New LDR; scared need advise please!

[Ordinarygirl24]

Okay so here is the story lol ; I met this guy in Feb. on one of my visits to NC. He is in the ARMY and stationed at Fort Bragg. He is a great amazing guy! We are so much alike it is scary at times. Our personalities are so similar. I went to visit him on St. Patty weekend where our relationship started (yes it is just starting.) He lives about 380 miles from me...for the time being, which isn't that bad. I can still see him on the weekends. He came and visited me this past weekend and it was one of the best times ever. I was really sick, but the entire time he was here I laughed the entire time and if I wasn't laughing I was smiling. Each time I see him my feelings grow more and more and the goodbye gets that much harder. He came into town to see me and to meet my daughter which went really well. He likes my kid, (my daughter is 2) and she seemed to like him kind of. She hasn't seen me with a man before so she was kind of jelous me spending time with him but that is expected. We have so much in common it is scary. We like the same music, movies, hobbies, our personalites are so much alike. He seems to be the man of my dreams, the kind of guy I have been searching for the past 2 years. I have never had so much fun as I do with him. (This terrifies me in itself) I am starting to slowly fall for him. Everytime I fall in love I run from it. My last boyfriend was long distance and I ran from it, when I went to embrace it...he was killed in action while serving in Iraq. After Eric died I swore I wouldn't run from love again, yet I find myself wanting to run from this in a way. Yet I don't want to cause he makes me so utterly happy. Now here is the problem. I would be more than happy to move to NC to be with him but he is moving in May to VA, near DC for school. Then in Sept he has a month before moving to Italy in October. He will be stationed in Italy for 3 years and I have researched it. It is going to be nearly impossible for me to move to Italy. It is so expensive and being a single mom it kind of limits things. We get along great, we talk daily...we have the communication down. We agree on so many things...I want this to work I really do. I am just trying to take it one day at a time and take things slow and see where the road leads us. My brother has been in a lot of LDR so I asked him for advise he told me if it lasts over 3-6 months it will be extremely hard for it to work out. I have no problem moving relocating and starting a life with this man...I just can't being in Italy...it is just to expensive. I am a single mom, full time waitress and in school. Money is limited lol. So I am sitting here questioning it. It is like what is the point if he is moving to Italy for 3 years? I won't be able to see him after May. DC is just too far away for me or him to travel. After May I won't see him until Sept. and then October we won't see each other for 3 years. He is almost 22 and I am slmost 24. We are young and 3 years is a long time, finding someone else is very probable for either one of us. I know I am probably over analizing this, but it is my first LDR really and I am so lost and don't know what to do it isn't even funny! His and my family both are telling us all this stuff about LDR's and how they never work. We are just like let us live our lives!!! It is something most def. worth trying and seeing where it goes...so I guess my question is...is it possible for LDR's to work when you don't see them for over 3 years? Is this a waste of time? I am lost scared and confused. I have found the man of my dreams someone so perfect for me (the first non abusive decent man I have ever been with.) I don't want to loose it. I want to take it slow and do things right but time is not exaclty not on our side ya know. He left yesterday and I am going to see him again in 18 days for a party him and his friends are throwing for my birthday. This man does things to me that no one has done. He has shown me a side of me I didn't know existed. I am uninhibited when I am with him. I am utterly happy, and free...I feel like I can do anything...and I am terrified. I need advise please!!! Someone please help me ease my mind lol. It will be greatly appreciated. I feel like I have found my fairy tale man I have wanted sense I was a little girl, and he is moving to the other side of the world. He said I can go with him, yet the only way it is remotely possible is if we were married and that isn't happenin by october lol. I don't know what to do lol (sorry bout the novel!)

[RayKay]

Honestly, I think just date and see how it goes for the next while. You only just met him, and while it feels great, you are still getting to know one another...don't put the cart before the horse just yet

 

When he moves in May, it will be a good test to see how you can handle an LDR before he is stationed in Italy. And then you two can decide from there what to do, I would suggest even if you DID decide to go to Italy you finish your schooling first and maybe join him later. Your education is important, and your child is important...so you need to consider both of those too.

 

LDR's can work, they have just as likely a chance of working or not working as real life relationships but it really depends on the people involved and the commitment to make it work. I think it is also important to have a goal to work towards...ie after the three years living in same locale.

 

There are no guarantees, but there is nothing wrong with trying and putting your faith and commitment into it either if that is what you BOTH want.

 

But you also have to consider the fact if he IS in the military, moving and being separated by distance will be common occurrences for as long as he is in, and can you have that type of relationship? There are also other aspects of being with someone in the military that come into play - not just the risk of injury/death but also the huge emotional toll it takes on those in it and the families - I have seen a lot of relationships suffer from those effects......so you have to do what is right for you & your child.

