Am i making a big deal out of nothing? Guys i need your opinion especially

[curious81]

Okay.. So here it goes... Ive been in an LDR for about a year and a half... My b/f comes to visit me this past weekend.. And on the way to his friends house, maybe 5 minutes away he tells me his ex is going to be there... .. So then he goes on to tell me that two months ago while he was down here for a friends funeral he told her he was sorry for the way things turned out? * * *?... what is that suppose to mean... So i thought i would be alright.. But we got to his friends house, and we walked inside he gave her a hug.. and after about ten minutes i was ready to leave.. didnt feel like drinking... nothing... so then i see then i see this message on his myspace page telling a college buddy,, yeah i made out with you once..haha... Guys, would you put this kind of * * * * somewhere that you girl could see this?... Am i overreacting?... so needless to say, ive been a sad girl the last couple of days... What do you think about the things that have happened?... Am i wrong for feeling sad and hurt?.. I need some advice... So guys especially tell me if you would do this to someone you care about and love so much... thanks.. i appreciate any advice....

[Mrocza]

:S Have you asked him about it?

 

Have you talked to him about his ex?

[PocoDiablo]

Not only would I never talk about my ex, I'd never see her, and I'd sure as s*** never take my current GF to a place where my ex was.

 

He's either nuts or doesn't care about you. Which I don't know. Either way, it was rude and disrespectful and I'd say he needs a serious talking to...

[curious81]

I dont know what to ask him about his Ex? if he told her sorry for the way things turned out, what is that suppose to mean? he isnt the greatest person to bring up anything.. he gets so defensive about stuff...

[Beyondthesea]

Agreed. I'd be very offended.

[curious81]

i felt like it was disrespectful... it made me sick to sit there and act like nothing...

[curious81]

would you be offended from that comment from the college friend?

[tykiela]

omg girl... that is crap. he isn't over her. becareful because you might just be his rebound. either that or he brought you along to make her jealous.

[annie24]

it's ok to feel upset and offended. I would be. It's just weird, like poco said. I haven't been in any kind of situation like that recently. I don't even know how I would react if a guy did that to me

 

Is everything else in the relationship fine? Is he good to you otherwise?

[heavensent]

What he did was very disrespectful to you. You need to talk to him about this, if he gets defensive it's most likely because he feels guilty and thinks he did something wrong as well. You need to find out if he still harbors feelings for his ex and tell him you don't want him to have any means of communication with her again. He should respect that. If I ever saw an ex of mine I would ignore his presense completely and immediately leave where I was at. It's called moving on.

[heavensent]

I wouldn't read too much into the friend thing...guys are idiots and they don't really think..especially if it's about someone else's relationship. You can't blame your boyfriend for that one..but the whole ex thing...that's completely his fault.

[curious81]

I almost couldnt believe it was happening. i had to deal with being around her for his friends funeral. I understand that. But for him to say she is going to be the same place we are going 5 min before we get there, pissed me off.. And it just made me sick when he was talking to her. He didnt talk to her much, but he did.. and when he said he was sorry to her for the way things turned out. i didnt think much about it when he said it, but when i thought about it the next day.. its a classic sign of having feelings for that person.. and the kicker to all of this, is i met him when he was with her, and he said thing with her were already out the door... im suppose to go see him this weekend, and i am going to bring it up... Because why are you going to apologize for a relationship ending unless you care about that person? that would be the only reason i would EVER say that to an ex... And about his friend, he sent her a message that said yeah i made out with you once..haha... this girl was someone he knew in college.. its not something recent but why put that comment where i can see it?

[DN]

..guys are idiots and they don't really think..especially if it's about someone else's relationship.

 

Speaking as a guy - I have to tell you I am offended at this very sexist remark. If you have a b/f would you let him know that is how you think of him? Perhaps before you speak about this guy's behaviour you might examine your own.

[TheLegend]

1) he should've told you she was going to be there and if it was ok with you before going there.

