Should I try to win him back? I really want to at the moment..

[phlox093hotmail.com]

Hi, my name is Elie and I am new to this forum. I just broke up with my boyfriend of over 2 years last night and we're currently still on good terms. I'm talking to him right now online and it seems as if everything is normal but we both know that it's not. Here's what happened.

When we first started dating it was very intense. We fell in love quickly and we became so wrapped up with each other that we almost totally lost contact with all our other friends. The first year and a half was perfect, we loved each other and he treated me like a queen. Things started to take a turn during the last 9 months. At first it was me; I started noticing other people and I started questioning out relationship but I figured that it was just a phase and it will pass. Then he started hanging out more often with his new friends and I got irritated because he hardly made time for me so I would get angry. Then one day everything came crashing and he told me that he's losing his love for me. That day, we broke up briefly for a couple of hours until I realize what a big mistake I made and I called him back to patch things up. We decided to give it another try. He told me that he will try to gain back the love he had for me.

We went on for 3 months and I honestly thought everything was fine. The doubt I felt a couple of months back was gone and I was in love with him again, but the past week I started noticing more how he's distancing himself when he's not around so we got into an argument. I told him I think we need a break from each other but he said we should just break up entirely. He told me that although he tried really hard to regain his love for me, it didnt work. He said that he doesn't want to drag our relationship out and that it isn't fair for either of us. He said that ever since I started yelling at him for hanging out, he's been losing interest more and more. After much discussion and realizing that I can't say anything to change his mind, we decided to stay close friends because we've always been each others' best friend.

I was devasted for a day but surprisingly I'm not crying anymore. I guess it's because we are still talking so very normally and I haven't seen him since the break yet. At this moment, I can't imagine myself being with anyone else but him, and there is nothing that could make me happier than to win him back. However, I am also questioning myself since I spent so little time grieving maybe he was only meant to be my best friend afterall (I do start tearing when I think back to the good times but it's not nearly as bad). Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

[DN]

I think you should take a little time apart to figure out what you really want - because you are too close to the situation to decide right now. He should do the same. After that time you should meet and talk to see what each other wants and if you want to get back together how to fix what went wrong.

 

Time apart is the key right now.

[bobo85]

i'm so sorry to hear that your relationship didnt work out (for now). Breakups are hard on everyone. Remember that only time heals a broken heart. Maybe you guys can be best friends. But not right now. You still have feelings for him and you have to get over him before you can even think about being friends. In fact...in a couple months..you will be over him and you might not even want to be friends with him anymore. Trust me on this..i'm kind of in the same situation. My ex gf and I of a few years broke up recently and i want to be her friend right now. But i'm doing no contact for a couple months to improve myself and basically get over her. I dont know if i want to be friends with her in the future but i cant think about that. I'm the most important person and you should view yourself the most important person. So take care of yourself and do No Contact fast.

[smilelikeyoumeanit]

Even though it may suck that you two aren't going out rght now, you can' make a proper decision until you give yourself time. Let yourself settle a little more and then try to see if you really want to be with him anymore. From the way you're talkign it sounds like you two have grown to be friends and not more without realizing it. It would probably bet better if you two just remained friends.

[phlox093hotmail.com]

Thank you all for your responses Here's a little update and additional seek for advice. I know it still hasn't been long since our breakup but this other guy (let's call him B) started contacting me yesterday via instant messaging. We've known each other for a couple of months cause he has a class with me and I've noticed him, and we've talked amongst friends but hardly ever directly with each other so I was very surprised when he imed me. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't been following the rules and doing NC with my ex and we were planning to meet up this friday just to hang out. B however, asked me out also on friday to go have a drink with him. I decided to contact my ex to see if I was definitly going with him or I'm gonna go with someone else. My ex, I suppose hearing that I might go with smeone else almost immediately said yes. Please do not try to talk me out of seeing him on friday. I really want to see him and have a sense of conclusion. I'd also really like to stay friends with him and friday will be an experience of how it will be if we stay friends, and I'm planning that if friday doesn't go well then I'll try NC.

Anyway, I'm really torn right now, I'm planning to meet up with B later to have breakfast and he's a really nice guy but I know that I can't be involved with someone else while still having feelings for my ex. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

[phlox093hotmail.com]

One more thing is that I'm afraid of doing NC because I'm afraid that my ex won't mind it at all. He's never the emotional type. He would never express his feelings unless I asked him, he would never get jealous of another guy (and believe me it's not an act), and he's very indifferent to a lot of things which is also the word that he chose to use towards me when he broke up with me. He said that he feels indifferent which I suppose means that he doesn't care about out relationship much anymore.

[majord23]

If you want a chance of getting your ex back, do NOT meet him this Friday.

 

Also, do NOT meet the other guy either (there is no need to involve and hurt him) so politely decline his offer for now.

 

Simply tell your ex that you are busy and won't be able to make it...and then stay at home Friday or meet up with a friend. Do NOT tell your ex what you are doing on Friday...let him wonder, stress and get jealous as hell.

 

I will say it again, if you want him back - NOT meeting with him on Friday is the first step.

[markm]

Reading about you possibly meeting another guy got me kinda pissed off.

People come to this forum becuase they've lost the one they love, and can't imagine themselves with anyone else, etc.

But, you are already getting to know some other guy and set a time to meet for breakfast? And it sounds like you could either take the ex or the new guy, either one works.

Sorry, but that hit a sore spot on me.

My ex moved out but we were still together. In fact, she was constantly wanting to spend all her time with me, sleep with me, was upset if I didn't call, etc.

But at the same time she got together with some "friend" at work that she started noticing, and once she found comfort in him I was history.

Nice eh!

So if I misread your post, I appologize.

But if you really want your ex back, you wouldn't be so quick to move on to some other guy. Worse yet, feel indifferent towards which one you get.

I went thru that one too! Grrrrrrrrr.

[Belgian girl]

I share the same tought as markm and majord 23. Maybe you're a little confused, I mean, it confuses me that you write that he's indifferent etc. but now it seems you are as well such of.. You should realize that there's a big chance that it's about now or never together! If he finds out that you already have contacts with someone else, he will be even more sure about it that he has taken the right decission. (excuse me if I make writing errors..)