RunToMe Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Well, things have been insane lately. I have been doing well without the abusive ex. However, he has still been sending me these "i'm so sorry" emails full of how bad he feels for what he has done to me and how he would do anything in the world for another chance with me. He said that he wants nothing to do with any other girl until I come home. All in all, its a bunch of BS. Well, a week or two ago, I got a call from one of my friends. She was browsing a singles website and came accross my ex! She sent me a link to his page. He is a LIAR! I mean, its insane. His profile says that he has not had a relationship (or sex) in two years. I laughed so hard at that. We were together for a year and a half... I left 4 weeks ago! He makes himself out to be this innocent guy who can't get a girl because he works too much. There were also dirty comments from a girl, along with a few comments to suggest they were dating. Me, being the vengeful woman that I am, casually emailed this girl and gave her a heads up. She later IMed me and we had a lenghty conversation about what a loser he is. She forwarded me emails from him, and I pointed out to her EVERY lie. I told her he was abusive and a cheater too. She was grateful to me for it.I then responded to his "I will wait for you until you decide to come home, even if it means I have to wait a lifetime" emails by forwarding our IM conversation (with her permission) back to him. he removed himself from the dating website, but I have no doubt that he will join somewhere else very soon. Oh, and as if that wasn't confirmation enough of what a loser he is, he was sent to the psych ward at the county hospital last weekend because he "tried" to slit his wrist. I say tried because he later admitted to only doing it for the attention. He wanted me to feel sorry for him. Sorry dude, but I dont need this. So yeah. I'm trying to be strong. Thinking about dating soon... I;ve got a few guys who would like to take me out. However I've made it perfectly clear that I've been seriously hurt and I am not ready to date. They seem to understand. just thought I'd give an update. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 hey - glad to hear that you're doing better. And that is funny, about the dating site. But, if I were in your shoes, I don't think I would have done anything. he is a jerk, let some other girl find out what a liar he is on her own. You have better things to do Go out with those other guys when you are ready. However, it must feel good, that other guys know that you are special and worthy. Don't forget that!!!! Link to comment
WildChild Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I am sooooo happy to hear you have not gone back! Congratulations for standing for yourself, and sticking to it Also, good job on being up front with potential dates. If they can't understand or accept it, then they are not for you. Thanks for the update! Link to comment
kellbell Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Hey there, I am so glad you are doing well. See how easy it is to detatch yourself from someone and the situation when you can see one's true colors? Yes, you are right, I believe he "tried" to slit his wrist for the attention. Even if that is the case, he still needs help. Thank for you the update. Stay strong and take things slow in the dating scene. Link to comment
Beyondthesea Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Good for you girl. You don't need that load on your shoulders for the rest of your life! Link to comment
BillyJean714 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Wow! Sounds like an ex of mine. Sure it wasn't the same guy? Then again, it also sounds like another ex of mine. Are these freaking guys all wearing the same masks? What the hell.. There are honest guys out there. Often times, the sincere guys (in my experience) don't go around making it seem as though they're innocent. Nice guys I know, are just themselves. They don't lie and most of all, they don't try to get game in their subtle ways. "I'll wait for you til you decide to come back.." b.s. I'm GLAD you found out his true colors! Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Even though it is great that you did not fall for his ploy....I cant help but feel like you took it too far...you found out his true colours .....but I see your true colours as well and as a guy, I would avoid any girl like the plague if I knew thats what they did....Yes he is a liar and all....but getting back at him like that is super low in my books...I dont know who is worse ...you or the ex Link to comment
venus777 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 no way, i think she did an o.k. thing, obviously he was messed up to her and she was honest with the other girl about him lying. i think we women need to be honest with each other, as long as it is rooted in that rather than jealousy alone. obviously it hurts when someone lies to you the way he did to her, but he was also trying to go about and hurt someone else. i would actually appreciate the heads up from another girl and would be of course cautious about believing her that she wasn't just a jealous ex. but if it rang true, i'd appreciate it. Link to comment