 

2) if he took you there, there might be 2 reasons for doing so, one, he wants to make her jealous and give her the message that he continued on (which in fact he didn't and wants her back) OR second, he respects her still and just wanted to show her to you but didn't think about the way he did it, which was not the best. (The hug might be just a way of saying he still respects her)

 

3) The comment on his myspace, do you have the time? it might be before you or it might just be a joke, since he wouldn't leave it there if it was something that meant to be hidden from you..

 

I completely understand why you feel sad, you should talk to him about it.

 

And I agree with DN about the things you said about us guys heavensent..

[heavensent]

OHHH, I thought it was a college GUY friend sending him something about making out with a girl..I see...I got a little confused there for a minute! Yeah, he shouldn't be digging up memories about hooking up with other girls, nor should he be PROUD of that now that he's with you. Sorry sweetheart but this guy sounds like a real loser. You deserve a lot better than this. Give him a chance to hear him out, but if he shrugs off the way that you feel about all of this then I think you should call it quits.

 

Oh and to DN - sorry if I offended you..I was speaking in a joking manor.. but in a lot of ways guys are dense to this kind of stuff. I had my husbands friends making comments to him to look at a girls breasts with me standing right there...don't they realize this is going to get them in TROUBLE?? Some guys just don't think that just because they are single their actions and thoughts are different than a married mans should be. I hope I'm making sense.

[curious81]

Okay, So why did he tell her he was sorry for the way things turned out? i dont understand that. And more importantly why did he tell me that?

[annie24]

Well, I guess that comment can be taken a few ways. It could be his way of letting go. I've never said that to an ex - I've said it in my head, but I'd never actually go up to them and say that. Maybe he's not quite over her.

 

What does your gut tell you about this situation?

[curious81]

**Guys** why would he be posting about a past hook up on a place i could see it? Should i even care since it was years ago?

[curious81]

Ive been sad since Saturday night, which was when this happened... And i cant help but wonder why

1) he told her sorry for the way things turned out

2) telling me she was going to be there 5 min before we got there.. i dont want to hang around with his frickin ex.. im not being immature, but why would anyone want to hang out with there B/f or G/f's ex?

[TheLegend]

Okay, So why did he tell her he was sorry for the way things turned out?

 

If things didn't work out between them. But they're still friends, and he's with you.

 

And more importantly why did he tell me that?

I didn't understand what he told you exactly..

 

But it seems like he's not completely over her. Which I might understand, it's not easy sometimes, that doesn't necessarily mean anything negative on your relationship DEPENDING on the person he is. (Integrity comes in to play)

[curious81]

I had not talked to him much since he left. He asked me if i was mad at him. And i told him ive been sad. And he sent me this stupid picture to my phone to try and cheer me up. and he then he sent one that said oh yeah i love you... But seeing what everyone is writing i guess for me to feel better, i need to bring it up when i see him this weekend..

[tykiela]

he might of said that just to make peace for the evening or maybe he's knows he going to be seeing her around alot and doesn't want a big scene everytime she is near. but most people aren't sorry when they break up with someone they break up because they want to.

[annie24]

well... like I said... I think you should listen to your gut instinct. You know your boyfriend better than any of us do. My most recent ex told me that sometimes he hung out with his ex, but I never had any reason to suspect him of cheating. I do believe that he was being genuine about being just friends. My gut told me so. However, I've also dated other guys who said they were "just friends" with some other girls, and my gut was upset, and it turned out to be right - there was something more going on.

 

Listen to your instincts!!!

[curious81]

**guys** would you be offended if your g/f asked you about this? If she told you nothing was wrong.. but maybe a week later she said it was bothering her...

[TheLegend]

well... like I said... I think you should listen to your gut instinct. You know your boyfriend better than any of us do. My most recent ex told me that sometimes he hung out with his ex, but I never had any reason to suspect him of cheating. I do believe that he was being genuine about being just friends. My gut told me so. However, I've also dated other guys who said they were "just friends" with some other girls, and my gut was upset, and it turned out to be right - there was something more going on.

 

Listen to your instincts!!!

 

That's why I said it depends on the person & integrity comes in to play.. You know him better than us, what kind of a person he is etc.