[arwen]

Hey girl,

 

Welcome on enotalone! I know from experience that in LDR people tend to look forwards very fast. Because you have to. That's why LDR's have a different 'pace' than 'normal' relationships. At this moment, you are just together. Try to ask yourself what you would do at this point if he were living nearby. You'd probably just be dating.

 

I have been in LDR for a while, and it didn't work out. My friend is in LDR for 4 years and gets married next year. She's emigrating to Canada for her dream guy

 

I think relationships, distance or not, have a big chance of failure anyway, it's what we learn from every relationship that counts. So don't worry. I wouldn't say they don't work, because also normal relationship sometimes don't. Just try to take things as slow as circumstances allow you. At this moment, you have little means and so does he (probably not enough to take care of you in Italy). There is a chance that you won't be able to live in Italy. You also have a child, so that's another factor of course. If the love is strong enough from both sides, and both of you can cope with the relationship consisting of emails, phonecalls for most of the time, it's really ok.

 

My current man and I used to share a house (housemates lol). I recently moved 200 km away, so we are now also in a weekend-relationship. I don't mind, and we will both have to spend time abroad for our careers. We do have plans to live in the same city in about 2 years. It's like RayKay says, it really helps to have a plan. But keep in mind, if you make a plan... you just met the guy, and the plan is not the same as an "I do". I know it's very difficult, but try not to make your life all about the relationship.

 

Take care,

 

Ilse

[Ordinarygirl24]

that all makes a lot of sense. I am just taking things slow one day at a time right now seeing where the road leads us. I just over analize things and am looking way into it cause I don't want to get involved in something destined for failure. I know I just need to take things slow and live life to the fullest, enjoying whatever is brought my way. Thanks for the advise though

[sandela]

It's hard to do when the man you are crazy about is so far away. I just entered into my LDR. Met on line, talk on the phone every night and see each other every couple of weeks. We're alot older than you (40's); we've both been married and we both have kids. Mine are still young (11 and 14) and his are 18 (going to college in the fall) and 16. My guy has told me he's got a plan (mostly for himself and his kids) that he's free once the last child is in college. He wants to settle down after they are all in college. He lives for his kids. He sounds like an excellent dad. Anyways....the plan....one to two years is a long time for me. I live in Canada and him in the US (6 hour drive). I am constantly asking myself "can I do this"; "is this insane". Although still too early to tell if I am part of the "plan". I would like to be since we are growing closer as time passes and of course when we see each other. I am willing to take the chance but I also know that I can't hurry this up any further and I can't live my life at home waiting and doing nothing. I know I still need to enjoy my life when we are in between visits. I have to say that is my biggest struggle because I miss him so much.

[Ordinarygirl24]

As I said I am still taking things one day at a time. We want to move closer to each other but it is so hard cause he is going to be moving so much. I am currently in a really bad situation now with my daughters father (my sperm donor as I like to call him) He is extremely abusive and a violent dangerous person. I hadn't seen him in a year but he resurfaced the other day extremely violent and threatening me if I don't let him see our daughter...which I am not going to. I got an order of protection out against him but that isn't going to help the situation any. My boyfriend is wanting to give me a rather large loan to move and get me and my daughter away from the situation but he is the only non abusive relationship I have been in and I am terrified accepting that kind of money will ruin our relationship. Right now other than my daughter he is the only good thing I have going for me and I don't want to jeapordize it in anyway. He said Keira (daughter) and I can come live with him in this barracks and go with him to VA, but his barracks are too little for me and my daughter to live in. My boyfriend is the kindest funniest just most wonderful man I have ever been with. He is really worried about me and my daughter...but currently there is not much we can do right now. I allready got an order of protection there isn't much more I can do. I am just saving up the money I get so I can move...which will take probably a year atleast. It is just one of those damn if you do damn if you don't situations. Just wait and see if his threats are threats or just talk. My sperm donor is one of those guys that is on all types of drugs and just very unpredicatable.

[taleahmage]

I'm in a similar situation with the LDR. I met a guy when he came down with a friend visiting. He's awesome and we hit it off immediately. He literally has all the great qualities of everyone I've ever liked. My son (who's almost 4) adores him. He lives 9 hours away from me. We met in December and it hasn't been very long. I've gone to visit a couple times and he's coming down here in 3 weeks. I know it's hard being so distant. Trust me I know. I'm taking it one day at a time. But I get upset when I can't talk to him (especially since his cell coverage sucks). I think any relationship has its ups and downs. But if you love someone and both of you are willing to work at it, then it could be a long lasting one. Like anything else, it takes both parties being committed to making the relationship succeed. My guy wants to go to Louisianna to work for a year. That would be a whole year without him. Even that seems long to me. Then he tells me that it might be longer if necessary. He wants to get things straight in his life too. So, just go with the flow hun... that's what I'm doing. Try not to stress about the future. Take it one day at a time. If you're meant to be, you'll be.