RunToMe Posted April 3, 2006 Author Share Posted April 3, 2006 And thats exactly what I was trying to do Venus. I went through a lot of crap with him. He made me feel so bad about myself for so long. I'll be damned if I'm gonna let him do it it any other girl. As long as I can help it, I'll do what I should. And I also believe that girls have to look out for one another. There are corrupt men and women out there and you never know who you can trust. It helps to know there are strangers out there who will look out for you even if they dont know you. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Good to see your getting some truth to the situation. He sounds like a reall nasty piece of work and its good you have him outta your life. Often times, the sincere guys (in my experience) don't go around making it seem as though they're innocent. Nice guys I know, are just themselves. They don't lie and most of all, they don't try to get game in their subtle ways. I absolutley love this quote and I think every "nice" guy should read it. I know what you are talking about here I am not confused by what you mean by "nice". I think many guys who say they are "nice" are really saying "i've told her everything I think she would want to hear and she still rejected me". on the flip side a lot of women have and idea about what they "want" to hear from a man, and some will go for a man that tells them what tehy want to hear. I know there are men who repeatedly play this card, and it works sometimes but I dont think its evr healthy cause its based a fairy tale. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 And thats exactly what I was trying to do Venus. I went through a lot of crap with him. He made me feel so bad about myself for so long. I'll be damned if I'm gonna let him do it it any other girl. As long as I can help it, I'll do what I should. And I also believe that girls have to look out for one another. There are corrupt men and women out there and you never know who you can trust. It helps to know there are strangers out there who will look out for you even if they dont know you. yes, I understand the anger you feel towards him, but I think you have better things to do than to follow him onto every dating site and tell every girl that he is full of crap. While it may make you feel good for a while, holding onto that anger may make it harder to move on with your life. Link to comment
RayKay Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I would not feel bad about alerting someone else about his abusive tendencies. Just think, if YOU had been alerted, of all the trouble you would of saved. No, intereferring with an ex's love life just to make them miserable is not right, but alerting someone of his abusive nature - not so bad. Chances are after all he would play Mr. Super Nice Guy for a while, until he turned abusive. And she would be in the same situation you were in for so long. The girl does not have to BELIEVE the information or even listen to it, but at least she has HEARD...maybe even if she chooses to see him, she will not ignore the warning signs. At the same time, I think that it is time that you DO now cut him out of your life, and leave him, and any future interests to his own devices and not follow him around and warn everyone...it only will stall YOUR healing too by having you hold on to the anger. How about you just post about him on link removed and then from there...LEAVE it! Link to comment
Boricua7 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 Good for you girl! I'm so proud of you for kicking the BS he's been trying to feed you into his face! yes, I understand the anger you feel towards him, but I think you have better things to do than to follow him onto every dating site and tell every girl that he is full of crap. While it may make you feel good for a while, holding onto that anger may make it harder to move on with your life. From what I recall she said that her friend bumped into his profile and sent her a link. It's not like she was on the interent looking for him. I think she did a good thing in warning this unsuspecting woman of the mistake she was about to make. I would appreciate information like this before I jump into a relationship with a guy too! annie24, you're right about her moving on. I agree with both annie24 and RayKay when I say that it's time to completely delete him from your life and do NC. He's done hurting you and you're done with the bad memories. It's time to let go and move on. Link to comment
ehm doubleyou Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I just wanted to apologize to Runtome for my comments, but I still "kind of" stand by what I said for the most part.... Why do I stand by what I said for the most part?....because I know no one is perfect...I bet Runtome and everyone else including myself is a liar...I just did not think it was necessary to go the lengths she did...sorry but I guess I am just a guy and can not relate to that....I would never go to some stranger guy that my ex was interested in and spilling out sh*t like that...just to be vengful....not my concern...and when you said that he went to a psych ward recently cause he tried to slit his wrists...whether he was doing this for attention or not...you are playing with fire my friend ....what if he was successful at it? The best you should of done is write him an email and tell him that you would never go back to him and for him to move on ...instead of what you did. I know women here applaud what you have done...but I still think it of it as a cheap shot. Link to comment
