And that mutal friend of ours is a big mouth, she can't seem to restrain herself from throwing everything my ex told her about this "great guy" at my face everytime I talk to her. Sigh, so I am doing NC on that mutual friend too

[annie24]

Tell your mutual friend she needs to shut up. I have a mutual friend who told me about how my ex "fell in love with a beautiful blonde" at the bar a week after we broke up. I told him to stop his story right there, that I never wanted to hear about my ex again!!!

 

Luckily, he respected my wishes, and he never talked about my ex again.

 

Just be firm. Tell the mutual friend you don't want to hear about your ex.

[Gsq]

Last night my Ex went to AIM one of my best friend, and told him to tell me to move on, and she also told him that she have moved on. I dont get it? Telling me to move on is one thing, but tell me friends to tell me to move on after we have broken up for almost a month with atleast two and half week of LC and NC? And beside, in the pass week or two, I have done nothing that shows I am not moving on. Oh, and she found out from that friend of mine that we are going clubbing tonight, and she sent me an email last night. Here is how it goes "Good luck, have fun with peter tmw, I am going to be with Kent" Ok so what now? What is she trying to do?

[annie24]

oh geezzz... she sounds like a trainwreck.

 

that is actually pretty funny. You'll laugh about it one day.

 

Obviously, you don't call people's friends and tell them to tell the ex to "move on" if you yourself have moved on.

 

Just laugh about it. She's a bonehead. She's just trying to make you jealous and cry over her while she's out with Mr. Kent.

 

go out, have fun, do your own thing. She's probably upset that you're not home, in your underwear, watching the home shopping network, crying over her.