Beyondthesea Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I would have LOVED it if my abusive ex's friend/girlfriends, etc would have alerted me to his tendencies. I would have dropped him flat. Nothing wrong with it in my opinion, because I've been there! Link to comment
Boricua7 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 I'm not saying you're wrong but I completely think she is justified in warning another woman of an abusive man. Cheap shot or not. Sorry. Then again, she can't warn every woman he ever encounters but I personally would feel like crap if I knew something that could help someone else and kept it from them. I don't feel bad for men who strike or disrespect women. They are scum and do not deserve to be treated like anything other than what they are. I'm not saying that him slitting his wrists should be taken lightly either nor am I saying that he should not be treated as a human being but like my mom always says, karama is a b*tch! I would also like to add that not just women would applaud what she has done. I'm sure any man who has witnessed a woman he cared about be abused would also applaud her actions. Link to comment
venus777 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 i agree that it is best to move on without searching for him on dating sites. there is no way you can prevent him from doing the same to someone else. i don't think you did anything wrong, but it is bad for your health to focus on it. Link to comment
RunToMe Posted April 3, 2006 Author Share Posted April 3, 2006 I have no plans to track down his movements. I want to be free of his memory. But if something like this ever slaps me in the face again, and i can contact the other girl without going through enough trouble to seem like a psychotic ex, I'll let her know what she's getting herself into. I just wish his ex fiance would have done the same for me! Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 3, 2006 Share Posted April 3, 2006 yeah, your friend did "alert" you to what he was doing. I did sort of a same thing when i found out that I was dating the same guy that a friend of a friend was dating. He was telling her that he was crazy about her and that he was busy at work, when he was really with me. I called her, she was like, "he's such a creep!!!" I stopped seeing him. But.... she kept dating him anyways. So... yeah. He sounds like a jerk. I wonder how I would react if a random girl called me and told me that the new guy I'm seeing is a complete abusive jerk. If what she said rang true and I saw similar warning signs, I'd probably drop him. If he seemed to be an ok guy, I might think that his ex was an obsessed stalker who can't let go and is doing everything she can to destroy his new relationship. Link to comment
Beyondthesea Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 That's a good point too Annie. If things were going 'well' as they often do at the start of an abusive relationship, it probably would make me think the girl was cuckoo. Link to comment
BillyJean714 Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 Thanks, Tyler. I think that guys should be more confident about themselves, instead of putting up a front and acting like someone they're not. Otherwise, like what the ex of the OP did- "CLAIMING THAT HE WAS SINGLE FOR OVER 2 YEARS" -is HUGE FAT LIE! To whoever thinks that lying is okay - it's only okay if the person wants booty. To lie to put up front, to maintain a "certain" image?? What's the motive here? Sounds pretty predatorial & manipulative to me. To the OP: I think what you did was great! That was sweet of you. I wish there were more people like you in this world- honest and just watching out for another person's back. Besides, it wasn't you who found out about his profile. It was your friend who was on the singles website, who happened to find him, correct? Either way, you did that girl a favor. Lying only destroys lives. When someone uses lies as deceptions, I think it's COMPLETELY wrong, ESPECIALLY when it's from someone who's a 2-faced ABUSIVE LIAR. When someone abuses another person, it takes a toll on another person's self-esteem. I think the OP was caring enough to at least intervene. Good job! I'm sick of seeing people get abused, mistreated, and USED in relationships. This crap needs to end! Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 Yup and the worst person to lie to is yourself. Which I find many of these "nice" guys have become experts at to the point they never question if they are actually "nice". Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 Yes, through my online-dating experiences, I've found that the guys who describe themselves as "nice" are anything but that. grrrr.... The nicest ones don't call themselves nice. They just put themselves out there and are honest and up-front. The ones who say, "I hate playing games!" I've also found that those are the worst game players of all.... Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 Yes, through my online-dating experiences, I've found that the guys who describe themselves as "nice" are anything but that. grrrr.... The nicest ones don't call themselves nice. They just put themselves out there and are honest and up-front. The ones who say, "I hate playing games!" I've also found that those are the worst game players of all.... Thats funny I hate playing games as well! Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 4, 2006 Share Posted April 4, 2006 But do you write that in your profile? Link to comment
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